What Kind of Tired Are You? The 7 Types of Rest Approach

As a sabbatical coach, I start with the assumption that rest is good and from God. God mandated and then modeled rest for us in the life and ministry of Jesus. And yet for some reason, we as humans are the only created beings that fight this gift.

Simultaneously, in the role I play as a sabbatical coach, I know the signs and symptoms of burnout and can see the lights on the dashboard. However, I don’t always know where the problem lies.

One of my favorite books that talks about our posture and theology of rest comes from Mark Buchanan and The Rest of God. A favorite quote I repeat often is, “if God can take any mess, any mishap, any wastage, any wreckage, any anything, and choreograph beauty and meaning from it, then you can take a day off. Either God’s always at work, watching the city, building the house, or you need to try harder. Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

“Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

— Mark Buchanen

This is an important starting place as I talk daily with people in need of rest…Can we agree that a pause is needed and that when you take a pause the world will not crumble?

While I feel the edginess of that quote, I don’t serve, write or coach from a place of arrogance and having it all together. If you've read anything I’ve written lately, you know I’ve been on a long journey with burnout and rest. For nearly 20 years I have struggled with an auto-immune disorder that invites me to closely monitor my self-care and rest and hormone levels.  Just 18 months ago, I found myself once again with adrenal fatigue and almost no adrenaline in my body. Despite my best-to-date work/life balance over the last 2 years, I question if this depletion is just an inevitable part of my makeup or is there more to unpack in understanding how we wrestle with rest and burnout?

From that space of depletion, I continue the pursuit of understanding rest and burnout. 

One of the best and new-to-me paradigms for talking about rest, comes from author Saundra Dalton-Smith, called Sacred Rest. Saundra provides us an incredibly helpful framework to discuss this basic need to stop and pause. As a medical professional, she daily asks her patients in her medical practice, What kind of tired are you? The opening of the book states, “Rest for the body, mind and spirit may appear to be hard to find because hurry is outside and inside of us...So we’re not just talking about sleep. Sleep is not the foundation of rest, but the by-product of rest. The idea of this book is that understanding rest is much more complex than understanding sleep, and one must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion. She states, “For every depleting activity in your day, there is a counter-reviving activity to balance the scales.” (30-31)

“One must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion.”

— Saundra Dalton Smith

Let me briefly list for you the 7 types, but start first with my contribution in discussing what I see as the places of deficit. Because when we start from this place of describing the kind of tired, we’re able to identify the needed counter-balance in the form of rest. Where do you see yourself in this conversation?

1.        Physical Depletion – Our body’s response to overwork. The most basic way we talk about tired including all of our body’s response to overwork. The deep tiredness behind our eyes, the aching shoulders or headaches we experience from lack of sleep.

2.        Mental Depletion – The overactivity of a busy mind which may include information overload, overwork, multi-tasking, or obsessing about the future.

3.        Emotional Depletion – Feeling the need to perform or meet external expectations. Not feeling enough or seen. This includes the weight of carrying emotional wounds and/or unprocessed grief for ourselves and others. (If this includes trauma, our bodies are unable to close the stress cycle and the Central Nervous System stays on high alert).

4.        Social Depletion – Unable to find comfort and a place of belonging in our social relationships. Feeling unknown or unseen; not being able to rest into who we truly are at our best.

5.        Sensory Depletion – The constant stimulation of our nervous system through our senses. Think about all forms of pollution - noise pollution, light pollution, stuff pollution.

6.        Creative Depletion – Not allowing ourselves to be moved and effected by the world around us. Allowing the left, logical brain to rule our lives without balancing our interaction with the right brain. This includes not being present to the flow that comes from engaging our right brain through nature, play and our bodies.

7.        Spiritual Depletion - carrying the heavy load of responsibility for your own or other’s belief in God.

What kind of tired are you? Give each of these a number 1-10 with 10 being absolutely exhausted.

For me, this deficit list illuminates a fraction of my tiredness, and is helpful for discussion. However there are two other pieces I would add in. When I consider my personality, a bent towards social justice and the leadership roles I live into in care for the marginalized, foreigners and women, the awareness of the weight I carry is even greater.

