The 5 Phases of Vocational Discernment: Taking Steps Towards a Major Life Transition

While we are used to making choices every day, we may find ourselves paralyzed or change resistant on the whole with a major life transition. The cluster of decisions involved in decision-making can cause a sense of emotional flooding or overload. As a response, we can utilize these Ignatian principles as an over-arching guide and invitation to our inner world by accepting that they are needed and allow us to enter in. However, we must live into an active posture externally for change to take place.  

How does one live into Vocation Discernment and Decision-making?

The steps to discernment are similar to decision-making and follow a similar pattern, but uniquely flow from one to the next in correlation to the attitudes of discernment. Vocational discernment includes decision-making but only as one element of it. The 5 phases of vocational discernment include: Awareness of the need for change, information gathering, reflection, decision-making, and action.

1.     Awareness of the Need for Change – a crisis may have necessitated the change; or you may be entering in preventatively (our awareness came much sooner than the ability to do anything about it because we needed more information)…when cross-cultural workers experience a shift or one thing changes, usually there is a ripple effect where everything changes. This awareness can become quite disruptive!

2.     The Information Gathering Phase – What are my options? What are the factors in this decision? For global workers this is one of the most complex phases and where we find ourselves working with individuals and couples. We recognize that unique to those in a foreign context and especially those in ministry jobs, answering these questions will have ripple effects on every area of life. If one is disgruntled with a boss or a co-worker, shifting organizations is not a simple solution. This one answer may act as a spark that sets off a forest fire. Having confidential, outside input at this phase is incredibly beneficial.

3.     Reflection – In tandem with the previous phase we experience a deeper examination of the information gathered matched with self-awareness and a listening to the Holy Spirit. Questions like, “What do I like? What do I need? What are my dreams for the future? What are my limitations? Where have I let self-limiting beliefs hold me back?” When vocational formation and spiritual formation meet, there is an opportunity for a creative, likely messy and always beautiful expression of one’s unique self to arise. This is where we often meet with people in The Art of Transition or Life Planning process.

4.     Decision-Making – after accepting the need for change, gathering information and taking a concerted time for reflection, comes the decision. This is usually the shortest period of time as the prior investment pays off! If the previous steps are taken, this one comes with clarity and often a deep sense of relief! We encourage careful thought as to who will take part in the final decision. We’ve often used the phrase, “He/she has a voice, but not a vote.” Clearly there is more to discuss around who’s voice has a vote in your transition.

5.     Action  - Implementing the decision is the final step. We call this the roll-out. The action steps need to be carefully thought through including who needs to know what and when. In order to avoid relational fallout, considering those who will be most effected by your decision and how they might respond is key. In addition to the timing of a roll-out, it is important to think through the narrative of what you share and with whom.  

One final point of clarification. Discernment is open to all who seek it. While some may have the strengths and skills of listening; or have had experience working with career development, the spiritual gift of discernment, I believe is a gift from the Lord. Ask for it in this unique time! Ask for it for others listening to God on your behalf. Ask for the postures we discussed above:  1.) openness 2.) courage 3.) generosity 4.) interior freedom 5.) habit of prayerful reflection 6.) having one’s priorities straight 7.) not confusing the ends with the means. Remember, these are not instinctive, but rather are cultivated through direct relationship with the Lord and are fruit that is accessible from our leaning into that relationship.

Some may feel as I did, that seeking other’s in times of discernment points to a lacking in your own life. On the contrary, it is a unique opportunity to utilize the greater body of believers. You can possess both the gift of discernment and listen to wise council at the same time. This is counter-cultural work that will likely hold value tension for many.  Accepting the feedback of trusted voices is wise, enhances one’s ability to hear and make the necessary next steps as the unity and peace come.

Find a group of trusted, caring, and confidential people who get this and can listen on your behalf to the life that God is inviting you into and trust that He has your ultimate best interest in this process!

