Will You Stop Long Enough to Listen: Sabbatical Phase I - Realize

A Pause long enough to listen to my body, my mind and my heart

30 minutes into a straight uphill climb, I stop dead in my tracks. I look back, then up… I’m pretty sure I’m about to throw up. I’ve been carrying a 30-pound pack for two days, one small step at a time. From my current vantage point, it appears I’ve only gone half way to the top of what appears a very steep, no-end-in-sight climb. I stop to catch my breath, consider what I need to do to not throw up, or throw in the towel completely. I use the excuse of a bathroom break. Climbing 2000 feet of elevation in the backcountry with no pre-marked trails and a full pack, I figure others in the group would understand and extend grace.  

This hike was not unlike other hard hikes I had done. Typically at the half way point, I find myself welcoming a pause. A moment to look around and gain perspective, collect myself and ask, “Why the heck do I keep doing excruciatingly painful things?” Truly, I wonder at these moments: Why do I put myself through this? Do I even like it?

“Why don’t you just stop?”

My children asked this question in all seriousness on a phone call during a long Camino de Santiago trek after they heard of my countless blisters. Their rational response many years prior, still rings loud in my ears during times like this. “Why don’t I just stop?” The pause, despite illuminating any concrete answers, gives me a moment to catch my breath, consider my route, and make any necessary changes in my pack to sustain myself for the duration of the route.

I consider for a brief moment, is stopping really an option? When you’re on the extreme side of a mountain hike, there is seldom an opportunity to turn back. However, I never stop long enough to dialogue with myself and hear the answer to whether I like it, or truly should give up. I’m afraid of the answer I might hear and the quick slip into discouragement. I need the resilient mentality to keep me going. I usually just put my head down and keep taking one step in front of the other enduring the pain that comes.

The middle of a long hike, not that unlike the middle of life, requires me to PAUSE AND LOOK BACK honoring the path my life has taken. A quick pause in life similar to a hike doesn’t afford much reflection. Rather it’s a chance to come up for a breath of air and continue on until the breath no longer sustains. The pause in lengthier duration, however, allows us to enter deeply into our own stories and ask the hard questions. It is here that we have an opportunity to actually ask the hard questions and listen to the answers seldom heard amidst the hustle and noise of continuing on the same path.

While pain is a common side-effect of physically-demanding exercise, it’s also a call to listen to our bodies. The call to attend to pain, is the sacred invitation to honor my body’s limitations and honor the pain as a part of the journey that I am on.

When you stop long enough you may hear the sound of your body breaking down due to overwork or listen to the painful sounds of a relationship desperately overdue for repair due to neglect; An inner quest for purpose that has been pushed aside; A longing for something more than what you are currently experiencing in life.

Whatever the catalyst for this pause, whatever the season of life one finds herself in, the benefits of a sacred pause, far outweigh the costs.

If you find yourself here, considering a break in the form of a sabbatical, congratulate yourself. Taking a much-needed pause in the form of sabbatical is rare! By asking these questions you are already embarking on PHASE 1—Realizing the need.

Sabbaticals are considered a space and time away from full time work to reflect, study, create or experience holistic refreshment (Hoke, 259). It is in this inactivity that deep transformation and creativity come to life. Over the course of more than a decade of working with individuals, studying sabbaticals and experiencing them ourselves, we’ve come to determine there are a few wise practices.

The six phases of sabbatical best practices include: Realize, Release, Rest, Reflect (and Play), Realign, Re-enter. These six phases and the ability to allow oneself to enter into each of them, have been found repeatedly to best maximize the sacred pause.*

For Reflection: What keeps you from taking this sacred pause?

*These six phases have been adapted from Navigators Sabbatical Policy. The expanded definitions will be discussed in a different article.

Dis-integration and Re-integration in Transition

By Jeff Simons

Transition is a liminal space, a space between what was (and can’t be re-engaged), and what will be (but is not yet envisioned or realized). The same root as the word “threshold”… but often more of a long threshold-entryway, than a simple doorstep to hop over.

Transition causes a dis-integration of our Selves naturally…

Don’t be alarmed, you’re not fading into the ghostly realm! We aren’t talking about disintegrating into dust, like some Marvel movie; or being beamed into other dimension, like Captain Kirk. However, there is an unavoidable “spreading out” of the parts of ourselves across timezones and places that happens when we transition. Sometimes it’s physical belongings, other times relational connections. Sometimes it’s love and hurts of places and experiences, other times its hopes fulfilled, hopes lost, or hopes yet to be. Roots laid down, houses becoming homes, and then roots lifted up (sometimes with some tearing), and seeking new soil to root in once again.

This isn’t all bad though! Some pieces of ourselves are left behind in certain places, and with certain people—and rightfully so. They should be. But there are also pieces that get scattered about, and that need to be re-gathered, or re-integrated in our new lives going forward, in order for us to be whole again, and able to move forward on our best foot.

And not only our best foot, but into the better “next” that God is calling you to in your own transformation as a leader in the Kingdom work! Bono, from U2 coined this concept well in his song: All That You Can’t Leave Behind. The simple but moving logo of the concert series that followed this album was a heart in a suitcase. There is much that can’t be brought along, and much that can be left behind. But there are some very important pieces and dynamics of ourselves that must gather together and bring forward with you, into the new, into the future, even of the line of the horizon is still hard to make out.

THIS IS THE GOOD and HARD work of transition:

• discerning what can be left behind, and re-gathering what needs to be brought into the new

• allowing enough time and space to attend to the renewal of what’s been stressed, conflicted, exhausted and lost in the journey

• and, grieving well the things we leave behind or that have changed, and stepping wholly into the new with purpose and matured authenticity

For reflection:

1. On a blank paper, make a symbol or picture in one area representing the place you are leaving. On the other side of the paper, make a symbol of picture of the place you are going to. Make a picture of a suitcase with a heart in it in the middle of the page.

2. Now, using short words, phrases or picture, identify where in the “map” your physical belongings are (maybe some in different places, some with you currently?). Then do the same for the places in which key relationships and friendships exist. You may want to use a different color for these categories. Next identify places where conflict or unresolve exist. Lastly, identify where your dreams (or loss of dreams) exist around the map.

3. Step back and see what the Lord brings to your attention through this…

4. Lastly, write into the suitcase the things “you can’t leave behind”. Those important things (belongings, relational ties, dreams, callings) that you must carry in your heart going forward into the next season.

Common Haunting Myths About Grief in Transition

by Jeff Simons

[continuation of The Two Phantoms of the Transition Opera: Loss & Stress]

It is all too easy, and normal(!), to feel bogged down by the illusive power of grief and loss. It happens to us all!

Take some time to slowly digest these common myths about grief, and be encouraged by the stability that comes through new awareness, taking the edge off of the overwhelm and hold it may try to have on you:

MYTH #1 : : Grief proceeds through very predictable and orderly stages…

Though we can intellectually read about the phases of grief, they don’t actually cooperate with a linear timeline!

Grief is more like a knotted ball of emotions to be unwound and messed with for awhile. You may experience several of the stages throughout a day, even. And you will likely circle back to some repeat emotions in the process. Coming out of grief is not a gradual incline either, but more like waves on a seashore as a storm fades, that lessen over time with each wave, but never fully disappear or are forgotten.

Your losses and griefs are, and always will be, part of you and your story; but the sting and manageability changes over time as you allow God to walk through the griefs with you.

Many have said about grief, “you have to feel it to heal it!”

MYTH #2 : : If you express intense feelings, or difficult questions, you’re losing control of yourself!

If you’ve spent anytime in the Psalms, you will see why David was a “man after God’s own heart.” He regularly spent time voicing ALL his emotions to God, in the trust and safety of his relationship and intimacy with the Almighty. As Joey O’Connor writes in Heaven’s Not a Crying Place, “If there is a wide gulf between your faith and feelings right now because of the hurt and pain you’re feeling, that’s not hypocrisy—that’s honesty!”

God’s deepest joy is connecting and being with us in our authentic and honest communication with him. Not only can He take it, he asks us for it, and He loves it! Feel free to approach the throne with confidence, knowing that the great Counselor of unconditional love is already waiting and eager to listen and connect with you.

MYTH #3 : : People with a strong faith don’t grieve, or need to.

Grieving is normal, natural, and necessary. God actually calls us to it, makes space for it in us, and meets us in the midst. The avoidance of grief is the greater sign of weakness. It takes courage to find space and time to stop, engage in prayer, feel your feelings, name them if you can, then (though not comfortable) SIT in that place for awhile. Invite the Spirit to attend to your soul in that place. He is already there and waiting for you. He will help you move THROUGH it, and you will be the better on the other side. The grief will not longer have the hold and sting it once had before.

MYTH #4 : : You should be pretty much back to normal after 2 or 3 months.

People might have this expectation, but de-cloak that from your own journey, and let God lead the timing. This will be different for everyone, as the causes, depth and effect of the losses vary widely. Let the process work itself out without pressure to “wrap it up”. Many experts have said you can expect to feel the grief for at least a year—the ebb and flow of the ball unwinding. Even years later, a smell, sight or comment may remind you of your loss and grief, and you may revisit some of the same feelings, ad find yourself reflecting once again. Time can help lessen the sting, but just like with real forgiveness among people, you must courageously go THROUGH the process to find the healthier footing on the other side. The cousin myth to this one: “Time heals all things.” This does not hold true if we are not first brave enough to journey through the valley of grief…

MYTH #5 : : A strong person should be able to deal with grief alone.

If Christ let us console him in times of grief, we can follow that example. Find safe friends and resource people who can really listen and hold this with you. Grief is one of the season’s that God helps leaders truly see the reality and power of His Body in action. See the photo accompanying the entry The Two Phantoms of the Transition Opera: Loss & Stress. If even Jesus models making room for others to help him in his biggest challenge and grief, we too can have the courage to “look outside” ourselves and humbly ask for companions in our grief journey.

There is no one right way to hold the pain of grief. But here are a few healthy suggestions for best practices for Grieving “well”:

• Let others in. [See Myth #5 above]

• Practice giving voice to your authentic feelings with a few trusted spiritual friends. Name them. Let them be felt.

• Talk about what was lost. Write about the loss. Do art or get creative in ways to validate and honor the losses.

• Celebrate the good in the midst, in an authentic way. Grief can feel like it’s coloring ALL in life, but the truth is there are always several areas in life that are still “going well”.

• Lament your way through the Psalms.

It may sound trite, but through courage and authenticity, there are true in-roads to making “friends” with your grief. God always has hidden gems and nuggets for those bold enough to traverse that dark mineshaft of the grief season. Gifts that make you that much stronger and more solid on the other side. Grief does not need to be the overwhelming driver in your life. You have many choices along the way that allows you open up places of stability and peace, with Christ as your companion, along this challenging road…

For reflection:

What is one way that you have found helpful to courageous sit in, or hold the pain of grief?

What might authentic celebration look like for you in a time of loss?

The Two Phantoms of the Transition Opera: Loss & Stress (part I)

by Jeff Simons

Phantom I: Loss (and his twin, Grief)

I sit in the gorgeous chapel of a Retreat Center outside of Woodland Park, in view of Pike’s Peak, for a 4-day spiritual retreat…I’m asking the Father… and listening… and trying to find my way into healthy grieving and mourning of my earthly father, who passed just one month ago, at the age of 83.

Three months ago, in an attempt at a Covid-clouded family reunion in Mexico, and celebration of my parent’s 60th anniversary, my dad’s health took a major dive on day 1 of the trip; and we almost lost him. I ended up stuck in a hospital in Mexico with him for 10 days as he went through severe and unexplainable symptoms, complete loss of reality and memory, and all the messy and visceral challenges that come with a body and person breaking down.

We finally got him back to California, to the care of his doctor and several specialists. The cause remained an undiagnosed mystery, but he began to bounce back and was able to eventually return home. A few weeks later, however, a major stroke and stage-4 pancreatic cancer diagnosis found him being transitioned to his final few days in hospice. We were all barely able to gather as a family to say our last goodbyes, and put together a memorial service.

After what was a whirlwind of emotions, we are all left to figure out how to navigate the grieving process in our own ways…

This is death #5 in our family in the last eight months.

It’s been 2.5 years after our decision to move back from over 8 years of service as a family in Spain, and then the resulting transition to follow, complicated and elongated awkwardly by the Covid pandemic.

In part of the group discernment process that Sara and I underwent to decide whether it was time to: 1) leave Spain, 2) move off the team I was then serving with, and 3) stay with the same organization; one thing became very clear from the the Lord in that time…It was time to return to the US for a season of parent care.

Now, my parents as well as Sara’s had experienced some ailments thus far, but nothing so urgent that we felt pressured to quickly move in hope of being with them in their final days. However, it was apparent on our hearts, and those on our discernment team, that this was becoming a priority, on the personal front.

I carry great gratitude now to the Lord for His leading us to be Stateside these past 2 years, and to have some more quality moments with my parents before my dad’s passing. There remain areas that we are still in transition and stabilizing as a family in Colorado; and the decline of my father’s health, more pre-mature than any of us imagined, has been a significant part of this transition for us.

Transition, no matter how positive, no matter how “well” things are going according to plan, or no matter how tumultuous and sudden it is, come accompanied by two surprising and unavoidable undercurrents (phantoms, really) that we are often not aware of, and rarely give enough credit to, until they sneak up on us:

1. Loss (and his twin, Grief)

   and

2. Illusive Stress

Here’s what I’m being reminded of in this sudden time of grief. Both of these phantoms:

• diminish our capacity and efficiency by at least 50% while in transition, and surround us in a fog.