When we carry the burden of a people group or the burden of finances of an organization, the health of a sick parent, the weight of injustice of the evil in the world, we add to the depletion on a more complex and hard to navigate level. We may have what I call “compounded rest deficits” not just for ourselves, but for our family, an organization or a people group such as women, the poor, or people of color that we do not feel we can let down about. Many ask, how can we release our multi-layered loads when the job is unfinished?

What kind of load have we been carrying? Maybe we need to protect our rest that much greater if we have the complex load to carry. I am challenged to ask, How do I rest well on behave of others?

I know a break in the form of sabbatical is a gift but also a necessary reset for me. It’s a time to pause and ask how this cessation from work allows God to do the work He is in control of. As well, it’s an invitation to Ecclesiastes 3, a time to work and a time rest. A time to speak and a time to listen. For me that listening is a continuation of the noticing, checking in with myself on my tired and an opportunity to gain awareness of the specific areas of deficit. Is my tiredness physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative or spiritual?

Consider your deficits and be honest with where you are lacking.  How to rest into that is to be continued on part 2!

Dear "Didn't Get Your Planned Sabbatical"

A letter from one person who didn’t receive their needed sabbatical to another…

Dear Friend

I appreciate your question - How am I pivoting after the disappointment of not receiving my planned sabbatical?

As well, I appreciate your position of understanding, in the deep loss of not getting what you had desired in a sabbatical. I’m praying for you and truly trusting that maybe something here will help inform how you posture yourself in the midst of the uncertainty. As well, I trust it might allow for a deeper resonance with others, through your life in the years to come.

I would be remiss if I didn’t first say, I recognize now more than ever what a gift sabbatical is. As we’ve discussed, and I know you understand, sabbatical is a luxury not an expectation that many never have had a chance to consider. I recognize the place of privilege to have this conversation, in itself.

In lieu of our conversation, I wanted to take a few minutes to highlight a few more of my thoughts around what I have done to adjust after weighing the reasons why it didn’t work now for me and readjusting my expectations of the indefinite postponing of mine. Especially as you know, given that I have reached a level of physical exhaustion, that for me is not sustainable.

Discovering this timing wasn’t going to work for me was and is a loss, similar to how you’re experiencing it, or so it sounds. I’ve been thinking about it for years! As you know I had outlined a 3-month sabbatical and indefinitely postponed due primarily to inadequate administrative & financial support.

As my intended start date came and went, I spent several weeks in more of a posture of anger, followed by sadness and eventually acceptance. (This my fairly familiar grief cycle that no longer scares me like it used to). If I can work through the sadness and anger, there is acceptance on the other side. While I know I’ll get this needed pause in some form eventually, I have come to accept that now is not the right time for so many reasons.

Here are some ways I’m continuing to engage around sabbatical without yet getting one: 

1. I’m taking careful note of why I needed one in the first place. What prompted this need more than just a 7-year marker? For me the need was closely connected to the physical manifestations of adrenal burnout (and this tendency for me now my third time in my life relating to an autoimmune disorder). I’ve spent the last 10 years really listening to my body’s response to stress and acknowledging what it needs. The lights on the dashboard said stop! THIS is what I believed I needed…and yet it wasn’t the only thing. It appears God was and is working on sustainable daily life rhythms with me and not just a hard stop!

2. With that idea in mind, I have spent some concerted time with a spiritual director evaluating, praying, considering what has led me to this physical manifestation. I have several intentional life rhythms in place, but that isn’t enough. I’ve been doing the Ignatian exercises for 9 months which is deeply reflective and a window into my weary soul! I’ve used this space and time to continue the lament and supplication invitation! The reasons are multi-fold.  I’ve been working on all cylinders pushing hard for these last 7 years of creating and launching TWB as a 501c3. It’s been an uphill battle as a female leader. We moved cross-culturally during a pandemic and the work we do isn’t particularly stress free. 

