Keep or Save: Practical Tips for Down-sizing or Moving

How to get rid of your belongings before moving.

I used to have an organizing business called transitionlight for people who had recently lost a love one. I would come in as a coach, listener and organizer and evaluate if they were in a place to start sorting and downsizing their loved-ones belongings. Many times the answer was evident that the client was in a deep grieving period and they needed to wait at least a day, week or a few months to make major decisions. If the answer was to move forward, they would contract my services to evaluate how to best help them keep, sell or donate their treasures. This was compassion work. It was hard physically and emotionally. It was also incredibly rewarding.

So much of that work applies to working with cross-cultural workers who are leaving their home country or re-turning home. Anyone who has done this type of patriating or repatriating work, recognizes that moving is an inevitable part of the job. And some of us have had way TOO much experience at it! However, we forget that belongings and decisions about belongings require an incredible amount of mental energy. 

Here are some of my top tips when it comes to organizing the logistics of your belongings for your own mental sanity.

Start Early/Sort Often: 

Sorting for an hour a week over the course of many months can save you weeks of work in a stressful season of transition. Keeping it simple and doing it a little at a time is often the best measure of prevention in caring for your brain and your body. If a move is likely on the horizon, start sorting (not packing) as soon as you possibly can. That way when the time comes to actually putting things in boxes you are not sorting, you are just packing.

Employ Help:

Walking with people in this process can be tedious, but a huge gift. In the end, if I or someone other than the client was willing to re-distribute or discard the “no” piles– garbage, recycling, donation center, etc., it made progress that much more efficient.  

Whether you regularly use methods of organizing like the recently popularized, Marie Kondo or tend towards hoarding for a rainy day, we all have our areas of strengths and weaknesses when it comes to our attachment to treasures. The majority of the work I did with transitionlight, was to come alongside of people in a time of bereavement and help them to make clear and thoughtful decisions. I would ask them 1 simple question – Would you like to keep, sell or donate this item? It was simple for me, as an outsider, but proved painful and belaboring for someone in a time of extreme stress lacking the emotional capacity to make clear decisions.

Give yourself grace. Organize when you have the mental fortitude. To answer this one question, we created 3 piles: a yes - keep, no - get rid of and a maybe pile. (If the answer was, “I don’t know,” a second decision would have to be made. I would discourage this but not taboo it!) 

One element of this work which I found most fascinating, is that almost anything in the “maybe” pile quickly made it to the “no” pile if a client could think of someone else who could use it. Now, understandably, not everyone feels as sentimental about receiving a holey blanket or an old pair of shoes. To ward off potential family disputes, I created a list of local places that had specific needs – animal shelters that needed blankets, libraries that wanted books, schools that desired art supplies, you get the point.

Giving away sentimental  items becomes easier, even for those with hoarding tendencies, when their treasures are desired by others. 

Implement Creative Conservation I, as a coach and supportive outsider, would suggest creative ways of “keeping” things without having to literally keep the physical object. Take a picture, or conserve by employing someone to make a quilt of those 50 sentimental t-shirts, or a scrapbook of the 1000 pictures. Donate the 50 ball jars, or repurpose those tins into storage containers. Creative thinking was welcome, (but not at the expense of belabored decision-making).  Remember, closed questions that require a simple yes or no are easier to answer than “what would you like to do with this”!

Sell with limits

When we recently moved we had good stuff, not amazing and not new. But good. And resellable in the community in which we were living. It was hard to find garage sales or freecycle opportunities in this foreign country (and in a pandemic). That said, I created an elaborate LIVE google document with pictures and detailed explanations of each item so we could avoid lots of messages. (this is something someone else can help with). Here’s the process: 

1.    Create a live google document that you or someone else is willing to manage. Take good pictures, or borrow the originals from website and share as much and as HONEST of information as you would want if you were buying it so you can minimize the amount of communication needed. (i.e. Does it have stains, how big is it, how old is it?) 

2. Get your items prepared. Wash, clean, and make your item look like you would want to buy it. It doesn’t have to be new, but the value will greatly increase if it looks like it.

3.    We sent out the link to targeted people we knew were moving into the area or within the area and asked them to reply back on what they wanted us to hold. After a few targeted messages we opened it up to a wide audience and asked people to share. We asked that they pay in paypal, ahead of time if possible in the currency of the country we were moving to (not living in). We needed the money for where we were headed not where we were. And we needed them not to be flakey!

4.    We then set up LIMITED pickup times. When I say limited, I mean limit it! Don’t be flexible on this. You are moving and it is a lot of work. Ask others to come to you and come within two windows or you won’t have it by X time. For example: Tuesday 12-3 and Thursday 3-6. Because most people in our network understood the strain of this type of move. They were supportive and respectful of this request. THIS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN OUR TIME! We’re talking about communicating with 30 people over weeks vs. 30 people in 6 hours. Paying ahead of time eased the burden of the money exchange, as well.

5.    Have a “for sale” & “for free sale”. We were setting up the little items that we didn’t take pictures of for a garage sale at the end of the week. Now, let me just add that garage sales can be a big pain without a lot of gain. But the good thing was that when people came to “pick up” their larger reserved items, we had our garage sale set up ready for shopping. Nearly everyone that bought a bigger item also bought several smaller ones. And consider it a small miracle, several came back for more.

We didn’t pressure ourselves to have that all ready, but rather we were sorting throughout the week and keep adding to it. We also had a “please repurpose” section which was basically our free pile of half-used up boxes of toilet paper, non-expired food, and other small not-worth-it-to-ship-or-sell-treasures! 

Specific up-to-date descriptions + a good network (or networker depending on your scenario) + limited pick-up times. Amazed and surprised, every SINGLE thing on this list sold to people in our network! It felt like a sheer miracle (there were over 50 items...think appliances and furniture and such.) and we received over $3000. We also had a small garage sale with what was leftover. This brought in just $300... which didn't seem very worth it except my son sold some of his treasures and that was fun for him. The rest we donated. It is a lot of work! Pace yourself and employ help.

On that note….

Exercise Good Self-Care

Besides helping people sort their things into 3 piles, the other top value I was needed for most was reminding people to take care of themselves. BREATHE, BREAKS, WATER, FOOD, SLEEP. Very basic and very necessary self-care requirements for good and effective decision-making. The most obvious – breathe – is one nearly everyone needs help with when doing the hard work of organizing especially in transition. It’s amazing how often you hold your breath when you are doing stressful things. The other, take breaks and don’t organize for more than 3 hours at a time, was one I learned through my own research. Your brain can’t handle making these thousands of decisions all at once. 

If I was sitting with you before starting, I would ask you these few questions: 

“What do you value most?” (the answer may not be your belongings – it may be time if you have limited time)
“Is selling your treasures before leaving, worth your time and energy?” 

“What would you regret giving away?”
“Who can help you in this?”

“What has sentimental value from the place in which you are leaving?” (Give grace if this answer is different for each individual in a family).

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