• neither can be sped up—though much can be done to slow down or stall your journey, if you’re unaware.

• require more internal and emotional work, rather than external fix-its or solutions—they can’t be intellectualized away!

• and despite the level of humility the Lord has transformed us toward, we ALL struggle with admitting that these “ghosts” are present, and that we cannot expel them on our own, despite our perceived strength!

We need help.

Loss and Grief come at us from a variety of trajectories, and often in combination(!), during transition:

• They Follow you! For example:

  • The missing and distancing of friendships and joys that were gifts in the place that you’re leaving

  • Questions about effectiveness during your time and work there… what didn’t transpire as quickly, or AT ALL, that you hoped would? Will the seeds you planted and the relationships you built last, or continue to make an impact?

  • What belongings, some sacred, have had to be left behind in the sorting toward affordable shipping, or in the suddenness of your forced move?

• They’re Out In Front of you!

  • There may be real loss that you are moving toward: the loss of a loved one, parent caregiving, specialized assistance for your struggling child…

  • Questions about what vocation and work will look like going forward… will it be as fulfilling, or I’m I going into a “hidden season”?

  • What remains of the familiar life we used to know back “home” (if you call it that anymore) as people’s lives have moved on and changed since we left, the country has changed, WE have changed. What is the new ME in this re-entry space?

• They’re Inside you!

  • What is my identity now in this “no man’s land”?

  • Where is God in all of these rapids? And if you had to depart unexpectedly or suddenly: Does God know what He’s doing? Why bring me all the over here after all that work, time and transition to simply pull me out, all of a sudden?

  • What are my gifts and skills rooted in now, and will they find root again in a meaningful and impactful way.

• They’re Alongside of you, too! Yikes.

  • Did I bring the “right” stuff with me? Did I leave the “right” stuff behind?

  • How am I to lead my family members well in this transition, when I feel the panicky edge and instability of this suspended season myself?

  • How do I explain this transition to others in a way that makes sense, when I can’t even make sense of it all?

As Kenneth Haugk(*) reminds us: “Grief is normal, natural, and necessary.” It happens to everyone, it cannot be avoided, it is NOT a sign of weakness (though left unattended, it can be very harmful), and you can only go THROUGH it, not around it. So, give yourself permission to grieve, knowing that the wise and strong response is to embrace it, befriend it, feel it, find God waiting for you right in the midst of it to make you stronger, and to allow the Body to journey in it with you.

Loss & Grief, the 2-headed phantom, manifest in us in different ways at different times for different people: some have trouble sleeping, others find it hard to get out of bed. Some find their minds preoccupied and unable to focus on tasks, reading or decision making; others find themselves laser focusing on one thing, and unable to take in the bigger picture around them. Others find themselves trapped in the loop of processing, conflict in relationships, and the “what ifs” they could have chose.

These are all normal human responses to grief and loss, you are NOT GOING CRAZY, and there is an extra need for grace for yourself and others in this season. Having a safe place to process this, with a trained therapist or pastoral counselor is always a plus, especially if it seems totally overwhelming, or if there is potential of harm to yourself or others.

Making Friends with the Phantom

Here are some suggested ways to engage grief well, learned from our own journeys, and that of Kenneth Haugk:

1. As you identify your losses during transition, list them out! Then, do small acts to commemorate the losses, on your own or as a family. For example, create some space and time, light a simple candle, name the loss aloud, leave space for it to be acknowledged, felt and honored, then blow the candle out when you’re ready. Repeat for each loss, and repeat the practice as needed or desired. Think of other simple actions you could take that have meaning for you, and are easy and mobile during transition. This will help provide tangible “rails to run on” for healthy grieving.

2. Leave space and grace for others and yourself. As we mentioned, everyone will ride through the grief waves and emotions in their own order, timing, and in their own way. Don’t prescribe for yourself or others a particular WAY to do it. Try to practice grace at the same level God extends grace to you…

3. Use a variety of ways to engage your body and creativity! Remember, grief has to be worked out emotionally and spiritually, not so much intellectually. Go for a walk or run, do art, journal, lift weights, yell in a pillow or in your car, do yoga, try new prayer methods, stand up and “shake it out” frequently. Find ways that fit you! Feel free to try different methods over time.

4. Take Care of YOU: Attend to your emotional, relational, physical and spiritual needs in transition. Many in ministry are used to caring for the needs of others, and often neglect their own needs. This is a time that calls for righteous counter-intuition! The better you care for yourself during grief, the better you serve others! Plan to take a slower pace in order to make space for this healing restoration. You do not need to prove to yourself or ANYONE anything by trying to force and push the grief and transition to materialize faster. Either God is taking care of this transition season, and you can trust Him; or you need to foolishly push and pull and stress things out in the decision making, which almost always ends up slowing the transition season, and increasing the pain that goes with it, for you and those around you!

5. Be Patient with the Fog: You are, in many ways, suspended in no-man’s land during this time. If transitioning internationally, you may be in international waters. You’re past immigration and customs, you’re waiting at a gate, but you’re not firmly in either the place you called home, or the place you used to call home. (I’ll let you decide which is which!) Or you feel like your life is hanging somewhere over the ocean still, though the plane has landed already.

   Or maybe there is no place to call “home” in this season! There can be an invigorating adventurousness to transition, like the adrenaline of a trapeze artist who has released grip on one swing, but is mid-air and wondering if the other swing will arrive in time! But usually “overwhelm” is the heavier force… of decision-making, of unanswered questions, of unnamed losses, the results of the dis-integration happening in your life. People often use some of these terms to describe the phenomenon: “a second spinning brain that won’t turn off, trying to figure it all out, even while I’m sleeping”, “forgetful and confused”, “making silly mistakes I don’t normally make”, “like I’m just going through the motions, but feel robotic and cut off from my emotions”, “functioning at 50%”, “disoriented, floating, delayed”. Be patient and graceful with yourself. The fog will diminish, and you will return to your normal capacity in time.

Lastly, but most importantly, I’m reminding myself, that God is just as present, perhaps even MORE SO, right in the center of your/my grief, as He is in your joyous seasons. It may be difficult to feel or sense Him amidst all the movement and noise, but just as we see throughout the Psalms, he invites us to approach his throne with confidence, and to bear our true feelings and hearts to him. That is the place where He meets us in the most powerful and transforming way, and shares in our grief.

In my listening during this time in the mountains, God brought to my remembrance a vision he gave me 3 years ago, before even the decision to return the the States was on the table. I was knelt at his feet, and he said to me, I will be your “Stable Father”. This name for my grief Companion now takes on a whole new meaning as He sustained me this past few months through the dark days of the mental and physical instability of my own dad. And though my earthly father is no longer with me, my stable Father shares in my grieving alongside me and invites me into a new aspect of communion with Him.

Peace and courage on your journey of discernment and re-integration during the losses (and GAINS!) of your transition.

You are not alone…

For reflection:

1. If grief follows you, is alongside of you, out in front of you and behind you—consider, where are you currently most impacted by it?

2. What are your thoughts on when you are “supposed to” move back from cross-cultural living, to attend to the parent care season? What assumptions do you, your parents, or your organization hold?

[Pictured above: Christ accepts help from Simon in a moment of his deepest grief. We too can reach out to the Body in our own grief!]

For further reading:

• A Grief Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss, Jerry L. Sittser

• A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis

• Journeying Through Grief: 4 Book series, Kenneth C. Haugk

Facing my Limiting Beliefs around Creativity, head on

The Creation and writing process, releasing many of the ideas swirling in my head, cause to me to continually face the limiting beliefs that I: AM NOT a write, thinker, or voice worth listening to. This work is real-life proof of the material that I am writing about and asking others to engage in:

1.     De-bunking the beliefs we carry throughout our lives that inhibit us from reaching our true and full potential. 

2.     Continually coming face to face with where our passion and the world’s needs collide - even when it is hard work and requires discipline and grace.

3.     Ultimately unlocking the creative potential uniquely inside of you and only you.

Limiting Beliefs

What are the stories that I tell myself when I’m low, lacking energy or hope and needing encouragement? What are the inhibiting factors that keep me from getting to the work that I believe I’m uniquely called to?

As a not-yet-able-to-call-myself-a-writer, writer, I’m aware that the voices that are coming out of me are ugly, loud and inaccurate. And while I can call those out in others, I struggle to be honest with myself. 

Here’s what those voices sound like as a writer (because I know listing them takes the sting away):

…Your message has already been said

…Your voice doesn’t matter

…You don’t have time for this

…You have other ways that you should contribute

…You are not a good writer

…You are not articulate

…You are not creative

…my thoughts are too scattered and all over the place

Overcoming objections is the kind and gracious extension we all need from ourselves. It’s the dig deeper, love big, way of settling our inner voice when the other voices get loud and out-of-control!  It’s the hard work of reframing stories that have been told wrong in the past. Changing the narrative to what can be done when there is courage and faith in myself to believe…

These limiting beliefs all point to what is called the imposter syndrome! What if people find out who I really am? The truth is, many have and they’ve liked that person. Could writing in public be a more vulnerable space to let others know who you are and what you think? It’s scary and vulnerable and they will get the real me, and I have to believe that many will resonate with that vulnerable girl.

For now, I must reframe these limiting beliefs and get them out of my head and heart:

…I do have a unique message

…my voice will be heard in a different way from others

…others have said that I communicate in a way that resonates with them (so even if it’s just 1…)

…the way that I connect the dots is unique to me

I came here today during a writer’s retreat and decided to let myself tangent here. I wanted to press on and press in. After months of feeling stuck, I had to call upon others who have gone before me to speak with a new voice. And really just create a safe space for me. 

I’ll admit it, it was a stretch to ask a group of complete strangers to hold me accountable to the task of writing! And yet there was great power in this silent group existing in my life for one day and for one sole purpose – to free the thoughts in my head. There was something incredibly comforting knowing they were boldly looking internally to discover their own writing voices. I knew they were diligently fighting the demons of their past alongside of me. And simultaneously, the main objective was to just keep showing up! Without criticism, without judgment. So I signed up for a group and away I went. I give credit to them for helping me to overcome one of my many objections.

In order to get to this point, sometimes I have to coach myself and be reminded of other similar situations in which I overcame objections. What other hard things have I done that look similar to this? That’s exactly where I woke from my sleep this morning. My response in this particular scenario: I’ve written and published a workbook, I took a 3 year degree and made it 9! And wrote a thesis to prove it. I’ve organized thoughts in hundreds of blog posts and created a manual to train others on…and so forth. I must remind myself that this is not new. What I’m attempting to accomplish is not the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I have been prepared for this moment to begin looking into the eye of the storm of creativity and allowing all the unique ways that I am me to show up in full and good form. In that way, I am convinced that there is someone out there who needs me to persevere and keep finding my writer’s voice. It’s for that reason I continue. 

What are your limiting beliefs? How do you overcome them? Who do you share these with?

Responding to a Crisis: What is my role to fill?

As we see the great need of the Ukrainian/Russia war, we consider - What is the most sacrificial and useful way that I can be of help and give in to the feelings of hopelessness or desensitization in this or any other global crisis? 

These are the relevant questions that we’re asking ourselves. Especially as we have recently been asked to take part in crisis debriefing aide workers and refugees fleeing the Ukraine. 

Why are we desiring to respond to this crisis?

While our hearts bleed as mental health professionals and caregivers, we recognize our limitations in the form of past burnout. There are sadly innumerable crisis that we could respond to. We’ve been reminded that having a few “harbor lights” on, or a grid to work through, will help best determine if/when we say the solid yes to serving in a crisis.* 

1.     Was I/were we specifically asked to participate and offer help?

2.     Is my/our expertise best used here?

3.     Is my family on board with this commitment?

4.     When I pray about it, did God say a clear no or not now? (A yes, doesn’t always come in a crisis, a clear no can sometimes be a stronger indication).

5.     Do I have an ongoing set of relationships on the ground that others can connect to?

6.     Will our service or time take away from anyone else that could be doing what I can do?

In summary, we answered yes to the first 5 and no to the last question. We were asked, have connections on the ground, have been uniquely trained in this work and have been reminded of an incredible need. 

With a request for all hands on deck with nearly 2 million refugees expected in the coming weeks, I am aware that I am able to use peer debriefing to aide workers and refugees that have experienced horrific injustice and violence as a service to many in need. As well, I do not have to be a part of the infrastructure of creating it, I can simply do the work I’m trained in as a response to the great need. And finally, I can do the bulk of the work virtually.

Why debrief?

Debriefing is a form of listening to someone’s story, normalizing it, validating it, and reassuring them that they are not alone. It is a way of providing an initial or interim support system, especially when other support systems are lacking or non-existent. Debriefing is a set aside period of time for listening, for the purpose of supporting the person in need, caring about them and their unique story. 

When a debrief is done well, it defuses intense feelings that can get stuck in the body and show up in many harmful ways. It allows for a sharing of a burden of what can feel chaotic and overwhelming leading to other mental health problems. A debrief can help to end isolation and promote connection. It also can allow for an opportunity for growth. 

It can also serve as an opportunity for grounding one’s nervous system, taking them from a continual fight, flight or freeze mental state to one of stability and safety. 

What will debriefing global workers or refugees coming out of the Ukraine look like? 

We are working in partnership with other reputable organizations that are on the ground in Romania, Poland and other parts of Eastern Europe. When these organizations have deemed the work necessary and most advantageous (out of harm, long-term benefits), we will begin to offer ourselves and our service within a limited number of hours/week. The benefit of working alongside of another organization is multi-fold. Being available on a team, having supervisors who I can debrief with myself, and having the infrastructure for systematizing the large quantity in need. 