3. We ask others to consider what roles drain them and where living into their sweet spot wouldn’t provide a more natural resonance. I had to ask myself the same set of questions. For me, director and fundraiser are the most draining roles and a close third is marketing! PHEW! As well, when in the role of facilitator or coach (ones I love and thrive in) and even director, if I find myself long-listening or defending issues around women in ministry, I quickly become drained. This is also a factor from some very painful circumstances externally for me at my church, historically in the church and in my own personal healing journey. In addition, I’ve recently been lamenting so many of my friends leaving the church (small “c”) and some leaving their faith altogether for this particular reason of abuse of power and inacceptance of spiritual gifts for women. Much more to say about this, but I can’t overlook the emotional wear and tear and connection to how it effects my body, mind and heart on a regular basis and on the day intended for sabbath, when so many women around me are deeply hurting!

4. So what else have I done? I downshifted to wear certain draining hats, infrequently. I’m focusing on the 80/20 principle and doing what is life-giving as much as is possible - delegate or drop. This list is currently called my “to-don’t list!” In addition I’ve asked for more volunteer help. Understandably certain things have just been dropped or become rather neglected. My “to-don’t list” grew and once again I was invited to acceptance of what I couldn’t control. And I’ve had to become okay with that. What a freeing (outside of my norm) posture!

5. While the primary impetus of not getting a sabbatical is admin and financial support, I have years of knowing God could have provided and didn’t. YET! I trust in time, He will. Yes, this is a stress. But I’m making adjustments like applying for a grant that could make one possible next spring. As well, I’m putting other support pieces in place. Ultimately I’m being invited to continue trusting God with The Way Between and what He wants to do in and through it and me.

6. And finally, continued boundaries. For the summer my rhythms look like this - I see clients two days a week and that is all I have to work with. I do admin work one day a week (or in between clients) and take a full life-giving content day. That leaves one more day/week - I use that 5th day for volunteering, playing with my kids and going on long hikes, a date, or taking a long weekend away. My email auto-response below might be a sample to spur on a few counter-cultural thoughts for you in this time of re-posturing.

Day to day rhythms include closing it all down in the evening and on the weekends. Maintain those hard-fought boundaries of vacation and time with family. And ultimately trust God’s got this.

I hope something from this is helpful. Let’s continue the conversation as you see fit. Many blessings as you continue to honestly and authentically process this loss and reality.

Alongside,

Sara

Thank you for your email. I will be adjusting my rhythm of work to allow for content creation - a necessary incubation and research phase for resource development. In this window, I will only be checking email occasionally and down-shifting from my regular responsibilities. 

Thank you for your patience in the delayed response time.

If you are interested in any of The Way Between's services please fill out the intake form or go to our website for updated services https://www.thewaybetween.org/twb-services. 

If you have registered for an event or service, and have further questions, please contact info@thewaybetween.org.

Towards healthy rhythms of work and rest!

Sara

Chili Contests and Vulnerable Creation Spaces

I entered a chili cookoff last night at my daughter’s school for the first time in my life. Never before have I felt the courage to invite people to openly critique my food! And I can’t exactly pinpoint what came over me for this shift to occur!  In fact, if you’ve eaten at our house before, it was likely Jeff’s cooking that was placed in front of you.  I say I like to experiment or functionally cook. And I come more present to the table when it’s not my creation we’re invited to.
 
In the month prior, Jeff noticed this rare occurance unfolding and asked me why this time was different (as well if I wanted any help!). I responded, “After years of really bad and below average chili-making, I think I might have found my go-to recipe!” I had recently modified a chicken fajita chili and thought it good enough to share with the world.
 
My son chimed in, “Do you think it’s good enough to win? Is it a contender?!”
 
To which I thought for a few seconds, “Actually, no. Ha! If I’m honest, I really don’t!” But I do think it’s good enough to share, as it’s unlike anything I've had before. 
 
I reflected that this process was more about me and a process of creation than it was about chili or winning.
 
That small revelation spoke to how I feel about much of what I create today. Vulnerable with a large dose of personal growth…Hard to get out of my head and into the world.
 
Isn’t that the summary of the creation process - vulnerable and often stunted? Vulnerability is required every step of the way as you pivot from one stage to the next...As with anything creative from writing a sermon to creating a painting and everything in between, all creative processes go through these 4 phases - Preparation, Incubation, Illumination and Implementation which I was reminded of in something as simple as a chili contest.

