Creating a Resume that Stands Out…Regardless of Your Past Experience: TOOL

Career searching requires tenacity

Creating a Resume that Stands Out…No Matter What Your Past Experience

I could say, like many others. I’ve primarily worked in the non-profit world. I’ve only ever really done donation-based work. I’m 48 years old. What do I have to offer?

When I compare myself to men who didn’t take time off to raise children, or others who didn’t spend time learning language or moving cross-culturally, I feel as though my life, to date, may not have much to show for it.

I’m not typically bothered by these things as I chose this path and loved most of it! However, when applying for a new position, when one’s self esteem is shaky, it is easy to get trapped in the limiting language of vocational success. The familiar voices of condescend sound: What have I done with my life? how much have I earned? what have I done with the time? What have I accomplished? it’s too late to start over now.

When we mine transferable skills, looking at the details of the whole of our experiences, we can begin to see that the common, everyday tasks unique to MY life have mattered. I can see clearer that God has used my life for good. And I still have a lot to offer!

Putting a resume together:

~60 minutes

1.     Find a resume template you like. There are many free ones on the web. If you’re skilled with design, create your own or use a free platform like Canva. You can also hire a one-time designer on 99designs.com or fiverr.com.

2.     Start with the transferable skills list you created (see “building your transferable skill list for resumes”)

3.     List the top 3-4 organizations most relevant to the job you’re seeking in chronological order, most recent first. The most logical way to represent this is to include the name of the organization, location and general role title. Include the years worked, as well.

4.     When listing the transferable skills, put them in the most relevant order. Combine skills if they are similar or don’t say something new.

5.     On the most looked at area of the page, the right hand side, include a picture, your contact information and any other relevant information such as degrees earned and interests. Keep it brief, but give interesting information that highlights why you are unique and worth consideration for the position you’re seeking.

6.     Finally, at the bottom, include a few relevant references. Having a few names of key people who can attest to your hard work, validates and gives credibility to what you’ve listed above, regardless of if they are ever contacted. A former employer, professor, or relevant connection. Be intentional in who you list particular to the job responding to.

You are trying to limit the information to what is most relevant in a field of work you would like to do more of. As well, you’re intent is to keep it concise and to the point. One page is still the norm, but depending on your age, up to 2 is still considered permissible. (The exception to the rule is an expressed request for publications or an added portfolio for artists and designers).

Because we want to err on the side of relevant and concise, recognize you can’t include everything. Consider making 2-3 versions of your resume, targeting different types of work.

Many hesitate if there have been a break in years if you went back to school, had children, or performed tasks that are not as important to the job you’re applying for. Be ready and willing to share what those dates, without apology. Listing other hobbies or certificates gained in the break in years or voluntary positions held in those windows, may serve as explanation enough.

There is no need to list all of your certificates, accolades, or knowledge gained. A website, a linkedIn profile, a biography or a blog are other places to link on your resume and point people to your history of work. Likely they will do the work of discovering who you are in this information age. There is no need to list everything.

Show the diversity of who you are and what you do. Don’t underestimate a simple job. One friend of mine who is an engineer, highlighted that he was a waiter in college. They said they gave him the job because they knew he would have great people and conflict management skills, historically lacking in this field. 

Now, step back, reevaluate, don’t be too hard on yourself, ask for feedback, share this fine piece of hard work with others in a similar field. And ultimately be proud of yourself for all that you have done in your life!

Learning the Transferable Skills Language for Resume Building

Transferable Skills

In the book What Color is Your Parachute, Career Coach, Richard Bolles talks about 3 ways of discussing what you’re good at. This list is broken down into good with people, good with things, good with ideas. It is important to note that those categories are further broken down.

People – Individuals or groups

Things – the body, materials, objects, equipment, buildings, animals

Ideas – Information, data or ideas

What’s important to know about the way that Bolles talks about these categories is that the more specific we can get, the better we highlight our unique fingerprint on the world. What you’re ultimately exploring is an understanding of your transferable skills in the form of verbs that describe what you do best. To get at these, we.ask what, how and who questions. “What questions” will answer the things you do, the “who questions” answer the people you do it with and the “how questions” will inform if you use ideas, objects, people, etc.  

What do you do everyday?

Who is impacted when you do it?

How do you interact with your world?

What is accomplished when you engage?

Who benefits when you deliver a service?

How do you get the job done?

“What you’re ultimately exploring is an understanding of your transferable skills in the form of verbs that describe what you do best.”

Skill verbiage list (transferable skills broken down into 3 categories: Things, Ideas & Information or People.)

When you picture your past, were you working alone, with individuals or with a group? Were you working with ideas or things?

Process (45 min - 1.5 hours)

Step 1: Think about jobs that you have had in the past. They may be voluntary positions or full-time paid positions. Specifically think about ones that you enjoyed. There is no use creating a resume of all the jobs you hated, only to end up in the same type of work again. Many make this mistake in career searching.

Step 2: As you think about past jobs that brought you life, answer the following by circling from the list below or writing the words on a separate piece of paper…I am good at and enjoy working with:_____________

1)    Things -

a)     Skills with the body > using my hands, using my body, having agility, speed

b)    skills with materials & objects > crafting, sewing, weaving, cutting, carving, molding, shaping, sculpting, painting, restoring, cleaning, preparing, making, producing, cooking, maintaining, repairing,  

c)     skills with equipment > Assembling, operating, controlling, maintaining, repairing

d)    skills with building > constructing, reconstructing, modeling, or remodeling

e)    skills with growing things > growing a garden, caring for animals,

2)    Ideas & Information –

a)    Creating, Compiling, searching, researching, gathering information, observing, synthesizing, analyzing, organizing, prioritizing, planning, evaluating, memorizing, managing, managing, studying, imagining, inventing, designing

3)    People -

a)     Individuals > taking instructions, serving, helping, communicating in person, in writing, instructing, teaching, training, advising, coaching, counseling, mentoring, empowering, diagnosing, treating, referring, connecting, evaluating, assessing, persuading, selling, recruiting, representing, interpreting, intuiting

b)    Groups or Organizations > leading, guiding, speaking, writing, teaching, training, designing events, persuading, consulting, giving advice, connecting, establishing, negotiating, resolving conflict, hearing all sides, considering, contemplating, reading a room

Note: If this list is not comprehensive enough, consult a thesaurus to gain better words that describe you. You might also do a quick internet search on “functional transferable skills”

What you should end up with is a list of verbs and actions which begin to create the next step towards looking at lengthy job descriptions and help begin to create your resume.

If you’re struggling to come up with a list, consider doing the following. 1. Take a self-assessment inventory like strengths finder or a personality test like the Myers-Briggs. 2. Ask a trusted friend, relative or a coach for honest feedback. 3. Consider going for a walk or doodling to take your mind off of this and let your brain do the work from the bottom up (right brain) rather than the left, logical, linear top down brain.

If at all possible let this list-finding grow. It can be incredibly enjoyable in the career search process to remember times in your past that were life-giving. Lean into this and allow yourself to dream a little in the process.

Build Your Resume: Mining Your Transferable Skills TOOL

Your story is unique!

Building Your Transferable Skill List for Resumes

I’ve heard it many times before…

“What would I have to offer if I didn’t do this work that I’ve always done.”

“I’ve been in ____field, doing ____type of work, for the last 10, 20, or 40 years. I can’t start over at this point.”

Hearing “I have nothing to offer” is a limiting belief that stirs emotions deep inside of me. It calls forth the exhorter in me and reminds me of the passion to catalyze others creativity and unique calling in the world.

Without even knowing you, I am certain that you have a lot to give! You have a unique fingerprint in the world. Your life matters and what you do matters!   

Finding the right people, the right organization or the right team that value you, is your ultimate mission. Acknowledging the limiting beliefs that keep you from living into your fulfillment is a necessary part of vocational discernment.

If I could sit down with each person that I hear a similar sentiment from, I would do two things: First I’d listen to their life, their passions and their talents. And secondly I’d ask, who or what was impacted because of what they’ve done? I would want to affirm that they matter and that what they have done is important.  

When we’re in the trenches of our own stories, often feeling overwhelmed in the midst of transition, and lacking affirmation it is easy to forget where we’ve come from. Perspective is the number one thing that is needed in these times. A way to gain leverage and a new viewpoint to be able to see what is true, good, notable, praiseworthy from our lives. Perspective in these times is often found in others. That’s one of the primary roles I play with people.  

For just one hour, I challenge you to set aside the notion that “I have nothing to offer the world, if I’m not doing x”.

Whether a pastor, a mom, a non-profit worker, we all have many skills that we have done in the past, in a specific way for a unique purpose.

Here’s the formula:

Learned, applied and enjoyed skill +

Environment (Specific way = people, things, ideas & information) +

Quantity of time/Unique purpose (verb + object + adjective) =

Transferable Skill

In writing a resume we want you to draw on your experience to create your future.  Identifying these skills that you had that are able to be transferred into a new role in the future, regardless of the organization, is the goal.

While you don’t want to exaggerate or minimize the work you’ve done, this is your chance to highlight the unique skillset that you have. These transferable skills lists will give a future employer an opportunity to better understand what you have to bring to a new company. This process will also serve as an exercise in self awareness highlighting for you the contributions you have made thus far as well as start to point you in the direction of what you want to do more of.

Mining your Transferable Skills

~60 minutes

Goal: Let your history speak new life into your future. Mine the value of previously-held roles to determine transferable skills for a resume and future job.

Part I – Mind Mapping Skills

1.     Consider the last 10 years of your life. Brainstorm the jobs you’ve had and roles you filled during this duration.*

2.     In the center of each circle, list the job titles you’ve had. (i.e. waitress, teacher, pastor, writer, mom)

3.     Starting with your favorite role, brainstorm which skills you had to use within that role. See skill verbiage list below. Ask yourself this one question: What are the verbs, the actions that you performed this week?

4.     Creating lines from each circle, consider all the work that you did in that particular role. Using action words, break down the list of jobs (i.e. execute, serve, deliver, administer, create).

5.     Go back and cross out action verbs you disliked and circle words you liked and desire to do more of. (i.e. execute, serve, deliver, administer, create).

6.     Continue to expand on the role you enjoyed most. Using a thesaurus or a brainstorm of words (see below), let the action words represent you best. (i.e. teaching = adapted, advised, coordinated, communicated, developed, evaluated, guided, informed, instructed, persuaded, etc.). The more descriptive you can be the more user friendly words you’ll have for the next steps.

* If you were without work or in a role that was unfulfilling, consider a longer period of time than stated above.

Congratulations, you have just completed the first stage of understanding your transferable skill set for resume building

Part II – Environment = Who or What was impacted?

While identifying our skill set is challenging, moreso than that is the ability to recognize how and where to use this treasure chest of unique-to-me gifts.

The next step in understanding your transferable skills is to ask, who or what was impacted?

Go back over the skills that you enjoyed and create new lines branching from those skills and add THE OBJECT of the skill. (i.e. Children, cross-cultural workers, animals, a completed book, a clean closet, a fixed car).

What we’re looking for is not a single item or time that you performed a skill. We’re searching for the list that makes you stand out in a crowd. Consdier what you did many times, in an extraordinary way, with incredible results.

I.e. I made ice cream (Kindof neat but not that unusual). I made ice cream every weekend for 2 years for 100 people. (That’s a lot of time and a lot of mouths but I want more details!) I created 25 new flavors of ice cream over the course of 2 years for more than 100 people. (That’s impressive and not something I’ve ever done!). Bonus: List your top three hot sellers!

Part III – Quantity/Unique Purpose

Finally, how often or how many times did you do x skill? We’re looking for the quantifiable results of what you have done.  What change took place? What value was gained in the world because of your contribution?

Examples:

*Organized fundraising events for 5 non-profits over 10 years, raising over 1 million dollars in donations.

*Educated 3500 university students in East Africa, during the course of 12 years on issues of social injustice towards women

*Coached over 1000 people to complete their sabbatical over the course of 10 years
*Assessed vocational fit utilizing mid-career assessment tools I co-created
*Hosted over 300 global workers in our home for a total of 30000 hours of rest and recooperation

Which of these stand out to you? What questions would you ask if you were the interviewer?

A few things to consider:

Don’t get caught up in the minute details of numbers of for example, how often or how many. Go with the information that you know or the most accurate understanding of how you functioned in a given role. Most important is what you did and secondarily is how you did it. Keep the information accurate and be willing to give a reference for several of these transferable skills. Someone who can validate your experience.  

Note: If you’re over 40 you should have a long list to chose from. They may not all be in the same line of work. They may not make sense in light of what you might want to do. 

I recall a story of a friend of mine who graduated college with a degree in Engineering. He and I had worked as servers at a local restaurant together. When he went to interview for engineering jobs, they were incredibly impressed that he had relational skills gained from the service industry. Inevitably he got the job. Maybe in part by his engineering experience, but I would guess because he included other transferable skills such as conflict resolution learned during his years of service outside of engineering.

Note: If you’re under 40, you may have to expand on some of the details further or consider the same role and different angles based on the type of work you’re looking to fill.

Top tip!: When you’re creating a resume, you will want to choose from your longer list the skills that are relevant from your past that you want to transfer to a new role. This may seem counter-intuitive to the way resumes were written in the past, because it is. Hiring committees and HR departments are looking for you to shine and stand out apart from the stack of other applicants. The approach of using transferable skills will allow them to converse with you on a relatable basis. Trust me, you will stand out.