With such a large need, when will you stop serving in this capacity?

We have no idea. Again, the benefit of working within a larger structure and organization is that we are not the one’s solely responsible for all the needs and debriefing care. We will continue to re-evaluate our ability to serve well as the demands come in. We will have to reinforce good self-care and boundaries, as well. We will continue to evaluate our capacity to serve well, given the grid mentioned above. And we will have to be in concerted prayer about our limitations.

How can I be of help?

As we ask, what is the most sacrificial way we can respond, we ask you to consider the same. Here are several ways you may be of help:

Financial: In order for us to put down other work, we need to access an emergency fund for this type of work. Several thousands of dollars are needed (depending on the length of time that this will go on for). We have created a scholarship/emergency fund that we would draw these funds out of to do this type of work. We trust that if we are to do this work, the money will be provided. You can use this giving link & choose scholarship/emergency fund.

Debriefing: If you are a trained debriefer, reach out. We’d love to utilize your skills

Administrative: While attending to a crisis, other things will slip through the cracks. This is where the work could continue on if we had other’s hands on deck with The Way Between.

Go: While the immediate need is not to be in person taking up space in beds and with limited supplies. In the coming days, there will inevitably be larger needs. Construction for housing, food, childcare, trauma debriefing and in person care. We are connecting with other global workers who are on the ground and know of these needs. Reach out if this is of interest to you.

Prayer: In the wake of a crisis of this size, we are in greatest need of your prayer covering. 

Connect us with others who may be asking the same questions – how can I help. 

Please pray about and consider your part in any crisis. Maybe this isn’t the one you respond to. But if it is, consider how you can best be used.

*Thanks to James Harrington at The Uganda Water Project for shedding light on this for me.

Decision-Making Fatigue: 6 Unique Categories of Consideration for Global Workers

…And I chose the path less traveled

For major life decisions there are 6 major categories of consideration for Cross-cultural Workers. (No wonder these decisions feel so weighty!)

When asked to make a decision about lunch at Subway, I saw the looks of overwhelm in my British friend’s eyes. This was 2002 and her first time in a Subway sandwich shop. Thanks to globalization it came to her backyard. She had never before encountered the barrage of choices that were presented before her over a simple sandwich. I caught the looks of bewilderment at each set of questions - which type of bread? Which type of meat? Cheese or no cheese? Toppings? Sauces? Chips? Drink? Dessert? By the time she had gone through the line she looked exhausted! The process, when considered from an outside perspective appears to be one of slow torture; Almost a wearing down to throw your money at whatever is easiest to escape the pain of decision-making. It appeared she had made no short of 57 decision in 5 minutes flat (give or take a few!) And all before attending to her low-blood-sugar-starved brain…slow-torture.

We have our choice-driven culture to thank for the plethora of options presented to us around every corner! Isn’t this the average decision-making scenario for so many of us…just for a simple lunch? Trivial decisions regarding lunch or what to wear call for some of our best decision-making energy. How can we conserve for when it matters most?

I recall Barak Obama, while in office, being quoted for saying he wanted to wear the same style outfit (with slight color change) every day while serving as President, due to the need to conserve his decision-making capacity. Intrigued, and yet simultaneously I resonated on a much smaller scale.

While a simple act such as repeat wardrobe attire can create necessary space, decision-making conservation requires frequent and diligent attention. Especially when in major life transition. As a cross-cultural worker, I remember the overwhelm in the entry and now re-entry and all that is to be considered on an average day. And yet, when it came to discernment of vocational fit and geographical location, the complexity of one decision’s ripple-effects validated the headaches I would feel for days.

Consider this. There are 6 layers of ripples in consideration for major life transition for cross-cultural workers:

Personal Fit (significance)- Where does my deep gladness meet the world’s great need(s)? Is what I’m doing the ultimate contribution role that I am on this earth to engage in? If not, is it on the same track? Is my vocational work life-giving?

Team Fit (operation)- Am I able to live out my ultimate contribution “personal fit” on this particular team? If not, why not?“ “Am I supported in my unique gift mix?”

Organizational Fit (support)- Is this the organization that my values most align with? Where I can be supported? Where I can contribute my voice? Are there other organizations that are doing similar work?

Location Fit (effectiveness) - Is the location I’m working in supporting or inhibiting my call? Is this the place where my calling can best be lived out?

Other considerations:

Collective Marital Fit (relational) - Some may believe that when they exchanged vows, God called them together as a couple to engage in the same organization and team fit. Others have discovered their uniqueness may be best lived out as individuals in two very different settings of work. Especially as cross-cultural workers it is important to ask the previous 4 questions, “Is my spouse living into his/her vocational calling? Are they doing life-giving work?

Family Fit (relational) - Similar to the above. There is disagreement around children being “called” to the same work and what, if any particular role they play. Nonetheless I stand firm in believing that the health and well-being of the kids is top priority. How are my children thriving with my personal fit, team fit, organizational fit, location fit? Do their current needs require a prioritization above my fit or calling?

ONE PIECE AT A TIME

In cross-cultural work, it’s hard to unpack the complexities of the overlapping variables. One has likely given up comforts, home, and culture to do the current work engaged in. If shifting to a new culture versus returning to a previously familiar culture the emphasis of adjustment will be quite different. For example, people don’t often consider a re-entry moving budget when returning, despite assuming you would need one when landing in a new and foreign country. They also might not consider the adjustment phase that is needed for re-entry.

For many, the transition out of - a role, a vocation, an organization, a specific location - can be very clear. For others these layers all mesh together. And for most, where to go next carries the most frightening set of unlimited options. It is recommended to break down the great big elephant of a problem into small pieces - whether which door is closed or which doors are opening.

Consider, for example, the location you are working, as a tusk or a foot or an eye of the elephant. (Too many decisions already?) Okay, it’s an eye! The type of work you are doing as another part. Focusing on each of the pieces one at a time can begin to bring clarity in a much more manageable way as opposed to feeling overwhelm.

These decisions are costly - emotionally, physically and financially. The weight one decision carries, unlike domestic work, effects every SINGLE area of life. This is why it is so complicated and why it requires so much brain power.

Here are a few ways in addition to limiting your wardrobe that may aide in your decision-making power

1. Make decisions when your brain is fresh. Put off hard decisions until you are at your best.

2. If making many decisions like organizing your belongings, do this in 2-3 hour periods of time at best

3. Employ help. Having a third party who is objective and able to understand is invaluable!

4. Consider others who have done this before. Ask others - what worked? What didn’t? What do you wish you would have done? What did you do well?

5. Extend yourself grace. Reward yourself when you do make these hard decisions.

6. Take breaks. Breathing and taking breaks are way under-rated. If only you do one thing do this - BREATHE!

*Painting Pictures of Egypt

I don't want to leave here
I don't want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I've been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

It's not about losing faith
It's not about trust
It's all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn't perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn't milk or honey
But then neither is this

Leaving out what it lacks
And the future feels so hard
And I want to go back
But the places they used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned
The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know
Chorus
Bridge: If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognise it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

*Grateful to Herb and Deb Lamp and their recent introduction to this song.

Keep or Save: Practical Tips for Down-sizing or Moving

How to get rid of your belongings before moving.

I used to have an organizing business called transitionlight for people who had recently lost a love one. I would come in as a coach, listener and organizer and evaluate if they were in a place to start sorting and downsizing their loved-ones belongings. Many times the answer was evident that the client was in a deep grieving period and they needed to wait at least a day, week or a few months to make major decisions. If the answer was to move forward, they would contract my services to evaluate how to best help them keep, sell or donate their treasures. This was compassion work. It was hard physically and emotionally. It was also incredibly rewarding.

So much of that work applies to working with cross-cultural workers who are leaving their home country or re-turning home. Anyone who has done this type of patriating or repatriating work, recognizes that moving is an inevitable part of the job. And some of us have had way TOO much experience at it! However, we forget that belongings and decisions about belongings require an incredible amount of mental energy. 

Here are some of my top tips when it comes to organizing the logistics of your belongings for your own mental sanity.

Start Early/Sort Often: 

Sorting for an hour a week over the course of many months can save you weeks of work in a stressful season of transition. Keeping it simple and doing it a little at a time is often the best measure of prevention in caring for your brain and your body. If a move is likely on the horizon, start sorting (not packing) as soon as you possibly can. That way when the time comes to actually putting things in boxes you are not sorting, you are just packing.

Employ Help:

Walking with people in this process can be tedious, but a huge gift. In the end, if I or someone other than the client was willing to re-distribute or discard the “no” piles– garbage, recycling, donation center, etc., it made progress that much more efficient.  

Whether you regularly use methods of organizing like the recently popularized, Marie Kondo or tend towards hoarding for a rainy day, we all have our areas of strengths and weaknesses when it comes to our attachment to treasures. The majority of the work I did with transitionlight, was to come alongside of people in a time of bereavement and help them to make clear and thoughtful decisions. I would ask them 1 simple question – Would you like to keep, sell or donate this item? It was simple for me, as an outsider, but proved painful and belaboring for someone in a time of extreme stress lacking the emotional capacity to make clear decisions.

Give yourself grace. Organize when you have the mental fortitude. To answer this one question, we created 3 piles: a yes - keep, no - get rid of and a maybe pile. (If the answer was, “I don’t know,” a second decision would have to be made. I would discourage this but not taboo it!) 

One element of this work which I found most fascinating, is that almost anything in the “maybe” pile quickly made it to the “no” pile if a client could think of someone else who could use it. Now, understandably, not everyone feels as sentimental about receiving a holey blanket or an old pair of shoes. To ward off potential family disputes, I created a list of local places that had specific needs – animal shelters that needed blankets, libraries that wanted books, schools that desired art supplies, you get the point.

Giving away sentimental  items becomes easier, even for those with hoarding tendencies, when their treasures are desired by others. 

Implement Creative Conservation I, as a coach and supportive outsider, would suggest creative ways of “keeping” things without having to literally keep the physical object. Take a picture, or conserve by employing someone to make a quilt of those 50 sentimental t-shirts, or a scrapbook of the 1000 pictures. Donate the 50 ball jars, or repurpose those tins into storage containers. Creative thinking was welcome, (but not at the expense of belabored decision-making).  Remember, closed questions that require a simple yes or no are easier to answer than “what would you like to do with this”!

Sell with limits

When we recently moved we had good stuff, not amazing and not new. But good. And resellable in the community in which we were living. It was hard to find garage sales or freecycle opportunities in this foreign country (and in a pandemic). That said, I created an elaborate LIVE google document with pictures and detailed explanations of each item so we could avoid lots of messages. (this is something someone else can help with). Here’s the process: 

1.    Create a live google document that you or someone else is willing to manage. Take good pictures, or borrow the originals from website and share as much and as HONEST of information as you would want if you were buying it so you can minimize the amount of communication needed. (i.e. Does it have stains, how big is it, how old is it?) 

2. Get your items prepared. Wash, clean, and make your item look like you would want to buy it. It doesn’t have to be new, but the value will greatly increase if it looks like it.

3.    We sent out the link to targeted people we knew were moving into the area or within the area and asked them to reply back on what they wanted us to hold. After a few targeted messages we opened it up to a wide audience and asked people to share. We asked that they pay in paypal, ahead of time if possible in the currency of the country we were moving to (not living in). We needed the money for where we were headed not where we were. And we needed them not to be flakey!

4.    We then set up LIMITED pickup times. When I say limited, I mean limit it! Don’t be flexible on this. You are moving and it is a lot of work. Ask others to come to you and come within two windows or you won’t have it by X time. For example: Tuesday 12-3 and Thursday 3-6. Because most people in our network understood the strain of this type of move. They were supportive and respectful of this request. THIS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN OUR TIME! We’re talking about communicating with 30 people over weeks vs. 30 people in 6 hours. Paying ahead of time eased the burden of the money exchange, as well.

5.    Have a “for sale” & “for free sale”. We were setting up the little items that we didn’t take pictures of for a garage sale at the end of the week. Now, let me just add that garage sales can be a big pain without a lot of gain. But the good thing was that when people came to “pick up” their larger reserved items, we had our garage sale set up ready for shopping. Nearly everyone that bought a bigger item also bought several smaller ones. And consider it a small miracle, several came back for more.

We didn’t pressure ourselves to have that all ready, but rather we were sorting throughout the week and keep adding to it. We also had a “please repurpose” section which was basically our free pile of half-used up boxes of toilet paper, non-expired food, and other small not-worth-it-to-ship-or-sell-treasures! 

Specific up-to-date descriptions + a good network (or networker depending on your scenario) + limited pick-up times. Amazed and surprised, every SINGLE thing on this list sold to people in our network! It felt like a sheer miracle (there were over 50 items...think appliances and furniture and such.) and we received over $3000. We also had a small garage sale with what was leftover. This brought in just $300... which didn't seem very worth it except my son sold some of his treasures and that was fun for him. The rest we donated. It is a lot of work! Pace yourself and employ help.

On that note….

Exercise Good Self-Care

Besides helping people sort their things into 3 piles, the other top value I was needed for most was reminding people to take care of themselves. BREATHE, BREAKS, WATER, FOOD, SLEEP. Very basic and very necessary self-care requirements for good and effective decision-making. The most obvious – breathe – is one nearly everyone needs help with when doing the hard work of organizing especially in transition. It’s amazing how often you hold your breath when you are doing stressful things. The other, take breaks and don’t organize for more than 3 hours at a time, was one I learned through my own research. Your brain can’t handle making these thousands of decisions all at once. 

If I was sitting with you before starting, I would ask you these few questions: 

“What do you value most?” (the answer may not be your belongings – it may be time if you have limited time)
“Is selling your treasures before leaving, worth your time and energy?” 

