The Joy and Dread of Moving To and From a Foreign Country: Keep, Give, Recycle

The joy and dread of moving to and from a foreign country.

Moving has always included a certain element of dread. From a young age, I was told, you’ll make friends around the world, and see things others won’t. And while I knew and experienced the reality of that truth, the lack of one home caused deep confusion in my place of belonging and of my belongings.

For many who have lived a lifetime of moving, the stuff becomes reflective - either getting stuck in a period of time surrounding oneself with all the things, or completely releasing all things and living a rigidly simplistic lifestyle.

My journey has included both of which I hope in my 5th decade to now come closer to a balanced view and ability to embrace things and simultaneoulsy release them at any given moment. I want to live my life free from the attachment to things, and from a place of generosity!

This post was inspired from a previous blog when “how to get rid of your stuff?”, got a little lengthy. Below I offer what we did when we moved from Spain during the Covid pandemic and how we sold 3/4 of our belongings. This is a practical and subjective article. To understand the context, read: Attachment to Things: Your Story of Stuff and the Subtle (and not so subtle) Impact on Moving to gather a fuller picture.

Bottom line: Approach a move in stages.

It was early in the pandemic when no one was buying or selling from strangers. We were living in Spain on strict lockdown. Remember when we were unable to go to one another’s home and we sanitized anything new that entered our homes? Well, we were amongst the crazy ones who were already in motion to move in the summer of 2020. We had lived in Spain for 8 years as a family of four and despite loving our life abroad, the time was now for many reasons. We had discerned and clarified and were convinced that repatriating would be a part of our story.

To sell things, we began by sorting into three piles: Yes, No, & Maybe. We had clear “yes” piles for each person and set those aside for the very small shipping container we planned to use.

From the no and maybe piles were slightly more problematic so we began to gather these and work at making small daily decisions with as limited touchpoint with each object as possible (limiting decision-making). We were still months away from our launch date, but the sorting was in full swing. I knew I wanted to save my best energy for the end to be with people whole-heartedly. We set our move out date a month earlier than our flight, organized a place to stay at our friend’s and began the tedious task of determining meaning from our belongings.

This was an ongoing process, but we knew big things and certain electrical appliances (and toilet paper roll projects) wouldn’t make the cut of expensive shipping.

We then began taking pictures of items with as much detail as possible to sell.

Next, using these pictures, we created a google doc and made a simple grid, listing every item, with a number, a name and a picture. We included a description with as much and as HONEST of information as we would want if you were buying the items. The desire was to predict questions and answer them in advance to minimize unnecessary questions and back-and-forth communication. (i.e. Is it new or used, how big is it, how old is it?) 

The reason for using the google platform was that it updated in real time, was easy to navigate, and didn’t cost money. Most people had access and familiarity, and a simple link could be shared on a WhatsApp group or email.

With a little over a month out from our move out date, we sent out the link to targeted people we knew were moving and asked them to reply back on what they wanted. Next we hit up our local community (people felt surprisingly sentimental to our stuff!), After a few intentional group roll-outs, and an added sense of urgency that we were going to allow for a larger audience to look at things, we told people to send it out generously.

And then we quickly began to hear back.

One thing that felt unique this time, is that we didn’t hold anything without payment. We asked for a Venmo or PayPal payment to ensure these items were spoken for. And because most of the transactions took place digitally we asked if possible for the currency of the country we were moving to (not living in). We needed the money for where we were headed not where we were. While this sounds a bit rigid, it was an incredible time saver for us as sellers and helped clarify expectations for the buyers.

We made another document (on the notes app) listing the number and name that went with what person. Many bought several things so this helped us stay organized.

We then asked people to come to us and come within OUR availability. As selfish as that sounded it was a lifesaver. We wrote a general email and WhatsApp message and sent it out to the masses including these open periods of time. Because most people were in our network they were supportive and respectful of this request.