The Joy and Dread of Moving To and From a Foreign Country: Keep, Give, Recycle

The joy and dread of moving to and from a foreign country.

Moving has always included a certain element of dread. From a young age, I was told, you’ll make friends around the world, and see things others won’t. And while I knew and experienced the reality of that truth, the lack of one home caused deep confusion in my place of belonging and of my belongings.

For many who have lived a lifetime of moving, the stuff becomes reflective - either getting stuck in a period of time surrounding oneself with all the things, or completely releasing all things and living a rigidly simplistic lifestyle.

My journey has included both of which I hope in my 5th decade to now come closer to a balanced view and ability to embrace things and simultaneoulsy release them at any given moment. I want to live my life free from the attachment to things, and from a place of generosity!

This post was inspired from a previous blog when “how to get rid of your stuff?”, got a little lengthy. Below I offer what we did when we moved from Spain during the Covid pandemic and how we sold 3/4 of our belongings. This is a practical and subjective article. To understand the context, read: Attachment to Things: Your Story of Stuff and the Subtle (and not so subtle) Impact on Moving to gather a fuller picture.

Bottom line: Approach a move in stages.

It was early in the pandemic when no one was buying or selling from strangers. We were living in Spain on strict lockdown. Remember when we were unable to go to one another’s home and we sanitized anything new that entered our homes? Well, we were amongst the crazy ones who were already in motion to move in the summer of 2020. We had lived in Spain for 8 years as a family of four and despite loving our life abroad, the time was now for many reasons. We had discerned and clarified and were convinced that repatriating would be a part of our story.

To sell things, we began by sorting into three piles: Yes, No, & Maybe. We had clear “yes” piles for each person and set those aside for the very small shipping container we planned to use.

From the no and maybe piles were slightly more problematic so we began to gather these and work at making small daily decisions with as limited touchpoint with each object as possible (limiting decision-making). We were still months away from our launch date, but the sorting was in full swing. I knew I wanted to save my best energy for the end to be with people whole-heartedly. We set our move out date a month earlier than our flight, organized a place to stay at our friend’s and began the tedious task of determining meaning from our belongings.

This was an ongoing process, but we knew big things and certain electrical appliances (and toilet paper roll projects) wouldn’t make the cut of expensive shipping.

We then began taking pictures of items with as much detail as possible to sell.

Next, using these pictures, we created a google doc and made a simple grid, listing every item, with a number, a name and a picture. We included a description with as much and as HONEST of information as we would want if you were buying the items. The desire was to predict questions and answer them in advance to minimize unnecessary questions and back-and-forth communication. (i.e. Is it new or used, how big is it, how old is it?) 

The reason for using the google platform was that it updated in real time, was easy to navigate, and didn’t cost money. Most people had access and familiarity, and a simple link could be shared on a WhatsApp group or email.

With a little over a month out from our move out date, we sent out the link to targeted people we knew were moving and asked them to reply back on what they wanted. Next we hit up our local community (people felt surprisingly sentimental to our stuff!), After a few intentional group roll-outs, and an added sense of urgency that we were going to allow for a larger audience to look at things, we told people to send it out generously.

And then we quickly began to hear back.

One thing that felt unique this time, is that we didn’t hold anything without payment. We asked for a Venmo or PayPal payment to ensure these items were spoken for. And because most of the transactions took place digitally we asked if possible for the currency of the country we were moving to (not living in). We needed the money for where we were headed not where we were. While this sounds a bit rigid, it was an incredible time saver for us as sellers and helped clarify expectations for the buyers.

We made another document (on the notes app) listing the number and name that went with what person. Many bought several things so this helped us stay organized.

We then asked people to come to us and come within OUR availability. As selfish as that sounded it was a lifesaver. We wrote a general email and WhatsApp message and sent it out to the masses including these open periods of time. Because most people were in our network they were supportive and respectful of this request.

Probably the most beneficial thing we did this move, was in setting up LIMITED pickup times. When I say limited, I mean limited! We offered two windows of time for buyers to come or send someone on their behalf. (Example: Tuesday 12-3 and Thursday 3-6). Of course if we had someone who bought a lot, or had a good reason, we made exceptions.

I can’t say it enough…Scheduling blocks of limited time for pickup made all the difference! When you’re talking about communicating with 30+ people this will limit the communication to serve you well - especially in relational-centered cultures! (Whatever permission you need to do this, please find it!)

There are so many things to do in the final countdown before moving and while many do understand this limitation, there seem to be an equal number who don’t. Don’t be flexible on this. You are leaving your whole life which always includes a vast array of emotions, not to mention is stressful and time-consuming, and A LOT of work.

Included in those windows of time, we added a garage/yard sale & “free” sale at the very end. While people were picking up the bigger items, we were setting up the little items that we didn’t take pictures of for a sale at the end of the week. Now, let me just add that garage sales can be a pain. Prices are low, you sit there for hours, and well, you get it. But the good thing was that when people came to get their bigger items, nearly everyone bought something off of that garage sale (not yet organized) pile, as well. The actual sale date was two days out but people got to shop early for buying our bigger items. Our prices were just above the we’ll-pay-you rate.

This time around, despite covid and the incredible stressors involved in not knowing how moving would look, we felt incredibly seen in this process. People understood, were eager to shop, took a lot and many came back for more. We didn’t pressure ourselves to hold onto unnecessary items as we were thrilled that others could use them. As well, we didn’t mark or have all the for-sale items ready or priced at once. We allowed ourselves so much grace to start sorting early and ongoing when we had energy. When the week came we would keep adding to the piles and used the pick up times as helpful external motivation.

We also had a “please repurpose” section which was basically our free pile of half-used up boxes of toilet paper (a hot commodity then), non-expired food, and other small not-worth-it-to-ship-or-sell-treasures!

To note: This particular move, I didn’t waste my time with the wider socials. I was living in a foreign country and didn’t want the hassle of back-and-forth communication. (It was also during covid and unlikely a stranger would come over, anyways. If I were doing this again in non-covid times and in the US, I would use a buy nothing group (see Facebook in your area) and Facebook marketplace or nextdoor.

I've moved a lot and done this a lot...those are my few top pointers: Specific up-to-date descriptions on a document like googledoc, utilizing a wide network, limited pick-up times, and a general sale with as much help as you are able to pay for with those used items!

Moving is a ton of work. Give yourself a well-deserved reward of moving out with AT LEAST one week margin before getting on a plane open. Moving away from the stress of decision-making around belongings allows you the gift to enjoy the most valuable part of your expatriate life, the love of the people.

For deeper reflection: Where do you find yourself stuck? What do you notice comes up for you when you begin to think about moving?

Attachment to Things: Your Story of Stuff and the Subtle (and not so subtle) Impact on Moving

When brain capacity is limited and decision-making fatigue causes overwhelm, how does one possibly make decisions about their belongings in times of major life transition.

Many who know me, know that I’m passionate about simplicity and sustainability. I don’t write much about it as much is written about simplicity from a sorting and organizing standpoint, I rather choose to wrestle with the ideas in private (or my children’s rooms!).

But what I have learned in the 20 plus years in this field, is that those who seek out simplifying or organizing practices, are not in the same place as our typical clientele in complex transitions who embody brain fog, decision-making fatigue, lack clarity about where they will be living, and seek vocational answers.  

I’ve been there many times, and I feel the emotional weight alongside of you.

If I were sitting down with you, I’d start by asking, “What is your attachment to things? What is your story of stuff?“

Let me give you a quick peak into my story of stuff. I grew up in a big family and in a home where we moved A LOT! Like 30 times by the time I was 30. (That’s another story.) My things would disappear and I didn’t know where they went or how they re-homed. (I still don’t). I grew up not particularly attached to things, although remember being creative with what we had and while not wealthy, we were also not lacking.

In addition, my story with stuff includes going to college in a different state at the age of 18, via airplane. I didn’t have guidance on what or how to pack. I remember feeling overwhelmed and uncertain. This happened again in moving back home at the end of my freshman year, without plans to return, due to unforeseen circumstances.

Several years later I found myself moving overseas for the first time, and once again via plane and overpacked 70 pound bags, too big to carry and uncertain of what I really needed. I wore layers of clothing this time and resembled that of a homeless person.

My attachment to things found a tipping point in the incredibly difficult transition in my re-entry and leaving of England. Once again I had little help, guidance or ability to process the weight of what I had accumulated. I remember most of the breakable items I brought back in suitcases, perfectly breaking as if a puzzle; unsure of whether to be put back together or discarded. I was forced to ask, were these memories worth keeping or now junk? I had little capacity to discern.

Fast forward several years, with me immediately out of grad school, I started an organizing business for people who had recently lost a love one. I was postured as an organization coach and grief care specialist. By this point I had studied attachment as a major and researched much on organization as well as implemented what I learned from living it firsthand. In this business called transition light, I listened to individuals in a time of sensitive loss and noted if they were able to also be in a place to start sorting. Many times the answer arose as they told stories and would rather reminisce and grieve. It wasn’t a fast process, but it was a beautiful and sacred one.

It’s now not lost on me, how this work gave me an outlet and ability to guide others where I lacked guidance in the past. It allowed me to give in an area where I wished I had been given - time and support.

I saw one of the unique needs was to just be with people in their grief. I recognized many felt alone; our western culture approaches grief in solitude, so my attempt was to provide a with-ness in this typically isolated space.

I would start by asking clients one primary question: Do you want to keep, sell or donate these treasures? In any given 2-3 hour session I would ask this question dozens of times.  I recognized with time, and vocational transition, that many elements of that very practical grief work applies to working with cross-cultural workers who are leaving their home country or re-turning home.

Regardless of one’s history with stuff, expatriates quickly become experts at packing, repacking and living out a suitcase. We recognize moving is an inevitable part of the job. However we forget that belongings and decisions about belongings require an incredible amount of mental energy and reflect the many places we have called home. As well, they reflect our deeper “stuff story” and how we have processed (or not) the many changes in our lives.

For those reasons, I decided to jot down a few transferable-skills learned in this work. If I were sitting with you in your home, acknowledging the layers of grief, and tedious task ahead of you, here’s what I would offer:

1. Start Early/Sort Often: 

Sorting for an hour a week can save you weeks of work in a stressful season of transition. Keeping it simple and doing it a little at a time is often the best preventative help. If a move is likely on the horizon, start sorting (not packing) as soon as you possibly can. That way when the time comes to actually putting things in boxes you are not sorting, you are just packing.

That said, organizational professionals all agree you want to limit the number of “touches” with every item. If you think of every item as a decision, consider how you will be making hundreds. Limiting the number of touches, will cause to also limit the decisions and save your brain capacity for the items that matter most and decisions which are more meaningful. If you can make a quick decision about an item, make it now and try not to “touch” it again.

2. Employ Help:

Whether you regularly use the Marie Kondo method or tend towards hoarding for a rainy day, we all have our areas relating to stuff that are uniquely valuable to us. Having an objective outsider in the conversation with you can be incredibly helpful as you contemplate each item. The majority of the work I did in the job listed above was come alongside of people in a time of bereavement and help them just to think, making one small decision at a time. As I mentioned, I would ask them to decide whether to keep, sell or donate. The 3-part question included creating 3 piles: a yes, no and maybe pile. Walking with people in this process can be tedious, but a huge gift. In the end, be willing to take the piles to wherever they are needed to go – garbage, recycling, donation center, etc. 

3. Implement Creative Conservation  In addition, I suggested creative ways of “keeping” things without having to actually hold onto the items themselves. Take a picture, have someone make you a quilt of those 50 t-shirts, donate your 50 ball jars, or repurpose those tins into storage containers…Think creatively (but not too long) about how to recycle or repurpose the unwanted items that you can not or should not keep. The part I found most fascinating is that almost anything in the “maybe” pile quickly made it to the “no” pile if they knew someone else who could use it. I created a list of local places that I could network with who needed specific belongings. Giving away hard to give away items becomes easier even with those with “everything is a treasure” tendencies. The belongings became so much easier to let go of if we thought someone else would treasure it as well. More on that in the article decision-making during transition.

4. Limit the Selling Period

When we recently moved we had good stuff, not amazing and not new. But good. And priced fairly (I think). I created an elaborate google document with pictures and detailed explanations of each item so we could avoid lots of messages. (this may be an area to delegate). We were shocked that every SINGLE thing on the list sold to people in our network! It felt like a sheer miracle (there were over 50 items...think appliances and furniture and such.) and we received over $3000. We wrote about the details on a different blog, 

5. Exercise Good Self-Care

Besides helping people sort their things into 3 piles, the other top value I was needed for most was reminding people to take care of themselves. BREATHE, BREAKS, WATER, FOOD, SLEEP. Very basic and very necessary self-care requirements for good and effective decision-making.

The most obvious – breathe – is one nearly everyone needs help with. Physiologically speaking, it makes sense that in times of stress we hold our breath in a fight, flight or freeze posture. Once you notice this, it becomes quite incredible we don’t pass out given how often we hold our breath when doing stressful things. The other, take breaks was one I learned through my own research. Your brain can’t handle making too many decisions and 2 consecutive hours at a time is approximately the amount of time we have capacity for.

In the end, the question that remains, “Is selling your treasures before leaving worth your time?” What does it reflect of your stuff story? For me, it included facing the value my current belongings had not just in my physical space, but emotionally as well. My answer to if it was worth it includes consideration of where you are leaving, where you are going and what value you place on these items in addition to the network of people you have to work with.