“What would you regret giving away?”
“Who can help you in this?”

“What has sentimental value from the place in which you are leaving?” (Give grace if this answer is different for each individual in a family).

Was this a helpful article? Please share or comment below.

The Universal Creative Process and The Creation Timeline of My Unnamed Baby

INput overload…where to start and stop in the writing process?

The Universal Creative Process and The Creation Timeline of My Unnamed Baby

“If I permit my body to move - even just the movement of my hand, fingers, and arm with pen and marker - then my bones and muscles are content. I can become calm and relaxed enough to find inner stillness and to pay attention. In general it's not the body that needs to be stilled; it's my mind.” (Sybil McBeth)

This was my experience this past weekend as I set aside 3 days and 3 nights and was gifted time in a beautiful mountain home to write. The setting could not have been more idyllic (okay maybe minus the 17 college-aged kids who crashed everywhere in the house where I was invited into! Not my call! Just a minor obstacle).  From the mostly serene setting I had access to hikes, a few open rooms, a desk, a comfortable writing chair, the fast internet and a coffee shop within walking distance. What more could I want from a creative space? The truth – a clear mind and a way to organize my million scattered thoughts that seemed as though they would never find a clear way forward. That’s what more I wanted. That and about another month to stay in the zone. I struggle to just be in process. Like a vacation, it takes days to get into it and right when you do, you need to pack up. I wanted to just dive into the space, overcome obstacles and of course create at an unrealistically rapid speed. Let’s just say none of that perfect picture was how it all went down!  

Isn’t it true that you see great creative work and have no comprehension of all that it took to get there. Austin Kleon, in Steal Like an Artist, says “Really good work appears effortless! People won't see the years of work and toil you put into it” End products seem as though they magically appeared overnight but in reality it is years in the making that caused them to blossom into something beautiful.

I was reminded of this as I entered into this sacred creative process this weekend. It can take years of blood, sweat and tears to see a really good product, process or art come to fruition. 

 “Really good work appears effortless! People won't see the years of work and toil you put into it”

The language of the universal process to all things created brings comfort and validity to my inner discontent of wanting a creative product. My rational inner voice reminds me, “Sara, it’s a process, not a product.” I need the reminders for patience and a realistic horizon.

With that said, let me share the universal creative process and the intersecting points of my creation with the hope that this might bring you some point of reference for your own creative baby that you need to bring to life.

4 Stages of the Creative Process:

Start with - what is the question you are answering or problem you are trying to solve. (Examples: designing a logo, writing a story, writing a sermon, creating a website, creating an e-course.)

1. Preparation
   Research: Collect information or data.

   Questions to ask: Who am I designing this for (who is my target audience)? Who would benefit most? What do I uniquely have to offer here? What voice is still missing on this topic or in this field?

2. Incubation
   Percolation: Milling over collected information.

   Questions to ask: What is necessary to include or exclude? Do I have enough information or too much? What else do I need to learn more about right now? Where am I stuck? Who can help me with this?

3. Illumination
   Light Bulb Idea: Aha moment.

   Questions to ask: How am I answering the question or problem uniquely? How am I going to present/display/share this information? Who can help me with this?

4. Implementation
   Actual Making, creating: Verification.

   Questions to ask: Who can help me implement this? What am I still missing? Where can I see this product come to life? What else would I like to do with it?

I’m always curious about the timeline of beautiful creation and know there is a behind-the-scene story from inspiration to implementation. I want to know, How long was it in the making to choreograph that routine or illuminate the painting or pen that e-course? What did the maker space look like on a practical level? To gain a better understanding and appreciation of my own maker story, (and because I’m relieving my brain from sorting research quotes - aka desiring some movement from incubation to implementation), I decided to sketch a rough outline of the creative process of this book I’m writing on creativity and transition (still to be named). There are several creative processes that intermingle – The Art of Transition workbook, The Way Between as a developed organization, and the now Unnamed book that gives the backstory. For the sake of this conversation, I’m just focusing on the timeline of the book to date, starting with the inspiration of the workbook. Because truly a book was never a part of any plan and is still somewhat of a daunting element to me!  

Preparation: for the workbook, book 

2016-2017 – living out the message in deeply painful and dark ways. Negative preparation for what was to come; priming the pump knowing that there was something deeper to the approach of transition and calling which we had used for over 10 years. (In reality you could consider the 10 years leading up to this point as part of the preparation phase).

Incubation: for the workbook and book

Sept – Dec. 2017 – A four-month sabbatical (still in my cross-cultural context and with my family while Jeff worked full time) Sabbatical looked like a working sabbatical for me: 9am-2pm, 5 days a week plus two short trips away. In that time I met God on my yoga mat, hiked and researched varied areas of interest. I had the luxury of flexibility to say no to meetings and community gatherings. I spent time with friends who were life-giving and supportive. I took 2 different short classes that contributed to the work - one of which I dropped out of because it became too much to unpack at this particular season. I met with a therapist and a coach that kept me living the message and engaging with my head and my heart.

Illumination: for the workbook & book

Nov 2017 – I had enough supportive research to start creating the first draft process. I needed to get the material as it was to date, out of my head and into the world. I took 6 days and went to Mallorca, Spain on a creation retreat* with a friend. (While this sounds extravagant, I was elated to find tickets from Malaga, Spain where I was living at the time, that were $25 each way. I asked a friend who would join me in the space and split the cost of a place for less than $100 each.)

Nov – Dec 2017 – I came home from the retreat and refined the learnings and articulated the process to an “excellent enough” place to offer it to 10 people come the new year. 

Implementation for the workbook and Incubation for the book

Jan – Feb 2018 – I hesitantly released the material to an in-person target audience cohort (the who) over the course of 6 weeks; wrote supporting articles (content creation), weekly for two months to explain the workshop & process & give validity using the research I had collected. I quickly realized that while I created the process (the what), I still did not give voice to the explanation behind the process (the why).

May 2018 – I co-led a group of 8 women in transition on a spiritual pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago for a week and tried the matieral in a very loosely resembling form.

2018-2021 – Over the course of several years, I have tried the material out in at least 8 different formats; receiving ongoing feedback and tweaking it towards best practice all along the way. Painful no-shows and empty workshop spaces were all a part of this process. I quickly learned to acquire thick skin. As well I became painfully aware of my limitations and areas of lacking - I’m not good at marketing or social media relations! I had to and still have to include a number of people in this with me. This is my social support structure.

2017-2020 – After every course, I edited the workbook in several different drafts (really for all 8 different formats listed above I was modifying the content each time.) In Dec 2020 I finally put a pause on the editing with a graphic designer and patient friend and made the workbook an official publication. (Thank you Springtime Books).

2017-2020 – Gave what I was doing an official name - The Way Between and thewaybetween.org and starting blogging ideas around this material monthly. A big hairy audacious goal! Requiring daily steps of courage!

2020-2021 – Transitioned our family during a pandemic to the US to once again live out the message of the material. The book continues to gnaw at me as I lack the full courage (and time) to find my writing voice the material requires.  

Illumination period for the book (and back to Implementation)

TODAY Aug 2021 – Writing retreat*…I have spent 3 days consolidating and sorting 75 references from 6 years + of compiled material and lived experiences. I’m nowhere near complete - back to Implementation!

Honestly, I don’t feel totally content with where I am leaving things after 3 days on this retreat. But I know this…I showed up and I dove in! I have to be my own cheerleader like I would for others. I must tell myself that I’m proud of me for carving out the space, for diving in, to continue to try to find my writing voice, and share the material that feels so relevant to a world in transition.

As well, I must say, I did really well with historically workaholic boundaries – This retreat was intentionally 2 parts work 1 part rest. And I’m physically more well-rested at the end of the time than I ever have been. I will continue living out the material and the creative process that I feel so passionate about. From here, I rest assured knowing I will put another multi-day writing space on the calendar in 2021. I am one step at a time making space to continue bringing this little baby to life. In the meantime I will embrace the birthing pains. 

*What does a writing retreat look like for me? I don’t know what others do, but for those interested I’ll write the loose structure I followed below. Generally, I work in chunks with breaks and lots of incorporated movement.

*My Writing Retreat Rough Schedule

7-8am Quiet Time & get the day started Breakfast

8-9 Yoga/light stretching

9-12 Writing, consolidating ideas, opening too many new word documents!

12-1pm Stop for lunch & a conversation if I’m not too deep in

1-3 Back to writing

3-4 Take a nap, walk or a hike to a coffee shop

4-6 Write again & conclude for the day

6-7 Walk home from a coffee shop

7-8 Dinner (share learnings if with others in a creative process)

8- Play and relax for the evening 

In hindsight, I wished I would have wrote more with a pen and paper and did more drawing exercises to stimulate my brain more (like those I list in The Art of Transition Workbook). I would have spent less time on the computer editing and organizing, but it felt like that is where my brain needed to be to once again comprehend the material I was gathering.  

While the schedule above may appear as though I’m writing for a total of 7 hours a day, the truth is that the writing process includes the preparation in research, refinement, and illumination periods. The break times and movement are a vital part of the overall illumination process. They are the daily incubation that truly fuels the work.  Like many other artists I am researching have noted, “When I dance or walk or draw, my mind has half a chance at stillness.” It’s from the place of movement in my body and stillness in my mind that my greatest creative ideas come to life. 

“Great creative work doesn’t happen overnight. It took God 7 days and He’s God!”

For Deeper Thought:

Question: What creation lives inside of you that is waiting for courage or time to be birthed? What is one practical step you can take today to begin moving it outside of you and into the world?

How to Start Your New Thing (on a dime): 10 Practical Tips for Creating New

It is really really hard (read NOT IMPOSSIBLE) to be all the people that your NEW non-profit or business needs to get started. When I list out all the roles that I wear as the director of a young non-profit, I quickly feel like I need a long nap! From website designer to fundraiser to content developer, my do-list feels like it is never finished. I can spiral into a woe is me feeling of isolation. And yet when I have accurate perspective, I feel the wind at my sails, the powerful support team behind me and like anything is possible.

Rather than curl up in a ball and hide under the covers, I still have to daily choose to face what can feel like a monstrous to-do list - one small detail at a time. I think of the wise people in my life who remind me, just take the next BEST step. For me the next best step looks different EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!

As I looked over my calendar of varied events, I realized I would have benefited from a blog article like this one that gave me a few pointers to getting started and keeping going! So since I’m a few years into this, but not so far ahead to forget the feelings of what it is like to start something (on a dime), I thought I’d write out some of the many practical tips that have kept the momentum going and kept me from hiding under a pile of sheets!

1. Just get started! Newton’s laws of motion states that “An object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion at constant velocity, unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. Inertia is the tendency of an object to resist changes in its velocity: whether in motion or motionless.” This concept of inertia never applied better than to getting started with that small hunch to create something new. Once you get the ball moving, it was tremendously easier to keep it in motion. For me this motion included starting by telling a few trusted people about my idea. Next came choosing a name. From there I created a gmail account with the name of the service and from there a public facebook page and later a closed facebook group. All of these cost me nothing and were totally FREE. Whilst getting me moving in the direction of sharing this idea publicly and making it a reality. Each of these steps were big decisions at the time. But they allowed me the chance to experiment and see what landed.

2. Ask for help wherever you can get it. People have resources and some have time! But most people don’t have both. Ask for help and be willing to barter your unique services and skill set. This is a great way to maximize how others can help you while utilizing what you have to give. There is a reason that the concentric relational circles (see relationship saturation) of the public sphere exist. They exist for times like this when you need a good recommendation, a photographer, an app developer, or someone to watch your children. I’m not talking about using people. I’m talking about utilizing what others know and can give that I DO NOT know or have to give. Everyone you meet knows more about something than you do. Be curious and open to who can join you in your vision. And be willing to give something back in return.

3. Offer to be a case study. I was reminded that people love to give advice and there were experts all around me. The year I began this endeavor there happened to be an undergraduate marketing class that wanted a case study coming to our town. They desperately needed small start-ups (aka - a project) like mine to dissect. I welcomed the chance to get out of my head and invite a class full of ambitious and up-to-date marketers to blow holes in my seemingly great ideas and communication strategies. While not everything they shared stuck, the half-day experience kept the ball rolling for me and got me talking about what I do to complete strangers. I really had nothing to lose but my pride!

4. Decide where your limits are between time and money. There is always something that needs doing. And yet I’m a firm believer in sabbath rest as a resource and discipline. From the onset I had some time, but little money; but truly not an abundant amount of either. If there is one thing I learned, don’t stop one paid thing before another thing gets going. Start the side hustle or non-profit prior to giving up on what you have been doing. Most start-ups take years to stabilize. And while it may seem like they happened overnight for everyone else, the book writer or the director you’re comparing yourself to likely had the vision for years before it was realized. Holding onto the stability (or impetus for change), will help motivate you and give you leverage to make the next steps in the right time.

5. Get a coach. The investment of a coach is invaluable to the process of creating something new! They will act as a sounding board, a wise and trusted advisor. They will provide feedback and an opportunity to “try things on” And finally they will help you stay the course and be the accountability that you need to get the job done. This is one of THE top investments to seeing your dreams realized.

6. Find your “Excellent enough”. This was the second most frequented statement I heard from my coach, that was truly gold! Just launching my website or running a 1.0 version of a workshop or a sample of a workbook, continually invited me to make it as best as I could in any given moment. It was never and still is not the level of perfection I would desire, but if I had waited for this level, I would never launch.

