What Kind of Tired Are You? The 7 Types of Rest Approach

As a sabbatical coach, I start with the assumption that rest is good and from God. God mandated and then modeled rest for us in the life and ministry of Jesus. And yet for some reason, we as humans are the only created beings that fight this gift.

Simultaneously, in the role I play as a sabbatical coach, I know the signs and symptoms of burnout and can see the lights on the dashboard. However, I don’t always know where the problem lies.

One of my favorite books that talks about our posture and theology of rest comes from Mark Buchanan and The Rest of God. A favorite quote I repeat often is, “if God can take any mess, any mishap, any wastage, any wreckage, any anything, and choreograph beauty and meaning from it, then you can take a day off. Either God’s always at work, watching the city, building the house, or you need to try harder. Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

“Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

— Mark Buchanen

This is an important starting place as I talk daily with people in need of rest…Can we agree that a pause is needed and that when you take a pause the world will not crumble?

While I feel the edginess of that quote, I don’t serve, write or coach from a place of arrogance and having it all together. If you've read anything I’ve written lately, you know I’ve been on a long journey with burnout and rest. For nearly 20 years I have struggled with an auto-immune disorder that invites me to closely monitor my self-care and rest and hormone levels.  Just 18 months ago, I found myself once again with adrenal fatigue and almost no adrenaline in my body. Despite my best-to-date work/life balance over the last 2 years, I question if this depletion is just an inevitable part of my makeup or is there more to unpack in understanding how we wrestle with rest and burnout?

From that space of depletion, I continue the pursuit of understanding rest and burnout. 

One of the best and new-to-me paradigms for talking about rest, comes from author Saundra Dalton-Smith, called Sacred Rest. Saundra provides us an incredibly helpful framework to discuss this basic need to stop and pause. As a medical professional, she daily asks her patients in her medical practice, What kind of tired are you? The opening of the book states, “Rest for the body, mind and spirit may appear to be hard to find because hurry is outside and inside of us...So we’re not just talking about sleep. Sleep is not the foundation of rest, but the by-product of rest. The idea of this book is that understanding rest is much more complex than understanding sleep, and one must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion. She states, “For every depleting activity in your day, there is a counter-reviving activity to balance the scales.” (30-31)

“One must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion.”

— Saundra Dalton Smith

Let me briefly list for you the 7 types, but start first with my contribution in discussing what I see as the places of deficit. Because when we start from this place of describing the kind of tired, we’re able to identify the needed counter-balance in the form of rest. Where do you see yourself in this conversation?

1.        Physical Depletion – Our body’s response to overwork. The most basic way we talk about tired including all of our body’s response to overwork. The deep tiredness behind our eyes, the aching shoulders or headaches we experience from lack of sleep.

2.        Mental Depletion – The overactivity of a busy mind which may include information overload, overwork, multi-tasking, or obsessing about the future.

3.        Emotional Depletion – Feeling the need to perform or meet external expectations. Not feeling enough or seen. This includes the weight of carrying emotional wounds and/or unprocessed grief for ourselves and others. (If this includes trauma, our bodies are unable to close the stress cycle and the Central Nervous System stays on high alert).

4.        Social Depletion – Unable to find comfort and a place of belonging in our social relationships. Feeling unknown or unseen; not being able to rest into who we truly are at our best.

5.        Sensory Depletion – The constant stimulation of our nervous system through our senses. Think about all forms of pollution - noise pollution, light pollution, stuff pollution.

6.        Creative Depletion – Not allowing ourselves to be moved and effected by the world around us. Allowing the left, logical brain to rule our lives without balancing our interaction with the right brain. This includes not being present to the flow that comes from engaging our right brain through nature, play and our bodies.

7.        Spiritual Depletion - carrying the heavy load of responsibility for your own or other’s belief in God.

What kind of tired are you? Give each of these a number 1-10 with 10 being absolutely exhausted.

For me, this deficit list illuminates a fraction of my tiredness, and is helpful for discussion. However there are two other pieces I would add in. When I consider my personality, a bent towards social justice and the leadership roles I live into in care for the marginalized, foreigners and women, the awareness of the weight I carry is even greater.

When we carry the burden of a people group or the burden of finances of an organization, the health of a sick parent, the weight of injustice of the evil in the world, we add to the depletion on a more complex and hard to navigate level. We may have what I call “compounded rest deficits” not just for ourselves, but for our family, an organization or a people group such as women, the poor, or people of color that we do not feel we can let down about. Many ask, how can we release our multi-layered loads when the job is unfinished?

What kind of load have we been carrying? Maybe we need to protect our rest that much greater if we have the complex load to carry. I am challenged to ask, How do I rest well on behave of others?

I know a break in the form of sabbatical is a gift but also a necessary reset for me. It’s a time to pause and ask how this cessation from work allows God to do the work He is in control of. As well, it’s an invitation to Ecclesiastes 3, a time to work and a time rest. A time to speak and a time to listen. For me that listening is a continuation of the noticing, checking in with myself on my tired and an opportunity to gain awareness of the specific areas of deficit. Is my tiredness physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative or spiritual?

Consider your deficits and be honest with where you are lacking.  How to rest into that is to be continued on part 2!

Dear "Didn't Get Your Planned Sabbatical"

A letter from one person who didn’t receive their needed sabbatical to another…

Dear Friend

I appreciate your question - How am I pivoting after the disappointment of not receiving my planned sabbatical?

As well, I appreciate your position of understanding, in the deep loss of not getting what you had desired in a sabbatical. I’m praying for you and truly trusting that maybe something here will help inform how you posture yourself in the midst of the uncertainty. As well, I trust it might allow for a deeper resonance with others, through your life in the years to come.

I would be remiss if I didn’t first say, I recognize now more than ever what a gift sabbatical is. As we’ve discussed, and I know you understand, sabbatical is a luxury not an expectation that many never have had a chance to consider. I recognize the place of privilege to have this conversation, in itself.

In lieu of our conversation, I wanted to take a few minutes to highlight a few more of my thoughts around what I have done to adjust after weighing the reasons why it didn’t work now for me and readjusting my expectations of the indefinite postponing of mine. Especially as you know, given that I have reached a level of physical exhaustion, that for me is not sustainable.

Discovering this timing wasn’t going to work for me was and is a loss, similar to how you’re experiencing it, or so it sounds. I’ve been thinking about it for years! As you know I had outlined a 3-month sabbatical and indefinitely postponed due primarily to inadequate administrative & financial support.

As my intended start date came and went, I spent several weeks in more of a posture of anger, followed by sadness and eventually acceptance. (This my fairly familiar grief cycle that no longer scares me like it used to). If I can work through the sadness and anger, there is acceptance on the other side. While I know I’ll get this needed pause in some form eventually, I have come to accept that now is not the right time for so many reasons.

Here are some ways I’m continuing to engage around sabbatical without yet getting one: 

1. I’m taking careful note of why I needed one in the first place. What prompted this need more than just a 7-year marker? For me the need was closely connected to the physical manifestations of adrenal burnout (and this tendency for me now my third time in my life relating to an autoimmune disorder). I’ve spent the last 10 years really listening to my body’s response to stress and acknowledging what it needs. The lights on the dashboard said stop! THIS is what I believed I needed…and yet it wasn’t the only thing. It appears God was and is working on sustainable daily life rhythms with me and not just a hard stop!

2. With that idea in mind, I have spent some concerted time with a spiritual director evaluating, praying, considering what has led me to this physical manifestation. I have several intentional life rhythms in place, but that isn’t enough. I’ve been doing the Ignatian exercises for 9 months which is deeply reflective and a window into my weary soul! I’ve used this space and time to continue the lament and supplication invitation! The reasons are multi-fold.  I’ve been working on all cylinders pushing hard for these last 7 years of creating and launching TWB as a 501c3. It’s been an uphill battle as a female leader. We moved cross-culturally during a pandemic and the work we do isn’t particularly stress free. 

3. We ask others to consider what roles drain them and where living into their sweet spot wouldn’t provide a more natural resonance. I had to ask myself the same set of questions. For me, director and fundraiser are the most draining roles and a close third is marketing! PHEW! As well, when in the role of facilitator or coach (ones I love and thrive in) and even director, if I find myself long-listening or defending issues around women in ministry, I quickly become drained. This is also a factor from some very painful circumstances externally for me at my church, historically in the church and in my own personal healing journey. In addition, I’ve recently been lamenting so many of my friends leaving the church (small “c”) and some leaving their faith altogether for this particular reason of abuse of power and inacceptance of spiritual gifts for women. Much more to say about this, but I can’t overlook the emotional wear and tear and connection to how it effects my body, mind and heart on a regular basis and on the day intended for sabbath, when so many women around me are deeply hurting!