For reflection:

Think back to a time when you included trusted voices in your decisions, what was different about that decision compared to others?

When did you wish you would have listened to others, but didn’t?

What are some unhealthy attachments that keep you from entering into the attitudes of discernment?

Making Furloughs Fun for Everyone: Think outside the Meeting Box

Are you dreading the idea of being gone for multiple months from your current context? The thought of packing and re-packing can be such a daunting endeavor that it keeps us from the enjoyment and gift that furloughs (i.e. home assignment not sabbatical) can be. Although there are often an unending checklist of details to attend to, might I suggest starting with the positive?

What if instead of the dread, the feelings were replaced with anticipation over what could come? Imagine your kids or yourself at the end of the time saying “I love being on furlough” and you not feeling exhausted. What would it take to get there?

Here are a few creative thoughts not just for families or kids but for the tired overseas worker that wants to maximize and enjoy their furlough. A fun and less exhausting one that serves as a filling up of your tank as you return.

1.    Think outside the primary reason you’re there - meetings! Create a furlough bucket-list! Start by asking each individual (or yourself) what is one fun thing that he/she would like to do while you’re away. Skies the limit for now. This may take doing a little research of what there is to do in the areas you’re visiting or could be very basic.

Start by brainstorming a list, then narrow it down to 3-5 and then 1 solid and important choice per person. Others may feel inspired by sharing out loud the creative options of wanting to go horse-back riding, doing a park tour through each city, getting an autograph of every person met or traveling through a beloved foreign city on the return trip.

One year when we were planning to be in 4 states and 9 cities, with a two-year old and six year-old we each chose one thing we wanted to do in the city: Try the ice cream, go for a walk, see the moon and constellations from the unique point of earth we were on! You’ll be amazed at the ideas not to mention the joy of conversing about the possibilities in preparation for your arrival!

2.    Think creatively about setting. Where we are meeting people is not limited to a restaurant or cafe. We often suggest meeting at a park or beach or even museum. Inviting people to a park is a much more casual and neutral space that requires less of everyone. For us as a family, this option allows us to play with our children and include them once again. Our kids have many positive memories of meeting people at the beach and parks, where otherwise they may have been bored out of their minds!

3.    Engage in physical activities with donors or friends. When we started planning our calendar with this in mind, the joy of furlough possibilities returned. We hated how we seemed to gain weight upon return. The idea of another coffee or meal made my stomach hurt just thinking about it. However, the idea of a walk on the beach, a stroll through a new neighborhood or a hike together with supporters felt much more energizing. Teach us to play paddle!! It was so good for us, our children and those who we were meeting with. Meeting and walking isn’t a new concept, sometimes it just takes a little more intentionality to consider time of day, ability to talk, and what is needed to maximize this time. This allowed for bonding and connection in a much more organic way, as well.

4.    There just are times when we can’t (or choose not to) bring our children to a meeting. Set up fun play dates with local kids and families. This is a tremendous support gift from local supporters or grandparents and practical way that people can help. As well our kids remember the families that support us through the children they enjoyed, even in our absence. Often, our furloughs looked very different from theirs. Elements of connection to our home country ignited delight in them for future returns, which is what we hoped for.

5.   Speaking of no children…Host a coffee shop “open house”. When we land in an area we typically start with this as a priority. We will set up “office hours” for several hours at a local coffee shop and let everyone in the area know where we’ll be. We try to meet where people can drop in during a 3-4 hour window (late lunch hour is good at a self-serve cafe). This is a fun way to see lots of different people, as well have your worlds integrate a bit. Simultaneously, this takes some of the scheduling pressure off of you. And as an introvert this idea is much easier for me than packing a schedule back-to-back with individual meetings and once again getting in the car.