My last experience of repatriating included a gracious and redemptive gift to me: People who needed items we were selling, and time to grieve, let go and say goodbye. This move became for my memory a valuable re-write in my story, a new experience of support and guidance. There was healing happening that was done as I transitioned one more time.

And while I am becoming more sentimental to belongings, I still highly value simplicity. In the end the voice I hear is that this item is temporary, earthly treasure. And simultaneously, the ongoing invitation to letting go points me to a different and deeper understanding of an area of welcome growth. One that is highly personal and requires grace for myself and others.

And…the reminder that this too shall pass!

Seeing the Light: Adrenal Burnout & 10 Recalibration Experiments While You Wait

With more than 20 tabs open on my computer, my mind resembles my computer - scattered, slowed way down, full and needing a reboot!

These days more than ever, I leave most things partially finished, multi-tasking impaired at best. I’m just two weeks from my sabbatical start date.

“Hi, my name is Sara, I’m a sabbatical coach and I’m close to burned out!”

This state of my body and mind is humbling to share.

My body aches and feels incredibly tired. My brain functions best at 3am as it tries to solve all of my world’s problems interrupting my deep, desperately needed REM sleep!

My doctor tells me this is once again a different version of my same story - hormone dysregulation – the stress hormones are shot!

I notice as I talk to my functional medicine doctor that my notes point to June 2023 as the last time we talked. Nearly two years ago was when I was last told I had low functioning adrenal glands and we needed to get on a supplement protocol for what my body was missing. Following the guidance and protocol helped create a baseline of functioning on a moderate and very slowed down scale for almost two years. I don’t know where I would be now without it! 

Now, on the horizon, and less than two weeks away, I start a long overdue period of a long pause and reset.  In many ways it is a plan set in motion when I met with this doctor nearly 2 years ago and in other ways it is 8 years in the making since living out my dreams of starting this non-profit – including all the highs and lows and stress my body absorbed.

For the first time, and over the last two days, I have just begun to feel the reality coming near.  

Invited to continually live it out, I ask, “What do I know/not know that I share with others in the release phase of sabbatical that I have had to put into practice for myself?” This is for my reminder, if no one else.

“Horizon-focused” deep rest requires a recalibrated creative and counter-cultural way of living in the now.  Below are a few recalibration practice ideas: 

“‘Horizon-focused’ rest requires a recalibrated creative and counter-cultural way of living in the now. ”

1.        I first must exercise kindness towards myself. I know that I am human and not a machine and there is no condemnation for adrenal burnout. I know some principles that I too must recognize and put into place that can offset and sustain me in this final push. I am called to authenticity and the invitation to practice what I preach and vulnerably share it with others in the process.

2.       I continue to gain knowledge and tools but more than that, I must take the invitation to put these learned tools into practice. As a leadership development organization focused on sustaining leaders, we work with 6 phases of sabbatical, realize being the first phase – admitting that a break is needed. Realizing that something needs to shift, that I am not in control and that my ability to pause from work will result in good, no, actually GREAT holistic transformation!

3. This is normal! In the realize phase, I have the opportunity to begin to craft a plan for a sabbatical with good boundaries and intention for rest. And sadly, the release phase is also where many struggle and get stuck. We call it the off-ramping phase where the need to let go of responsibilities and detach oneself from their identity of work becomes challenging. Who is going to do my work for me? What if ____ doesn’t get done? The plans are set in motion to rest - soon, but not yet, and the final push to put work down is before me. This phase takes fervent effort to stay on course.

4. We encourage people who found themselves like me, aware, in need, and unable to set the plans in motion, to gradually pull back. Can I let go of responsibilities and work smarter not longer and harder? What if you could release your 100% work output, weekly (or monthly) from 100% output to 90% one week, 80% the next, 70% the next, etc. What if you could release your respsibilities and expectations on yourself and even hours in the office cut in half until your start date of sabbatical commencing?

5. Practice self-coaching. When we coach, the question that surfaces is often, “What support do you need right now in the phase you’re in?” I ask myself that regularly. What support do I need right here, right now? I’m trying to listen to my body’s invitation to slow down and allow the bad nights of sleep, body aches and overall exhaustion to have a voice in my daily rhythms of work. The support I often find myself needing is grace to go at a different pace. Other times I need the voices of reason from others who know me well.  

6. Incorporate more fun and lightness into work. I’ve experimented with a number of different approaches to keep me on track towards a longer sabbatical break including working a 4-day work week. When I get my work done in 4 days, I play a game called “get to choose what to do with the 5th day”. I might leave it for personal meetings, volunteer work, writing, or a long hike with a friend. This change of pace is a reward for the other 4 days I stayed focused and a simple incentive that somehow works for my motivation.

7.  The days I am working, I work a less rigid and pressured schedule incorporating more margin. I block off client days and use the remaining time and days for administrative tasks alternating weeks with creativity. I don’t cram what might need to be an hour meeting into 15 minutes. My brain won’t operate on full speed if I do choose to compress the time, making the meeting altogether useless. I give myself more margin between meetings and note what types of conversations and which types of people drain my limited energy, faster.

Jeff reminded me lately of the benefit of short spurts of work and then a reward at the end. Reward yourself for hard work! I let travel planning escapism and sabbatical planning into my work day as a break every couple of hours to give a break to the mundane tasks and hard decisions.

8. The greatest perk and strength we have in being a young non-profit is flexibility. We tap into this strength to give new life to our weaknesses. I have the flexibility to start my day later or end it earlier. I can take a longer or shorter lunch to work when I’m at my best. I might add exercising during the middle of the day when I’m tired, or take meetings at a coffee shop. And I might even be found taking a nap on a yoga mat on the floor! (Thank you Spanish culture learnings!) 

9. Utilize my network. The perspective and support I need are unique in this season. I have to remind myself interdependence is good and I require it now more than ever. I look to my support network for a vantage point different from mine - one that is welcome and needed when my executive functioning is lacking.

10. And lastly, I’ve experimented with my playful/right-brain side, surrounding the intense and often paralyzing, left-brain decisions with engaging my body in a walk break, or a bike commute to/from work. I show up lighter, less cluttered in the brain and overwhelmed. It is a gift I can give myself to be in this playful mindset.

With these variations in my work day, I’m ultimately attempting to trick my brain into thinking of work as novel, fun, creative, playful and not monotonous, cumbersome, stressful, or demanding. I can choose to surround the stress or challenging meetings with the lightness of a different pace and posture. The new and novel, helps reset my brain and allow me to focus on what is working rather than what is not.

Without a plan and the necessary support, we see many people work at a 110% pace and especially during the release phase with the intent of off-loading only to crash into rest. While I’m limping a bit, I’m grateful to not be crashing! What looks like a hard crash takes a longer recovery time. I’m grateful for insight and foresight of those we’ve walked with and am trying to remind myself that the opportunity to say yes to more work will always be there. Instead I replace those thoughts with imagine the creativity that will come alive inside of me if I say a heartfelt yes to this necessary pause.

Over the last two years of waiting and re-writing the plans, I’ve grown deeper in compassion for myself and others. And I’ve learned to navigate delay in what my body speaks (or screams) that is needed. In the work we do, we humbly say, “we’re alongside of you in this journey towards holistic and ongoing health. We, too are invited to live what we know and believe.” What I know currently and have lived is that rest can be accessible, and if not for the moment, on the horizon. If rest is drawing you in, fight the long hard fight! It will truly be worth it.

For Reflection:

Which idea from the list above would you like to incorporate into your life? What feels most challenging to you and others when needing but not getting rest?

What Kind of Tired Are You? The 7 Types of Rest Approach

As a sabbatical coach, I start with the assumption that rest is good and from God. God mandated and then modeled rest for us in the life and ministry of Jesus. And yet for some reason, we as humans are the only created beings that fight this gift.

Simultaneously, in the role I play as a sabbatical coach, I know the signs and symptoms of burnout and can see the lights on the dashboard. However, I don’t always know where the problem lies.

One of my favorite books that talks about our posture and theology of rest comes from Mark Buchanan and The Rest of God. A favorite quote I repeat often is, “if God can take any mess, any mishap, any wastage, any wreckage, any anything, and choreograph beauty and meaning from it, then you can take a day off. Either God’s always at work, watching the city, building the house, or you need to try harder. Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

“Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

— Mark Buchanen

This is an important starting place as I talk daily with people in need of rest…Can we agree that a pause is needed and that when you take a pause the world will not crumble?

While I feel the edginess of that quote, I don’t serve, write or coach from a place of arrogance and having it all together. If you've read anything I’ve written lately, you know I’ve been on a long journey with burnout and rest. For nearly 20 years I have struggled with an auto-immune disorder that invites me to closely monitor my self-care and rest and hormone levels.  Just 18 months ago, I found myself once again with adrenal fatigue and almost no adrenaline in my body. Despite my best-to-date work/life balance over the last 2 years, I question if this depletion is just an inevitable part of my makeup or is there more to unpack in understanding how we wrestle with rest and burnout?

From that space of depletion, I continue the pursuit of understanding rest and burnout. 

One of the best and new-to-me paradigms for talking about rest, comes from author Saundra Dalton-Smith, called Sacred Rest. Saundra provides us an incredibly helpful framework to discuss this basic need to stop and pause. As a medical professional, she daily asks her patients in her medical practice, What kind of tired are you? The opening of the book states, “Rest for the body, mind and spirit may appear to be hard to find because hurry is outside and inside of us...So we’re not just talking about sleep. Sleep is not the foundation of rest, but the by-product of rest. The idea of this book is that understanding rest is much more complex than understanding sleep, and one must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion. She states, “For every depleting activity in your day, there is a counter-reviving activity to balance the scales.” (30-31)

“One must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion.”

— Saundra Dalton Smith

Let me briefly list for you the 7 types, but start first with my contribution in discussing what I see as the places of deficit. Because when we start from this place of describing the kind of tired, we’re able to identify the needed counter-balance in the form of rest. Where do you see yourself in this conversation?

1.        Physical Depletion – Our body’s response to overwork. The most basic way we talk about tired including all of our body’s response to overwork. The deep tiredness behind our eyes, the aching shoulders or headaches we experience from lack of sleep.

2.        Mental Depletion – The overactivity of a busy mind which may include information overload, overwork, multi-tasking, or obsessing about the future.

3.        Emotional Depletion – Feeling the need to perform or meet external expectations. Not feeling enough or seen. This includes the weight of carrying emotional wounds and/or unprocessed grief for ourselves and others. (If this includes trauma, our bodies are unable to close the stress cycle and the Central Nervous System stays on high alert).

4.        Social Depletion – Unable to find comfort and a place of belonging in our social relationships. Feeling unknown or unseen; not being able to rest into who we truly are at our best.

5.        Sensory Depletion – The constant stimulation of our nervous system through our senses. Think about all forms of pollution - noise pollution, light pollution, stuff pollution.

6.        Creative Depletion – Not allowing ourselves to be moved and effected by the world around us. Allowing the left, logical brain to rule our lives without balancing our interaction with the right brain. This includes not being present to the flow that comes from engaging our right brain through nature, play and our bodies.

7.        Spiritual Depletion - carrying the heavy load of responsibility for your own or other’s belief in God.

What kind of tired are you? Give each of these a number 1-10 with 10 being absolutely exhausted.

For me, this deficit list illuminates a fraction of my tiredness, and is helpful for discussion. However there are two other pieces I would add in. When I consider my personality, a bent towards social justice and the leadership roles I live into in care for the marginalized, foreigners and women, the awareness of the weight I carry is even greater.

When we carry the burden of a people group or the burden of finances of an organization, the health of a sick parent, the weight of injustice of the evil in the world, we add to the depletion on a more complex and hard to navigate level. We may have what I call “compounded rest deficits” not just for ourselves, but for our family, an organization or a people group such as women, the poor, or people of color that we do not feel we can let down about. Many ask, how can we release our multi-layered loads when the job is unfinished?

What kind of load have we been carrying? Maybe we need to protect our rest that much greater if we have the complex load to carry. I am challenged to ask, How do I rest well on behave of others?

I know a break in the form of sabbatical is a gift but also a necessary reset for me. It’s a time to pause and ask how this cessation from work allows God to do the work He is in control of. As well, it’s an invitation to Ecclesiastes 3, a time to work and a time rest. A time to speak and a time to listen. For me that listening is a continuation of the noticing, checking in with myself on my tired and an opportunity to gain awareness of the specific areas of deficit. Is my tiredness physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative or spiritual?

Consider your deficits and be honest with where you are lacking.  How to rest into that is to be continued on part 2!

Dear "Didn't Get Your Planned Sabbatical"

A letter from one person who didn’t receive their needed sabbatical to another…

Dear Friend

I appreciate your question - How am I pivoting after the disappointment of not receiving my planned sabbatical?

As well, I appreciate your position of understanding, in the deep loss of not getting what you had desired in a sabbatical. I’m praying for you and truly trusting that maybe something here will help inform how you posture yourself in the midst of the uncertainty. As well, I trust it might allow for a deeper resonance with others, through your life in the years to come.

I would be remiss if I didn’t first say, I recognize now more than ever what a gift sabbatical is. As we’ve discussed, and I know you understand, sabbatical is a luxury not an expectation that many never have had a chance to consider. I recognize the place of privilege to have this conversation, in itself.