Probably the most beneficial thing we did this move, was in setting up LIMITED pickup times. When I say limited, I mean limited! We offered two windows of time for buyers to come or send someone on their behalf. (Example: Tuesday 12-3 and Thursday 3-6). Of course if we had someone who bought a lot, or had a good reason, we made exceptions.

I can’t say it enough…Scheduling blocks of limited time for pickup made all the difference! When you’re talking about communicating with 30+ people this will limit the communication to serve you well - especially in relational-centered cultures! (Whatever permission you need to do this, please find it!)

There are so many things to do in the final countdown before moving and while many do understand this limitation, there seem to be an equal number who don’t. Don’t be flexible on this. You are leaving your whole life which always includes a vast array of emotions, not to mention is stressful and time-consuming, and A LOT of work.

Included in those windows of time, we added a garage/yard sale & “free” sale at the very end. While people were picking up the bigger items, we were setting up the little items that we didn’t take pictures of for a sale at the end of the week. Now, let me just add that garage sales can be a pain. Prices are low, you sit there for hours, and well, you get it. But the good thing was that when people came to get their bigger items, nearly everyone bought something off of that garage sale (not yet organized) pile, as well. The actual sale date was two days out but people got to shop early for buying our bigger items. Our prices were just above the we’ll-pay-you rate.

This time around, despite covid and the incredible stressors involved in not knowing how moving would look, we felt incredibly seen in this process. People understood, were eager to shop, took a lot and many came back for more. We didn’t pressure ourselves to hold onto unnecessary items as we were thrilled that others could use them. As well, we didn’t mark or have all the for-sale items ready or priced at once. We allowed ourselves so much grace to start sorting early and ongoing when we had energy. When the week came we would keep adding to the piles and used the pick up times as helpful external motivation.

We also had a “please repurpose” section which was basically our free pile of half-used up boxes of toilet paper (a hot commodity then), non-expired food, and other small not-worth-it-to-ship-or-sell-treasures!

To note: This particular move, I didn’t waste my time with the wider socials. I was living in a foreign country and didn’t want the hassle of back-and-forth communication. (It was also during covid and unlikely a stranger would come over, anyways. If I were doing this again in non-covid times and in the US, I would use a buy nothing group (see Facebook in your area) and Facebook marketplace or nextdoor.

I've moved a lot and done this a lot...those are my few top pointers: Specific up-to-date descriptions on a document like googledoc, utilizing a wide network, limited pick-up times, and a general sale with as much help as you are able to pay for with those used items!

Moving is a ton of work. Give yourself a well-deserved reward of moving out with AT LEAST one week margin before getting on a plane open. Moving away from the stress of decision-making around belongings allows you the gift to enjoy the most valuable part of your expatriate life, the love of the people.

For deeper reflection: Where do you find yourself stuck? What do you notice comes up for you when you begin to think about moving?

Seeing the Light: Adrenal Burnout & 10 Recalibration Experiments While You Wait

With more than 20 tabs open on my computer, my mind resembles my computer - scattered, slowed way down, full and needing a reboot!

These days more than ever, I leave most things partially finished, multi-tasking impaired at best. I’m just two weeks from my sabbatical start date.

“Hi, my name is Sara, I’m a sabbatical coach and I’m close to burned out!”

This state of my body and mind is humbling to share.

My body aches and feels incredibly tired. My brain functions best at 3am as it tries to solve all of my world’s problems interrupting my deep, desperately needed REM sleep!

My doctor tells me this is once again a different version of my same story - hormone dysregulation – the stress hormones are shot!

I notice as I talk to my functional medicine doctor that my notes point to June 2023 as the last time we talked. Nearly two years ago was when I was last told I had low functioning adrenal glands and we needed to get on a supplement protocol for what my body was missing. Following the guidance and protocol helped create a baseline of functioning on a moderate and very slowed down scale for almost two years. I don’t know where I would be now without it! 

Now, on the horizon, and less than two weeks away, I start a long overdue period of a long pause and reset.  In many ways it is a plan set in motion when I met with this doctor nearly 2 years ago and in other ways it is 8 years in the making since living out my dreams of starting this non-profit – including all the highs and lows and stress my body absorbed.