In the preparation phase, it is often a change that has necessitated a creative shift. Anything we create requires and entry point and motivation towards something new. For me that was bad chili. This nudging caused me to prepare and begin looking.

The Incubation phase - a time of hiddenness and experimentation. This phase was an invitation for me to brainstorm, explode, mess up, try out a combination of ingredients as was the case with the chili, double the recipe and even mess up. Like creating in life we have the opportunity to keep trying in this phase or to give up. The best innovation happens here in the incubation period when we keep working to refine what was okay into something great.

The third phase is the illumination - an aha that what is being created is different and worth it. Some say what brings you to creation is desperation. We need to be reminded of the impetus for change as we trudge through the mud waiting for that moment(S) of illumination. In the illuminate phase we can use that desperation for something better, something more, a fix for something that was breaking or broken.

And finally in the implementation phase we try it out in the world. A pilot phase. This piloting may be a place many never make it to. One might create in private and keep it in private never showing their brilliance to the world for fear of failure. My coach used to say, “Excellent enough, Sara!” As though he knew I might paralyze the process and keep it from full implementation if I waited for my creation to feel complete and whole.

And while implementation is the final phase of the creation process officially, in many ways it’s just the start. The feedback loop provides invaluable input into the creation itself.

I coached a leader this week along these lines saying, have you thought about just trying ____out with a small group of people and asking for feedback? He is looking to make a shift but not sure how to take the next step. As we considered together the blocks, we also discussed a trial period of sorts. 
 
“Why not bring this idea before a handful of supportive people? And ask for their honest feedback? Isn’t that what a pilot is – pressure to not have it perfect, but openness to be on the way.”
 
Bringing my recipe to this event was a small step towards awareness of my self-consciousness and insecurity around cooking; as well as an openness to be on the way. I’m hesitant to bring what I create to the spotlight for critics and approvers alike. I shy away from saying, look this is pretty good and I think you’ll benefit if you try it (and also it might not be your favorite yet!)…but amuse me either way! 
 
That vulnerability in recipe-making translates to what we’ve created recently in this vocational world of transition care in the form of a sabbatical ecourse and camino hiking experience. 
 
We think these two particular offerings are pretty off the charts (way better and time-tested than my chili) and maybe the best spaces we know that exist for leaders in transition to overcome burnout, stuckness, major life transition, and confusing places of vocational shift. We created these resources because this is what we wanted in transition or on sabbatical. And they have served others with positive feedback and ultimately deep soul care! 
 
I watched and reluctantly asked person after person their impression of my chili. A part of the refinement process that I’m working on in every area of my life being helpful feedback loops. Honestly, my flammin’ chicken chili needed to be cooled down, so I brought sour cream – maybe as a bit of a crutch but also as permission. There’s no going back when you add too much chili powder. In return for my asking, I received lovely interactions, and was met with delight, surprise, dislike and even one man’s wanna-be-professional-chef evaluation on my secret ingredients! Many children loved the sour cream most of all the “chili” offerings! And ultimately I had fun doing it.
 
Honestly, I’m proud of myself for this humbling step. And while I didn’t win, I did create something that was a process of vulnerability and the creative cycle feedback loop. For that alone it was a success. 
 
What are you putting out into the world these days? What is requiring new levels of creativity and vulnerability?
And what support do you need on the journey?

Leadership Perspective on Sabbatical

Shark tank the tv show is commonly referenced in our home. Not because we watch it regularly but because there are a couple of self-proclaimed ideators in my home that find it intriguing to spark conversation starting with, “Would this *insert crazy idea* fly on shark tank? 
 
As we discuss, we offer our fake money and investment options, saying something like “I’d give you 5 million for a 50% investment and unlimited quality time with your mom! The counter-offer is often, I’ll take the 5 million and leave the rest! (Thank you teenagers!)

Amidst the banter we may pull up a show or two and probe into the real world of what is working and not. Recently I was drawn into an older episode that included a proposition for a very intriguing power nap studio!

The idea included sleep pods, a studio pop-up shop and a relaxing ambient, atmosphere resembling a massage room. Coming to a city near you!**

In reality we all need more creativity and productivity in our daily life. And even a brief nap such as 15-20 minutes, we know provides greater brain clarity, a mental boost and overall body refreshment.