In lieu of our conversation, I wanted to take a few minutes to highlight a few more of my thoughts around what I have done to adjust after weighing the reasons why it didn’t work now for me and readjusting my expectations of the indefinite postponing of mine. Especially as you know, given that I have reached a level of physical exhaustion, that for me is not sustainable.

Discovering this timing wasn’t going to work for me was and is a loss, similar to how you’re experiencing it, or so it sounds. I’ve been thinking about it for years! As you know I had outlined a 3-month sabbatical and indefinitely postponed due primarily to inadequate administrative & financial support.

As my intended start date came and went, I spent several weeks in more of a posture of anger, followed by sadness and eventually acceptance. (This my fairly familiar grief cycle that no longer scares me like it used to). If I can work through the sadness and anger, there is acceptance on the other side. While I know I’ll get this needed pause in some form eventually, I have come to accept that now is not the right time for so many reasons.

Here are some ways I’m continuing to engage around sabbatical without yet getting one: 

1. I’m taking careful note of why I needed one in the first place. What prompted this need more than just a 7-year marker? For me the need was closely connected to the physical manifestations of adrenal burnout (and this tendency for me now my third time in my life relating to an autoimmune disorder). I’ve spent the last 10 years really listening to my body’s response to stress and acknowledging what it needs. The lights on the dashboard said stop! THIS is what I believed I needed…and yet it wasn’t the only thing. It appears God was and is working on sustainable daily life rhythms with me and not just a hard stop!

2. With that idea in mind, I have spent some concerted time with a spiritual director evaluating, praying, considering what has led me to this physical manifestation. I have several intentional life rhythms in place, but that isn’t enough. I’ve been doing the Ignatian exercises for 9 months which is deeply reflective and a window into my weary soul! I’ve used this space and time to continue the lament and supplication invitation! The reasons are multi-fold.  I’ve been working on all cylinders pushing hard for these last 7 years of creating and launching TWB as a 501c3. It’s been an uphill battle as a female leader. We moved cross-culturally during a pandemic and the work we do isn’t particularly stress free. 

3. We ask others to consider what roles drain them and where living into their sweet spot wouldn’t provide a more natural resonance. I had to ask myself the same set of questions. For me, director and fundraiser are the most draining roles and a close third is marketing! PHEW! As well, when in the role of facilitator or coach (ones I love and thrive in) and even director, if I find myself long-listening or defending issues around women in ministry, I quickly become drained. This is also a factor from some very painful circumstances externally for me at my church, historically in the church and in my own personal healing journey. In addition, I’ve recently been lamenting so many of my friends leaving the church (small “c”) and some leaving their faith altogether for this particular reason of abuse of power and inacceptance of spiritual gifts for women. Much more to say about this, but I can’t overlook the emotional wear and tear and connection to how it effects my body, mind and heart on a regular basis and on the day intended for sabbath, when so many women around me are deeply hurting!

4. So what else have I done? I downshifted to wear certain draining hats, infrequently. I’m focusing on the 80/20 principle and doing what is life-giving as much as is possible - delegate or drop. This list is currently called my “to-don’t list!” In addition I’ve asked for more volunteer help. Understandably certain things have just been dropped or become rather neglected. My “to-don’t list” grew and once again I was invited to acceptance of what I couldn’t control. And I’ve had to become okay with that. What a freeing (outside of my norm) posture!

5. While the primary impetus of not getting a sabbatical is admin and financial support, I have years of knowing God could have provided and didn’t. YET! I trust in time, He will. Yes, this is a stress. But I’m making adjustments like applying for a grant that could make one possible next spring. As well, I’m putting other support pieces in place. Ultimately I’m being invited to continue trusting God with The Way Between and what He wants to do in and through it and me.

6. And finally, continued boundaries. For the summer my rhythms look like this - I see clients two days a week and that is all I have to work with. I do admin work one day a week (or in between clients) and take a full life-giving content day. That leaves one more day/week - I use that 5th day for volunteering, playing with my kids and going on long hikes, a date, or taking a long weekend away. My email auto-response below might be a sample to spur on a few counter-cultural thoughts for you in this time of re-posturing.

Day to day rhythms include closing it all down in the evening and on the weekends. Maintain those hard-fought boundaries of vacation and time with family. And ultimately trust God’s got this.

I hope something from this is helpful. Let’s continue the conversation as you see fit. Many blessings as you continue to honestly and authentically process this loss and reality.

Alongside,

Sara

Thank you for your email. I will be adjusting my rhythm of work to allow for content creation - a necessary incubation and research phase for resource development. In this window, I will only be checking email occasionally and down-shifting from my regular responsibilities. 

Thank you for your patience in the delayed response time.

If you are interested in any of The Way Between's services please fill out the intake form or go to our website for updated services https://www.thewaybetween.org/twb-services. 

If you have registered for an event or service, and have further questions, please contact info@thewaybetween.org.

Towards healthy rhythms of work and rest!

Sara

The Ripple Effect of Necessary Endings Part I

I watched with great admiration these leaders who wanted me to work with them - people who knew how to ask questions, hold the space for authenticity, coach others towards their strengths, be honest with boundaries and dislikes – they were the kind of people I admired, wanted to surround myself with and wanted to become.

When the honeymoon period ended, the disillusionment arose. Although I initially considered myself amongst the elite 14 in the early days, time would tell that being the youngest had it’s disadvantages. My leadership skills side-lined in this setting; my contribution quieted. I didn’t fully realize I was being overlooked, I chalked it up to raising young kids as the excuse to not lead, facilitate, travel, debrief or any of the other aspects my job description originally entailed.

While being a part of something greater than me produced valuable growth for a long season, for many reasons it no longer served me well to continue to remain “hidden” and excused away as this is just a season. As the God-given passions inside of me unsettlingly stirred, it was clear I could no longer thrive in what felt like nearly a decade of an inauthentic version of myself.  

It wasn’t only that. My identity became so entwined with being a part of the organization that actually doing the work became secondary. Great confusion paralyzed my ability to separate myself from a collective “we”.

It would be almost two long years of discontent and wrestling with my place on the team before I could honestly say the words I had avoided…The ones that had screamed at me for too long: THIS IS NOT WORKING AND SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE.!

It wasn’t until I gained insight through hindsight, that I grew aware of the extent of my idolization with this team and organization and how the weight of my decision to leave the team was so closely linked to my reputation with it all.  Who would I be without them? How could I stand on my own apart from them? Could I stay in my country of service and not be connected to the community from which I so closely tied my identity? And what about our famiy? And Jeff’s role on the team? I became acutely aware that this one decision would have such a huge ripple effect on every aspect of our lives. This was complex transition.  I had to admit that this was as far as I could go on this leg of the journey. If I stayed I would bitterly hinder my own growth, and potentially that of others, as well.  

Leadership Lessons

When we reach a developmental boundary phase - we are aware our identity with a role, a group, a country, an organization or a team, can become an playing field for growth or a prison of limitations.

For me the most relevant and greatest identity challenge at such a time came from being an expatriate and cross-cultural worker. I loved living overseas. Well, mostly! It was not a cake walk. There were daily challenges with not being understood due to lacking full language acquisition. There were the reminders of not fitting in fully and not having local family support. There were the long flights back “home” to people who didn’t really get our lives. There were the financial set-backs of living on support and coming up short. There were the team dynamics of dual-relationships and global mobility. There were the visa complications and daily wondering if we were doing something wrong with legal matters and would be kicked out. So yeah, it was in so many ways hard, but after nearly 9 years of living overseas I had grown accustomed to the challenges of living abroad chalked up to flexibility and adventure.

Despite the challenges, cross-cultural living was worth it to me. I deeply valued my regular interactions with people from around the globe. I loved being on a team of people who had such a similar passion to serve global workers. I loved hosting people from all over the world inviting them to expand our children’s worldview. I loved short and inexpensive flights to places of wonder and great adventure. I loved knowing that anywhere I went in the world, the response to, “where are you from” came a response of interest and if I’m honest a feeling of being special! Ultimately though I loved being used by God in an area of my calling and in a part of the world that was a good fit. Until I had to acknowledge it was no longer a good fit. And for that reason, all that I loved about living overseas would be in question. Was I really being asked to give all of this up because of this one angle?

A thought reverberated in my mind, “What once served you well in a position/role may be the very thing that is holding you back from becoming a more fully alive and healthy version of you in the next season!” Or said slightly differently, “What brought you here in the first place, may no longer be able to keep you here.” I was having to face the reality that I was no longer the same person as when I originally landed in this country: Grief in growth.

My role as cross-cultural worker was working. But, my role as a cross-cultural transition coach on this specific team and organization was not. I had to admit that I would remain vocationally stuck despite feeling culturally free. For almost two years, I was faced with the question, “What is the cost I am willing to pay for this internal dissonance of misfit?” Could I live with the incongruence?

Chili Contests and Vulnerable Creation Spaces

I entered a chili cookoff last night at my daughter’s school for the first time in my life. Never before have I felt the courage to invite people to openly critique my food! And I can’t exactly pinpoint what came over me for this shift to occur!  In fact, if you’ve eaten at our house before, it was likely Jeff’s cooking that was placed in front of you.  I say I like to experiment or functionally cook. And I come more present to the table when it’s not my creation we’re invited to.
 
In the month prior, Jeff noticed this rare occurance unfolding and asked me why this time was different (as well if I wanted any help!). I responded, “After years of really bad and below average chili-making, I think I might have found my go-to recipe!” I had recently modified a chicken fajita chili and thought it good enough to share with the world.
 
My son chimed in, “Do you think it’s good enough to win? Is it a contender?!”
 
To which I thought for a few seconds, “Actually, no. Ha! If I’m honest, I really don’t!” But I do think it’s good enough to share, as it’s unlike anything I've had before. 
 
I reflected that this process was more about me and a process of creation than it was about chili or winning.
 
That small revelation spoke to how I feel about much of what I create today. Vulnerable with a large dose of personal growth…Hard to get out of my head and into the world.
 
Isn’t that the summary of the creation process - vulnerable and often stunted? Vulnerability is required every step of the way as you pivot from one stage to the next...As with anything creative from writing a sermon to creating a painting and everything in between, all creative processes go through these 4 phases - Preparation, Incubation, Illumination and Implementation which I was reminded of in something as simple as a chili contest.

In the preparation phase, it is often a change that has necessitated a creative shift. Anything we create requires and entry point and motivation towards something new. For me that was bad chili. This nudging caused me to prepare and begin looking.

The Incubation phase - a time of hiddenness and experimentation. This phase was an invitation for me to brainstorm, explode, mess up, try out a combination of ingredients as was the case with the chili, double the recipe and even mess up. Like creating in life we have the opportunity to keep trying in this phase or to give up. The best innovation happens here in the incubation period when we keep working to refine what was okay into something great.

The third phase is the illumination - an aha that what is being created is different and worth it. Some say what brings you to creation is desperation. We need to be reminded of the impetus for change as we trudge through the mud waiting for that moment(S) of illumination. In the illuminate phase we can use that desperation for something better, something more, a fix for something that was breaking or broken.

And finally in the implementation phase we try it out in the world. A pilot phase. This piloting may be a place many never make it to. One might create in private and keep it in private never showing their brilliance to the world for fear of failure. My coach used to say, “Excellent enough, Sara!” As though he knew I might paralyze the process and keep it from full implementation if I waited for my creation to feel complete and whole.

And while implementation is the final phase of the creation process officially, in many ways it’s just the start. The feedback loop provides invaluable input into the creation itself.

I coached a leader this week along these lines saying, have you thought about just trying ____out with a small group of people and asking for feedback? He is looking to make a shift but not sure how to take the next step. As we considered together the blocks, we also discussed a trial period of sorts. 
 
“Why not bring this idea before a handful of supportive people? And ask for their honest feedback? Isn’t that what a pilot is – pressure to not have it perfect, but openness to be on the way.”
 
Bringing my recipe to this event was a small step towards awareness of my self-consciousness and insecurity around cooking; as well as an openness to be on the way. I’m hesitant to bring what I create to the spotlight for critics and approvers alike. I shy away from saying, look this is pretty good and I think you’ll benefit if you try it (and also it might not be your favorite yet!)…but amuse me either way! 
 
That vulnerability in recipe-making translates to what we’ve created recently in this vocational world of transition care in the form of a sabbatical ecourse and camino hiking experience. 
 
We think these two particular offerings are pretty off the charts (way better and time-tested than my chili) and maybe the best spaces we know that exist for leaders in transition to overcome burnout, stuckness, major life transition, and confusing places of vocational shift. We created these resources because this is what we wanted in transition or on sabbatical. And they have served others with positive feedback and ultimately deep soul care! 
 
I watched and reluctantly asked person after person their impression of my chili. A part of the refinement process that I’m working on in every area of my life being helpful feedback loops. Honestly, my flammin’ chicken chili needed to be cooled down, so I brought sour cream – maybe as a bit of a crutch but also as permission. There’s no going back when you add too much chili powder. In return for my asking, I received lovely interactions, and was met with delight, surprise, dislike and even one man’s wanna-be-professional-chef evaluation on my secret ingredients! Many children loved the sour cream most of all the “chili” offerings! And ultimately I had fun doing it.
 
Honestly, I’m proud of myself for this humbling step. And while I didn’t win, I did create something that was a process of vulnerability and the creative cycle feedback loop. For that alone it was a success. 
 
What are you putting out into the world these days? What is requiring new levels of creativity and vulnerability?
And what support do you need on the journey?