For the first time, and over the last two days, I have just begun to feel the reality coming near.  

Invited to continually live it out, I ask, “What do I know/not know that I share with others in the release phase of sabbatical that I have had to put into practice for myself?” This is for my reminder, if no one else.

“Horizon-focused” deep rest requires a recalibrated creative and counter-cultural way of living in the now.  Below are a few recalibration practice ideas: 

“‘Horizon-focused’ rest requires a recalibrated creative and counter-cultural way of living in the now. ”

1.        I first must exercise kindness towards myself. I know that I am human and not a machine and there is no condemnation for adrenal burnout. I know some principles that I too must recognize and put into place that can offset and sustain me in this final push. I am called to authenticity and the invitation to practice what I preach and vulnerably share it with others in the process.

2.       I continue to gain knowledge and tools but more than that, I must take the invitation to put these learned tools into practice. As a leadership development organization focused on sustaining leaders, we work with 6 phases of sabbatical, realize being the first phase – admitting that a break is needed. Realizing that something needs to shift, that I am not in control and that my ability to pause from work will result in good, no, actually GREAT holistic transformation!

3. This is normal! In the realize phase, I have the opportunity to begin to craft a plan for a sabbatical with good boundaries and intention for rest. And sadly, the release phase is also where many struggle and get stuck. We call it the off-ramping phase where the need to let go of responsibilities and detach oneself from their identity of work becomes challenging. Who is going to do my work for me? What if ____ doesn’t get done? The plans are set in motion to rest - soon, but not yet, and the final push to put work down is before me. This phase takes fervent effort to stay on course.

4. We encourage people who found themselves like me, aware, in need, and unable to set the plans in motion, to gradually pull back. Can I let go of responsibilities and work smarter not longer and harder? What if you could release your 100% work output, weekly (or monthly) from 100% output to 90% one week, 80% the next, 70% the next, etc. What if you could release your respsibilities and expectations on yourself and even hours in the office cut in half until your start date of sabbatical commencing?

5. Practice self-coaching. When we coach, the question that surfaces is often, “What support do you need right now in the phase you’re in?” I ask myself that regularly. What support do I need right here, right now? I’m trying to listen to my body’s invitation to slow down and allow the bad nights of sleep, body aches and overall exhaustion to have a voice in my daily rhythms of work. The support I often find myself needing is grace to go at a different pace. Other times I need the voices of reason from others who know me well.  

6. Incorporate more fun and lightness into work. I’ve experimented with a number of different approaches to keep me on track towards a longer sabbatical break including working a 4-day work week. When I get my work done in 4 days, I play a game called “get to choose what to do with the 5th day”. I might leave it for personal meetings, volunteer work, writing, or a long hike with a friend. This change of pace is a reward for the other 4 days I stayed focused and a simple incentive that somehow works for my motivation.

7.  The days I am working, I work a less rigid and pressured schedule incorporating more margin. I block off client days and use the remaining time and days for administrative tasks alternating weeks with creativity. I don’t cram what might need to be an hour meeting into 15 minutes. My brain won’t operate on full speed if I do choose to compress the time, making the meeting altogether useless. I give myself more margin between meetings and note what types of conversations and which types of people drain my limited energy, faster.

Jeff reminded me lately of the benefit of short spurts of work and then a reward at the end. Reward yourself for hard work! I let travel planning escapism and sabbatical planning into my work day as a break every couple of hours to give a break to the mundane tasks and hard decisions.

8. The greatest perk and strength we have in being a young non-profit is flexibility. We tap into this strength to give new life to our weaknesses. I have the flexibility to start my day later or end it earlier. I can take a longer or shorter lunch to work when I’m at my best. I might add exercising during the middle of the day when I’m tired, or take meetings at a coffee shop. And I might even be found taking a nap on a yoga mat on the floor! (Thank you Spanish culture learnings!) 