4. So what else have I done? I downshifted to wear certain draining hats, infrequently. I’m focusing on the 80/20 principle and doing what is life-giving as much as is possible - delegate or drop. This list is currently called my “to-don’t list!” In addition I’ve asked for more volunteer help. Understandably certain things have just been dropped or become rather neglected. My “to-don’t list” grew and once again I was invited to acceptance of what I couldn’t control. And I’ve had to become okay with that. What a freeing (outside of my norm) posture!

5. While the primary impetus of not getting a sabbatical is admin and financial support, I have years of knowing God could have provided and didn’t. YET! I trust in time, He will. Yes, this is a stress. But I’m making adjustments like applying for a grant that could make one possible next spring. As well, I’m putting other support pieces in place. Ultimately I’m being invited to continue trusting God with The Way Between and what He wants to do in and through it and me.

6. And finally, continued boundaries. For the summer my rhythms look like this - I see clients two days a week and that is all I have to work with. I do admin work one day a week (or in between clients) and take a full life-giving content day. That leaves one more day/week - I use that 5th day for volunteering, playing with my kids and going on long hikes, a date, or taking a long weekend away. My email auto-response below might be a sample to spur on a few counter-cultural thoughts for you in this time of re-posturing.

Day to day rhythms include closing it all down in the evening and on the weekends. Maintain those hard-fought boundaries of vacation and time with family. And ultimately trust God’s got this.

I hope something from this is helpful. Let’s continue the conversation as you see fit. Many blessings as you continue to honestly and authentically process this loss and reality.

Alongside,

Sara

Thank you for your email. I will be adjusting my rhythm of work to allow for content creation - a necessary incubation and research phase for resource development. In this window, I will only be checking email occasionally and down-shifting from my regular responsibilities. 

Thank you for your patience in the delayed response time.

If you are interested in any of The Way Between's services please fill out the intake form or go to our website for updated services https://www.thewaybetween.org/twb-services. 

If you have registered for an event or service, and have further questions, please contact info@thewaybetween.org.

Towards healthy rhythms of work and rest!

Sara

Leadership Perspective on Sabbatical

Shark tank the tv show is commonly referenced in our home. Not because we watch it regularly but because there are a couple of self-proclaimed ideators in my home that find it intriguing to spark conversation starting with, “Would this *insert crazy idea* fly on shark tank? 
 
As we discuss, we offer our fake money and investment options, saying something like “I’d give you 5 million for a 50% investment and unlimited quality time with your mom! The counter-offer is often, I’ll take the 5 million and leave the rest! (Thank you teenagers!)

Amidst the banter we may pull up a show or two and probe into the real world of what is working and not. Recently I was drawn into an older episode that included a proposition for a very intriguing power nap studio!

The idea included sleep pods, a studio pop-up shop and a relaxing ambient, atmosphere resembling a massage room. Coming to a city near you!**

In reality we all need more creativity and productivity in our daily life. And even a brief nap such as 15-20 minutes, we know provides greater brain clarity, a mental boost and overall body refreshment.

While the idea of napping for refreshment is not a new concept, the creativity that may be sparked and necessary, encouraged in the form of an intentional rest outside the floor of your office or a reclined position in your car or nodding off at your desk, is more necessary now than ever.  
 
I’m a big fan of power naps and the way they refresh my whole being. My response as I continued watching was one of immediate welcome and desire to endorse, if I could have.
 
But instead, the shared general sentiment of the sharks, their response surprised me. It sounded like this… “No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*
 
While much research has shown the benefits, the overarching value is that work takes precedence over self-care! Productivity trumps care despite the desire and lip service given to prioritize the greatest assets of any company – the people. 
 
Although ministry leaders don’t say it as directly as the sharks, the sentiment is not that different from corporate America - We can’t afford to rest and neither can you! 
 
Just last week I had a conversation with an executive director of member care discussing why leaders need a sabbatical. He was authentically questioning the efficacy. Why isn’t vacation enough? How burned out do they need to be? When do we say yes? How do you cover positions and who pays for this?

““No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*”

— Shark from Shark Tank

As sabbatical coaches we frequently hear this "man over machine" mindset but the form and approach to see the value lived out, lacks. People are still denied space and time because the leadership isn’t certain of the value, doesn’t understand how the job will get done, is afraid of an employee leaving or hasn’t been in a similar position. That all makes sense. These are common reactions across ministry, non-profit, and corporate America.

If you’re a leader positioned to champion this type of care, what are your responses? How do you posture yourself to listen for these words – stuck, discontent, exhausted, unsettled and poor fit - amidst those you serve? What might a follow-up conversation look like when you hear these words?

A sabbatical policy in our mind is meant to be created from a developmental perspective. People are the best resource of any company, and shouldn’t be treated as machines. Giving space and time such as a long pause in the form of a sabbatical to listen to their heart, their head and their body will likely keep them from burning out and leaving altogether. Organizations often feel like they need to have all the answers or a policy in place in order to grant a sabbatical and to that we say, give it a try with a few and see what works for your organization and personnel.

Consider a few leadership best practices to sabbatical:

1. Be open to what the employee needs for their own physical, mental and spiritual growth even if you don’t understand. Let them decide and tell you what they need. If we want healthy leaders, we ultimately want to create an environment where these healthy leaders know what they need and ask for it.

2. Help them find third-party resources and accountability that understand sabbaticals and how to structure one. You as the leader will have a different agenda than an objective outsider.

3. Take a company-wide approach to care. When everyone catches the vision for a sabbatical culture the whole culture wins. How can every employee consider where sabbatical might fit on their developmental track? And consider for others how they might chip in to cover for when people take time off?

4. What can you as an organization say no to in order to live out this value? Not every fundraiser is necessary. Not every service is needed. What can be released for a time?

5. Consider sending the employees you hear say the above words, a sabbatical readiness survey. This serves as a way of saying I see you and there are resources available.
     

You don't have to have all the answers, a policy or even the ability to grant a sabbatical. Let's keep the conversation open so leaders remain healthy and have access to the resources they require. Sleep pods or not, let’s demonstrate the powerful value of rest over productivity in creative and effective ways. 
 
Bonus: Listen here for a sabbatical conversation from a google employee.

Questions for further conversation: Let me ask you. What is your theology of rest? And where did it come from?

*As of July 2023 napping pods or minute sleep stations are located in at least 21 aiports in the world including DFW, DXB, IAD, DEL, ATL, MUC, JFK, MEX, AUH, PHL, HEL, LGW, CLT, IST, SVO, NRT, YYZ, TLL, BGY,  (find one next time you fly!)

When Sabbatical Feels Far Off But Desperately Needed

For many reasons I’ve dreaded writing this as it’s the lived-out version of what we do day in and day out splayed open to critique and judgment as I find my way forward in a very personal way. I muster up courage telling myself that at worst I’ll receive criticism and not everyone will love or agree with what I write. On the other hand the transparency may strike a chord with someone who deeply resonates. And if nothing else, as my writing partner encourages me, “vulnerable words and shared experience are more interesting to read!” (Thanks Melissa!)

Here’s the reality…

I (Sara) walk amongst the slow these days. Quite literally, a snail’s pace at times. I carry my hidden crutches fully inside my body in the form of hormone dysregulation and auto immune disorder. I know I am not alone in this. Many of us are fighting a battle that can’t be seen.  And yet it somehow feels different as a sabbatical coach.

It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication. My unseen limitation on a regular basis is basically a hiccup in my brain and a bite of food away from a long nap, and severe stomach ache. These are all manageable, but still incredibly inconvenient. In extreme times I can’t get out of bed and don’t have the capacity to take in new information.

“It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication.”

As a sabbatical and transition coach I wrestle with how to live into this reality when in extreme or moderated forms; when I can’t push myself like my personality would prefer. There are no reserves to draw from. I am forced to slow down and admit the need to do so.

There are seasons when we must slow down or even stop. And there are times when stopping for a long pause isn’t yet possible.

As a sabbatical coach we often hear the question,

“How do I operate in day to day life when I can’t get what I need yet and I’m on the slippery slope of burnout?”

And from others, the question is “Where do sabbatical coaches turn when they need a rest and a break?”

Like leaders in any sector and especially those in 24-7 or demanding ministry, “Where can we ALL find space to be transparent and in need, and not fully live into what we need, such as sabbatical, at the same time?”