10 Best Creative (vs. Common) Interview Questions

10 best creative interview questions

We are all likely familiar with a courteous question like “how are you” when really the time doesn’t allow for an authentic answer. Similarly when you consider how much time you’ll spend working in your career, the idea of really getting to know you would benefit the employer and you alike. Why not dive deeper and ask creative and effective questions vs. common familiar ones?

The idea behind preparing to answer creative questions (compared to common interview questions) is that the interviewer is able to better understand your character, personality, and agility. Anyone can prepare for the standard questions with rote answers likened to cramming for a test. What does this tell your future employer about the uniqueness of you - that you test well!

More and more employees are implementing a creative approach with a desire to really get to know how you’re different, qualified and a team player.

Consider too, interviewing is not limited to words alone. Outside the interview room, tasks may be included in this process such as asking you to do something under pressure or riding in a car with you during rush hour to see how you cope under pressure. The holistic approach to interviewing should not be overlooked and has become more common in today’s career search.

The reason for this blog, is to engage around the creative side of a job interview. The more prepared you are for the unexpected: showing up agile, willing to be flexible, with a sense of humor when things go wrong and be open to correction, the more attractive you are to your potential future employer.

Aren’t these the soft skills you’ve worked hard to embody? Ultimately this is the goal interviewers are getting at with these questions above and beyond any “right” or “wrong” answer you could cram for. They want to see that you are not only qualified to do the work, but truly the best candidate for the long term.

So do yourself a favor and grab a friend and a coffee and ask them to ask you the following creative questions.

Below are a list of common interview questions compared to creative alternatives. Prepare for both and see how you show up more prepared than your peers. Bottom line: Be prepared, honest, flexible, and concise.

Common Interview Questions: 

1)    Tell me something about yourself.

2)    What did you like about your last job?

3)    Why did you leave your last job?

4)    What can you bring to this company/organization/team?

5)    What specific skills do you have for this type of work?

6)    What is your greatest strength?

7)    Tell me about your work history?

8)    What would your employers say about your past work experience?

9)    In what way do you feel you can make the biggest contribution to this company?

10) What five words describe you best?

11) Do you consider yourself a team player?

12) What motivates you?

13) Describe your working style?

14) What is your biggest accomplishment?

15) Anything else we should know about your work history?

16) Who is your role model, and why?

Examples of Creative interview Questions:

1)    If you could live anywhere, where would you live? This question indirectly asks about your lifestyle and hobbies. Hidden within it, are the questions: Do you like to travel? Would you want to relocate? Do you plan to be in this area long?

2)    If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life what would it be? Better than, “tell me more about yourself?”, this question gets at your interests and openness not to mention cultural awareness and greater worldview as well as outside the box thinking.

There is a joke in our home that I asked this question of my family, to which my husband Jeff answered Kale! If I could only eat one type of food for the rest of my life, I say Asian! His response, was, “Wait a minute I thought you said type of food not region of the world!.” My understanding of the question included an interpretation different from his but it didn’t seem wrong! Comical now, I think it would be way more fun to eat my choice for the rest of my life! As you can see, the interpretation of even a simple question like this can spur on creative answers igniting a more playful spirit from even the beginning of our interaction.

3)    What was the last gift you gave to someone?   The question is getting at how generous, kind, thoughtful you are Do you have a good memory! Are you intentional? Relational? Caring?

4)    What is an unpopular opinion you hold? Persuasiveness or uniqueness? You decide. I love this question because it grants permission and space for differences. We can hold unpopular opinions and be open to disagreement in this workspace. It also gives space for contradiction in the simplest of ways from a disliked movie to a deeper political stance. I’d probably err on the side of something slightly shallow in the first round and see where things go from there. (i.e. I think the STAR WARS series is over-rated or I am a rare person who really doesn’t like ice cream! (not true of me, just an example).

5)    What is the last best movie (book, article) you read? What this question is asking, is are you well-informed, a life-long learner, interesting and/or insightful. Be prepared to talk about something of interest to the listener and not just to you. It may or may not relate to the work you do, however, relatable is better than obscure, strange or confusing.

6)    What advice would you give your former boss? Delicate, yes. But simultaneously insightful into your relationship with past employers or supervisors. As well, notable what traits you value and need in your working world. A question like this gives you the opportunity to manage up. Saying something like, “I would tell my former boss that I work well autonomously and then collaboratively. I need space to ideate but also brainstorm with others. I am a ambivert, extroverted/introverted thinker and thrive in that type of environment.” Keeping it about you and not them, highlights your self-awareness and keeps you from speaking poorly or going down a rabbit hole about the former org or relationship.

7)    If you were an animal what animal would you be? Without asking are you a people person, you can learn a lot about someone from this question. Your answer can speak to traits you share in common with a familiar creature without having to state, I’m funny, fun, loving, isolating, high maintenance, etc! As well, it tells me if you are an animal-loving personal which may or may not be relatable.

8)    What do you do to rejuvenate? Or describe an ideal Saturday? Again, this question may be asking about hobbies or it may be asking about boundaries of work. What does your work-life balance look like and how are you caring for yourself. Do we share similar values on the idea of rest?

9)    What does your ideal working environment look like? Whether or not an organization can accommodate your ideal working needs, if this question was asked, I would jump at the opportunity to say I work really well collaborating with others and then going back to my work alone. Basically stating, can I work remotely without micro-management and with or without people?

10) Which year of your life would you like to relive? This question allows you to highlight something others may never ask you about. I love this question as it basically states, “tell me more about yourself! What brings you life and why?” 

Bonus: What’s one thing about you that people don’t ask but that you’d like others to know?

Preparing for an interview with these types of questions in mind gives you the leg up! As you can imagine it also gives you the opportunity to prepare not only for your vocation, but also the relationships that will make up your work environment. A good interview allows your potential future employer to see your unique attributes and learn more about you both inside of work and outside. Don’t be shy about your accomplishments, likes and dislikes. Let your unique self shine! Be concise and don’t forget that you can also ask intelligent and thoughtful questions in return.

Many forget that they are also “courting” the organization when they step into an interview. Ask yourself, Do you like what you see? Is the person friendly? Does the organization resonate with your values? Is there room for you to grow here?

You are entitled to ask the interviewer questions as well. “What are you looking for most in this position? How might I stand out from others you’ve spoken to? Why did the previous person leave?” Being proactive and assertively asking to better understand the individual and the company will likely to several things. 1. It speaks to your courage and leadership 2. It shows you care and are active in your pursuit 3. It will give a dopamine hit to the interviewee and ultimately set you apart as memorable.

Be bold and have fun with this process. If you let it, the experience of interviewing can be a process of gained self discovery; a gift to yourself and others in a season of transition.

For further reflection:

Which question would you like to answer? Have you been in an interview like this that allowed your best attributes to shine?

6 Questions & A Conversation Game for the Holidays

I was equally shocked and inspired when I heard that my teenager recently spent an hour and a half talking about controversial topics with my parents! My dad gloated that he asked great questions and he could not recount a kid of his age engaging with such openness and curiosity. While I initially felt a surge of pride, I was also skeptical, wondering what values they may have shaken in my child’s life. I sat with a sense of gladness that the conversation carried on as it did, especially without me. But…honestly, I was also a little embarrassed to note that I had refrained from engaging in these types of conversations with familiar people in my life like my son did…not curious or wanting to know where they stand on issues that I assume I already know we disagree about.

What I heard from my dad without him directly saying it, was that he felt loved, seen and understood whether my son agreed or not. The simple act of asking questions, and staying in the conversation with curiosity provided that space of connecting and bonding. I thought to myself, learning to ask questions is one of the ways I want myself and my children to show up in the world and maybe one of the best ways they can demonstrate love to their world around them. There is a message of love that was sent in the exchange. Truly being listened to, validated and being seen - Isn’t that what we all desire at our core?

And yet we refrain from giving to others what we need most when we feel misunderstood or unseen.

This led me to thinking about other conversations I’ve had recently…I’ve been told by some that they don’t know what questions to ask or how to engage in those spaces especially when it feels like there are potential landmines or there is a history of hurt or misunderstanding. Let’s be honest, most people aren’t naturally good question askers. It’s a learned skill. And for all of us, listening and asking questions are tools that could use frequent sharpening. There may be the odd one out - those who do ask questions for a living, who need to express their voice more. Pipe up and share with healthy disclosure to be seen and known.

Whether you’re a natural question-asker or a natural-sharer, consider the following prompts for conversation starters this holiday season.  

Question prompts to start conversation:

Instead of asking what are you thankful for………try:

-what is something you are currently excited about?

-what is something that surprised you recently?

-what is one thing you’re looking forward to over the holidays?

Instead of asking how is work going..……..try:

-what is something that you are excited about in your job?

-what is something that is life-giving for you in your career?

-who is someone you recently enjoyed being with?

-what is something interesting that you’re reading right now?

Choose one and see what happens…

Conversation Game

Another angle may be inserting a simple conversation game over dinner. We were introduced to the game “that reminds me”* when my children were little. While living in Spain, we hosted a lot of interesting (to us) people in our home for meals and overnights. My then 7 and 3 year old, were continually saying how bored they were at the adult conversations and complained that no one ever asked them questions.

 Enter this lovely game, especially useful when there are long talkers or a diversity of ages or viewpoints. This game can be a neutral zone to avoid some of those landmines!

Here’s how it works.

One person starts with ONE word, any word…i.e. spaghetti, horses or TSA! The person who says the word picks a person and that person thinks of a true and short story from their life that has the word in it. When they come up with the story, they begin their recounting by saying, that reminds me of a time when I was young…if they can’t think of a story to match the word, pick another person.

The only rule: No one else is allowed to interject or correct.

At the end of their story, that person chooses a new word from their story and picks another person to do the same.

Continue sharing stories until at least everyone, even the youngest, has had a chance to share.

When we’ve played a game like this, my kids shared the same sentiment as my dad – one of inclusion, being seen and understood.  They wanted to keep showing up at the dinner table to learn and to be heard. They wanted a voice in their world where they often felt overlooked. It was immediately evident that they had capacity to hear other stories when they felt this kind of love in being heard. 

Admittedly it takes courage to enter into these places of vulnerability both of sharing, listening and asking questions - especially where controversial landmines may linger. Give it a try. If the worst that will happen is that you realize you don’t see eye to eye, then the risk is worth it. Then report back and let me know what happens - both in you and in others.

*”That reminds me” was introduced to us by the lovely Monica Romig Green. She has hundreds of other thoughtful and fun ways of interacting and sharing life…google her!

For further reflection:

Please share with us - What other conversational games have you seen work around a table? What powerful questions have you seen open up new avenues of sharing?

Leadership Perspective on Sabbatical

Shark tank the tv show is commonly referenced in our home. Not because we watch it regularly but because there are a couple of self-proclaimed ideators in my home that find it intriguing to spark conversation starting with, “Would this *insert crazy idea* fly on shark tank? 
 
As we discuss, we offer our fake money and investment options, saying something like “I’d give you 5 million for a 50% investment and unlimited quality time with your mom! The counter-offer is often, I’ll take the 5 million and leave the rest! (Thank you teenagers!)

Amidst the banter we may pull up a show or two and probe into the real world of what is working and not. Recently I was drawn into an older episode that included a proposition for a very intriguing power nap studio!

The idea included sleep pods, a studio pop-up shop and a relaxing ambient, atmosphere resembling a massage room. Coming to a city near you!**

In reality we all need more creativity and productivity in our daily life. And even a brief nap such as 15-20 minutes, we know provides greater brain clarity, a mental boost and overall body refreshment.

While the idea of napping for refreshment is not a new concept, the creativity that may be sparked and necessary, encouraged in the form of an intentional rest outside the floor of your office or a reclined position in your car or nodding off at your desk, is more necessary now than ever.  
 
I’m a big fan of power naps and the way they refresh my whole being. My response as I continued watching was one of immediate welcome and desire to endorse, if I could have.
 
But instead, the shared general sentiment of the sharks, their response surprised me. It sounded like this… “No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*
 
While much research has shown the benefits, the overarching value is that work takes precedence over self-care! Productivity trumps care despite the desire and lip service given to prioritize the greatest assets of any company – the people. 
 
Although ministry leaders don’t say it as directly as the sharks, the sentiment is not that different from corporate America - We can’t afford to rest and neither can you! 
 
Just last week I had a conversation with an executive director of member care discussing why leaders need a sabbatical. He was authentically questioning the efficacy. Why isn’t vacation enough? How burned out do they need to be? When do we say yes? How do you cover positions and who pays for this?

““No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*”

— Shark from Shark Tank

As sabbatical coaches we frequently hear this "man over machine" mindset but the form and approach to see the value lived out, lacks. People are still denied space and time because the leadership isn’t certain of the value, doesn’t understand how the job will get done, is afraid of an employee leaving or hasn’t been in a similar position. That all makes sense. These are common reactions across ministry, non-profit, and corporate America.

If you’re a leader positioned to champion this type of care, what are your responses? How do you posture yourself to listen for these words – stuck, discontent, exhausted, unsettled and poor fit - amidst those you serve? What might a follow-up conversation look like when you hear these words?

A sabbatical policy in our mind is meant to be created from a developmental perspective. People are the best resource of any company, and shouldn’t be treated as machines. Giving space and time such as a long pause in the form of a sabbatical to listen to their heart, their head and their body will likely keep them from burning out and leaving altogether. Organizations often feel like they need to have all the answers or a policy in place in order to grant a sabbatical and to that we say, give it a try with a few and see what works for your organization and personnel.