While the idea of napping for refreshment is not a new concept, the creativity that may be sparked and necessary, encouraged in the form of an intentional rest outside the floor of your office or a reclined position in your car or nodding off at your desk, is more necessary now than ever.  
 
I’m a big fan of power naps and the way they refresh my whole being. My response as I continued watching was one of immediate welcome and desire to endorse, if I could have.
 
But instead, the shared general sentiment of the sharks, their response surprised me. It sounded like this… “No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*
 
While much research has shown the benefits, the overarching value is that work takes precedence over self-care! Productivity trumps care despite the desire and lip service given to prioritize the greatest assets of any company – the people. 
 
Although ministry leaders don’t say it as directly as the sharks, the sentiment is not that different from corporate America - We can’t afford to rest and neither can you! 
 
Just last week I had a conversation with an executive director of member care discussing why leaders need a sabbatical. He was authentically questioning the efficacy. Why isn’t vacation enough? How burned out do they need to be? When do we say yes? How do you cover positions and who pays for this?

““No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*”

— Shark from Shark Tank

As sabbatical coaches we frequently hear this "man over machine" mindset but the form and approach to see the value lived out, lacks. People are still denied space and time because the leadership isn’t certain of the value, doesn’t understand how the job will get done, is afraid of an employee leaving or hasn’t been in a similar position. That all makes sense. These are common reactions across ministry, non-profit, and corporate America.

If you’re a leader positioned to champion this type of care, what are your responses? How do you posture yourself to listen for these words – stuck, discontent, exhausted, unsettled and poor fit - amidst those you serve? What might a follow-up conversation look like when you hear these words?

A sabbatical policy in our mind is meant to be created from a developmental perspective. People are the best resource of any company, and shouldn’t be treated as machines. Giving space and time such as a long pause in the form of a sabbatical to listen to their heart, their head and their body will likely keep them from burning out and leaving altogether. Organizations often feel like they need to have all the answers or a policy in place in order to grant a sabbatical and to that we say, give it a try with a few and see what works for your organization and personnel.

Consider a few leadership best practices to sabbatical:

1. Be open to what the employee needs for their own physical, mental and spiritual growth even if you don’t understand. Let them decide and tell you what they need. If we want healthy leaders, we ultimately want to create an environment where these healthy leaders know what they need and ask for it.

2. Help them find third-party resources and accountability that understand sabbaticals and how to structure one. You as the leader will have a different agenda than an objective outsider.

3. Take a company-wide approach to care. When everyone catches the vision for a sabbatical culture the whole culture wins. How can every employee consider where sabbatical might fit on their developmental track? And consider for others how they might chip in to cover for when people take time off?

4. What can you as an organization say no to in order to live out this value? Not every fundraiser is necessary. Not every service is needed. What can be released for a time?

5. Consider sending the employees you hear say the above words, a sabbatical readiness survey. This serves as a way of saying I see you and there are resources available.
     

You don't have to have all the answers, a policy or even the ability to grant a sabbatical. Let's keep the conversation open so leaders remain healthy and have access to the resources they require. Sleep pods or not, let’s demonstrate the powerful value of rest over productivity in creative and effective ways. 
 
Bonus: Listen here for a sabbatical conversation from a google employee.

Questions for further conversation: Let me ask you. What is your theology of rest? And where did it come from?

*As of July 2023 napping pods or minute sleep stations are located in at least 21 aiports in the world including DFW, DXB, IAD, DEL, ATL, MUC, JFK, MEX, AUH, PHL, HEL, LGW, CLT, IST, SVO, NRT, YYZ, TLL, BGY,  (find one next time you fly!)

When Sabbatical Feels Far Off But Desperately Needed

For many reasons I’ve dreaded writing this as it’s the lived-out version of what we do day in and day out splayed open to critique and judgment as I find my way forward in a very personal way. I muster up courage telling myself that at worst I’ll receive criticism and not everyone will love or agree with what I write. On the other hand the transparency may strike a chord with someone who deeply resonates. And if nothing else, as my writing partner encourages me, “vulnerable words and shared experience are more interesting to read!” (Thanks Melissa!)