7. Set shipping dates for what you are creating. These shipping date “deadlines”, although arbitrary feeling, were the necessary push for me to step out from the million ideas in my head and make them a reality. These shipping dates also helped push me to make the abstract concrete. Challenging though every single one of them have been, I could not have and would not have seen a course, or a book created and launched if it wasn’t for my coach.

“Unless coached, people never reach their maximum capabilities” - Bob Nardelli, CEO, The Home Depot

8.     Create a visual story. I really struggled to come out from my little creation closet. We bartered for the service of a professional storyteller to help get my little contribution-to-the-world story out. This was such an empowering experience not to mention a great way to share it with so many others. Bottom line – get comfortable with videos and sharing why you’re doing what you’re doing. It’s the single best way to share with the masses. 

9.     When you need technical help start by looking it up on youtube or google it. I’m amazed at the millions of little videos that people create for people like me. So many helpful instructional videos exist for FREE!

10.  Utilize free summits. I can’t tell you how motivating and inspirational these free workshops and knowledge-power houses are! I learned a ton and applied a little at a time. From those professionals, I gathered emails and signed up for marketing experts advice that weekly come into my inbox.

11. Read about the areas that you know nothing about. I have tried to continue to learn every chance I get. Be avid about positioning yourself in front of literary mentors and experts where you lack knowledge.  

12. Ask for help…Did I already mention that? Do it over and over again. Think, who do I know that can help me with this? And if you don’t know someone pray for someone. And if the person doesn’t come, consider outsourcing like I did using 99designs or fivver for a professional logo. Some things can be done free and many others are worth paying for.

I’m so far from arriving. And yet, I share all of this to say that if you have a unique niche or passion on your heart, know that it is possible to achieve it! Any entrepreneur or visionary that you talk to will tell you it takes time, patience and an army. Reach out for help and humbly take it to accomplish all that you were created to accomplish!  

Questions for consideration: What is your next best step? Who is helping you along in the journey?

Lacking Community? 5 Intentional Ways to Meet Relational Support Needs in 2020-21

Arguably the hardest part of transition is establishing a new place of belonging. One goes from a place of knowing how things work, feeling like you are missed when you are gone and welcome when you are present. Uprootedness causes great identity disorientation that for many, can lead to isolation, depression and worse.

I want to fast-forward through this predictable stage of re-entry. I want to bypass the need for small talk, and the year-long misunderstanding that I experience in not really being myself because of transition angst and growing pains. In these spaces I’m reminded this is normal. I turn to the great work by Joseph Myers, in his book The Search to Belong.

According to his research healthy relationships have undergone a natural progression through four spaces of belonging: Public, Social, Personal and Intimate. “Healthy community - the goal humankind has sought since the beginning - is achieved when we hold harmonious connections within all four spaces. Harmony means more public belongings than social, more social than personal and very few intimate.”

He goes on to state that for healthy relationships to exist, you must progress through these stages rather than step over one to get to the other. Not every relationship moves, some may stay in the public sphere (i.e. a neighbor, a pharmacist, or a parent of my children’s friend). Those that do move, move in a natural progression through public > social > personal > intimate. When the progression is bypassed, there is lack of trust, authenticity, misunderstanding and potential for shame.

During this time of a pandemic, when the public and social spaces are lacking, those in major life transition are especially disadvantaged in discovering places of belonging. How can they naturally progress if there is no public sphere to enter? While there is still a great need for being deeply known, new personal and intimate connections can not happen without the ability to meet people in the public spheres that are currently limited - like a ball game, a church service or a party.

And while we need people in all 4 categories, we most desperately need people in the personal and intimate.

So how does one find fulfillment, while simultaneously experiencing the natural strain of lacking community due to transition and now also to an enforced pandemic?

1. If at all possible, move to a place where you know at least one other person. While I recognize this is not always possible, I highly recommend it to all who have the opportunity to speak into their relocation’s geographical decision. Finding new friends as an adult is increasingly hard. Add a pandemic where people are leary to make new acquaintances and the possibilities become even fewer. While we may still feel the disconnect involved with transition, when there is at least one other person who has known us in the past, we feel a more stable and integrated part of us moving into the current location with us. To me having one friend is similar to having a life raft. Not meant to be reductive nor utilitarian, this friend can be an emergency plan. Not a forever plan; something or someone to lean on when the transition waters rise! When I’m feeling bewildered by the many new decisions and uncertain of how to get life done, I can call on someone…even just one person to hear me out and speak my language. 

2. Utilize social media gathering spaces such as web-based conferences and virtual learning platforms. While they do not suffice for intimate relationships, there is a host of options to provide the needed outside circles of social and public proximity spaces that Myers refers to.

3. Similarly I have used permissible meetups like outdoor hiking groups and Facebook groups to gain a better understanding of the greater geographic community I am living in. These platforms provide a welcome understanding that we are sharing something but not everything in common. When I share at the level the group is intended for, I feel known, understood and gain clarity on whether I want to move towards people in this group.

4. Take advantage of the unforeseen challenges of those friends that are stuck.  We all experienced many disruptions and inconvenient change of plans during these last several months. However, I have seen repeatedly people in places they were not expecting to be for an extended period of time. While a huge inconvenience for some, this pandemic provided an immeasurable blessing for others. For us, some of our closest friends from Spain who were taking a sabbatical stateside for 6 months had to extend their stay for several months due to the mandated travel bans. What this meant for us was both the presence of people who knew us, but also an extension of the me I used to be. I don’t love saying, “when I lived in Spain” or “just like when I was in Spain” to new people I meet. I understand it gets old really fast! These people from Spain, intrinsically get the differences and similarities and can celebrate the new alongside mourning that my heart will always be divided from this point on. These global nomads, and others who are stuck can provide a gift of support despite their unforeseen stuckness.

“…an extension of the me I used to be”

5. As we talk about transition with others, one way we discuss filing the loneliness in the in-between of having lost friendships and making new ones, is to find bridge people that will stay with you from one place to the next; whether that be via a weekly text or a monthly check-in. Not everyone can or will be able to provide this, but having a few close intimate supports, reminds you that you are known and loved and “held” is incredibly important in a time of transition when your identity is so confused.

In this particular transition, I asked four important people in my life to check in on my emotional health once a month for approximately 6 months. While four people was not a magic number, it distributed the responsibility across a few of my close supporters as each individual knows me and “cares” for me from a different angle. Four also fulfilled a once a week every month commitment. If one of them needed to skip a week, I don’t go a whole month without a check-in. In my case, two of these are helping professionals (coach and counselor) and two are close friends; all have journeyed with me for more than 4 years. I have others that check in too, but not as consistently and intentionally.

And just a sidenote: As transition coaches this bridge relationship is one role we provide for others in understanding and being with people in their way between. We get it. Finding people who get it and get you is the goal!

As I transition to a new country again now in my mid-40’s I recognize I’ve learned a few things from my many moves. 1. I NEED a few soft landing pieces in the form of people more than a house or a bed. I can go a long time without a “home” but not without people who get me. 2. My top priority in friendship is finding people who can track with me and understand my quirkiness, my sadness, my excitement and the me that is not just “new,” “awkward,” or “forgetful” Sara!

From the leaving and the losing, into the gap of not having, and then again into finding new ways of fitting in and belonging, these people who journey with me in that strange and bumpy road are my necessary bi-cultural bridges. I need to humbly ask people to stay with me however they can in this weird season of in between. This patient posture of togetherness fills the great chasm until I can be me more of myself. I truly need these bridge people and recognize what a different emotional place I’m in when I have them in my life.

Bi-cultural bridges are a lifeline between the old land and the new

We can utilize Myers work on belonging as a reminder that long-lasting, personal or intimate relationships take time. And intentionally seeking out a few relationships to bridge transition (and especially the pandemic), may provide the grace we need to stabilize and begin to gain our bearings.

For further thought:

What is your greatest social support need in transition?

Who can help meet that need that really gets you?

The 6 Marriage & Vocation Profiles: A Common Language For Clarity of Expectations

Originally posted October 22, 2014

Partnership in Marriage and Vocational Work

While it’s arguable that we are drawn to our partners because of their complimentary traits illuminating who we are not. There is no predictive precedence for guaranteeing that we will work together well. There are certain vocations, such as working together cross-culturally that require harmonious work/family life balance or at minimum, an acknowledgment of the defining roles. And yet seldom do we see intentional effort put forth to discuss how to value both parties’ unique callings. The classification of the differing postures is one such effort - to give common language to the posturing and any correlating tensions.

In Bobby Clinton’s leadership studies, he categorizes how couples work out their partnership in marriage and vocational work together using 6 common profiles. This paradigm helps unpack where tension may arise and where attention may be needed.

While the variety of profiles may be equally legitimate and acceptable, each couple must decide on their own (and likely along with their organization) how their values will be lived out. While these profiles may change for various reasons - considering limitations and seasons of life such as retirement, child-bearing, etc., it is important that couples understand, identify and discuss which profile they currently live out and which one they may want to live into.

1. Internal/External profiles

One spouse concentrates primarily on external (outside of the home) vocation as a career and is the chief source of economic support. The other spouse concentrates on the home environment (internal). Both participate as much as possible in each other’s sphere and needs.

2. Co-work/partnership profile

Both are engaged full-time in the SAME external (outside of the home) vocational work together. Both share EQUALLY in meeting the internal family needs.

3. Independent vocational profile

Both spouses give themselves to full time external vocation in DIFFERENT settings that are relatively independent of each other.

4. Alternative vocational profile

The spouses alternate the release profile, internal ministry for varying portions of time. Each releases and helps the other develop the external career or educational pursuit for significant portions of time. It IS a planned swap.

5. Delayed vocation profile

A variation of the internal/external profile. Both spouses had vocational pursuits before marriage. One spouse drops most external pursuits and concentrates on meeting the needs of the family. Eventually that spouse re-enters external vocation that is independent or joint vocation.

This often happens when couples begin to have children. The major implication is that 
changing roles and expectations must be clearly articulated.

6. Non-Harmonious profile

One or the other spouses opposes the other’s role in or some significant way hinders fulfillment of potential. Needs are not met whether economic, strategic or social. This is not a recommended profile!

Reflection on the Profiles:

Why is it helpful to label these postures of work/marital role operating? Unclear expectations of roles, whether in the workplace or home setting, cause equally disruptive harmony to the system.

In the working world, role clarity and perception is equated with performance. The level to which expectations are communicated is often the level to which performance is seen. “All of life is uncertain; it is the perception of too much uncertainty that undercuts focus and performance.” When expectations are not clear and remain uncertain, people feel threatened, confused and make poor decisions.

Being able to clearly identity where you fit in any role, but especially a key role such as marriage, gives language to any emotional dissonance, misfit or discord. On the other hand, the language may speak equal volume to what is going well and how you want to continue on in your current profile structure.

Simultaneously, this language speaks to personal and marital calling. Are you (singular and plural), in this particular arrangement, able to live your unique calling and way the world needs your fingerprint? While we work with couples and individuals cross-culturally, it is evident that many spouses are not content with the current unspoken arrangement. This discontent leads to attrition when not addressed or given space for equal voice.

There are many ways to utilize this tool. One suggested method is to set aside an hour to discuss this with your spouse. Each person answer the following questions without the other being able to defend or disagree - just validate. Create a safe and open space for the conversation. If needed, give it some space and come back to it or find an outsider to reflect with.

1. Which profile most accurately describes your current approach to vocation and family life together?

2. How well is your vocation/family life balance working right now?

3. Which profile or mix of profiles would best suit your next phase of development?

4. What could you be doing as a couple to grow in your partnership in marriage and vocation?

5. What challenges does this profile include?

If you find that you, as a married couple are at an impasse with how to proceed seek out an objective outside coach or counselor to help you continue this conversation.

Adapted from “Social Base Processing” by Dr Robert J Clinton, Barnabas Publishers, 1993.

When Caregivers Hurt: Embodying Grief

When Caregivers Hurt: Embodying Grief

What does a caregiver do when they go through their own tragic losses? Although we don’t often admit it, many of us caregivers go into the line of work we do because there is something cathartic about helping ourselves through helping others. There is a natural tendency in all humans to want to avoid pain. Caregivers can be particularly good at masking their own pain through the perceivably commendable actions of putting other’s first. Quicker than others, caregivers can often see the pain on the horizon, due to our knowledge of grief, and run fast and far away to avoid confronting it head on. Or, we as caregivers can choose to give it the welcome space it deserves.

I admit, I am GUILTY of this avoidant and detachment posture. I’ve been contemplating around it these last several days of personally grieving.

When we recently received our new-to-us, one year-old rescue lab a little less than a month ago, we saw signs of a cold. The doctors sent her home with antibiotics, but as the days went on and the antibiotics lacked, it became apparent she was much worse than that. This past week, our family watched our poor girl suffer from the overwhelm of continuous and paralyzing seizures. Over the course of just one week, her whole body went from a playful young pup, into a non-stop foaming, and catatonic-state canine. Doctors could not understand the reasoning or where they were coming from. In just a matter of days, we saw her body deteriorate to an unrecognizable state. In the last 12 hours of her life, her seizures increased in length and duration. Her body violently flopping around the floor, a traumatic sight I never wished anyone, especially my kids would see. After praying with fervent hope just days prior, we made the calculated decision to put her out of her misery,

Just 3 weeks. That is the total duration of time that we had her. And sadly, that is the same amount of time we had our last dog. 3 short weeks. It was a similar scenario with different manifestations leading to death. We learned both had incurable diseases we would never have known when we adopted them.  