Consider a few leadership best practices to sabbatical:

1. Be open to what the employee needs for their own physical, mental and spiritual growth even if you don’t understand. Let them decide and tell you what they need. If we want healthy leaders, we ultimately want to create an environment where these healthy leaders know what they need and ask for it.

2. Help them find third-party resources and accountability that understand sabbaticals and how to structure one. You as the leader will have a different agenda than an objective outsider.

3. Take a company-wide approach to care. When everyone catches the vision for a sabbatical culture the whole culture wins. How can every employee consider where sabbatical might fit on their developmental track? And consider for others how they might chip in to cover for when people take time off?

4. What can you as an organization say no to in order to live out this value? Not every fundraiser is necessary. Not every service is needed. What can be released for a time?

5. Consider sending the employees you hear say the above words, a sabbatical readiness survey. This serves as a way of saying I see you and there are resources available.
     

You don't have to have all the answers, a policy or even the ability to grant a sabbatical. Let's keep the conversation open so leaders remain healthy and have access to the resources they require. Sleep pods or not, let’s demonstrate the powerful value of rest over productivity in creative and effective ways. 
 
Bonus: Listen here for a sabbatical conversation from a google employee.

Questions for further conversation: Let me ask you. What is your theology of rest? And where did it come from?

*As of July 2023 napping pods or minute sleep stations are located in at least 21 aiports in the world including DFW, DXB, IAD, DEL, ATL, MUC, JFK, MEX, AUH, PHL, HEL, LGW, CLT, IST, SVO, NRT, YYZ, TLL, BGY,  (find one next time you fly!)

When Sabbatical Feels Far Off But Desperately Needed

For many reasons I’ve dreaded writing this as it’s the lived-out version of what we do day in and day out splayed open to critique and judgment as I find my way forward in a very personal way. I muster up courage telling myself that at worst I’ll receive criticism and not everyone will love or agree with what I write. On the other hand the transparency may strike a chord with someone who deeply resonates. And if nothing else, as my writing partner encourages me, “vulnerable words and shared experience are more interesting to read!” (Thanks Melissa!)

Here’s the reality…

I (Sara) walk amongst the slow these days. Quite literally, a snail’s pace at times. I carry my hidden crutches fully inside my body in the form of hormone dysregulation and auto immune disorder. I know I am not alone in this. Many of us are fighting a battle that can’t be seen.  And yet it somehow feels different as a sabbatical coach.

It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication. My unseen limitation on a regular basis is basically a hiccup in my brain and a bite of food away from a long nap, and severe stomach ache. These are all manageable, but still incredibly inconvenient. In extreme times I can’t get out of bed and don’t have the capacity to take in new information.

“It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication.”

As a sabbatical and transition coach I wrestle with how to live into this reality when in extreme or moderated forms; when I can’t push myself like my personality would prefer. There are no reserves to draw from. I am forced to slow down and admit the need to do so.

There are seasons when we must slow down or even stop. And there are times when stopping for a long pause isn’t yet possible.

As a sabbatical coach we often hear the question,

“How do I operate in day to day life when I can’t get what I need yet and I’m on the slippery slope of burnout?”

And from others, the question is “Where do sabbatical coaches turn when they need a rest and a break?”

Like leaders in any sector and especially those in 24-7 or demanding ministry, “Where can we ALL find space to be transparent and in need, and not fully live into what we need, such as sabbatical, at the same time?”

Here are few counter-intuitive lessons from my recent Camino experience that I’m applying in my daily life and learning to embrace in this season when I can’t yet push pause.

1.     Listen to Your Body. Having walked 5 portions of the Camino de Santiago over the last 7 years, I have found the athlete inside of me come alive again. The Camino is different in that it invites our whole self to the conversation of spiritual transformation in the reality of where we are currently living but noticing in a heightened way while walking. One of the ongoing and strikingly obvious lessons has been this - my body knows how it wants to move and when it can move, and when it needs to rest. I just need to tune into the wise voice it speaks, listen, and respond. I apologize to my body for the way in which I would never treat any other human - like a machine. This feels new and an important lesson in sustainability and care. I apologize for the mistreatment and welcome ongoing guidance as we do this life together.

“I see you body. I see what you’ve done for me and how you can’t do it any longer. I acknowledge you’ve been working hard and need to stop for a time.”

— A moment of gratitude to myself

2.     Permission to rest. I recently read a statistic that lack of sleep is a better predictor of diabetes than diet. Meaning it is also the best prevention for this and many other diseases (of course alongside exercise and diet). In this season I must give myself permission to go to bed earlier. To say no to evening activities. To allow myself grace to skip a seminar and to take a nap. Or as on the Camino, to not walk for a day. I can work a 4-day work week and intentionally schedule sabbath. These are all lessons in resting - undeniable lifelines for me in this season.  

3.     Leave margin. If there is one thing I must daily focus on, it is how to get margin in all areas of my life. I do almost nothing at the speed I would like to or that I see others doing. For example, I move slower therefore I must leave the house earlier. I think slower so have to leave more time for creation in deadlines or even emails I need to write. I don’t schedule meetings back to back, I can’t pivot that fast. I don’t multi-task, my brain drains much faster when I try to. I can’t procrastinate and deal with the stress of last-minute changes.

In nearly every area of my life right now, I must think about adding extra time and energy. While this takes time in itself, it also allows me to show up as best as I can in what I do commit to.

4. Downshift my expectations of reality. When I drive uphill in a stickshift I notice the change in the sound of how hard the engine is working. With years of practice, I intuitively hear the overuse and manually shift down to third, second or even first to allow the engine to perform at its best capacity. If I don’t, I know it will not perform at all. In this last season of non-profit start-up I’ve had to acknowledge how loud the engine is running in my life and how I haven’t released it to work in 2nd or 1st gear, instead revving in 5th.  

In the last 6 months, it pains me to say what we haven’t done but these are the graces and can humbly admit it has been for the best. We cancelled two, 7-week cohorts. We only attended one conference instead of multiple this fall. We released the pressure to strategize best contacts, speak twice and have a booth at the one we did attend. We let go of the expectations on ourselves to finish our book by our desired deadline.

Full transparency none of those were chosen by me. The cohorts didn’t fill up, the second proposal didn’t land, the book didn’t get the space in our schedule that we desired to finish it. We were forced to downshift and humbly admit our humanity in it all. Ultimately I have to admit a performance orientation and confess that I am living unrealistically. I have to tell myself, not everything needs to be done by me and right now. This is a daily conversation. How much is enough?

5.     Ask for help. I am the first to admit that being needy is not in my DNA. However the value of the community of believers and the picture of Moses’ arms being held up by Aaron & Hur (Exodus 17:12-14) grants me permission to say, “it’s okay and even expected to need people”.

While we coach people to find where the world’s needs and their passion intersects and to live in that space 80% of the time, in start-up and certain ministry roles this is not always possible. At times there is no one else to do the job I’m not able to do (or am not skilled at doing).  So I’ve learned to ask, what can I NOT do today? What can someone else take off of my plate? And what can I just let go of entirely and not pick back up at this time?

And sometimes that website re-design or the newsletter doesn’t get attended to. I’ve had to extend grace that even though I’d like things done faster, frantic pace isn’t possible or healthy 100% of the time. There may be seasons of busy but we are not machines that can be pushed 24-7-365.

6.     Keep engaging in good self-care. As my naturalpath read my lab reports several months ago, his reaction surprised me. He said, I’m amazed by the look of these that you’re not doing a lot worse.” (Thank you?!) “What your labs tell me is that you’re currently in stage 2 of adrenal fatigue/burnout but you have great DHEA levels which says that healthy rhythms are sustaining you.” My takeaway: labs don’t lie!

We proceeded to converse and he probed a bit deeper about the practicalities. I shared what I have actively put in place to one degree or another over the last two decades of living with my health limitations. I proceeded to share that I have learned many hard disciplines such as daily supplements, intentional diet, daily exercise, turning work off at a decent hour, & weekly sabbath. I have the role of wife and mother that no one else can do so religiously focus on balancing play and fun with my husband and kids (separate and together). We incorporate more celebration and traditions and invite others into them whenever possible. Getting life-giving time with friends is huge for me so I schedule it at least once a week, even when I was in transition. Going to bed ridiculously early, only drinking decaf coffee (no judgment - it’s what my body needs), and saying no to a lot more than I would like are all part of good self-care for me. I have a support system of people that I rely on to keep me accountable to specific areas, such as this naturopath doctor.

I was reminded in that conversation that it can be really frustrating to have good rhythms and still experience your body as not fully functioning. My self-care rhythms haven’t solved all of my adrenal dysfunction issues, but they have made it possible to live a relatively normal life.  

7.     Reduce Stress. In that same conversation, he noted, you can’t take out all of life’s stress and sometimes stress is good, but your body must manage the amount coming in. Because of this immune disorder my body is always under a fair amount of stress in general maintenance. I heard, I must pick my battles more wisely! The energy reserves for stress are diminished and not being replenished as a normal person’s would.

And yet as I shared with my doctor and consider what is relevant to others, I feel a deep peace. I am attending to my limitations. I continue to incorporate the rhythm of my “Camino pace” as a reminder of my long and arduous journey just a few weeks prior. Slow and steady one foot in front of the other when I don’t know how long the journey will be or what other “mountain” I may find myself in front of. We say the Camino parallels life, like it or not, and these are my direct parallels and opportunities for ever-maturing response.

If I was sitting with you as a friend or coach, I would ask, “What strikes a chord? What is your key takeaway from how to live out a life of balance and rest when a sabbatical is not able to be actualized… yet?”

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Summer is a time when people realize that the long-overdue vacation they finally took was not enough. While we are highly in favor of a weekly sabbath and an annual vacation or two, sabbatical is a lengthier period of time for rest, rejuvenation and realignment of priorities. Here are a few of the common questions that we hear as people are considering if a sabbatical might be in their future.  

What length is ideal/long enough for a sabbatical?

It is in the long pause of several months (or more) that we have an opportunity to actually ask the hard questions and listen to the answers seldom heard amid the hustle and noise of continuing on the same path. It is recommended from several sources that three to four months of unbroken time away (at minimum) is ideal. This implies no active engagement in work. (We’ve seen too many people “cheat” on this and work part time or pursue other intense work).  Don’t cut this gift of time short! And for many having lived in difficult circumstances or under extreme workplace stress, we recommend 6 months to a year. If 10 weeks is all that is offered, consider using vacation time on the front and back end or personal leave time to round it out. We say take what you can get, but when one considers all that is needed to truly rejuvenate, 3 months minimum is the standard answer.

How should I use my time?

When on sabbatical, “Sabbatical is your job,” we say. “It is your full time job to rest well and offer yourself up for spiritual and personal transformation or reflection and re-alignment.” When we coach, we help lay out a plan tailored to each individual’s reasons for why they are taking a sabbatical, helps best facilitate internal growth, and desired outcomes especially in the midst of the process that can often feel uncertain and floundering. The book we’re in the process of writing (coming fall 2023) on sabbaticals is meant to provide ideas and suggestions corresponding to each of the six phases. As well there will be a book recommendation list and general “what to do on sabbatical” ideas in the appendix.  

How does one decide when to take a sabbatical?

We generally suggest following the biblical and agricultural model of every seven years. However if it’s been significantly longer, consider your capacity to work and your capacity to care. We often notice people feel restless vocationally when they’re approaching a sabbatical which is a great time to pause, rest and gain perspective before making any major decisions. There is a sabbatical readiness survey that we ask people to fill out to consider a more robust angle on one’s personal readiness and needs. Email us and ask us for it.

Is there a time to not take a sabbatical?

We do not suggest taking one when your organization is in major transition, your organization is downsizing or undertaking a new project. As well, we don’t suggest taking one if you need medical attention, are fully burned out, are unpacking a crisis or trauma situation or having a baby. Those all fall under other categories such as personal or medical leave. Ask for personal leave instead. Sabbatical is intended for rejuvenation and rest as well as vocational clarity and creative recreation. It is hard to get that if you are needing to focus on medical care or a newborn. Finding the right timing is understandably one of the most important considerations. While there may never be a perfect time, there will be some windows such as the low season or the end of a busy season that are better than others. Get feedback, pray and plan towards it. Don’t be discouraged. It often takes a year to actualize these well-laid plans.

How do you decide where to take a sabbatical?

There is a chapter in this book on how to decide. Consider it carefully alongside of other stakeholders. As well, consider where you rejuvenate and what activities are life-giving. Traveling for example, is not life-giving for everyone.

Can you take a sabbatical that does not correspond to your spouse?

Absolutely. While it may require more intentionality and effort, you will see this is a myth we had to overcome and we’re grateful we did. Of importance to note is that the non-sabbaticalling spouse should release some of their responsibilities such as extended travel and time away in order for the other to get what he/she needs out of the time.

What if you work with your spouse? How do you not engage in work-related conversation?

While this is admittedly tricky, a simple conversation around “how was your day” can take you into deeper discussion of work-related communication. We suggest that you talk about this ahead of time and discuss any necessary boundaries that you might need. Taking out names from conversations can be helpful. Putting stories in first-person or feelings words can also mitigate long drawn out he said/she said conversations.

What are your most pressing questions? Email us and let us know if you need alongside care or coaching in this process. But do what you can to care for yourself, your spouse and those around you by taking this sacred gift called sabbatical. 