Here are few counter-intuitive lessons from my recent Camino experience that I’m applying in my daily life and learning to embrace in this season when I can’t yet push pause.

1.     Listen to Your Body. Having walked 5 portions of the Camino de Santiago over the last 7 years, I have found the athlete inside of me come alive again. The Camino is different in that it invites our whole self to the conversation of spiritual transformation in the reality of where we are currently living but noticing in a heightened way while walking. One of the ongoing and strikingly obvious lessons has been this - my body knows how it wants to move and when it can move, and when it needs to rest. I just need to tune into the wise voice it speaks, listen, and respond. I apologize to my body for the way in which I would never treat any other human - like a machine. This feels new and an important lesson in sustainability and care. I apologize for the mistreatment and welcome ongoing guidance as we do this life together.

“I see you body. I see what you’ve done for me and how you can’t do it any longer. I acknowledge you’ve been working hard and need to stop for a time.”

— A moment of gratitude to myself

2.     Permission to rest. I recently read a statistic that lack of sleep is a better predictor of diabetes than diet. Meaning it is also the best prevention for this and many other diseases (of course alongside exercise and diet). In this season I must give myself permission to go to bed earlier. To say no to evening activities. To allow myself grace to skip a seminar and to take a nap. Or as on the Camino, to not walk for a day. I can work a 4-day work week and intentionally schedule sabbath. These are all lessons in resting - undeniable lifelines for me in this season.  

3.     Leave margin. If there is one thing I must daily focus on, it is how to get margin in all areas of my life. I do almost nothing at the speed I would like to or that I see others doing. For example, I move slower therefore I must leave the house earlier. I think slower so have to leave more time for creation in deadlines or even emails I need to write. I don’t schedule meetings back to back, I can’t pivot that fast. I don’t multi-task, my brain drains much faster when I try to. I can’t procrastinate and deal with the stress of last-minute changes.

In nearly every area of my life right now, I must think about adding extra time and energy. While this takes time in itself, it also allows me to show up as best as I can in what I do commit to.

4. Downshift my expectations of reality. When I drive uphill in a stickshift I notice the change in the sound of how hard the engine is working. With years of practice, I intuitively hear the overuse and manually shift down to third, second or even first to allow the engine to perform at its best capacity. If I don’t, I know it will not perform at all. In this last season of non-profit start-up I’ve had to acknowledge how loud the engine is running in my life and how I haven’t released it to work in 2nd or 1st gear, instead revving in 5th.  

In the last 6 months, it pains me to say what we haven’t done but these are the graces and can humbly admit it has been for the best. We cancelled two, 7-week cohorts. We only attended one conference instead of multiple this fall. We released the pressure to strategize best contacts, speak twice and have a booth at the one we did attend. We let go of the expectations on ourselves to finish our book by our desired deadline.

Full transparency none of those were chosen by me. The cohorts didn’t fill up, the second proposal didn’t land, the book didn’t get the space in our schedule that we desired to finish it. We were forced to downshift and humbly admit our humanity in it all. Ultimately I have to admit a performance orientation and confess that I am living unrealistically. I have to tell myself, not everything needs to be done by me and right now. This is a daily conversation. How much is enough?

5.     Ask for help. I am the first to admit that being needy is not in my DNA. However the value of the community of believers and the picture of Moses’ arms being held up by Aaron & Hur (Exodus 17:12-14) grants me permission to say, “it’s okay and even expected to need people”.

While we coach people to find where the world’s needs and their passion intersects and to live in that space 80% of the time, in start-up and certain ministry roles this is not always possible. At times there is no one else to do the job I’m not able to do (or am not skilled at doing).  So I’ve learned to ask, what can I NOT do today? What can someone else take off of my plate? And what can I just let go of entirely and not pick back up at this time?

And sometimes that website re-design or the newsletter doesn’t get attended to. I’ve had to extend grace that even though I’d like things done faster, frantic pace isn’t possible or healthy 100% of the time. There may be seasons of busy but we are not machines that can be pushed 24-7-365.

6.     Keep engaging in good self-care. As my naturalpath read my lab reports several months ago, his reaction surprised me. He said, I’m amazed by the look of these that you’re not doing a lot worse.” (Thank you?!) “What your labs tell me is that you’re currently in stage 2 of adrenal fatigue/burnout but you have great DHEA levels which says that healthy rhythms are sustaining you.” My takeaway: labs don’t lie!

We proceeded to converse and he probed a bit deeper about the practicalities. I shared what I have actively put in place to one degree or another over the last two decades of living with my health limitations. I proceeded to share that I have learned many hard disciplines such as daily supplements, intentional diet, daily exercise, turning work off at a decent hour, & weekly sabbath. I have the role of wife and mother that no one else can do so religiously focus on balancing play and fun with my husband and kids (separate and together). We incorporate more celebration and traditions and invite others into them whenever possible. Getting life-giving time with friends is huge for me so I schedule it at least once a week, even when I was in transition. Going to bed ridiculously early, only drinking decaf coffee (no judgment - it’s what my body needs), and saying no to a lot more than I would like are all part of good self-care for me. I have a support system of people that I rely on to keep me accountable to specific areas, such as this naturopath doctor.

I was reminded in that conversation that it can be really frustrating to have good rhythms and still experience your body as not fully functioning. My self-care rhythms haven’t solved all of my adrenal dysfunction issues, but they have made it possible to live a relatively normal life.  

7.     Reduce Stress. In that same conversation, he noted, you can’t take out all of life’s stress and sometimes stress is good, but your body must manage the amount coming in. Because of this immune disorder my body is always under a fair amount of stress in general maintenance. I heard, I must pick my battles more wisely! The energy reserves for stress are diminished and not being replenished as a normal person’s would.

And yet as I shared with my doctor and consider what is relevant to others, I feel a deep peace. I am attending to my limitations. I continue to incorporate the rhythm of my “Camino pace” as a reminder of my long and arduous journey just a few weeks prior. Slow and steady one foot in front of the other when I don’t know how long the journey will be or what other “mountain” I may find myself in front of. We say the Camino parallels life, like it or not, and these are my direct parallels and opportunities for ever-maturing response.

If I was sitting with you as a friend or coach, I would ask, “What strikes a chord? What is your key takeaway from how to live out a life of balance and rest when a sabbatical is not able to be actualized… yet?”

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Summer is a time when people realize that the long-overdue vacation they finally took was not enough. While we are highly in favor of a weekly sabbath and an annual vacation or two, sabbatical is a lengthier period of time for rest, rejuvenation and realignment of priorities. Here are a few of the common questions that we hear as people are considering if a sabbatical might be in their future.  

What length is ideal/long enough for a sabbatical?

It is in the long pause of several months (or more) that we have an opportunity to actually ask the hard questions and listen to the answers seldom heard amid the hustle and noise of continuing on the same path. It is recommended from several sources that three to four months of unbroken time away (at minimum) is ideal. This implies no active engagement in work. (We’ve seen too many people “cheat” on this and work part time or pursue other intense work).  Don’t cut this gift of time short! And for many having lived in difficult circumstances or under extreme workplace stress, we recommend 6 months to a year. If 10 weeks is all that is offered, consider using vacation time on the front and back end or personal leave time to round it out. We say take what you can get, but when one considers all that is needed to truly rejuvenate, 3 months minimum is the standard answer.

How should I use my time?

When on sabbatical, “Sabbatical is your job,” we say. “It is your full time job to rest well and offer yourself up for spiritual and personal transformation or reflection and re-alignment.” When we coach, we help lay out a plan tailored to each individual’s reasons for why they are taking a sabbatical, helps best facilitate internal growth, and desired outcomes especially in the midst of the process that can often feel uncertain and floundering. The book we’re in the process of writing (coming fall 2023) on sabbaticals is meant to provide ideas and suggestions corresponding to each of the six phases. As well there will be a book recommendation list and general “what to do on sabbatical” ideas in the appendix.  

How does one decide when to take a sabbatical?

We generally suggest following the biblical and agricultural model of every seven years. However if it’s been significantly longer, consider your capacity to work and your capacity to care. We often notice people feel restless vocationally when they’re approaching a sabbatical which is a great time to pause, rest and gain perspective before making any major decisions. There is a sabbatical readiness survey that we ask people to fill out to consider a more robust angle on one’s personal readiness and needs. Email us and ask us for it.

Is there a time to not take a sabbatical?