We now mourn the loss of both of these unjust and bizarre scenarios, where all we wanted was a furry new family member. And what we got was a list of losses a page long. Both Tracker and Azula were sweet animals with a lot of life left to live and a home where they were wanted and loved. It still makes no sense to us but here we are presented head on with the death of a loved animal and the grief that remains.

Grief doesn’t make sense. It is laden with unanswered questions and deep heartache around what never will be. 

Yesterday as I let the tears stream down my face, I had little energy to do anything else. And yet surprisingly after we cried and shared together as a family, my 7 & 11 year old children wanted to dance! DANCE! If I didn’t know better I would be angry at the insensitivity of the moment. But my knowledge of embodied grief told me that this visibly happy energy is as natural as tears. Kids demonstrate for us logical, linear adult-types that our body will naturally find ways to hold or release our feelings. If we learn to listen to it, we will be able to respond to the cries and needs are body is trying to communicate.  

Not only do we seldom see healthy expressions of grief we are fighting against what is the "right way" to grieve. We hear judgment statements like, “She was handling the loss so well. She was so put together as they buried him. He seems to be over it!”

Simultaneously, how can we criticize when we don’t know how to embody grief in healthy ways.  With the rise of modern psychology there is value given to talk therapy as an outlet for grief.  While talk therapy has proven beneficial in many ways, we quickly learn the limits of the left logical brain. While it’s not necessarily easier to talk about trauma or loss, it has become our adult form of dealing with the pain. 

Even as I write this, the words lack in explanation and healing power of the pain we recently experienced. The words lack, because words are meant to lack. We are not meant to experience grief in a logical, analytical, figure-it-all-out kind of way.  And yet that is often the only “culturally appropriate” model of healing that we are given.  We can’t talk our way out of the pain. The knowledge that our brain has a limit to how it can logically interact with trauma or grief directs us to discover other ways of dealing with grief. We must integrate our whole brain and consider how the right, creative brain can teach us to be active in our bodies as a means of release.  

Now known, but seldom practiced, is the understanding that grief can get stuck in the body…our bodies know and need permission to let go! Think of a recent blow up you’ve seen in a child or adult. This is an expression of built up grief. Doctors have noted there have been direct ties to headaches, stomach problems, back pain and heart attacks correlating to unresolved grief the body has absorbed and not released. 

In the well-known book, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel VanDerKolk challenges us that we can circumvent the speechlessness that comes with trauma, grief and loss by releasing it through the healing powers of art, music, dance and movement. Bottom line, you have to feel it to heal it!

You have to feel it to heal it! 

As my colleague Eve Austin, a professional counselor friend reminded me recently, grief needs an outlet. She said, “______it out (dance, sing, cry, shout, run, walk, hike, stretch). Give your grief a physical and tangible outlet.” In times of grief we must find a physical outlet that allows your body to healthily engage and release the intensity of emotions that come with it. It’s not as natural for me as for my children. But it is persistently on my radar to listen well and discover new ways to release my body from carrying the burden associated with loss. 

Here are a few other ideas on concrete ways to “grieve well”:

1. Take a long silent walk with a friend.

2. Create a list of losses (i.e. the loss of dreams, the loss of money, the loss of voice, the loss of hope). Both the tangible and the intangible losses need a release.

3. Acknowledge these losses and schedule time to “work them out” via exercise or alongside a trusted friend.

4. Create a ritual such as lighting a candle once a week and space to think about the losses.

5. Do simple stretches while you create this space, thanking your body for how it has been with you in all of this.

6. Shake it out!

7. Dance it out!

8. Read the Psalms of Lament and write your own.

9. List off the gifts that came with what you lost.

10. Use color or drawing to engage.

Grief is really gratitude in response to a gift. My wise friend Eve also reminded me that “Holding both, the grief and gratitude, eventually starts to balance me out so I don’t tip over into the abyss of loss.”

Living includes loss. There is no way around it. I am to find my way into grief and allow myself permission and safe spaces to go there. This is the ongoing work of grieving that us caregivers must especially do. We must embody the grief and disembody the grief by letting it go. This is an act of care for ourselves and a model for those that we care for.

Grief is really gratitude in response to a gift.

For further thought:

What does grieving look like for you? What have you personally found helpful? Where do you struggle most?

Beware: The Library & Re-entry Shock

Throughout the duration of the 8 years that we lived as a family on the field, we repeatedly attempted to figure out how the book world worked. Every time we thought we had a grasp on it, we quickly realized we didn’t. Now several months in to our repatriating process, we finally have enough capacity to tackle this great resource. Or maybe not!

As we entered the foreign living and language life, it took us several years to discover a good library with books that held my children’s attention in their new foreign language. As years passed and our language grew, the options opened up. As well, did our ability to learn where we could find English books. (Reading in our mother tongue was always more enjoyable to absorb and listen to when read out loud). We celebrated the small accomplishments of finding resources, and yet still longed for the ease of a full buffet of English learning that we knew the American library system provided.  

And here I was in my home country again and none of it felt right. The truth: The library was one of the most lamented parts of raising my children abroad. In the two years that passed in waiting to move overseas, we utilized all of the free special events offered via the library - movies on the lawn, DVD rentals and a vast array of other cultural options FREE just for the knowing. I have fond memories of a weekly bonding experience with my then 2 year-old son – bike ride in the frog seat + story time! The idea that there are such a vast amount of resources and the ability to learn so many amazing things at anyone’s disposal, amazed me. I felt like a kid in a candy store! And yet I didn’t realize how much I loved and missed it until we would visit on home assignment. With great intentionality, I would make it a priority to check out the local library even if I squeezed it in between meeting people or being with family or having to borrow a local friend’s library card. Surprisingly, It became a top priority!

During my early days of re-entry, when I finally stepped foot inside one of the MANY local libraries, I was quickly faced head on with the fact that I felt like a foreigner in my own land. I felt the overwhelm at the literally hundreds and thousands of titles of books for my or my child’s liking. I had a fleeting thought wondering, “were all of these books written in the decade since I was gone? Where does one start?” Crazy though it may sound, It was a deep and profound feeling of homelessness. A feeling that I didn’t really know or understand how things worked anymore. The fear crept in that I may not ever get past this feeling of weird.

The book, The Art of Coming Home explains this out of place phenomena by saying. “You can accept that you are not going to fit in abroad in what is after all a foreign country, but the idea that you don’t fit in back home, where you are in all likelihood going to spend much, if not the rest, of your life, is deeply disturbing.” It’s the little things like entering a beloved place such as the library that trigger those feelings of lack of understanding and belonging. It’s the reminder that you don’t know how to get things done here, either that is a frequent and painful feeling of strangeness for a duration of up to several years! And a longing for a place that is home.

 “You can accept that you are not going to fit in abroad in what is after all a foreign country, but the idea that you don’t fit in back home, where you are in all likelihood going to spend much, if not the rest, of your life, is deeply disturbing.”

Like stepping foot in an average grocery store in my re-entry, I found my heart started racing in the library and my mind quickly became overwhelmed with how to navigate it all. I was in sensory overload similar to that of a new foreign country! I knew to seek out a librarian but I didn’t know what questions to ask - Simply put, what happened to the card catalogs? Where do I even begin?

Audiobooks, DVD’s, read-along books, packaged theme books…the offerings seemed unending and that was only what was in the brick and mortar library building. Here I was, nearly breaking out in a sweat at both excitement and overwhelm, recognizing the symptoms as classic re-entry shock. And yet I’m bound and determined that there are resources I knew not of that I would be glad to know if only I could persist and like too much of any good thing - pace myself.

I’m aware that I may have subconsciously waited 12 weeks to tackle this beast for this very reason.  I accessed the same tools I did in crossing culture in the other direction, I used the limited language I had and asked a librarian for a tour of this new land! “What is a digital download? Explain what the difference is in all of these options?” Met with a smile and a look of surprise, the librarian obliged. I however, quickly changed my mind and decided I would wait for my kids to join and use it as a family learning experience. I wasn’t ready for my brain to take in all that would be shared. This feeling of information overload and possibility would have to wait.

And while I wanted to eat large offerings from this buffet in short periods of time, I have to recognize my operating at 60% capacity in transition brain that says, “Slow down. Take your time. It will all still be here a year from now!” Take, eat, enjoy, and share!

Let me share a few of my learnings here in case you’re like me and not quite ready for the stimulation overload.

1. Getting a library card was tremendously easier than it ever has been in the past. No proof of home address was needed this time. I wish I had been more diligent about pursuing this during furloughs.

2. I will likely never need to buy another book again in my life! My request-to-order books were met with a desire to be bought into the system for all to enjoy.

3. I can check out up to 99!, yes, 99! books per library card. I’m not sure who decided that number but apparently it’s the rule as well, it is up to me as a parent to decide what I want to be responsible for! I’m limiting my children to 5.

4. Summer reading programs give amazing gifts! Like a full family meal out and a free book for each person who participates or a local park pass!

5. When I search for a book in the actual library there is a high probability that it will be found on one of several online library systems that are also available to me. This is the part where I always get stuck! This is my learning curve. I am learning to accept these curves as opportunities.

6. These online systems can be used on any smart device. Hoopla and Libby are examples and are apps that are shared by the library systems. They each have their own rules and regulations as well as limitations of what they carry.

7. The library has so many local free options like a culture pass. We can use our zoo, botanic gardens, science museum, dinosaur museum, get a state parks pass and much more FOR FREE! Just by having a local library card!

8. There are classes and services such as branding and grant-writing that are accessible through the library.

9. There are (or at least were before Covid) teen mentors who can sit and read with your learning to read in English child!

 While living abroad, I knew I missed the plethora of English options available in the halls of the local American library systems. However I had no idea to what extent these services ranged. Coming back to the US, I was both amazed and often overwhelmed by the abundance available, just for the knowing. The library was and is one such system of surprise! And although I’m still on a steep learning curve, far from mastering this system/treasure/trigger, I’m one step closer to understanding the great, big, wonderful, wide world known as the US library and my lack of language and capacity in re-entry. I simultaneously accept the limitations and am excited about the unlimited possibilities.  

Thoughts to consider:

Where did you or are you experiencing re-entry shock, most? What did you immediately do about it?

Making Peace with 2020: A New Year's Visual Examen Exercise

At the turn of 2020, I wrote this reflection exercise and shared it here on the blog. It included a simple, transferable process to gain altitude and perspective on the year that had passed. Little did I, or anyone at that time know the disturbingly drastic change of events that the year ahead of us would hold. That, on top of our normal ebbs and flows of transition, grieves and losses, and major life change. Every single life would be complicated that much more by an increasing pandemic. As we’ve lived it, it has been mixed with racial injustice, poverty and already terrible tragedies around the world. 2020 seemed like a never-ending stream of bad news.

That is the predominant feeling most had, and yet the truth included moments of goodness, purpose, redirection and creativity amidst the pain and suffering.

As I personally wrap up an incredibly challenging year of global transition, in many ways I can’t wait to tear up the calendar and throw it away as soon as possible. While there will still be no ripping of calendars like my mom’s tradition growing up (see 2019 blog), this year’s calendar may have many pages repurposed for lack of use. And still, I long to glean from 2020 what is mine to learn. And to celebrate so many gifts that came in spite of it all.

Rather than remember the long days of confinement, the multiple cancellations of flights, all that didn’t come to be, I want to capture the full picture and instead focus on the good that may otherwise get lost if I don’t pause to remember that which came from my Covid year.

What became of your covid year? What successes did you experience? Where did you see personal growth?

Whether you’ve had an incredible amount of change or loss or a year full of amazing surprises (yes, I’ve spoken to some who have experienced 2020 that way); or while you may anticipate transition or more uncertainty on the horizon, the opportunity to take a deep reflective pause and make note of the year prior affords us space for both gratitude and perspective.   

I wrote this last year:  

While I love to reflect and process for hours, I’ve found the desired space is not always readily available in this season of life and during the holidays. I’ve found grace in giving myself the whole month of January, as of late. But even still a less comprehensive and intimidating reflection exercise was needed for me to be able to enter in. Here are a few carefully chosen questions and 4 suggested approaches, depending on time.    

“The opportunity to take a deep reflective pause and make note of a year full of surprises, affords us space for grieving, gratitude and perspective.”

4 Processing Options:

So while you may begin by just diving in, I find a few approaches aide my processing best. Begin by creating a quiet reflective space. Set aside distractions. Choose one of the following 4 visual prompts depending on how much time you can afford.

1.     15-30 minutes: Take a look through your calendar and make a list of the top events on your calendar. Let these events prompt your thoughts as you contemplate the answers to these questions.

2.     30 minutes-1 hour: If you take pictures, take a look back over the year’s pictures and allow the visual stimulus to jog your brain in reflecting.

3.     1-2 hours: Look back over your journal from the last year and note the important events and areas that concerned you or caused you great delight. You took time to write them down, note how they impact the questions above. (If you don’t journal or didn’t this year, looking back over emails or Facebook posts may stimulate some of the same thoughts).

4.     1-3 hours: Utilize one of the above methods together with this visual reflection exercise. Having already made a list of important events, Draw a clock with numbers corresponding to the months of the year (Jan = 1, Dec = 12). Starting with 1, meditate as you draw or write simple words that represent the highlights, breakthroughs, consuming thoughts or God’s delight of January the year prior. Where were you as the clock turned last year? Who were you with? What has changed since?

Top reflection questions:

1.     What are the most important events that took place in the last year? Who are some of the significant people?

2.     Where did I see the greatest breakthroughs (physically, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, spiritually)?

3.     What area(s) consumed my thinking and attention most?

4.     Where did I experience God’s delight?

Give yourself time to go through each month, draw or make note of the thoughts or feelings you want to capture within or outside of the clock. 