The 7 Attitudes Needed in Vocational Discernment: Following the Ignatian Way

As I probed further into my own understanding of how I showed up with people on a daily basis in vocational discernment work, I began to realize the unique nature of how I got here. It was three-fold.

I had been gifted wise people on my developmental journey through seminary, through organizational affiliation and professional helpers who spoke this language. I read a lot of supporting material through wise literary mentors like Henri Nouwen, Parker Palmer, St. Ignatius of Loyola, Bobby Clinton and Terry Walling.

But quite possibly my best teacher was the many years I had lived making decisions without wise input. Those were years (decades) of painful learnings where I tried to go it alone.  I learned what not to do and how I would do it different.

Since that time, I have sought for hindsight to guide my insight. Asking questions like, “What would I have done differently given what I know now? and “Who would I have liked alongside of me?” This last transition gave me an opportunity to apply that hard learning.

When faced with the decision to return from overseas assignment after 11 years, I experienced not one, or even two, but three intentional discernment times over the course of 3 years with trusted mentors and advisors. Arguably three may have been overkill, but given the nature and complexity of the decisions, each one illuminated the path directly in front of me in a way I needed to discern. As well, this repetition provided unified confirmation that I personally needed during a hard season of learning to trust my voice. I needed that space to surrender, listen, wait, and trust.   

What is vocational discernment

It wasn’t until I put myself in the position of those who we work with  - people in places of confusion, stuckness, isolation and hopelessness - that I began to really unpack how this is done. I was asked to unpack questions like, “What does vocational discernment actually look like?” “What is the difference between decision-making and discernment?” “How does one best posture themselves to receive in this time?” “What do the stages of discernment look like?” And, “How do you do this in community?”

While each of those questions needs addressing, worth noting of first priority is that creating space in your life, through monastic practices like silence, solitude, contemplation and centeredness will greatly aide in this process. Noise, busyness, and a scattered mind on the other hand will distract. An intentional sabbatical or set-aside period of time helps to create boundaries for those who suffer from decision-making fatigue.

St. Ignatius of Loyola talks often about indifference and attachment, especially as they relate to decision-making and discernment. He states that there are 7 qualities or attitudes required of us to wholly engage in a discernment process 1.) openness 2.) courage 3.) generosity 4.) interior freedom 5.) habit of prayerful reflection 6.) having one’s priorities straight 7.) not confusing the ends with the means. How we posture ourselves directly determines how we will receive.  

7 attitudes in a discernment and decision-making process  

1.     An attitude of surrender and openness with the trajectory of our life path being held with open hands willing to receive or to let go of whatever may come. We see many who want the benefits of intentional time, without actually releasing their ideas and plans to what might come. Admittedly this can be scary, we see our unhealthy attachments to power in a position, security of job, organizational ties, and all that we’ve worked hard for, being put in an Isaac & Abraham, all-things-on-the-altar request.

2.     We remind those we work with that this is bold and courageous work and the next necessary posture. It requires us to stay faithful and patient to believe and trust that God has a perfect plan for our lives. It requires boldness to keep showing up to the hard conversations, to the difficult relationships, to our time with God.  

3.     Directly linked, our hearts need to be open and generous, putting no conditions on what God might be asking of us. It will likely require seeing others as first and ourselves as second. The posture of generosity allows us to enter into a place of hospitality. Hosting our creator in our midst, willing to co-create but also willing to wait. Hosting others’ needs and concerns before our own.

4.     The ignatian exerices often talk about creating a place of interior freedom. That space inside of ourselves that is often filled with many other attachments – people, material possessions, and other idols. We must be willing to do what God asks of us, in a posture of release of what we might normally strive towards.

5.     A habit of prayerful reflection. Utilizing spiritual habits and disciplines that create an ability to hear God’s voice, alongside of trusted others. Covering the vocational discernment in prayer, repeatedly giving it to the Lord.

6.     The posture of having one’s priorities straight, asking, “Not my will but yours be done”. Here we are not allowing the things of this world to deter us from God’s best plan for our life but rather keeping our focus on what is good, pure, lovely, excellent, and praiseworthy. Asking for His priorities to be our priorities.  

7.     And finally asking for God to reveal to us where we confuse the ends with the means. Not putting God in second place, and our desires in first, but rather the other way around. Asking that our desires align with God’s in humility and sacrifice.

This is risky and vulnerable work that few fully enter into. And understandably these 7 postures overlap. What we most often see with those entering into discernment is that they are challenged with one or two, not bad things, but to really release something or someone in the process that is holding them back.

For Deeper Reflection:

How long have you been considering a shift in your own life?

What is holding you back?

What do you fear is the worst that will happen?

The 5 Phases of Vocational Discernment: Taking Steps Towards a Major Life Transition

While we are used to making choices every day, we may find ourselves paralyzed or change resistant on the whole with a major life transition. The cluster of decisions involved in decision-making can cause a sense of emotional flooding or overload. As a response, we can utilize these Ignatian principles as an over-arching guide and invitation to our inner world by accepting that they are needed and allow us to enter in. However, we must live into an active posture externally for change to take place.  

How does one live into Vocation Discernment and Decision-making?

The steps to discernment are similar to decision-making and follow a similar pattern, but uniquely flow from one to the next in correlation to the attitudes of discernment. Vocational discernment includes decision-making but only as one element of it. The 5 phases of vocational discernment include: Awareness of the need for change, information gathering, reflection, decision-making, and action.

1.     Awareness of the Need for Change – a crisis may have necessitated the change; or you may be entering in preventatively (our awareness came much sooner than the ability to do anything about it because we needed more information)…when cross-cultural workers experience a shift or one thing changes, usually there is a ripple effect where everything changes. This awareness can become quite disruptive!

2.     The Information Gathering Phase – What are my options? What are the factors in this decision? For global workers this is one of the most complex phases and where we find ourselves working with individuals and couples. We recognize that unique to those in a foreign context and especially those in ministry jobs, answering these questions will have ripple effects on every area of life. If one is disgruntled with a boss or a co-worker, shifting organizations is not a simple solution. This one answer may act as a spark that sets off a forest fire. Having confidential, outside input at this phase is incredibly beneficial.

3.     Reflection – In tandem with the previous phase we experience a deeper examination of the information gathered matched with self-awareness and a listening to the Holy Spirit. Questions like, “What do I like? What do I need? What are my dreams for the future? What are my limitations? Where have I let self-limiting beliefs hold me back?” When vocational formation and spiritual formation meet, there is an opportunity for a creative, likely messy and always beautiful expression of one’s unique self to arise. This is where we often meet with people in The Art of Transition or Life Planning process.

4.     Decision-Making – after accepting the need for change, gathering information and taking a concerted time for reflection, comes the decision. This is usually the shortest period of time as the prior investment pays off! If the previous steps are taken, this one comes with clarity and often a deep sense of relief! We encourage careful thought as to who will take part in the final decision. We’ve often used the phrase, “He/she has a voice, but not a vote.” Clearly there is more to discuss around who’s voice has a vote in your transition.

5.     Action  - Implementing the decision is the final step. We call this the roll-out. The action steps need to be carefully thought through including who needs to know what and when. In order to avoid relational fallout, considering those who will be most effected by your decision and how they might respond is key. In addition to the timing of a roll-out, it is important to think through the narrative of what you share and with whom.  

One final point of clarification. Discernment is open to all who seek it. While some may have the strengths and skills of listening; or have had experience working with career development, the spiritual gift of discernment, I believe is a gift from the Lord. Ask for it in this unique time! Ask for it for others listening to God on your behalf. Ask for the postures we discussed above:  1.) openness 2.) courage 3.) generosity 4.) interior freedom 5.) habit of prayerful reflection 6.) having one’s priorities straight 7.) not confusing the ends with the means. Remember, these are not instinctive, but rather are cultivated through direct relationship with the Lord and are fruit that is accessible from our leaning into that relationship.

Some may feel as I did, that seeking other’s in times of discernment points to a lacking in your own life. On the contrary, it is a unique opportunity to utilize the greater body of believers. You can possess both the gift of discernment and listen to wise council at the same time. This is counter-cultural work that will likely hold value tension for many.  Accepting the feedback of trusted voices is wise, enhances one’s ability to hear and make the necessary next steps as the unity and peace come.

Find a group of trusted, caring, and confidential people who get this and can listen on your behalf to the life that God is inviting you into and trust that He has your ultimate best interest in this process!

For reflection:

Think back to a time when you included trusted voices in your decisions, what was different about that decision compared to others?

When did you wish you would have listened to others, but didn’t?

What are some unhealthy attachments that keep you from entering into the attitudes of discernment?

Sharing Difficult Transition Stories: Framing the Narrative with Respect & Honor

Sharing Difficult Transition Stories  

“How do I tell our transition story? I want to honor all parties involved and recognize my boundaries in sharing the truth and yet be honest and transparent at the same time.”

When we use the words “transition story” we are referring to giving language to the reason for a change in role, organization or geography. The important details of why there will be a shift in your life and potentially the lives of those around you. A transition story involves unpacking the why and the what with a variety of audiences - a supporting church, friends, family, neighbors, and donors.

With over a decade of being a transition coach, we recognize that the most difficult transition stories to discuss are those that include interpersonal conflict. It’s no wonder that people feel guarded or even paranoid about what information is being relayed. This type of transition story is what we are referring to here.

Seldom are transition stories clear, concise and neutral. On the contrary, the why behind a transition is typically laden with a broad mix of emotions, secrets, conflict, chaos and confusion. Often, the narrative includes fuzzy details and if told by the other party may sound as if two people took a vacation to two different destinations. The stories just do not match.

When I went through my painful transition several years ago, a wise counselor said to me, “Sara, you can’t worry about what the others involved are sharing. But you can be fully responsible for how you frame your story. You can control what you share and the posture you choose to share it from.”

Ultimately I was being invited to consider what words I would share and with whom. I so desperately sought to be understood, but I determined early on that I would NOT go to great lengths to search out who knew what and if it matched my version of the stories. I set out instead to share honestly, authentically and without suffering from a vulnerability hangover! You know the feeling - the check in your spirit in hindsight when you wish you would have kept your mouth shut. You wish you could take the words back, but you can’t. I so deeply desired to walk away from every conversation feeling as though I spoke with integrity and honored all parties involved and my story as well. Honestly, I didn’t always do this well…

What this meant in summary was keeping the story brief and choosing my listeners as they chose to listen to me. Not everyone heard the same amount of the story. I shared general information with some and deep feelings and pain with others. I reserved the details for those who knew me well and could hold the value of this narrative in the greater picture of my life and our relationship and in confidence. The story did not change, the amount of details and the way I described it did. Speaking with integrity and honor was my pursuit for justice in an unjust situation!

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As third-party transition coaches at The Way Between, we frequently find that people seek us out as a safe space to talk about their confusion, stuckness or conflict without us knowing their organizational dynamics and overlaps. When we have affiliation with an organization, we try to refrain from over-relating or projecting our experiences. We want to maintain a safe healing space for all parties involved. When I ask certain questions, or mention certain names, I must be aware of my own curiosity versus having the best interest of all parties in mind. Recognizing the way I may trigger someone with the simple mention of a name.

When we previously offered these same services internal to a larger organization, we often found ourselves pulled between relational loyalty - unable to authentically serve in that position. A simple mention of the word “boss” or “president” may mean that you know exactly who the person was struggling with and likely heard rumblings of his/her side of the story, if not firsthand, as well. And if you did know the person, you likely had feelings or bias. In dual-relationship care professions it remains challenging to remain a neutral, caring, un-biased listener. 

Getting clear on the message you want to communicate and to whom, will dictate how you navigate transition well. For your discernment, consider these three categories when giving voice to your experience – simply to whom, how, and what will you share:

1.     TO WHOM DO YOU SHARE - Who is this audience to me and the other important figures involved in my story? How is this person I’m sharing with related to the information of my story? What will they do with the information that I share? Is this a confidential relationship? Do they have a history of keeping it confidential? Do they have my best interest in mind?

You may find that thinking through the following parties may benefit the framing of your narrative.

a.     A key decision-maker such as a boss or supervisor

b.     An involved party who may or may not understand my side of the story

c. A future employer who may or may not know individuals in your story.

d.     An uninvolved, caring by-stander

e.     A secondary connection who knows the characters in my story but 1. Has historically had my best interest or 2. Has not historically had my best interest in mind.

It may be obvious, but the two that are hardest to communicate with are 1. An involved party who may or may not understand my side of the story & 2. A secondary connection who knows the characters in my story but has not historically had my best interest in mind.  

My scar stories took years of concerted prayer and trusted counsel to heal, I still remain responsible to attend to them by steering clear of certain conversations that lead me down the wrong path.  I have the agency to choose to recount either a story of growth or bitterness.  

Grand decisions in relational ministry require repetition amongst a wide-audience. Getting the language of my story clear is essential.

2.     HOW DO YOU TELL THE MESSAGE – How much information is necessary to tell? How do you want what you communicate to be remembered? With grace and dignity or anger and bitterness?

How you tell your story will likely be more remembered than the information you share.