We do not suggest taking one when your organization is in major transition, your organization is downsizing or undertaking a new project. As well, we don’t suggest taking one if you need medical attention, are fully burned out, are unpacking a crisis or trauma situation or having a baby. Those all fall under other categories such as personal or medical leave. Ask for personal leave instead. Sabbatical is intended for rejuvenation and rest as well as vocational clarity and creative recreation. It is hard to get that if you are needing to focus on medical care or a newborn. Finding the right timing is understandably one of the most important considerations. While there may never be a perfect time, there will be some windows such as the low season or the end of a busy season that are better than others. Get feedback, pray and plan towards it. Don’t be discouraged. It often takes a year to actualize these well-laid plans.

How do you decide where to take a sabbatical?

There is a chapter in this book on how to decide. Consider it carefully alongside of other stakeholders. As well, consider where you rejuvenate and what activities are life-giving. Traveling for example, is not life-giving for everyone.

Can you take a sabbatical that does not correspond to your spouse?

Absolutely. While it may require more intentionality and effort, you will see this is a myth we had to overcome and we’re grateful we did. Of importance to note is that the non-sabbaticalling spouse should release some of their responsibilities such as extended travel and time away in order for the other to get what he/she needs out of the time.

What if you work with your spouse? How do you not engage in work-related conversation?

While this is admittedly tricky, a simple conversation around “how was your day” can take you into deeper discussion of work-related communication. We suggest that you talk about this ahead of time and discuss any necessary boundaries that you might need. Taking out names from conversations can be helpful. Putting stories in first-person or feelings words can also mitigate long drawn out he said/she said conversations.

What are your most pressing questions? Email us and let us know if you need alongside care or coaching in this process. But do what you can to care for yourself, your spouse and those around you by taking this sacred gift called sabbatical. 

The 7 Attitudes Needed in Vocational Discernment: Following the Ignatian Way

As I probed further into my own understanding of how I showed up with people on a daily basis in vocational discernment work, I began to realize the unique nature of how I got here. It was three-fold.

I had been gifted wise people on my developmental journey through seminary, through organizational affiliation and professional helpers who spoke this language. I read a lot of supporting material through wise literary mentors like Henri Nouwen, Parker Palmer, St. Ignatius of Loyola, Bobby Clinton and Terry Walling.

But quite possibly my best teacher was the many years I had lived making decisions without wise input. Those were years (decades) of painful learnings where I tried to go it alone.  I learned what not to do and how I would do it different.

Since that time, I have sought for hindsight to guide my insight. Asking questions like, “What would I have done differently given what I know now? and “Who would I have liked alongside of me?” This last transition gave me an opportunity to apply that hard learning.

When faced with the decision to return from overseas assignment after 11 years, I experienced not one, or even two, but three intentional discernment times over the course of 3 years with trusted mentors and advisors. Arguably three may have been overkill, but given the nature and complexity of the decisions, each one illuminated the path directly in front of me in a way I needed to discern. As well, this repetition provided unified confirmation that I personally needed during a hard season of learning to trust my voice. I needed that space to surrender, listen, wait, and trust.   

What is vocational discernment

It wasn’t until I put myself in the position of those who we work with  - people in places of confusion, stuckness, isolation and hopelessness - that I began to really unpack how this is done. I was asked to unpack questions like, “What does vocational discernment actually look like?” “What is the difference between decision-making and discernment?” “How does one best posture themselves to receive in this time?” “What do the stages of discernment look like?” And, “How do you do this in community?”

While each of those questions needs addressing, worth noting of first priority is that creating space in your life, through monastic practices like silence, solitude, contemplation and centeredness will greatly aide in this process. Noise, busyness, and a scattered mind on the other hand will distract. An intentional sabbatical or set-aside period of time helps to create boundaries for those who suffer from decision-making fatigue.

St. Ignatius of Loyola talks often about indifference and attachment, especially as they relate to decision-making and discernment. He states that there are 7 qualities or attitudes required of us to wholly engage in a discernment process 1.) openness 2.) courage 3.) generosity 4.) interior freedom 5.) habit of prayerful reflection 6.) having one’s priorities straight 7.) not confusing the ends with the means. How we posture ourselves directly determines how we will receive.  

7 attitudes in a discernment and decision-making process  

1.     An attitude of surrender and openness with the trajectory of our life path being held with open hands willing to receive or to let go of whatever may come. We see many who want the benefits of intentional time, without actually releasing their ideas and plans to what might come. Admittedly this can be scary, we see our unhealthy attachments to power in a position, security of job, organizational ties, and all that we’ve worked hard for, being put in an Isaac & Abraham, all-things-on-the-altar request.

2.     We remind those we work with that this is bold and courageous work and the next necessary posture. It requires us to stay faithful and patient to believe and trust that God has a perfect plan for our lives. It requires boldness to keep showing up to the hard conversations, to the difficult relationships, to our time with God.  

3.     Directly linked, our hearts need to be open and generous, putting no conditions on what God might be asking of us. It will likely require seeing others as first and ourselves as second. The posture of generosity allows us to enter into a place of hospitality. Hosting our creator in our midst, willing to co-create but also willing to wait. Hosting others’ needs and concerns before our own.

4.     The ignatian exerices often talk about creating a place of interior freedom. That space inside of ourselves that is often filled with many other attachments – people, material possessions, and other idols. We must be willing to do what God asks of us, in a posture of release of what we might normally strive towards.

5.     A habit of prayerful reflection. Utilizing spiritual habits and disciplines that create an ability to hear God’s voice, alongside of trusted others. Covering the vocational discernment in prayer, repeatedly giving it to the Lord.

6.     The posture of having one’s priorities straight, asking, “Not my will but yours be done”. Here we are not allowing the things of this world to deter us from God’s best plan for our life but rather keeping our focus on what is good, pure, lovely, excellent, and praiseworthy. Asking for His priorities to be our priorities.  

7.     And finally asking for God to reveal to us where we confuse the ends with the means. Not putting God in second place, and our desires in first, but rather the other way around. Asking that our desires align with God’s in humility and sacrifice.

This is risky and vulnerable work that few fully enter into. And understandably these 7 postures overlap. What we most often see with those entering into discernment is that they are challenged with one or two, not bad things, but to really release something or someone in the process that is holding them back.

For Deeper Reflection:

How long have you been considering a shift in your own life?

What is holding you back?

What do you fear is the worst that will happen?

The 5 Phases of Vocational Discernment: Taking Steps Towards a Major Life Transition

While we are used to making choices every day, we may find ourselves paralyzed or change resistant on the whole with a major life transition. The cluster of decisions involved in decision-making can cause a sense of emotional flooding or overload. As a response, we can utilize these Ignatian principles as an over-arching guide and invitation to our inner world by accepting that they are needed and allow us to enter in. However, we must live into an active posture externally for change to take place.  

How does one live into Vocation Discernment and Decision-making?

The steps to discernment are similar to decision-making and follow a similar pattern, but uniquely flow from one to the next in correlation to the attitudes of discernment. Vocational discernment includes decision-making but only as one element of it. The 5 phases of vocational discernment include: Awareness of the need for change, information gathering, reflection, decision-making, and action.

1.     Awareness of the Need for Change – a crisis may have necessitated the change; or you may be entering in preventatively (our awareness came much sooner than the ability to do anything about it because we needed more information)…when cross-cultural workers experience a shift or one thing changes, usually there is a ripple effect where everything changes. This awareness can become quite disruptive!

2.     The Information Gathering Phase – What are my options? What are the factors in this decision? For global workers this is one of the most complex phases and where we find ourselves working with individuals and couples. We recognize that unique to those in a foreign context and especially those in ministry jobs, answering these questions will have ripple effects on every area of life. If one is disgruntled with a boss or a co-worker, shifting organizations is not a simple solution. This one answer may act as a spark that sets off a forest fire. Having confidential, outside input at this phase is incredibly beneficial.

3.     Reflection – In tandem with the previous phase we experience a deeper examination of the information gathered matched with self-awareness and a listening to the Holy Spirit. Questions like, “What do I like? What do I need? What are my dreams for the future? What are my limitations? Where have I let self-limiting beliefs hold me back?” When vocational formation and spiritual formation meet, there is an opportunity for a creative, likely messy and always beautiful expression of one’s unique self to arise. This is where we often meet with people in The Art of Transition or Life Planning process.

4.     Decision-Making – after accepting the need for change, gathering information and taking a concerted time for reflection, comes the decision. This is usually the shortest period of time as the prior investment pays off! If the previous steps are taken, this one comes with clarity and often a deep sense of relief! We encourage careful thought as to who will take part in the final decision. We’ve often used the phrase, “He/she has a voice, but not a vote.” Clearly there is more to discuss around who’s voice has a vote in your transition.