If you’re like me, doing this in a group, creates a unique dynamic of community and accountability. Come join The Way Between and a small group of others like yourself who want to process this hard year in one of the three, three-hour sessions available this 2020.

December 28 - 4-7pm MST,
December 30 - 10am-1pm MST,
January 5 - 10am - 1pm MST

Sign up by December 15 and pay just $25 using code ORGANIZEDIN2020

Register here: https://thewaybetween.churchcenter.com/registrations

How do I know which transition service(s) I need?

Where is your journey currently taking you? Where does the terrain feel uncertain?

A few years ago, I finally got really honest with myself. I was perpetually frustrated with my work environment and irritable all the time. A wise colleague said he had seen it several times before, “If you’re not living out your leadership gifting you’re going to be perpetually discontent with the leaders around you.” This was my painful wake up call moment. I wasn’t living into my strengths and gifts, in particular my leadership gifts. I was critical and negative and felt STUCK without fully knowing it. I had small children at home and quite honestly I hated to admit my limitations. Excuses aside, I had to come clean that my criticism of others stemmed from my internal discontent. I would never thrive and be in a place of ultimate contribution until I was living into my calling. I was at a crossroads and had a decision to make. Was I going to keep complaining and be miserable to be around or was I willing to do something about it?

We all know someone like this. In fact if you’re honest, it may be you. We each reach a place of growth plateau in our development. Terry Walling, author of Stuck!: Navigating Life and Leadership Transitions, says there are 3 primary pivotal leadership transition points - late 20’s, mid 40’s and early 60’s.

Exactly true for me. Here I was at the turn of the decade in my 40’s. Where one has lived a little and determined what we can or can not put up with. We’ve seen good leaders and bad ones. We have stories to draw on and life experience to back up our decisions. We’ve experienced the working world for a number of years and start to see that our time is limited. It’s here people in their early 40’s experience a holy discontent and need objective outsiders and mentors who have gone before them to say truthful and sometimes hard things to challenge their developmental trajectory.

I thought I was on the right developmental track, but a few trusted mentors helped me realize that I needed to take time to be really honest about my situation and where my life was headed.

When people come to us as transition coaches, they are at a point of making a decision. A decision in leadership, or job change, role shift, or geographical move, to name a few. These are big decisions. And ones I don’t advise you go at alone. People come to us knowing they need something but don’t know where to start. We often hear, “What do I need? Where do I start?”

While there’s not a one-size fits all answer, this article explains The Way Between’s service offerings, including the questions you can ask yourself to coach yourself into a decision of which direction of care you need to focus on for your particular situation. You can see from our home page that The Way Between’s target audience is global workers in major life transition. However, the services are NOT limited to global workers only. You can also go to our services or event page to learn more about the many types of transition services we provide.

While knowing what is needed and where to start can sometimes be the hardest part on the journey. Here’s a short guide to lead you:

1. Start with, What statement(s) or complaints do I often hear myself saying: “I’m so tired. I hate this job. I’m overwhelmed with my workload. I need clarity. I wish I had more dreams.” These are your catalyst statements and indicators of where to start. These statements contain trigger words that I as a coach listen to, to determine what is most needed next.

2. Next ask yourself what question coincides with your catalyst statement? (There is a cheat sheet below for common statement/questions we hear). These are also indicators of what next steps to take. Example: “I am spread thin…Do I need to take some time off?” or, “I am in my 60’s and know my time on earth is limited…What is the best way to use my time and energy at this stage of life?”

3. Which one aspect of care do you need most? We work with people during vocational shifts, burnout, needing a sabbatical, leadership development or cross-cultural adjustment. Together we combine those statements, questions and our skills to determine fit. We have many tools and resources in our toolbelts to help with these questions. Below are a list of the top statements and questions we most often hear in this line of work. Listed alongside are a handful of the coinciding services that may assist you in creating a plan forward. Make note that individual coaching would provide you with a personalized approach and an understanding of other tools that may prove uniquely useful for your situation.

Paying attention to these statements as catalysts and questions as direction, can help you to begin to move ahead.

What statement(s) or complaints do I often hear myself saying most? These statements contain trigger words that I as a coach listen to, to determine what is most needed next.

Listed below is the Service Guide: Catalyst, Question and Service(s) Available Chart.

Listen to your internal nudge. What is one practical step you can take today to get you moving on the right path? Do any of these familiar to us statements + questions resonate with where you are at right now?

I am in my 60’s and know my time on earth is limited…What is the best way to use my time and energy at this stage of life?

Given my limitations of _____(time, money, resources, etc.), I’m finding it difficult to stay in my current role… What are my other options?

I am not experiencing fruit or enjoyment most of the time in my current role…should I stay in it?

I am spread thin…Do I need to take some time off?

I feel like I’m on the verge of burnout, there is just so much to do…How can I be intentional about how I use my time?

My kids are not thriving in school…Is that enough to uproot my family and repatriate?

I feel spiritually and emotionally dead…What can I do to regain momentum in this area?

I still feel angry at my past employer, spouse, or co-worker…Will I ever find peace?

Whether you have general or specific questions please don’t hesitate to ask. We, at The Way Between have a passion for serving people in major life transition, to live out their calling, make well-informed decisions, and reduce attrition through preventative measures. We offer competitively-priced and reduced-cost transition resources, personalized coaching and group workshops. We look forward to working with you.

For deeper reflection:

These statements are worth listening to. How often do you hear yourself saying them? Have others heard you say them? Ask! Where do you feel most stuck? What compels you to change? What inhibits you from doing anything about it?

Requesting Assistance: Who qualifies for Reduced-fee Services at The Way Between?

Who qualifies for reduced-fee services at The Way Between?

We at The Way Between believe that the future of non-profit work will entail a hybrid model of fees for service and donation or grant-based funds. We want to be upfront and honest with you about our pricing structure and welcome your feedback. We know these topics are often delicate and culturally-bound. However, our highest priority is to provide accessible and affordable services to those in need while being responsible stewards for what we have been given.

This page explains The Way Between’s intake process, including the types of cases we prioritize, as well as which clients are entitled to reduced-fee services. You can see from our home page that the target audience is global workers in major life transition. You can go to our events or service page or to the blog post designated to describing our types of transition services we provide.  

THE PROCESS:
Individuals and organizations submit an issue or desire through our online intake form. TWB then evaluates the request for assistance on many levels, primarily A) Is it within our expertise, B) Does the client qualify for reduced-fee services, C) Can we execute the services well, given our time and expertise. D. Are there other alternatives to receiving the needed care or resources. We will then get back to you to inform you if you qualify for your requested reduced-fee services. Note: If there are publicly listed options for the use a code for reduced-fee services and you qualify, you are welcome to chose that option. This method of fee structure is based on the “pay what you can” honor system.

HOW WE PRIORITIZE:

        A. To see if the work is within our expertise.  At this point, we focus on transition, re-entry and sabbatical care, coaching, and workshops. Much of the content we cover deals with issues of identity, calling, vocational discernment and change. When we work with global workers the complexity of the decision-making is magnified as families in transition consider many different angles related to one parent’s decisions of employments. Questions that arise in these situations are much more complicated with the answers having wide-spread effects including uprooting third-culture kids, needing to learn a new language, starting over, and a large move budget, just to name a few. These issues of transition are all well within our scope of why we provide services to help individuals, couples, families and organizations make better more-informed decisions with the best interest of all involved. Consult the services provided detailed list for further explanation. And when you, like I can pay more there are options, like the pay it forward concept on our giving page.

B. Can we execute the services well, given our time and expertise? We must consider whether we can execute these services well and the amount of resources we have. With the best interest of all client parties involved. These factors lead us to our extensive resource pool if indeed the answer is no.  

        C. Qualifying for Reduced-fee Services. If the request is within our area of expertise and we have the available time and resources, we must consider many angles. While working in the non-profit sector with clients across donation-based and voluntary status, we must consider highest need and our ability to “keep the lights on!” Those in low-access countries do have first priority of our limited reduced-fee services. We will consider whether we are the best fit to assist this individual or entity based on many factors. We ask that when you are requesting for reduced-fee services and assistance you consider the following angles:

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE:  

1. What can you pay? We at The Way Between understand that there are times and circumstances when there are needs greater than accessible funds. That is why we ask, “What, if anything can you pay?” For nearly two years I met with a very necessary and skilled counselor for $25/session. She was gracious to provide this service to me at a greatly reduced cost. Her skills were worth much more than I was able to pay. It was a gift I new I would pay forward someday and she could honestly accept my low payment as one of her few reduced-fee clients because others were paying significantly more. I knew that my $25/session was investing financially in my own care at the max of what I could afford at that time. This was an immeasurably significant value to my emotional and spiritual health. I stretched myself to the place I could to receive this necessary service and developmental care. We at The Way Between have priced our costs to account for the needs of our clients. There are times when we are able to take more reduced-fee clients than other times.

2. When we are limited on providing reduced-fee services we ask people that we provide services to, to carefully pray and consider asking 3 of their own donors for personal funding the service they are requesting. While this may be a new concept to many, it is our personal conviction that those who know you and believe in you, will continue to invest in you because of the relationship you have. Your story of tragedy and triumph is what you have to share. We can share generally about it second-hand (because of the confidential nature of our work), but it is much more powerful heard first-hand and directed at those who know your heart. When you ask your donors for your care, they are personally investing deeper in your sustainability in service and will see the results, as well! Often, we have been surprised that there are people waiting to be asked. It just requires us to humbly .

3. Consider asking your organization. Many organizations have limited care services available. And yet simultaneously they may have resources such as grants or organizational funds available for crisis care, treatment and development or retention services. They know that your care will sustain you for better and more effective long-term service. A price worth paying for in the long run.

4. Availability of service. Individuals requesting services that are otherwise not available receive priority. However, there are more needs than there are typically services. Once all of these three previous requests are considered, we then consider our highest need/lowest resourced requests. Particular preference is given to individuals in difficult or low access countries who have limited resources available to them.

As you can see, there are multiple angles to consider 1. Expertise 2. Execution of Service availability and 3. Highest need. In the end, we may ask, can we use some self-guided method to get similar results? or Can we refer you to a trusted colleague?

Whether you have general or specific questions please don’t hesitate to ask. We, at The Way Between have a passion for serving global workers in major life transition, to live out their calling, make well-informed decisions, and reduce attrition through preventative measures. We offer competitively-priced and reduced-cost transition resources, personalized coaching and group workshops. We look forward to working with you.

What is needed to help me move forward: Course, Consultant, or Coach?

You may be stuck, seeking discernment or decision-making. You may be in a crisis that is necessitating a geographical change. Change is inevitable, but you are uncertain of how to proceed. Who or what will help you move forward in your current circumstances? Many will turn to a book, a course a coach or a consultant to help in seasons of needed input towards change. Some will choose all of the above. (I’ve been there). While there is a time and a place for each of these, there may be a best fit for you right now. Here are some things to consider.

What is the Difference:

What are the choices and what are the differences between your options? How does one decide which is best in any given circumstance. Here’s a short overview.

Blog: A snippet of available information. A sample of a writer’s voice and knowledge.

Book: A more comprehensive overview of a topic. A one-size-fits-all approach to a problem.

Course/Trainer: Provides instruction and teaches you new concepts to implement; giving you tools to use. Typically one size fits all + a moment or moments for direct contact with the trainer.

Coaches: A coach listens to help understand your personalized next steps by co-laboring regularly with you in determining what is needed for your unique circumstances. A coach will also hold you accountable and cheer you on in the process.

Consultants: A consultant is available to learn where you have need and give you advice. They are often drawing on a wealth of knowledge because they are a few steps ahead of you.

Combination: Course + Coach (for example) = Be creative and combine a couple of these for the most optimal combination of success and implementation

When to invest in a Course:

A course should, simply stated, teach you how to do something you need more training or tools in. Ask yourself three questions, 1. Would taking this course add a skill or a process that will help me in the long run? While the topic may be interesting and this investment may be something you always wanted to study for personal growth, will the time and money be worth the investment?

Secondly, ask, “Is this the right time for this course?” There are plenty of options for learning available in the Information Age that we live in. Often too many. We want to take it all in and in the end can’t implement it because of time or energy. An important factor to keep in mind when signing up for a course is that you should ideally plan to utilize this course within 30 days of purchasing or attending it to optimize your learning. If you can’t implement the material in 30 days maybe the time is not right for taking this particular course.

You should ideally plan to utilize a course within 30 days of purchasing or attending it to optimize your learning.

The final question to ask is, Does the facilitator have knowledge that would enhance my learning around this topic or move me ahead in my personal goals? Think of the facilitator like a temporary consultant. Are they one or two steps ahead of me? The content could be a fit, and the timing a fit, but if the facilitator doesn’t have the necessary experience or credentials, it may be that a different course or the same course with a different instructor would be a better match. And truth be told, sometimes you don’t know these answers until you give it a try. This is where a money back guarantee or a 10-day free trial can be a great opportunity to test the waters and help you answer these questions. I’ve taken courses like this with no obligation and felt great at the end with the information I received because the commitment was low.

When to Invest in a Coach or Consultant:

I often say to people that hiring a coach is taking a one-sized-fits-all approach like a book or a course might offer, and personalizing it to your life and your specific needs. If you’re reading a book or a blog and resonate, but still end up with a list of questions about how to relate it to your life, a coach is likely a great option. I strongly suggest hiring a coach at some point in your life for several reasons. 1. If you are facing a difficult time of transition 2. If you are feeling stuck. 3. Needing accountability for new habits 4. You need an objective outsider to listen - someone to process or reflect with.