When I first started leading Art of Transition groups, I piloted a group with 10 leaders in the same geographical location where I had experienced great pain and misunderstanding. It was a risky move for many reasons, but primarily because nearly everyone in the room knew some of the key people in my story. If I misspoke and shared even a small detail, many could make inference as to who I was referring to. However, at the end of the 6 weeks, a newcomer to the community graciously thanked me in front of everyone saying, “It’s clear that this material comes from a place of great pain. And I can imagine it would have been easy for you to divulge information about the parties involved in your pain. But thank you for demonstrating how to do that well! You did an amazing job at keeping that to yourself. I can imagine it was hard! But well done!”

With tears in my eyes, I experienced a deep understanding and empathy from someone who got it and got me! Without dishonoring others involved. That was the biggest compliment I received in this painful process. It wasn’t just hard, it often felt impossible. And truly it was a daily act of surrender to my side of the story and my desire for retribution. And admittedly I didn’t always do it well. Yet here I was teaching on reconciliation and perspective in transition amongst other topics. I was being forced to live out of my pain how I wanted to experience others, as well. God was clearly giving me the words to speak from a place of humility and healing.

3.     WHAT MESSAGE -  What non-verbals are being communicated in your face and body language? What message about the message do you want to convey about how you handled this situation?

While each scenario is unique and may require a different answer for different audiences, there may be similar verbiage to choose from. After gaining clarity from a trusted coach, I replaced stronger words such as silenced or sidelined with inability to thrive, grow, develop, or fit. Although it sounds strange, for months I would get a sharp, instant pain in my head right behind my eyes if I made any negative judgment in my story. It was likened to a shock collar on a dog. The immediate feedback of a physical manifestation in my body lead me to get straight both how and what I conveyed.  While both sets of words were accurate, one set was destructive and one more constructive. One set of words gave me instant negative feedback in the form of physical pain. A hidden gift and a learning the hard way.

As I spoke of my story and the explanation to the decisions that we made in the months and years that followed, I also chose to speak about larger contributing factors that unfolded with time. Leaving for reasons of interpersonal conflict was never my response to the “why did you move?” question. I spoke of things that people understood without doubt or question. Answers that were unquestioningly acceptable such as caring for aging parents, children needing different educational opportunities, and for new vocational challenges to grow and develop. All of these were true and a part of the larger picture. When I processed the entirety of my transition, despite a glaringly painful reason rising to the surface, interpersonal conflict, the other reasons surfaced as important and worth noting, as well.

While all of these reasons were true, I learned that few listeners could hold the weight attached to charged words without leaning in to either want to share their own stories or opinions, over-relating to their scar story, or holding a desire to probe further and hear the messy details of mine. When I slipped down these paths of destruction, the negativity spiraled and grew dark in my soul. I came to recognize that seldom were these probing questions altruistic in nature. I desired to live with the freedom that came from a constructive language not the pain of the destructive. I made note of how listeners experienced my story differently depending on my choice of language. I began to discern that maybe I was leading them down a path of bitterness or anger vs. hope and light in the way I responded.

While one set of words represented my own reconciling and hard work in the situation – Stemming from a desire to heal, learn and develop my character - The other set came from a place of pain and hurt and I came to recognize which set to choose.

How sharing went wrong

While listening to my body’s reaction and discerning the audience’s response, I quickly learned that when I decided to use certain words typically came from an unhealthy or self-righteous place. This decision took me into a place of pride - recapping a story full of proving I was right and “they” were very wrong. If I was honest, I shared those when my self-esteem was low or I needed affirmation that I wasn’t crazy. Or as mentioned previously, I wanted to over-relate my scar story to theirs. If the right question was asked, I gave into the slippery slope of gossip and in turn I would walk away from the conversation with a deep pain in my stomach or head and a need to repent!

Sharing the narrative in summary includes, 1.) Attentive Listening to my heart and attending to what motives I have in sharing and 2.) Recognizing some need more details than others, but I can choose my words carefully towards resourcefulness and not unhealth or harm 3.) Humility and grace. We all have hard stories. Some times we get it right and other times we don’t. More than once I had to back-pedal and ask forgiveness when I over-shared or shared in a destructive way. I also had to incorporate positive and kind self talk.

I continue to lean into Philippians 4:8 (NLT), “And now dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable and right and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise…then the God of peace will be with you.”

Regardless of the role conflict, confusion or lack of clarity plays in your transition story, the possibility for misunderstanding and more importantly, speaking evil, remains high.  Due diligence is required to remain authentic, yet careful to share with wisdom and honor. We need each other for models and we need the reminder from the Holy Spirit when we’re still on a growth-curve to learning how to share our narrative well. Keep up the good fight!

For Reflection:

How are you engaging with others around your narrative? How do you know when you do it well and constructive or poorly and destructive? Where did you learn how to tell a story? Do you ever ask for feedback on how others are receiving your narrative?

Important Decision Roll-out: Who Needs to Know What When

Before going through my own major life transition, I had never spent much time considering the value of intentional information roll-out in the life of a leader. For some reason it never occurred to me all of the people whose lives were effected by my decision - my family of course, but my team, my leaders, and the organization would all be impacted on a deep level if I decided to leave my role, my organization and the country I was serving in. I experienced the impact these decisions had as I watched other teammates leave. I felt it most when their decision came blind-sided and didn’t include me, but greatly affected me and my time. As a global worker, where work and personal lines frequently crossed, the feeling of abandonment existed as well.

Upon further examination, I came to realize that there are people in my life who I give a vote to a decision and there are people who have a voice and many who have neither. The trusted confidants, who are cheerleaders and supporters, whilst holding the tension might offer a voice, but only a few who are impacted or who I trust on a much deeper level will I actually let have a vote. Obviously too many voices makes getting to the vote hard.

I noticed as I watched many other highly mobile global workers there was a continuum of sharing. On one end - Tell everyone > voice and vote of many; On the other - Tell no one > voice and vote of no one.

While I assume I don’t always have a voice or vote in other’s decisions, I wanted to approach decision-making carefully. I wanted to extend love and consideration for the important people in my life and demonstrate the type of care I would want to those who had supported me and walked alongside of me.

When I saw others make what appeared to be quick BIG decisions without bringing others into it, I termed that evasive leadership. At times it was. However, in hindsight it may also have been selective sharing - with the right people at the right time, depending on the circumstances. What were the contributing factors? Reason for a change? Type of role shift? Crisis or no crisis? my history with their decisions?

Up until our most recent transition, our lives were wide open books and we felt the need for every friend, family member and donor who asked (and some that didn’t) to know the details of the decisions we made. As our reach expanded this communication was impossible and honestly exhausting.

In major life transition, information roll-out needs to be intentional and well thought through. There needs to be a sacred space for that decision-making to be done well and in confidence. That is the space we intend to provide in The Art of Transition workshops and life plans.

The Art of Transition Process:

The discernment process called The Art of Transition was created primarily for complex decision-making. The entire process from the first tool to the end within the 6 themes, is meant to guide individuals towards greater clarity with each tool building from one week to the next in a 360, non-linear approach. We look up, back, around, inside, down, and forward. Together we ask: “What is God saying? How does your past inform the future? How does the present inform the future? What are other trusted voices need to speak into this process? What have past roles told you about your enjoyment and fulfillment vocationally? And What does my body say about all of this?” In many ways this is an approach to holistic and intentional listening.

If an individual or couple are able to enter into a discernment process in a posture of surrendering the future and withholding making any decisions until the end, that ultimately serves one best. We know that waiting for long periods of time is not always possible and is one of the reasons why we try to keep our workshops to less than two months and individualized coaching to less than a year. 

Group Discernment takes 3 forms:

1. A specific method - In the Art of Transition process, the co-leaders of the group are naturally gifted, trained and experienced to listen to your life and the Creator of your life, while offering tools and holding up a mirror along the way. In the workshop, some examples include using body listening exercises, dreaming tools, and noticing patterns from a goldmine.

2. A group process - The Art of Transition process intentionally includes a safe community for the sake of resonance, accountability and discernment. When we hear a reflection of our stories in that of others, we gain clarity. How many times have I thought, wow that seems obvious while listening to someone else share and yet lack the insight to see it in my own life. Upon reflection, I notice I’m not applying that knowledge to my life either. The benefits of the community are multi-fold.

3. Trusted prayer partners - When we took part in our own transition discernment process, we asked specific, confidential and trusted partners to pray alongside of us. These people had the following characteristics: They loved us, they had walked with us for years, they had no agenda for our future, and they knew how to listen to the Lord. One of the transition tools we use includes utilizing those same people for their feedback in the process. When 8 people (4 for Jeff and 4 for me) all unanimously were in agreement of some big questions we were asking, we listened! We knew these people didn’t know or talk to each other, it had to be “double confirmation” from listening to God.

What about others who need to know?

We kept supervisors and others who needed answers, abreast of the general questions we were holding, asking them for permission for a set season and time to be what it needed to be with a clear answer given at a designated time when we could reasonably have answers. Our discernment came as a part of a sabbatical. We had scheduled a 2-day discernment process and asked for that space and time to be protected without others probing or offering unsolicited advice.

When people would ask questions, we had an answer (a different answer at different points and for different people). Most generally we would say, “We’re holding questions about fit in our role and the organization before the Lord in concerted prayer. Will you join us in this? We will keep you informed as we know more and as our future continues to become clearer to us. Will you let us know if you hear anything from the Lord, as well?”

When we felt clear about one answer - like a clear NO to living in Spain, we then had to ask other questions and wait for answers. While one door was open or closed, the other doors had not yet opened. We did not have the luxury of witholding sharing any longer.

Over the course of a year and a global pandemic, we slowly knocked on many doors - which country to live in? which state if the US? Which role would I have? Which role would Jeff have?

We offered up concerted prayer that only the right doors would open and that we would have unity and peace to walk through them. We did this with trusted mentors, prayer partners and a supportive community. We communicated along the way in a much slower process than we had done prior. We felt the desire to give answers that we didn’t have but in that position shared our questions with people more than answers. We extended grace to ourselves and asked the same of others.

For global workers, the answer to one question has a much greater reaching ripple effect than those who live in their home country. One answer about role fit may require an uprooting of one’s whole family after months and years of acculturation and language learning. These decisions are not to be taken lightly with an acknowledgement of layer of loss.

Giving the gift of discernment space is one thing that the local church, caring donors and friends can give to those in these difficult times of transition.

Give yourself a space to process, whether in the form of a sabbatical or an intentional Art of Transition workshop. Ask trusted friends for prayer. Form a discernment team. However you go about it - Don’t do it alone! This service of hiring someone to do a discernment life plan, remains the single best gift we have sought out for ourselves in the entirety of our vocational lifespan; A gift to ourselves, our children and our community.

For consideration:

In your opinion what keeps people from seeking out help in times of major life decision-making?

What would be the best aide for someone in a time of discernment?

End of Year Visual Examen

End of Year VISUAL EXAMEN

I’ve never been one to create New Year’s Resolutions. However, the idea of reflecting for the purpose of living life with intentionality, resonates. If given the space, I could enter into reflection and processing mode for hours. Unfortunately, this is an unrealistic expectation in this season of life and especially during the holidays. As of late, I give myself the whole month of January, not just the last day of the year or the first of the new year. Using an examen as a form of reflecting with God allows me to see where He was at work. Using visual cues allows for deeper and more holistic processing. In this space I consider how I grew, saw God at work, grieved or celebrated and ultimately became a different person in the year prior moving into the new year with purpose. Here are a few suggested questions and approaches.    

Top Reflection Questions:

·      What area(s) consumed my thinking and attention most?

·      Where did I experience God’s delight?

·      What are the most important events that took place in the last year?

·      Who are some of the significant people that were present in my life?

·      Where did I see the greatest breakthroughs (physically, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, spiritually)?

·      Where did I see the Lord at work in me this year?

While you may begin by just diving in, I find a few approaches aide my processing best. Begin by creating a quiet reflective space. Set aside distractions. Choose one of the following 4 visual prompts approaches.

Approach:

1.     15-30 minutes: Look through your calendar and make a list of the top events. Let these events prompt your thoughts as you contemplate the questions above.  

2.     30 minutes-1 hour: If you take photos, look back over the year’s pictures, such as on your smart phone and allow the visual stimulus to jog your brain in reflecting the questions above.

3. 1-2 hours: If you journal, look at your entries from the last year and note the important events and areas that concerned you or caused you great delight. You took time to write them down for one reason or another, note how they impact the questions above. (Looking back over emails or social media posts may serve as a similar form of mental stimulation.)

4.     1-3 hours: Utilize one of the above methods together with this visual reflection exercise of a clock. Having already made a list of important events, draw a clock adding numbers. The numbers will correspond to the months of the year (Jan = 1, Dec = 12). Start with 1/Jan. Use this as a prayerful exercise. Consider the highlights, breakthroughs, consuming thoughts or God’s delight in this specific period of time – January. Ask yourself a few questions like: Where were you as the clock turned last year? Who were you with? What has changed since January? What were you celebrating? What were you grieving?

Take your time and ask similar questions for each month. Allow the visual prompts as listed above to aide your memory. Draw or make note of the thoughts or feelings you want to capture within or outside of the clock. By the time you get through December you will be reflecting on recent days.

From there consider the integration of your examen with goal-setting or future-forward movement.

1. What Question(s) do I currently need answering from God?

2. What am I carrying with me into the New Year that I would like God’s healing around? 

3. What word, verse or song stands out to me right now as one to carry with me throughout the year?  

Consider who you want to share this with – your spouse, best friend, coach or team. What feels most significant to you from this experience? What support do you need going into this year?

Well done! Celebrate having created the time to listen to your head, heart, body and life!