5.     Action  - Implementing the decision is the final step. We call this the roll-out. The action steps need to be carefully thought through including who needs to know what and when. In order to avoid relational fallout, considering those who will be most effected by your decision and how they might respond is key. In addition to the timing of a roll-out, it is important to think through the narrative of what you share and with whom.  

One final point of clarification. Discernment is open to all who seek it. While some may have the strengths and skills of listening; or have had experience working with career development, the spiritual gift of discernment, I believe is a gift from the Lord. Ask for it in this unique time! Ask for it for others listening to God on your behalf. Ask for the postures we discussed above:  1.) openness 2.) courage 3.) generosity 4.) interior freedom 5.) habit of prayerful reflection 6.) having one’s priorities straight 7.) not confusing the ends with the means. Remember, these are not instinctive, but rather are cultivated through direct relationship with the Lord and are fruit that is accessible from our leaning into that relationship.

Some may feel as I did, that seeking other’s in times of discernment points to a lacking in your own life. On the contrary, it is a unique opportunity to utilize the greater body of believers. You can possess both the gift of discernment and listen to wise council at the same time. This is counter-cultural work that will likely hold value tension for many.  Accepting the feedback of trusted voices is wise, enhances one’s ability to hear and make the necessary next steps as the unity and peace come.

Find a group of trusted, caring, and confidential people who get this and can listen on your behalf to the life that God is inviting you into and trust that He has your ultimate best interest in this process!

For reflection:

Think back to a time when you included trusted voices in your decisions, what was different about that decision compared to others?

When did you wish you would have listened to others, but didn’t?

What are some unhealthy attachments that keep you from entering into the attitudes of discernment?

Will You Stop Long Enough to Listen: Sabbatical Phase I - Realize

A Pause long enough to listen to my body, my mind and my heart

30 minutes into a straight uphill climb, I stop dead in my tracks. I look back, then up… I’m pretty sure I’m about to throw up. I’ve been carrying a 30-pound pack for two days, one small step at a time. From my current vantage point, it appears I’ve only gone half way to the top of what appears a very steep, no-end-in-sight climb. I stop to catch my breath, consider what I need to do to not throw up, or throw in the towel completely. I use the excuse of a bathroom break. Climbing 2000 feet of elevation in the backcountry with no pre-marked trails and a full pack, I figure others in the group would understand and extend grace.  

This hike was not unlike other hard hikes I had done. Typically at the half way point, I find myself welcoming a pause. A moment to look around and gain perspective, collect myself and ask, “Why the heck do I keep doing excruciatingly painful things?” Truly, I wonder at these moments: Why do I put myself through this? Do I even like it?

“Why don’t you just stop?”

My children asked this question in all seriousness on a phone call during a long Camino de Santiago trek after they heard of my countless blisters. Their rational response many years prior, still rings loud in my ears during times like this. “Why don’t I just stop?” The pause, despite illuminating any concrete answers, gives me a moment to catch my breath, consider my route, and make any necessary changes in my pack to sustain myself for the duration of the route.

I consider for a brief moment, is stopping really an option? When you’re on the extreme side of a mountain hike, there is seldom an opportunity to turn back. However, I never stop long enough to dialogue with myself and hear the answer to whether I like it, or truly should give up. I’m afraid of the answer I might hear and the quick slip into discouragement. I need the resilient mentality to keep me going. I usually just put my head down and keep taking one step in front of the other enduring the pain that comes.

The middle of a long hike, not that unlike the middle of life, requires me to PAUSE AND LOOK BACK honoring the path my life has taken. A quick pause in life similar to a hike doesn’t afford much reflection. Rather it’s a chance to come up for a breath of air and continue on until the breath no longer sustains. The pause in lengthier duration, however, allows us to enter deeply into our own stories and ask the hard questions. It is here that we have an opportunity to actually ask the hard questions and listen to the answers seldom heard amidst the hustle and noise of continuing on the same path.

While pain is a common side-effect of physically-demanding exercise, it’s also a call to listen to our bodies. The call to attend to pain, is the sacred invitation to honor my body’s limitations and honor the pain as a part of the journey that I am on.

When you stop long enough you may hear the sound of your body breaking down due to overwork or listen to the painful sounds of a relationship desperately overdue for repair due to neglect; An inner quest for purpose that has been pushed aside; A longing for something more than what you are currently experiencing in life.

Whatever the catalyst for this pause, whatever the season of life one finds herself in, the benefits of a sacred pause, far outweigh the costs.

If you find yourself here, considering a break in the form of a sabbatical, congratulate yourself. Taking a much-needed pause in the form of sabbatical is rare! By asking these questions you are already embarking on PHASE 1—Realizing the need.

Sabbaticals are considered a space and time away from full time work to reflect, study, create or experience holistic refreshment (Hoke, 259). It is in this inactivity that deep transformation and creativity come to life. Over the course of more than a decade of working with individuals, studying sabbaticals and experiencing them ourselves, we’ve come to determine there are a few wise practices.

The six phases of sabbatical best practices include: Realize, Release, Rest, Reflect (and Play), Realign, Re-enter. These six phases and the ability to allow oneself to enter into each of them, have been found repeatedly to best maximize the sacred pause.*

For Reflection: What keeps you from taking this sacred pause?

*These six phases have been adapted from Navigators Sabbatical Policy. The expanded definitions will be discussed in a different article.

The 6 Ideal Phases of a Sabbatical: A Framework for Conceptualizing a Plan

The 6 “Ideal” Phases of a Sabbatical 

Edit: We recently changed the title of this blog to 6 ideal phases because what we’ve learned over the last many years of working with people on sabbatical, that a crucial phase titled REALIZE was missing. More on that below!

Dr Steve Hoke defines sabbatical as a space and time away from ministry to reflect, study, and experience holistic refreshment to enable ongoing fruit.

45.5 percent of pastors from North America have experienced depression or burn out, while The Alban Institute estimates up to 50 percent of professional ministers are exhausted from their work. Long unstructured hours come with the job, weekends are taken in preparing for and administering the church service, and high expectations are placed on the pastor as troubleshooter, conflict manager, counselor, or friend. For cross-cultural ministers, the problem of stress and burnout is magnified : Expended emotionally by transition, the need to continually fundraise, and the cultural differences faced on the field to name a few. One study showed 15 percent of first-term workers permanently return home within two years.  Like those who serve as church ministers, their work is often all consuming, but combined with cultural dynamics that can drain and frustrate, burnout is extremely common*

Combined with cultural dynamics that can drain and frustrate [cross cultural workers] burnout is extremely common.

Taking intentional, God-mandated regular breaks are an essential part of a self-care plan, especially for cross-cultural workers.

Sabbaticals are a daily part of the conversation in our home these days. My husband, Jeff is on his second month of a six month sabbatical - his first. When I started this blog post 2 months ago he was in the planning and on-ramping to sabbatical phase. Many conversations two months ago started with, “When I’m on sabbatical…” There were scheduling ideals flowing in dreamland space of “the other-side”. And yet alongside the feelings of exhaustion built up due to years without an extended break, came the curious questions of how is this ever gonna work? “We know this stuff!” He would say, “sometimes it’s just hard to practice what you preach!” Primarily putting all of the responsibilities of life down.

As he planned his sabbatical I secretly wrote. But it wasn’t his sabbatical alone that motivated me to capture this process. It is rather the frequent contact in this line of work with people who say “I think I’m burned out” now what do I do? This is what inspires a few penned thoughts.

A hug, a high five and a huge “Congratulations you’re taking a sabbatical!” is my internal response when I hear someone has made this major life decision. It’s no small feat in getting to this decision point. Whether forced or chosen, this counter-cultural step requires great work. In the pragmatic, performance-oriented world we live in, where our identities and values are often deeply intertwined with performance and production, stepping into a sabbatical can feel quite jarring, lonely and even pointless!  The task of releasing our performance orientation is challenged here as “production” comes to a halt. Here we are provoked with often painful but incredibly rich soil to discover our true identities; growth in discovery who we are apart from our work. This is the challenging task of believers embracing “being versus doing”.

What do you do with your time? I hear the question frequently. It’s a good question really…a foreign concept to many, what does one do if they don’t work? And if this is your first sabbatical you’re likely asking similar questions: What do I do with my time? Do I schedule or not schedule? And how long do I do nothing?! “Your work is your sabbatical,” I say. “It is your full time job to rest well and offer yourself up for spiritual and personal transformation.” Laying out a plan tailored to each individual’s reasons for why they are taking a sabbatical, helps best facilitate internal growth, and desired outcomes especially in the midst of the process that can often feel uncertain and floundering.