It’s not unlikely that people may use me for a major decision because the way forward seems very unclear and the people they normally go to are too close to the situation to be objective. People hire me to help process their decisions about transition – especially major life transitions, global transitions or vocational transitions that include many layers of complexity and are hard to sort through. I’ve used coaches many times in my life because I’m just too close to the decision and I spin with possibilities.

The difference between a coach and a consultant is that you are making the decisions and deciding what to do. When you come to a conclusion, an aha moment in a coaching session it is much more likely that you will implement the change because you have reflected and concluded that this is what you need to do, not someone else.

I personally have utilized coaches on a monthly basis and others on a 4-6 x’s a year basis. Your time will be best spent if you determine what goals you are trying to reach (change job, change location, get better at a certain habit, be held accountable for certain goals, etc.) When deciding if a coach is the best way forward, ask yourself, “How would I benefit most if I utilized ____ services?” This is the same question I ask when I first meet a client. How could you see my services benefiting you?

And slightly different from taking a course, after hiring a coach, you should be able to implement the changes and stretch goals that you created, IMMEDIATELY. Results happen because there is alignment between the type of service offered relative to the season the client is in and the fit of what is needed most.

Results happen because there is alignment between the type of service offered relative to the season the client is in and the fit of what is needed most.

Coach + Course:

My personal bent is to take a course (learn a new skillset) that has a coaching component (for personalized implementation and accountability). This approach has a proven track record for immediate and long-lasting success and the motivation you need for change. In times of transition you likely need tools to help you through! That’s a course. You will also likely need a listening ear to help reflect and process your specific situation.  That’s a coach. While having both may feel like a luxury, the clarity and ease of mind the two combined can provide is exponentially greater than one alone. The personalized support, tools, feedback and accountability are an investment in YOU. And you are worth it.

Example: My husband and I were in the midst of major life decision-making that had us quite stuck. We knew the final answer would have several far-reaching implications including the possibility of thousands of dollars towards a relocation budget. These decisions had us emotionally spinning as they were quite complex and we just couldn’t agree on them. We needed more tools and an outsider(s) to reflect back what we were wrestling with. We hired a trusted coach that led us through a two-day life plan & group discernment process. What a tremendous gift this unique offering provided us. What came from it was renewed clarity about our personal callings and our joint desires. Solid, unshakable kind of clarity that only came after surrendering our plans and ourselves to the process to each other and to God.

I’ve personally enjoyed playing each of these roles of consultant, coach, contracted worker and facilitating a course. I’ve also taken part or hired someone to execute each of these for myself. While these different offerings can blend together, they also offer distinct services unique to each scenario. When you’re in the thick of life and work and maybe feeling stuck in a particular area it may be hard to know which of these to choose. Utilize this guide now or tuck it away for later to help you think through your most pressing need. If you’re in doubt, start with the one that is most easily reachable and work through it to determine if another way is needed.

For further reflection:

Think of a course you took in the last year or two. What was memorable? What, if anything did you implement into your life from it? What made it a valuable investment (or not)?

Have you ever utilized a coach? What in your life right now can you imagine benefiting from a 1-on-1 coaching relationship?

Caring for Your Body in Transition: A Simple Take Anywhere Workout

I just arrived. We’ve been on the move for weeks. My whole body hurts…That jetlag I’m-on-a-different-planet kind of hurt. And despite just barely being able to find my toothbrush and a cup of coffee, I know my body would be served best if I move. I’m aware of my total body depletion. A small thank you and nod to my body for the load it’s been carrying.

Sleep and a bit of organization and orientation and a gentle exercise routine. As I wake this morning I gauge my energy to be at about 50%. I’m reminded of the “simplest workout ever” that my amateur UFC fighting, trainer brother re-introduced me to recently. I needed to do it alongside of him to see once again how easy it is. I think to myself, “I can do at least that. I need to do that. Even if I only do it at 50%!” 

Here’s all you need:

One resistance band

A timer set for 2 minutes  

30 minutes

THAT’S IT!

(I add music for motivation and a towel or mat for my knees during pushups) 

The routine:

2 minutes of your choice of resistance band arms

10-15 pushups

2 minutes of cardio (running in place, invisible jump rope, high knees, etc.)

10-15 pushups

REPEAT 6 times = 30 minutes

I’m convinced that the best thing we can do for our bodies, our minds and for others, is to just show up for a workout. Today I listen to my body that speaks loudly, “keep it light, but keep moving”. 30 minutes looks like continual movement and a total of 50-75 pushups. I congratulate myself for showing up. And despite my whole body tiredness, I ultimately feel better more empowered for it.

What is your favorite simple routine?

Our Covid Graces: Transition Blessings in a Time of Crisis

Birthday parties and social gatherings like everyone else…from a distance!

It has has taken a spiritual discipline of sorts to intentionally see the incredibly kind answers to many unspoken prayers this unique season has provided both me and our family. Simultaneously, I could easily create a list of the ways it was disruptive and disappointing. However, for today, the graces that we never saw coming back when we made the decision many months ago to embark on a global move have continually caused us to offer up gratitude for the hidden gifts we have experienced. Here are just a few ways we experienced this season as a blessing over the last several months (in no particular order).

community cooking class!

1.     Homeschool. While this hasn’t always felt like a blessing, there were definitely many times where I was grateful to be teaching my children. In November when we decided to move by the end of the school year, we wondered how far behind we would be in the new school, new system, new country. We discussed taking our kids out of their bi-lingual education systems to focus on English and some of the gaps that they would likely have. If you’ve only ever taken math in Spanish, for example there will be a steep learning curve. Fast-forward to new school year start 2020, and well, every child has gaps. The education we all received in the spring of 2020 was a bit of a wash. So today, there are holes, there are gaps and we as parents are all wondering if we’re doing the right thing. Admittedly school at home creates a ton of stress and the grace and patience we must pray for and extend to each other is increasingly evident. We’ve come to see school at home and together as a bonus in quality time in our transition. We’re not the only ones playing catch-up or uncertain of how to do this crazy school thing. And meanwhile we’re getting LOTS and LOTS of recess time and lunchroom lady experience. Being my children’s first educators in a time when they likely need our attention most, will be a highlight of this season when it’s all said and done. 

2.     Big goodbye parties. When we left Spain in June, connecting with people in person was strictly limited to parties of 15. For me, personally this was a huge gift. Not only could I not emotionally handle large 100-person parties; but mixing the unique elements of the many different sectors of my ex-pat and Spanish life was stimulation overload for me in a time of transition. Gratefully we had the excuse that bottom-line, this was not legal. No excuses needed! And the bonus for me was that in the end our lovely friends created a video to include people from all the different spectrums of our Spain-life to be represented. This video unto itself is a treasure for life. We would not have had this great gift without this pandemic and social distancing mandates.

3.     Spreading ourselves thin relationally. While we are highly relational people, every time I’ve been in a season of transition my short-term and long-term memory significantly lack capacity for new people. I cringe at the idea of meeting anyone for the first time while I’m organizing, packing and moving. I’m aware my capacity to remember new information and people is greatly diminished with the increase of movement and new surroundings.  I want to wear a t-shirt that says, “Please extend me grace when I forget your life story!” (I decided it was kindof a lame t-shirt). 

Enjoying every aspect of our home

Years after this personal realization, after moving several times, I read an article that Barak and Michelle Obama said the same when they transitioned into the white house in 2008. They told people they needed 6 months to not meet new “friends”. This mentality, similar to mine was not implemented for the sake of being unfriendly but rather to extend mental energy in the necessary ways possible. Margin greatly lacks in times of transition. Permission from Covid and lack of ability to meet new people (and validation thanks to the Obamas) allowed me extra breathing room and mental space that is typically non-existent. Covid, once again a justifiable excuse that I didn’t need to take the blame for.

4.     Saying goodbye to our little dwelling place. After 8 years living in just one single home, we knew our goodbye to this place of home would be hard. We had all come to love our little casita individually for different reasons. A solid 8-9 weeks in one place without the ability to go nearly anywhere (0 options for our children and only essential grocery store or hospital for us) allowed great readiness to leave our 8 years of dwelling space. By the time we were leaving at the end of May, we had fully utilized every square inch of our home. We played hide-n-seek in places we had never thought to hide (or look). We had several picnics in our back yard. We set up a bowling lane for daily recess on our slanted driveway. We had “semi-dates” and taught our children how to be waiters on our rooftop terrace and backyard. We creatively made the guest space our sorting & work space. (No guests was another hidden blessing). We had 84 days to fully embrace this quaint little space and say our thank you and goodbye to the gift of a home, just ONE home, that we had been given during our 8 years in Spain. We all miraculously, thanks to this global pandemic, felt fully ready to release this earthly dwelling and anxiously felt excited to start over somewhere new.

so excited to finally be aloud outside to exercise!

5.     The re-distribution of time. Where the organizing of our schedules created space we filled it with the organizing of our belongings.  While we couldn’t see anyone and didn’t want to live out of boxes for longer than necessary, we had a unique opportunity to go through EVERYTHING. And I mean every.single.thing. With kids at home for homeschool and a million details of moving continually changing, it wasn’t that we had extra time on our hands. But somehow we found that having a social life limited to zoom calls alone, afforded us the ability to organize ourselves in a way that we would not have had and quite honestly never have had in any move prior to this. By the time we were able to sell things, put a 1/2 a van load of boxes in a shipping container we were fairly confident of what we wanted and didn’t want. Organizing and making decisions always requires a significant amount of brain power. We were grateful for the re-distribution of time to be able to tend to this typically extraordinarily stressful element of transition in a gracious way. 

6.     People bought our treasures! How covid affected this I’m not exactly certain. Maybe it was the desire to see people, that everyone had by the time they made it to our house. (We were the firsts for many). Or maybe it was the lack of spending money that people had fasted for months. Or maybe it was simply an extension of love or feeling bad for us! Irregardless, I was blown away by how generous people were in buying our stuff. Seldom bartering. And seldom flakiness! This was a grace I can not explain after difficult times of selling and giving away in the past. By the time Spain opened up for people to be able to see one another, we had around 85% of our unwanted things spoken for. A true miracle and unexplainable gift to us in this season.

7.     The grace of a soft landing on the other side. Although our departure was so eerily strange and in so many ways it still feels like we are in a time warp, landing stateside during covid provided us a slow, very slow, rather, re-entry. In the distant past, global workers would return to their homeland after years of service via a boat and take several weeks to get to shore. This time provided a space to gather thoughts of leaving and arriving.  In some ways our self-quarantine of 2 weeks allowed us a similar space: The gift of seeing no one but our immediate family and cousins. And after quarantine an equally unrushed drive across the US allowed for choice interactions and limited socializing. Our lack of seeing individuals rather because of covid or transition tiredness never required an explanation. It seemed the entire world was tired and needed margin. People understood. The typical busyness was no longer a factor in meeting or not meeting with people. In a highly relational line of work like ours, we were grateful once again for the gift of limited people in a time of incredible tiredness.

8.     We gather/ed outdoors! There isn’t much explanation needed for this except praise - thank you Father! If I had to choose my preference for how and where to meet people EVER, it would definitely be outdoors being active…hands down. Covid gave us that gift and excuse with everyone we saw and everywhere we went. I accepted this gift and the treasure of memories that were included. My body exhaled. My children rejoiced. This near-mandate was a hidden blessing in so many unexplainable ways.   

9.     Friends that got stuck stateside.  We all experienced many disruptions and inconvenient change of plans during these last several months. (And might I add, getting stuck for me is a place I have a visceral response to.) However, in this scenario of lockdown, covid created an immeasurable blessing. Some of our closest friends from Spain who were taking a sabbatical stateside for 6 months had to extend their stay for several months due to the mandated restrictions. What this meant for us was great friends being bridge people for us in a new location. I could not have planned that! I had a friend on the other side! The hardest part of transition for me has always been loneliness and not knowing anyone in a new location. And while we still don’t. We currently have been given an extension of time in finding this replacement. While I know it was disruptive to them, it was (and has been) a great welcome basket gift in the form of incarnation to us! WOW!

10.  Incredible over-the-top temporary living situations. Covid created unique scenarios of college students returning home and immune-compromised individuals not going out. This found us seeking new temporary housing upon landing. But like the gift of an amazing space when we left, our father once again provided. While not knowing where we would be living would definitely go on my stress/disruption list, we had to trust in faith. That’s all we had. The shut doors created by this pandemic created wonderful openings of ways we never thought to ask for…amazing people to live in community with, a pool at one house, cousins!!! memorable spacious basements, an arcade, a hot tub, a small gym, a puppy, and our own living space bigger than our previous home where we could land, unwind and breathe. We have been in 10 different beds over the course of these several months. None of them ours! Yet all of them welcoming and inviting.

Transition is hard. Re-entry arguably the hardest. But these hidden gems of tremendous proportion have continually blown our minds & challenged our faith. I know He’s got this, but truly I’m reminded, “Why wouldn’t we think that our good Father would want to provide for us in this kind of amazing way.” While we weren’t expecting most of these blessings, and this list is far from exhaustive, He knew what we needed and provided in many indescribable and amazing ways. A treasure of gifts to our body, minds and souls in this season of transition. We are so incredibly thankful!!! 

My prayer: May I continually have eyes to see the hidden blessings that are right in front of me. And despite challenges and set-backs and uncertainties, may I change my mind to be gratitude and extend that gratitude to praise in all circumstances. 

How has Covid provided hidden blessings for you?

List off as many areas of hidden blessing as you can. Things that came about in the last months that may not have come about otherwise.

Who can you share those gifts with?

We will dearly miss this spanish language exchange group of friends