9. Utilize my network. The perspective and support I need are unique in this season. I have to remind myself interdependence is good and I require it now more than ever. I look to my support network for a vantage point different from mine - one that is welcome and needed when my executive functioning is lacking.

10. And lastly, I’ve experimented with my playful/right-brain side, surrounding the intense and often paralyzing, left-brain decisions with engaging my body in a walk break, or a bike commute to/from work. I show up lighter, less cluttered in the brain and overwhelmed. It is a gift I can give myself to be in this playful mindset.

With these variations in my work day, I’m ultimately attempting to trick my brain into thinking of work as novel, fun, creative, playful and not monotonous, cumbersome, stressful, or demanding. I can choose to surround the stress or challenging meetings with the lightness of a different pace and posture. The new and novel, helps reset my brain and allow me to focus on what is working rather than what is not.

Without a plan and the necessary support, we see many people work at a 110% pace and especially during the release phase with the intent of off-loading only to crash into rest. While I’m limping a bit, I’m grateful to not be crashing! What looks like a hard crash takes a longer recovery time. I’m grateful for insight and foresight of those we’ve walked with and am trying to remind myself that the opportunity to say yes to more work will always be there. Instead I replace those thoughts with imagine the creativity that will come alive inside of me if I say a heartfelt yes to this necessary pause.

Over the last two years of waiting and re-writing the plans, I’ve grown deeper in compassion for myself and others. And I’ve learned to navigate delay in what my body speaks (or screams) that is needed. In the work we do, we humbly say, “we’re alongside of you in this journey towards holistic and ongoing health. We, too are invited to live what we know and believe.” What I know currently and have lived is that rest can be accessible, and if not for the moment, on the horizon. If rest is drawing you in, fight the long hard fight! It will truly be worth it.

For Reflection:

Which idea from the list above would you like to incorporate into your life? What feels most challenging to you and others when needing but not getting rest?

What Kind of Tired Are You? The 7 Types of Rest Approach

As a sabbatical coach, I start with the assumption that rest is good and from God. God mandated and then modeled rest for us in the life and ministry of Jesus. And yet for some reason, we as humans are the only created beings that fight this gift.

Simultaneously, in the role I play as a sabbatical coach, I know the signs and symptoms of burnout and can see the lights on the dashboard. However, I don’t always know where the problem lies.

One of my favorite books that talks about our posture and theology of rest comes from Mark Buchanan and The Rest of God. A favorite quote I repeat often is, “if God can take any mess, any mishap, any wastage, any wreckage, any anything, and choreograph beauty and meaning from it, then you can take a day off. Either God’s always at work, watching the city, building the house, or you need to try harder. Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

“Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

— Mark Buchanen

This is an important starting place as I talk daily with people in need of rest…Can we agree that a pause is needed and that when you take a pause the world will not crumble?

While I feel the edginess of that quote, I don’t serve, write or coach from a place of arrogance and having it all together. If you've read anything I’ve written lately, you know I’ve been on a long journey with burnout and rest. For nearly 20 years I have struggled with an auto-immune disorder that invites me to closely monitor my self-care and rest and hormone levels.  Just 18 months ago, I found myself once again with adrenal fatigue and almost no adrenaline in my body. Despite my best-to-date work/life balance over the last 2 years, I question if this depletion is just an inevitable part of my makeup or is there more to unpack in understanding how we wrestle with rest and burnout?

From that space of depletion, I continue the pursuit of understanding rest and burnout. 

One of the best and new-to-me paradigms for talking about rest, comes from author Saundra Dalton-Smith, called Sacred Rest. Saundra provides us an incredibly helpful framework to discuss this basic need to stop and pause. As a medical professional, she daily asks her patients in her medical practice, What kind of tired are you? The opening of the book states, “Rest for the body, mind and spirit may appear to be hard to find because hurry is outside and inside of us...So we’re not just talking about sleep. Sleep is not the foundation of rest, but the by-product of rest. The idea of this book is that understanding rest is much more complex than understanding sleep, and one must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion. She states, “For every depleting activity in your day, there is a counter-reviving activity to balance the scales.” (30-31)

“One must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion.”