Arguably, every sabbatical should include elements of rest, rejuvenation, play, direction and realignment. Below is a suggested 5-phase plan, organized under the categories of: Release, Rest, Reflect, Re-align, Re-engage. These phases are not necessarily linear, with one phase ending and the other beginning. Rather they flow fluidly between them.

Below is a suggested “best practice” for organizing one’s time usually consisting of a minimum of 3 months to one year.  As well included are a few considerations for engagement, warnings in the moment and questions to ask yourself or to engage with a coach around. Use this as a reference tool, coming back to it as you walk into your or another person’s sabbatical.

The 6 Phases include Realize, Release, Rest & Recovery, Reflection, Re-alignment and Re-entry

(I write the following to someone who has just said, I think I/we need a sabbatical…)

1.   Realize - For years we overlooked the importance of this phase. Until we realized how many people got stuck here. We took a deeper dive into understanding why and what became evident was intriguing. People might realize they need a sabbatical or maybe someone else in their life does for them, but they don’t realize how to get one. Where people continually found themselves stuck was in the place of not knowing which steps to take next. Many said, I guess I’ll resort to taking a slightly longer vacation and that should suffice. But what happened is that shortly after returning to work, they recognize they didn’t adequately rest or reflect long enough to make lasting change. This first phase, we realized(!) was absolutely necessary to include if people were to successfully complete a sabbatical. In this phase you will want to begin to work out dates and brainstorm possibilities. As well, have the key conversations to be able to move into the next phase.

2. Release–

The “release phase” is also considered the off-ramping from work and on-ramping into sabbatical phase. Give yourself lots of grace as you are in this season of “in between” the past and the future. During this first phase of preparation before your sabbatical starts, begin to disengage from any work, ministry and leadership responsibilities you can let go off. Establish a plan for your sabbatical desirably with someone who has also gone through one before or who knows the process. This sabbatical plan is an initial framework for direction and reflects priority needs.

*In this phase you may get push-back from yourself and others (co-workers, supervisors, spouses, your budget, etc.) You may question whether you made the right decision. This “luxurious sabbatical” idea is not something everyone is afforded. But then not everyone has the intense type of non-stop work that you have, either. If you’ve been feeling the need for it for some time, likely you’re long overdue. Ask permission organizationally and trust God with work out the nay-sayers. It can definitley feel like slow work getting too the next phase of rest, but remain tenacious. I am certain that this gift will be worth it.  

2.   Rest and Recovery – “Rest” is the phase you enter into when the official clock starts on sabbatical. Don’t skip this phase and don’t limit yourself here. Even if you only take a short sabbatical, make sure that you enter into the sabbatical with permission to rest. “Rest” for our discussion does not imply ceasing from all activity. (Although it could.) Many fall or land into sabbatical exhausted so rest is essential. At or near burnout, the need for adrenal recovery is typically high and ceasing from activity is mandatory before going any further. Stop full time work activities and, where possible, eliminate other areas of stress. For some, like those working in poverty contexts, or pastoral positions, the need to leave a geographical area may be required for adequate rest and boundaries from daily demands. Do things that are life-giving. You’ll find they provide rest in a different way. 

3.   Reflect– After an intentional time of resting, you will enter into a period of reflection. (Although they will also overlap). For many this phase consumes a large duration of time on sabbatical. During this phase, you will hopefully be experiencing some of the fruit of your prior focus on rest – more energy! Questions will begin to arise about next steps, dreams, future plans, etc. You should be asking the question, “Lord, is there anything You want to say to me?” “How would you like to transform me?” Consider how God has spoken to you in the past and posture yourself to hear His voice. Read, discover, play, take a class, create in new ways. Reflecting doesn’t have to only be left brained! Let yourself enter into this phase with a playful spirit ready to consider experimenting with the unique talents that you bring to the world before you enter into the next phase.

**2-day Life-Plan Discernment Time BEST FITS HERE

4.   Re-align or Re-assign –

Following a sabbatical a leader should have enough freedom to change directions or let go of responsibilities if a new vision emerges during their sabbatical. There should be space to dream, to explore personal, vocational and family longings and consider new opportunities without future performance expectations. From the previous phase, the reflection phase, you may discover that new creativity has come alive in you. Or that the way you were living is no longer working.

If you are in a season of discerning whether or not to continue into the same roles that you previously had, this is the best phase for a discernment evaluation or 2-day life plan.

Taking part in a comprehensive evaluation does not necessarily imply a change of roles, but rather the goal is a clarification of calling. During this phase of the sabbatical, it’s important to review and reaffirm your calling by examining what areas of your life have been most fruitful and rewarding. (Calling simply defined is living into who God uniquely created you to be with the opportunity for the most long-term and sustainable impact.) The goal is to experience maximum contribution in this next season of life, which may or may not mean a major shift or re-location. 

5. Re-Entry/Re-Engagement–

If you’ve been intentional about rest and renewal you can expect the joy of being refreshed physically, reaffirming His vision for you, and having gaining renewed perspective! Like returning to work after a vacation or a wonderful retreat away, reality can feel jarring! One of the hardest re-entry facets is maintaining the rhythms you worked so hard to implement. Like all the other phases, this phase requires grace - yet on a different level. You are returning to your normal, yet you are also in a new normal. Give yourself the time and space to find your groove. It took considerate and intentional time to off-load. On-ramping will be a unique phase of what to say yes to again.

This may be the hardest phase of a sabbatical.  In this phase you will begin to transition back into ministry. Expect emotional stresses, pace issues, spiritual warfare, and struggles in working out desired changes in life and ministry.

How you’ve changed in personal development and transformational growth may not be known to others. Where there is an idealized desire to have freedom to change directions and let go of prior responsibilities or conflict that may have led to the need for a sabbatical, removal from these, or immediate freedom from these realities may not be possible. The roll-out of changes may take many months. And you may experience opposition.

God modeled stopping from work after 6 days of creation and enjoying rest. This day of rest, or season of rest was commanded and blessed. The gifts that are gained are innumberabe. As you enter into a season of sabbatical know that it will be worth it. In this final phase you and others will be able to note significant internal and external changes. As you reflect back, acknowledge with gratitude this gift that sabbatical was. And the many other gifts which you have gained: An ability for clarity & re-focus, renewed passion, and the reminder that even in your absence God took care of all of the details.

This is our current life. We're right there in the mix of the questions, the tiredness and the expectations right alongside of you!

To learn about the services that we offer people on sabbatical contact info@thewaybetween.org or order the sabbatical guide on the products page.

What of this is helpful to you? What one step do you need to take today? Do you know someone who could benefit from this material. Feel free to pass it along?

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Portions of this text are modified from Navigators Sabbatical Policy

*Journal of Biblical Perspectives in Leadership The Transformational Effects of Sabbatical in Leadership Development by Christopher K. Turner, Douglas L. Fike

The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition - Clarity exercise Part 2

See The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition: Questions to ask - Part 1

When it comes to a vocational or career change, the possibilities appear unlimited. Our minds may take on a fight, flight or likely a freeze effect. The frontal lobe in our brain, acts like an overheated engine. It can’t take the myriad of options, so it begins to shut down…anxiety sets in. If we are able to employ a trusted friend or set of tools to gain perspective the ugly monster of overwhelm becomes a much more manageable companion.

We left off in the previous post (the overwhelm of decision-making part 1) with “together let’s approach the blocks that feel like an elephant and make them an eye - seeing them as an opportunity to explore, discover and create something new & life-giving! We can’t tackle the whole elephant right now, What feels most pressing?” Although the options may still take on 100 different variations, the primary decision can be broken down into just a handful of categories or even just one. How does one get from overwhelm to decision? What decision appears most pressing?

Now before we go any further, there exists an assumption that a well-thought through discernment process of gaining information about one’s options, talking to trusted individuals and mentors and a concerted amount of prayer, has gone into the process up to this point. Decision-making happens most effectively after a long season of discernment.

Transition takes place over the course of many small decisions, month after month. Getting to this point in making a major life decision primarily consists of listening to one’s heart and attending to the desires and longings of the soul that have existed for many months if not years. This point in time is often just a finalizing piece to a greater series of decisions. This is not to minimize the importance and the complexity. But rather to validate that your gut, your spouse, your friends, and God have all been speaking to you up to this point.

Decision-making happens most effectively after a long season of discernment.