6. When we are all together as a family we try to not both be pulled into the same conversation. If one of us can solely attend to the children we try to think of creative games we can do in a coffee shop or restaurant or a bus or airplane. One of our favorites is the “who can get the most waves” game. You know it! Every person playing, waves at strangers trying to get waves (or smiles) in return. Talley the points. As an adult, this is one game you are CERTAIN to lose (waving and suspiciously smiling adults get fun looks though - bonus points!) We have hilarious memories sitting in the window of coffee shops around the world trying to make people laugh or smile or wave. It’s a day brightener for everyone especially us!

7.    Give your kids a scavenger hunt of things to find from their seat or window (let’s be honest we sit way more than any of us benefit from) – whether a restaurant, coffee shop or car, have the kids create a scavenger list of what to find: Person with glasses, child crying, strange hat, someone who looks like they’re having a good day, colored hair, best tattoo, etc. These can be made up on the spot by you or children. Sure this may only take 20-30 minutes in total, but it can also spur on interesting conversations about culture similarities and differences.

8.    Enjoy the Journey. Plan a side trip wherever you may end up. As global workers one of the perks we’ve enjoyed as a family is the ability to make memories en-route to our destination. SIDE TRIP!: that trip within the greater trip. Sometimes unintentional, sometimes planned. Needing to go on furlough has afforded us stop-overs that turned into stay-overs at unique and amazing destinations. For the cost of transportation out of the airport and possibly one or two night’s stay, you can make incredible memories in beautiful destinations around the globe. This is surely a gift of being globally mobile.

9.    Get out in nature by yourself. There isn’t a country on earth that God did not bless with some incredible & unique landscape. It may look like desert or it may look like marsh, but nonetheless, getting out into nature and engaging in the unique eco-systems of the world is an incredible way to declutter your thoughts and connect with your creative brain. We try to set aside one day a week for this necessary outlet as individual adults to get alone time and just our family We have managed to make this a priority by taking turns and limiting our morning commitments.

10.    Be intent to try the local food. From Louisiana creole to Minnesota hotdish, not every meal needs to be pizza or hamburgers (thinking US-based here.) If people invite you over, ask what their favorite local dish is and offer to join them in preparing it or teach them a fun recipe you miss. Suggest something like, “I’ve heard there are really delicious ____here. By any chance do you know how to make them?” Learning a new recipe and eating new food is both a memorable way of engaging with people as well as the culture. 

11.  As well, you can reciprocate and bring the cuisine from your serving country and teach others how to make it. (Lesson learned: just keep it simple and make sure it’s not too exhausting of a task for you to make or carry unique ingredients for).

12.  Make a smash journal. I despise clutter, and struggle with the amazingly well-intentioned outpouring of gifts to my children by my lovely US-based family. Once we had the idea as a family to “collect” memories along the way through a smash journal It became our intentional down time together as a family on a routine basis (note: not every night!). We made space to “create” these little memory books in the form of a journal with everything imaginable stuck inside: Tickets, receipts, napkins and flyers instantly became more valuable than toys. This was a delightful way for each person to have something tangible from their trip, personalize their experience and remember their “highs and lows” from the trip using their own unique way of expressing it. As well minimized the need for extra storage or travel space on our return.

13.  Take a picture of every bed you have slept in or car you drove or person you met with! This might sound strange or bizarre, but it’s memorable. (Dogs is another option my kids loved!) However, for us, this cataloging is another memory-building exercise. Sometimes the pictures validate the wonder of exhaustion or serve as an understanding of your reason for chiropractor care! And sometimes they act as a memory trigger of the beautiful space that was created on our behalf. We have incredible memories of people who loved us so well in ways we never asked for!

Getting kids involved from the beginning with the planning can give furlough an incredible boost instead of a bore. Be creative and think outside the box. You’re sure to make incredible memories that only other global workers truly understand. But don’t feel like this is a checklist. Make this your own and then in the end, be flexible and spontaneous present to whoever the Father wants to put before you. Truly pray for this time to be the gift it was intended for.

What other ideas have you thought of? What has worked and not worked?