— Saundra Dalton Smith

Let me briefly list for you the 7 types, but start first with my contribution in discussing what I see as the places of deficit. Because when we start from this place of describing the kind of tired, we’re able to identify the needed counter-balance in the form of rest. Where do you see yourself in this conversation?

1.        Physical Depletion – Our body’s response to overwork. The most basic way we talk about tired including all of our body’s response to overwork. The deep tiredness behind our eyes, the aching shoulders or headaches we experience from lack of sleep.

2.        Mental Depletion – The overactivity of a busy mind which may include information overload, overwork, multi-tasking, or obsessing about the future.

3.        Emotional Depletion – Feeling the need to perform or meet external expectations. Not feeling enough or seen. This includes the weight of carrying emotional wounds and/or unprocessed grief for ourselves and others. (If this includes trauma, our bodies are unable to close the stress cycle and the Central Nervous System stays on high alert).

4.        Social Depletion – Unable to find comfort and a place of belonging in our social relationships. Feeling unknown or unseen; not being able to rest into who we truly are at our best.

5.        Sensory Depletion – The constant stimulation of our nervous system through our senses. Think about all forms of pollution - noise pollution, light pollution, stuff pollution.

6.        Creative Depletion – Not allowing ourselves to be moved and effected by the world around us. Allowing the left, logical brain to rule our lives without balancing our interaction with the right brain. This includes not being present to the flow that comes from engaging our right brain through nature, play and our bodies.

7.        Spiritual Depletion - carrying the heavy load of responsibility for your own or other’s belief in God.

What kind of tired are you? Give each of these a number 1-10 with 10 being absolutely exhausted.

For me, this deficit list illuminates a fraction of my tiredness, and is helpful for discussion. However there are two other pieces I would add in. When I consider my personality, a bent towards social justice and the leadership roles I live into in care for the marginalized, foreigners and women, the awareness of the weight I carry is even greater.

When we carry the burden of a people group or the burden of finances of an organization, the health of a sick parent, the weight of injustice of the evil in the world, we add to the depletion on a more complex and hard to navigate level. We may have what I call “compounded rest deficits” not just for ourselves, but for our family, an organization or a people group such as women, the poor, or people of color that we do not feel we can let down about. Many ask, how can we release our multi-layered loads when the job is unfinished?

What kind of load have we been carrying? Maybe we need to protect our rest that much greater if we have the complex load to carry. I am challenged to ask, How do I rest well on behave of others?

I know a break in the form of sabbatical is a gift but also a necessary reset for me. It’s a time to pause and ask how this cessation from work allows God to do the work He is in control of. As well, it’s an invitation to Ecclesiastes 3, a time to work and a time rest. A time to speak and a time to listen. For me that listening is a continuation of the noticing, checking in with myself on my tired and an opportunity to gain awareness of the specific areas of deficit. Is my tiredness physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative or spiritual?

Consider your deficits and be honest with where you are lacking.  How to rest into that is to be continued on part 2!

Leadership Perspective on Sabbatical

Shark tank the tv show is commonly referenced in our home. Not because we watch it regularly but because there are a couple of self-proclaimed ideators in my home that find it intriguing to spark conversation starting with, “Would this *insert crazy idea* fly on shark tank? 
 
As we discuss, we offer our fake money and investment options, saying something like “I’d give you 5 million for a 50% investment and unlimited quality time with your mom! The counter-offer is often, I’ll take the 5 million and leave the rest! (Thank you teenagers!)

Amidst the banter we may pull up a show or two and probe into the real world of what is working and not. Recently I was drawn into an older episode that included a proposition for a very intriguing power nap studio!

The idea included sleep pods, a studio pop-up shop and a relaxing ambient, atmosphere resembling a massage room. Coming to a city near you!**

In reality we all need more creativity and productivity in our daily life. And even a brief nap such as 15-20 minutes, we know provides greater brain clarity, a mental boost and overall body refreshment.