In this post exists an exercise, a tool called the decision-making grid, to utilize in times of complicated or overwhelming decision-making. It’s quite simple and chances are you’re already familiar with it. A few years ago when faced with a series of decisions that seemed fit with equal pros and cons, I asked my friend and coach for some perspective. When she suggested using a decision-making grid I couldn’t conceptualize how it was different than making a list of pros and cons - my typical style! She briefly walked me through it over the phone. The simplicity almost seemed elementary. Yet it worked! Maybe like myself, you never thought to utilize it in major life decision. Here’s how it works.

The simplifying of options and narrowing down of questions, brings greater clarity than remaining in a place of swimming in the ocean of unlimited possibilities. In my opinion the process of discerning a major career move, organization or vocational path includes focusing first on personal fit (often referred to as calling). When we approach personal fit through the lense of these limited possibilities the decision-making begins to take the shape of a just a handful of possibilities.

Here we are talking primarily about decisions around personal fit and calling:

The 7 categories to consider personal fit/calling: (from the previous post The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition)

1.     Keep doing what I already do well but change the environment - Maybe you have outgrown the structure of the team or organization. Potentially staying in an environment, limits the opportunity for growth.

2.     Keep the work; reallocate or change the quantity - some may consider focusing their target audience to better match their passion. As well, changing the quantity allows for specialization, influence and impact.

3.     Change the work, but stay in the same environment - Within an organization maybe there is another set of possibilities. For example maybe you were hired on as an assistant but have outgrown the role where your gift mix would be better used.

4.     Turn an avocation into a new career - many look towards their voluntary service opportunities as what they would ultimately like to do for life-giving work. For example, during a transition season in my life I went to a local hospital and asked if I could volunteer doing play therapy in the children’s ward. Amazing to me now, is the passion I’ve always had for kinesthetic healing!

5.     Take on a parallel career For example, take your training role and look for another outlet like public speaking or book writing. This track is often pursued for the sake of funding, peer-mentoring, or influence.

6.     Get more training - maybe the way forward for you requires a complete shift and more specialized training in a specific field of interest. This option affords one more discernment time as he/she researches a specific field.

7.     Keep on doing the same thing - After a season of discernment and searching, you may have learned that what you have now is really a great fit and at this point nothing needs to change but something internally. Possibly it required an internal shift of gratitude or perspective to recognize the value of what you have and that every organization and team has faults. Answering, these are the ones I’m willing to live with!

I often recommend a sabbatical for a time of rest before major life decision-making. (See: “Overcoming the Top 3 Objections for taking a Sabbatical”) The need to clear one’s mind and gain perspective is invaluable in clarity gaining regardless of what decision may need to be made.

Where does one start in sorting through these 7 options and creating any semblance of a plan? Might I suggest as my mentor did, to utilize a decision-making grid?

When a decision-making grid is utilized, it allows one to see the options on paper and begin to compare them one against another not one to one million! Which is how it can often feel in your head. This process can help begin to make concrete the seemingly unlimited possibilities that can tend to have a swirling and overwhelming life of their own. 

Here’s how a decision-making grid works:

1.  Form the main question. Start by forming a question that you will use to evaluate all of the possibilities. Ask a question like: Which of these 7 options currently resonates most with me? If you are unable to get past this point, employ a friend or coach to help you form the question.    

2. Make a table to represent your top 4-5 choices for your futures (a 5x5 table for example). An equal number of horizontal and vertical boxes will be used. It isn’t necessary to compare all 7 options as not all of them may be possibilities. Limiting the options is the goal at this point, not expanding.

3. Assign a number and short identifier such as an abbreviated description of your top choices in the top row and far left column. The list will be the same on both the left row and top column. So for example if you’re utilizing the list from above, you would consider #’s 1-7. If they are all options than they all go on the horizontal and vertical lines.

Vocational Discernment Decision-Making Grid Example

4. Put X’s on the numbers that coincide such as 3 vs 3 as you won’t be comparing the same number against itself.

5. Go through each row. When you compare number 1 to number 2, ask the question that you have chosen:   “Which option more accurately aligns with my current longings? Or – Which option do I believe best allows for utilization of my personality & strengths?  Or “Given our current family needs, which possibility is the best future fit?”

Note: You’ve already done the hard work…Don’t over-analyze. Go with your gut at this point. 

6. Write the number chosen between the two options in the box. You will be comparing the same things twice, for example 2 vs. 4 and 4 vs. 2 it’s okay to change your mind or have a split. Often this double comparison produces double confirmation. But do not be alarmed if it does not!

7.  After you’ve gone through the whole table, count up how many of each number you have: 1 - __, 2 - __, 3-__, 4-__, 5-__, 6-__

8. You should have a number with a higher total than the others.

9. At the end of this exercise, consider how the option with the top number of points sounds to you?

10. If all ends in a tie, consult a friend or sleep on it. Try on the different options wherever you land. If you’re truly at a place of being able to live into your decision, imaging your life in that change will provide you with new ideas for the future.

11. When all is done, run this decision by the same people that have helped you get to this point. Something like: Given what you know about where I’m at, does this sound like a good option for my future?  Is there something else that I’m not considering? Surprisingly to many who are in transition is that those closest to the decision-maker already had a pretty good idea and are NOT surprised with a big decision. Call it intuition or a good friend. I would also call it the gift of being outside a cluttered decision-making mind.

The sweet dog ended up with the name Tracker. Unfortunately he only lived into that name as a sick rescue puppy for another 3 weeks. Our family misses him.

On a smaller scale our family recently used this method to decide on the name of our new dog. Not a perfect solution to over 30 ideas, but the process for four very different individuals created both a memorable exercise in decision-making and greater unity in the process. What became apparent was that there were many names not even worth considering. Similarly for you, many options not worth considering at this point for your future.

Utilizing a decision-making grid helps to shed light and gain clarity during complex decision-making times. The myriad of possibilities can now be broken down into only a handful or even just one. Concrete comparisons and intentional set-aside space allow for the ability to see the most important tree through the forrest of possibilities.

Don’t be surprised if this big decision catalyzes many decisions thereafter. Making a bold moves chart is a suggested next step. New blog post on “Now That You’ve Done a Decision-Making Grid, Bold Moves are Next” coming soon!

Questions to consider:

What do you learn from your created decision-making grid?

What is clearer after having done this exercise? Who do you need to share it with?

Overcoming the Top 3 Objections for Not Taking a Sabbatical

The signs on the dashboard say: rusty & worn out!

While many of us recognize the warning signs of burnout include lack of motivation, lack of focus, irritability and lack of desire. Much of this can be traced directly to prolonged workplace stress and fit. We operate our bodies and our minds as though they are machines and unlike machines that need fixing, we expect them to keep performing without regular maintenance. Although suggested regular maintenance best includes daily, weekly, monthly and annual rhythms, it is here after years of lacking that a prolonged period of time off is absolutely essential.

The concept of the sabbatical is based on the Biblical text in Leviticus 25 related to agriculture. The Jews in the land of Israel were mandated to take a year-long break from working the fields every seven years. According to farmers the land benefits from this rest as much as the people. A "sabbatical" has come to mean an extended absence in the career of an individual to fulfill some goal, e.g., writing a book or traveling for research. Sabbatical is most often thought of today for academicians and clergy. But we know the benefit extends to every worker regardless of discipline.

Many large corporations are getting on board with this long-standing biblical concept - 22% of Fortune 100’s “Best companies to work for” now offer paid sabbaticals, (Fortune Magazine 2018). Companies the likes of Intel, Google, Adobe, Microsoft, and Paypal all endorse and support sabbaticals through giving both the space, time and financial support for their employees to take extended time off. Intel’s policy fifty years ago! in 1969 included: "We see sabbaticals as accomplishing two things - allowing people time for revitalization and giving the employees who remain, an opportunity for new challenges and growth," says corporate affairs manager Tracy Koon. Employees return to their jobs, in their own words, with renewed enthusiasm and heightened creativity. We find that not only are employees more relaxed and better able to handle work stresses when they return, they also come back with new ideas and fresh winds blowing between their ears.” 

"We see sabbaticals as accomplishing two things - allowing people time for revitalization and giving the employees who remain an opportunity for new challenges and growth,"

Take a current example of a business model of sabbatical. The 9th best restaurant in the world in 2018, Mugaritz in Errenteria, Spain, close their doors every year for four whole months!