Here’s the reality…

I (Sara) walk amongst the slow these days. Quite literally, a snail’s pace at times. I carry my hidden crutches fully inside my body in the form of hormone dysregulation and auto immune disorder. I know I am not alone in this. Many of us are fighting a battle that can’t be seen.  And yet it somehow feels different as a sabbatical coach.

It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication. My unseen limitation on a regular basis is basically a hiccup in my brain and a bite of food away from a long nap, and severe stomach ache. These are all manageable, but still incredibly inconvenient. In extreme times I can’t get out of bed and don’t have the capacity to take in new information.

“It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication.”

As a sabbatical and transition coach I wrestle with how to live into this reality when in extreme or moderated forms; when I can’t push myself like my personality would prefer. There are no reserves to draw from. I am forced to slow down and admit the need to do so.

There are seasons when we must slow down or even stop. And there are times when stopping for a long pause isn’t yet possible.

As a sabbatical coach we often hear the question,

“How do I operate in day to day life when I can’t get what I need yet and I’m on the slippery slope of burnout?”

And from others, the question is “Where do sabbatical coaches turn when they need a rest and a break?”

Like leaders in any sector and especially those in 24-7 or demanding ministry, “Where can we ALL find space to be transparent and in need, and not fully live into what we need, such as sabbatical, at the same time?”

Here are few counter-intuitive lessons from my recent Camino experience that I’m applying in my daily life and learning to embrace in this season when I can’t yet push pause.

1.     Listen to Your Body. Having walked 5 portions of the Camino de Santiago over the last 7 years, I have found the athlete inside of me come alive again. The Camino is different in that it invites our whole self to the conversation of spiritual transformation in the reality of where we are currently living but noticing in a heightened way while walking. One of the ongoing and strikingly obvious lessons has been this - my body knows how it wants to move and when it can move, and when it needs to rest. I just need to tune into the wise voice it speaks, listen, and respond. I apologize to my body for the way in which I would never treat any other human - like a machine. This feels new and an important lesson in sustainability and care. I apologize for the mistreatment and welcome ongoing guidance as we do this life together.

“I see you body. I see what you’ve done for me and how you can’t do it any longer. I acknowledge you’ve been working hard and need to stop for a time.”

— A moment of gratitude to myself

2.     Permission to rest. I recently read a statistic that lack of sleep is a better predictor of diabetes than diet. Meaning it is also the best prevention for this and many other diseases (of course alongside exercise and diet). In this season I must give myself permission to go to bed earlier. To say no to evening activities. To allow myself grace to skip a seminar and to take a nap. Or as on the Camino, to not walk for a day. I can work a 4-day work week and intentionally schedule sabbath. These are all lessons in resting - undeniable lifelines for me in this season.  

3.     Leave margin. If there is one thing I must daily focus on, it is how to get margin in all areas of my life. I do almost nothing at the speed I would like to or that I see others doing. For example, I move slower therefore I must leave the house earlier. I think slower so have to leave more time for creation in deadlines or even emails I need to write. I don’t schedule meetings back to back, I can’t pivot that fast. I don’t multi-task, my brain drains much faster when I try to. I can’t procrastinate and deal with the stress of last-minute changes.

In nearly every area of my life right now, I must think about adding extra time and energy. While this takes time in itself, it also allows me to show up as best as I can in what I do commit to.

4. Downshift my expectations of reality. When I drive uphill in a stickshift I notice the change in the sound of how hard the engine is working. With years of practice, I intuitively hear the overuse and manually shift down to third, second or even first to allow the engine to perform at its best capacity. If I don’t, I know it will not perform at all. In this last season of non-profit start-up I’ve had to acknowledge how loud the engine is running in my life and how I haven’t released it to work in 2nd or 1st gear, instead revving in 5th.  

In the last 6 months, it pains me to say what we haven’t done but these are the graces and can humbly admit it has been for the best. We cancelled two, 7-week cohorts. We only attended one conference instead of multiple this fall. We released the pressure to strategize best contacts, speak twice and have a booth at the one we did attend. We let go of the expectations on ourselves to finish our book by our desired deadline.