While the idea of napping for refreshment is not a new concept, the creativity that may be sparked and necessary, encouraged in the form of an intentional rest outside the floor of your office or a reclined position in your car or nodding off at your desk, is more necessary now than ever.  
 
I’m a big fan of power naps and the way they refresh my whole being. My response as I continued watching was one of immediate welcome and desire to endorse, if I could have.
 
But instead, the shared general sentiment of the sharks, their response surprised me. It sounded like this… “No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*
 
While much research has shown the benefits, the overarching value is that work takes precedence over self-care! Productivity trumps care despite the desire and lip service given to prioritize the greatest assets of any company – the people. 
 
Although ministry leaders don’t say it as directly as the sharks, the sentiment is not that different from corporate America - We can’t afford to rest and neither can you! 
 
Just last week I had a conversation with an executive director of member care discussing why leaders need a sabbatical. He was authentically questioning the efficacy. Why isn’t vacation enough? How burned out do they need to be? When do we say yes? How do you cover positions and who pays for this?

““No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*”

— Shark from Shark Tank

As sabbatical coaches we frequently hear this "man over machine" mindset but the form and approach to see the value lived out, lacks. People are still denied space and time because the leadership isn’t certain of the value, doesn’t understand how the job will get done, is afraid of an employee leaving or hasn’t been in a similar position. That all makes sense. These are common reactions across ministry, non-profit, and corporate America.

If you’re a leader positioned to champion this type of care, what are your responses? How do you posture yourself to listen for these words – stuck, discontent, exhausted, unsettled and poor fit - amidst those you serve? What might a follow-up conversation look like when you hear these words?

A sabbatical policy in our mind is meant to be created from a developmental perspective. People are the best resource of any company, and shouldn’t be treated as machines. Giving space and time such as a long pause in the form of a sabbatical to listen to their heart, their head and their body will likely keep them from burning out and leaving altogether. Organizations often feel like they need to have all the answers or a policy in place in order to grant a sabbatical and to that we say, give it a try with a few and see what works for your organization and personnel.

Consider a few leadership best practices to sabbatical:

1. Be open to what the employee needs for their own physical, mental and spiritual growth even if you don’t understand. Let them decide and tell you what they need. If we want healthy leaders, we ultimately want to create an environment where these healthy leaders know what they need and ask for it.

2. Help them find third-party resources and accountability that understand sabbaticals and how to structure one. You as the leader will have a different agenda than an objective outsider.

3. Take a company-wide approach to care. When everyone catches the vision for a sabbatical culture the whole culture wins. How can every employee consider where sabbatical might fit on their developmental track? And consider for others how they might chip in to cover for when people take time off?

4. What can you as an organization say no to in order to live out this value? Not every fundraiser is necessary. Not every service is needed. What can be released for a time?

5. Consider sending the employees you hear say the above words, a sabbatical readiness survey. This serves as a way of saying I see you and there are resources available.
     

You don't have to have all the answers, a policy or even the ability to grant a sabbatical. Let's keep the conversation open so leaders remain healthy and have access to the resources they require. Sleep pods or not, let’s demonstrate the powerful value of rest over productivity in creative and effective ways. 
 
Bonus: Listen here for a sabbatical conversation from a google employee.

Questions for further conversation: Let me ask you. What is your theology of rest? And where did it come from?

*As of July 2023 napping pods or minute sleep stations are located in at least 21 aiports in the world including DFW, DXB, IAD, DEL, ATL, MUC, JFK, MEX, AUH, PHL, HEL, LGW, CLT, IST, SVO, NRT, YYZ, TLL, BGY,  (find one next time you fly!)