Their annual cycle of work includes 8 months on and 4 months off. Instead of focusing on filling their tables every day all year, they live their value of creativity through providing the space to create in those off months in order to offer a service of highest quality in the subsequent 8 months. Their creative is precedent to their standard. Because of that they remain booked months in advance! How can they afford to do it? They use the period of time in what would be their slow season to create. Instead of responding to the demands and pace of a Michelin star restaurant day in and day out, they stop to reflect on what is working and what is not. The owner says, “We close for four months every year. We understand that if we want to do something truly important, we have to stop, reflect and discover new ideas…How many plates in this restaurant aren’t born from that creative process?” These months allow for full days of experimentation and research. In a sense they are able to go back to their love of playing with food and remember why they love what they do!* 

With the Bible mandating it, and major corporations and successful culinary venues endorsing a long time of rest for better productivity and creativity, why is taking a sabbatical still considered such a luxury for an average worker and often not taken even where permitted? Why is it so hard to carve out the time and protect it in order for a period of rest, rejuvenation and creativity to be implemented?

 We understand that if we want to do something truly important, we have to stop, reflect and discover new ideas…How many plates in this restaurant aren’t born from the creative process?”

Here are the top 3 objections I commonly here for why people don’t take a sabbatical:

1.    The top justification for the argument as to why not to take a sabbatical is not having sufficient time. What would I do with all the responsibilities that I currently carry? I’m a dad, a coach, a supervisor, cross-cultural worker, a teacher, etc…Who else would take any of these responsibilities from me? Today busyness is an epidemic worth fighting against. Nearly everyone seems to be pulled in a hundred different directions. Keeping balls juggling in the air is often more responsive than planned. How does one even get time to think about self-care let alone about taking a long period of time off? The truth is, the ball may drop a little or a lot! When people come to us, they are unfortunately often past prevention. However an intentional well-thought through plan for rest makes absolutely possible for almost anyone intent on seeing it through past an otherwise simply good idea. Planning a year or more in advance to be able to set aside the space and time is not uncommon.

Many cross-cultural workers think of a sabbatical as going to one’s home country for an extended period of time. For me, although I was in between roles, I wasn’t able to take an extended leave. We had to think creatively about how to give me the time. My kids still had school and my husband still had work. As well, we recognized a home-stay would be more restful than traveling the whole time. So we made adjustments and did the best we could. We had to make it work within our limitations. We discussed which responsibilities I could release. Practically speaking, I didn’t do as many school-runs. My husband didn’t take as many out-of-town trips. We didn’t overschedule or sign our children up for more than one extra-curricular activity each. From September to December I created my sabbatical to exist during what would be my normal working hours. Every day from when I woke up until school was out, the time was mine. My responsibilities as mom, wife, and expat did not go away. I also engaged at times in community rhythms and church. Not every role was able to be put on hold. But the ones that needed greatest re-adjustment and a period of re-evaluation, related most significantly to my vocation were. This gave me the ability to release control and gain clarity on what needed to shift.

Now to some that might not seem like enough time, but to me, my sabbatical was my work. I was grateful for four months of limited demands and ample creative space for 4, 6 or even 8 hours a day at times. In addition, I also created two extended times away – one long weekend and one full week. We carved those into our greater schedule, although it was only planned a few months out. One of the weekends away was purely for fun with visiting friends and the other was an intentional strategic-planning getaway with my coach.  Neither broke the bank (more on funding a sabbatical later).

2.    For some the excuse may be financial. People often say their employer does not offer a paid sabbatical. They clearly can’t afford to not work unpaid. That makes a lot of sense. Today you read of countless people traveling for months on end. How can they afford it? Many have saved up, lived simply for months and years prior. Many also report selling their belongings to live a more simpler life and take the needed space they so desired. Sacrifices are required to live the value of rest. No one that I have ever heard of regretted creating the space, time and money for a sabbatical. If there is a will, there is a way. It may include living on less but the payoff will come back many-fold. I believe there is potential for almost any average worker to take time off if proper planning happens, once again.

3.    The third top explanation for why people don’t take a sabbatical, is that he/she would lose their “position” and title they have worked so hard for. This is also a valid and viable reason for not taking a sabbatical. The many years of service may be a sacrifice. The building of one’s business or ministry may all suffer if not attended to. Yet with the example of many top corporations, it’s not unusual for bosses or supervisors to understand that the need exists. As well, in the role of sabbatical coach we see people finding temporary replacements for many different types of roles.

Let me give the example of one friend Susan who felt like she was on the verge of burnout and didn’t know how she could possibly take a sabbatical. She had been working cross-culturally for over 7 years. She was single and often felt overworked. She lacked vision in her current work and desperately needed a break. She presented the idea to her company who did not have any policy as such in place. Their response astonished her. “What do other organizations do?” they asked. “What does a sabbatical policy look like?” They asked Susan to do her research and come back with a proposal plan. So she did. She contacted me for resources and much to her surprise not only did the organization grant her the needed space, but they created a sabbatical policy based off of her hard work for others to benefit from, as well! What a blessing that she stopped to attend to her needs. Not just for her but for many others in the future of the organization to come.

Making the time, having the money, and not losing one’s position are all valid and viable reasons as to why people don’t think they can take a sabbatical. Understandably, many objections must be overcome in order to create this beneficial space. Yet, if you keep listening to the voice of your body, your heart and your mind and it keeps nudging you towards one, really listen! Think creatively, ask for the time off, create a plan, employ a sabbatical coach, overcome the objections you need to care for yourself and others. It may be the single best gift you can give yourself, your family and those you care about.  

Considerations: If you’re thinking of taking a sabbatical, what are your primary objections? Who can help you overcome those objections? If you know others who have taken a sabbatical, what benefits did they gain from their time off?

For further reading: Top 20 reasons to take a sabbatical

*Note: This does not imply that their workers are getting four months off. However, the organizational value portrayed is one of rhythm - rest and creation.

Sources:

http://www.thesabbaticalcoach.com/html/hrmagazine.html

“The final table” - Netflix

Walking into the Labyrinth called Sabbatical

In many ways going on a sabbatical is a lot like the purpose of walking a labyrinth. A labyrinth opposed to a maze, uses the same path in and out without any dead ends. Where the path winds or turns there is an opportunity for reflection into one’s life. With an open heart and mind, walking a labyrinth offers each one who walks an opportunity to engage his/her whole self: body, heart, and mind.  The intentionality of walking a labyrinth includes 3 stages: Releasing, Receiving and Returning. 

First Stage: Releasing

As one enters into a walk through a labyrinth there is an invitation to stand at the “entrance” and consider what is ahead. The releasing stage is where you stand at the edge of the labyrinth, knowing you are about to enter in, but uncertain of what is to come. It is a space to prepare one’s heart and mind. To shed thoughts and distractions that would disable you from entering in more fully. Letting go of the details and logistics of life enough to open your heart and quiet your mind before God. 

 Off-ramping daily tasks in preparation for a sabbatical parallels this concept of entering in. There is intentionality needed. Sure once could just start walking or as many do on a sabbatical stumble in exhaused. And sometimes this is the only option of how to arrive. But what could be gained in the intentional preparation of your heart, mind and body to receive what this unique and sacred space has to offer? 

Second Stage: Receiving 

Whether you pray, sit, stand, meditate, as you walk through at your own pace, allow yourself to connect with your whole self and consider where you are at right in this moment. For many sabbatical is a unique and precious gift of rest. Much of life is lived in a hurried rush from one event or meeting to another. Sabbatical is a call to release the tasks that might otherwise consume and fill one’s thoughts with too much noise. And an invitation to receive the gift of the stillness and silence often not afforded by the demands of daily life. 

There is awareness that for many, kids still need to be attended to and bills still need to be paid. The challenge here is to engage this labyrinth-like space daily on sabbatical while the structure of life is less demanding to be able to implement this intentionality these rhythms in the midst of normal routines after.

It is from this place of receiving that a richness; a connection of head and heart ensue. The re-integration of one’s whole self, drinking from the well spring of life at “the center” provides the life that one needs to carry on with the task he/she has been called on this earth to fulfill. If this rushed, ignored or never encountered there is a drought of the spirit and mind that remains. 

The other joy encountered in receiving from the the center is Creativity. The encounter and connection with the creator God happens in the stillness and openness afforded at the center. A depth of openness to accept who God created you to be happens after shedding off the logistical cares of the world, listening without the noisiness of the world and refocusing on that which is important for the greater good of the world. 

 Third Stage: Returning

Leaving the center requires faith and courage. From this safe and comfortable union remains the invitation to go boldly back into the world. Yet not alone; carrying with you the certainty of the encounter and experience of the wonder of the Creator God. There can be a peculiar and wonderful sense of strength and clarity that comes from having walked in. The renewed invitation is not to stay but to take what has been learned, absorbed, & experienced at the center and give it back to the world in the unique way that your unique calling in this world allows. From the richness of the center and the returning to give life away, each one who enters becomes more empowered to find and do the work your unique soul is called to do.