Full transparency none of those were chosen by me. The cohorts didn’t fill up, the second proposal didn’t land, the book didn’t get the space in our schedule that we desired to finish it. We were forced to downshift and humbly admit our humanity in it all. Ultimately I have to admit a performance orientation and confess that I am living unrealistically. I have to tell myself, not everything needs to be done by me and right now. This is a daily conversation. How much is enough?

5.     Ask for help. I am the first to admit that being needy is not in my DNA. However the value of the community of believers and the picture of Moses’ arms being held up by Aaron & Hur (Exodus 17:12-14) grants me permission to say, “it’s okay and even expected to need people”.

While we coach people to find where the world’s needs and their passion intersects and to live in that space 80% of the time, in start-up and certain ministry roles this is not always possible. At times there is no one else to do the job I’m not able to do (or am not skilled at doing).  So I’ve learned to ask, what can I NOT do today? What can someone else take off of my plate? And what can I just let go of entirely and not pick back up at this time?

And sometimes that website re-design or the newsletter doesn’t get attended to. I’ve had to extend grace that even though I’d like things done faster, frantic pace isn’t possible or healthy 100% of the time. There may be seasons of busy but we are not machines that can be pushed 24-7-365.

6.     Keep engaging in good self-care. As my naturalpath read my lab reports several months ago, his reaction surprised me. He said, I’m amazed by the look of these that you’re not doing a lot worse.” (Thank you?!) “What your labs tell me is that you’re currently in stage 2 of adrenal fatigue/burnout but you have great DHEA levels which says that healthy rhythms are sustaining you.” My takeaway: labs don’t lie!

We proceeded to converse and he probed a bit deeper about the practicalities. I shared what I have actively put in place to one degree or another over the last two decades of living with my health limitations. I proceeded to share that I have learned many hard disciplines such as daily supplements, intentional diet, daily exercise, turning work off at a decent hour, & weekly sabbath. I have the role of wife and mother that no one else can do so religiously focus on balancing play and fun with my husband and kids (separate and together). We incorporate more celebration and traditions and invite others into them whenever possible. Getting life-giving time with friends is huge for me so I schedule it at least once a week, even when I was in transition. Going to bed ridiculously early, only drinking decaf coffee (no judgment - it’s what my body needs), and saying no to a lot more than I would like are all part of good self-care for me. I have a support system of people that I rely on to keep me accountable to specific areas, such as this naturopath doctor.

I was reminded in that conversation that it can be really frustrating to have good rhythms and still experience your body as not fully functioning. My self-care rhythms haven’t solved all of my adrenal dysfunction issues, but they have made it possible to live a relatively normal life.  

7.     Reduce Stress. In that same conversation, he noted, you can’t take out all of life’s stress and sometimes stress is good, but your body must manage the amount coming in. Because of this immune disorder my body is always under a fair amount of stress in general maintenance. I heard, I must pick my battles more wisely! The energy reserves for stress are diminished and not being replenished as a normal person’s would.

And yet as I shared with my doctor and consider what is relevant to others, I feel a deep peace. I am attending to my limitations. I continue to incorporate the rhythm of my “Camino pace” as a reminder of my long and arduous journey just a few weeks prior. Slow and steady one foot in front of the other when I don’t know how long the journey will be or what other “mountain” I may find myself in front of. We say the Camino parallels life, like it or not, and these are my direct parallels and opportunities for ever-maturing response.

If I was sitting with you as a friend or coach, I would ask, “What strikes a chord? What is your key takeaway from how to live out a life of balance and rest when a sabbatical is not able to be actualized… yet?”

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Summer is a time when people realize that the long-overdue vacation they finally took was not enough. While we are highly in favor of a weekly sabbath and an annual vacation or two, sabbatical is a lengthier period of time for rest, rejuvenation and realignment of priorities. Here are a few of the common questions that we hear as people are considering if a sabbatical might be in their future.  

What length is ideal/long enough for a sabbatical?