When Sabbatical Feels Far Off But Desperately Needed

For many reasons I’ve dreaded writing this as it’s the lived-out version of what we do day in and day out splayed open to critique and judgment as I find my way forward in a very personal way. I muster up courage telling myself that at worst I’ll receive criticism and not everyone will love or agree with what I write. On the other hand the transparency may strike a chord with someone who deeply resonates. And if nothing else, as my writing partner encourages me, “vulnerable words and shared experience are more interesting to read!” (Thanks Melissa!)

Here’s the reality…

I (Sara) walk amongst the slow these days. Quite literally, a snail’s pace at times. I carry my hidden crutches fully inside my body in the form of hormone dysregulation and auto immune disorder. I know I am not alone in this. Many of us are fighting a battle that can’t be seen.  And yet it somehow feels different as a sabbatical coach.

It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication. My unseen limitation on a regular basis is basically a hiccup in my brain and a bite of food away from a long nap, and severe stomach ache. These are all manageable, but still incredibly inconvenient. In extreme times I can’t get out of bed and don’t have the capacity to take in new information.

“It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication.”

As a sabbatical and transition coach I wrestle with how to live into this reality when in extreme or moderated forms; when I can’t push myself like my personality would prefer. There are no reserves to draw from. I am forced to slow down and admit the need to do so.

There are seasons when we must slow down or even stop. And there are times when stopping for a long pause isn’t yet possible.

As a sabbatical coach we often hear the question,

“How do I operate in day to day life when I can’t get what I need yet and I’m on the slippery slope of burnout?”

And from others, the question is “Where do sabbatical coaches turn when they need a rest and a break?”

Like leaders in any sector and especially those in 24-7 or demanding ministry, “Where can we ALL find space to be transparent and in need, and not fully live into what we need, such as sabbatical, at the same time?”

Here are few counter-intuitive lessons from my recent Camino experience that I’m applying in my daily life and learning to embrace in this season when I can’t yet push pause.

1.     Listen to Your Body. Having walked 5 portions of the Camino de Santiago over the last 7 years, I have found the athlete inside of me come alive again. The Camino is different in that it invites our whole self to the conversation of spiritual transformation in the reality of where we are currently living but noticing in a heightened way while walking. One of the ongoing and strikingly obvious lessons has been this - my body knows how it wants to move and when it can move, and when it needs to rest. I just need to tune into the wise voice it speaks, listen, and respond. I apologize to my body for the way in which I would never treat any other human - like a machine. This feels new and an important lesson in sustainability and care. I apologize for the mistreatment and welcome ongoing guidance as we do this life together.

“I see you body. I see what you’ve done for me and how you can’t do it any longer. I acknowledge you’ve been working hard and need to stop for a time.”

— A moment of gratitude to myself

2.     Permission to rest. I recently read a statistic that lack of sleep is a better predictor of diabetes than diet. Meaning it is also the best prevention for this and many other diseases (of course alongside exercise and diet). In this season I must give myself permission to go to bed earlier. To say no to evening activities. To allow myself grace to skip a seminar and to take a nap. Or as on the Camino, to not walk for a day. I can work a 4-day work week and intentionally schedule sabbath. These are all lessons in resting - undeniable lifelines for me in this season.  

3.     Leave margin. If there is one thing I must daily focus on, it is how to get margin in all areas of my life. I do almost nothing at the speed I would like to or that I see others doing. For example, I move slower therefore I must leave the house earlier. I think slower so have to leave more time for creation in deadlines or even emails I need to write. I don’t schedule meetings back to back, I can’t pivot that fast. I don’t multi-task, my brain drains much faster when I try to. I can’t procrastinate and deal with the stress of last-minute changes.

In nearly every area of my life right now, I must think about adding extra time and energy. While this takes time in itself, it also allows me to show up as best as I can in what I do commit to.

4. Downshift my expectations of reality. When I drive uphill in a stickshift I notice the change in the sound of how hard the engine is working. With years of practice, I intuitively hear the overuse and manually shift down to third, second or even first to allow the engine to perform at its best capacity. If I don’t, I know it will not perform at all. In this last season of non-profit start-up I’ve had to acknowledge how loud the engine is running in my life and how I haven’t released it to work in 2nd or 1st gear, instead revving in 5th.  

In the last 6 months, it pains me to say what we haven’t done but these are the graces and can humbly admit it has been for the best. We cancelled two, 7-week cohorts. We only attended one conference instead of multiple this fall. We released the pressure to strategize best contacts, speak twice and have a booth at the one we did attend. We let go of the expectations on ourselves to finish our book by our desired deadline.

Full transparency none of those were chosen by me. The cohorts didn’t fill up, the second proposal didn’t land, the book didn’t get the space in our schedule that we desired to finish it. We were forced to downshift and humbly admit our humanity in it all. Ultimately I have to admit a performance orientation and confess that I am living unrealistically. I have to tell myself, not everything needs to be done by me and right now. This is a daily conversation. How much is enough?

5.     Ask for help. I am the first to admit that being needy is not in my DNA. However the value of the community of believers and the picture of Moses’ arms being held up by Aaron & Hur (Exodus 17:12-14) grants me permission to say, “it’s okay and even expected to need people”.

While we coach people to find where the world’s needs and their passion intersects and to live in that space 80% of the time, in start-up and certain ministry roles this is not always possible. At times there is no one else to do the job I’m not able to do (or am not skilled at doing).  So I’ve learned to ask, what can I NOT do today? What can someone else take off of my plate? And what can I just let go of entirely and not pick back up at this time?

And sometimes that website re-design or the newsletter doesn’t get attended to. I’ve had to extend grace that even though I’d like things done faster, frantic pace isn’t possible or healthy 100% of the time. There may be seasons of busy but we are not machines that can be pushed 24-7-365.

6.     Keep engaging in good self-care. As my naturalpath read my lab reports several months ago, his reaction surprised me. He said, I’m amazed by the look of these that you’re not doing a lot worse.” (Thank you?!) “What your labs tell me is that you’re currently in stage 2 of adrenal fatigue/burnout but you have great DHEA levels which says that healthy rhythms are sustaining you.” My takeaway: labs don’t lie!

We proceeded to converse and he probed a bit deeper about the practicalities. I shared what I have actively put in place to one degree or another over the last two decades of living with my health limitations. I proceeded to share that I have learned many hard disciplines such as daily supplements, intentional diet, daily exercise, turning work off at a decent hour, & weekly sabbath. I have the role of wife and mother that no one else can do so religiously focus on balancing play and fun with my husband and kids (separate and together). We incorporate more celebration and traditions and invite others into them whenever possible. Getting life-giving time with friends is huge for me so I schedule it at least once a week, even when I was in transition. Going to bed ridiculously early, only drinking decaf coffee (no judgment - it’s what my body needs), and saying no to a lot more than I would like are all part of good self-care for me. I have a support system of people that I rely on to keep me accountable to specific areas, such as this naturopath doctor.

I was reminded in that conversation that it can be really frustrating to have good rhythms and still experience your body as not fully functioning. My self-care rhythms haven’t solved all of my adrenal dysfunction issues, but they have made it possible to live a relatively normal life.  

7.     Reduce Stress. In that same conversation, he noted, you can’t take out all of life’s stress and sometimes stress is good, but your body must manage the amount coming in. Because of this immune disorder my body is always under a fair amount of stress in general maintenance. I heard, I must pick my battles more wisely! The energy reserves for stress are diminished and not being replenished as a normal person’s would.

And yet as I shared with my doctor and consider what is relevant to others, I feel a deep peace. I am attending to my limitations. I continue to incorporate the rhythm of my “Camino pace” as a reminder of my long and arduous journey just a few weeks prior. Slow and steady one foot in front of the other when I don’t know how long the journey will be or what other “mountain” I may find myself in front of. We say the Camino parallels life, like it or not, and these are my direct parallels and opportunities for ever-maturing response.

If I was sitting with you as a friend or coach, I would ask, “What strikes a chord? What is your key takeaway from how to live out a life of balance and rest when a sabbatical is not able to be actualized… yet?”