It is in the long pause of several months (or more) that we have an opportunity to actually ask the hard questions and listen to the answers seldom heard amid the hustle and noise of continuing on the same path. It is recommended from several sources that three to four months of unbroken time away (at minimum) is ideal. This implies no active engagement in work. (We’ve seen too many people “cheat” on this and work part time or pursue other intense work).  Don’t cut this gift of time short! And for many having lived in difficult circumstances or under extreme workplace stress, we recommend 6 months to a year. If 10 weeks is all that is offered, consider using vacation time on the front and back end or personal leave time to round it out. We say take what you can get, but when one considers all that is needed to truly rejuvenate, 3 months minimum is the standard answer.

How should I use my time?

When on sabbatical, “Sabbatical is your job,” we say. “It is your full time job to rest well and offer yourself up for spiritual and personal transformation or reflection and re-alignment.” When we coach, we help lay out a plan tailored to each individual’s reasons for why they are taking a sabbatical, helps best facilitate internal growth, and desired outcomes especially in the midst of the process that can often feel uncertain and floundering. The book we’re in the process of writing (coming fall 2023) on sabbaticals is meant to provide ideas and suggestions corresponding to each of the six phases. As well there will be a book recommendation list and general “what to do on sabbatical” ideas in the appendix.  

How does one decide when to take a sabbatical?

We generally suggest following the biblical and agricultural model of every seven years. However if it’s been significantly longer, consider your capacity to work and your capacity to care. We often notice people feel restless vocationally when they’re approaching a sabbatical which is a great time to pause, rest and gain perspective before making any major decisions. There is a sabbatical readiness survey that we ask people to fill out to consider a more robust angle on one’s personal readiness and needs. Email us and ask us for it.

Is there a time to not take a sabbatical?

We do not suggest taking one when your organization is in major transition, your organization is downsizing or undertaking a new project. As well, we don’t suggest taking one if you need medical attention, are fully burned out, are unpacking a crisis or trauma situation or having a baby. Those all fall under other categories such as personal or medical leave. Ask for personal leave instead. Sabbatical is intended for rejuvenation and rest as well as vocational clarity and creative recreation. It is hard to get that if you are needing to focus on medical care or a newborn. Finding the right timing is understandably one of the most important considerations. While there may never be a perfect time, there will be some windows such as the low season or the end of a busy season that are better than others. Get feedback, pray and plan towards it. Don’t be discouraged. It often takes a year to actualize these well-laid plans.

How do you decide where to take a sabbatical?

There is a chapter in this book on how to decide. Consider it carefully alongside of other stakeholders. As well, consider where you rejuvenate and what activities are life-giving. Traveling for example, is not life-giving for everyone.

Can you take a sabbatical that does not correspond to your spouse?

Absolutely. While it may require more intentionality and effort, you will see this is a myth we had to overcome and we’re grateful we did. Of importance to note is that the non-sabbaticalling spouse should release some of their responsibilities such as extended travel and time away in order for the other to get what he/she needs out of the time.

What if you work with your spouse? How do you not engage in work-related conversation?

While this is admittedly tricky, a simple conversation around “how was your day” can take you into deeper discussion of work-related communication. We suggest that you talk about this ahead of time and discuss any necessary boundaries that you might need. Taking out names from conversations can be helpful. Putting stories in first-person or feelings words can also mitigate long drawn out he said/she said conversations.

What are your most pressing questions? Email us and let us know if you need alongside care or coaching in this process. But do what you can to care for yourself, your spouse and those around you by taking this sacred gift called sabbatical. 

Important Decision Roll-out: Who Needs to Know What When

Before going through my own major life transition, I had never spent much time considering the value of intentional information roll-out in the life of a leader. For some reason it never occurred to me all of the people whose lives were effected by my decision - my family of course, but my team, my leaders, and the organization would all be impacted on a deep level if I decided to leave my role, my organization and the country I was serving in. I experienced the impact these decisions had as I watched other teammates leave. I felt it most when their decision came blind-sided and didn’t include me, but greatly affected me and my time. As a global worker, where work and personal lines frequently crossed, the feeling of abandonment existed as well.

Upon further examination, I came to realize that there are people in my life who I give a vote to a decision and there are people who have a voice and many who have neither. The trusted confidants, who are cheerleaders and supporters, whilst holding the tension might offer a voice, but only a few who are impacted or who I trust on a much deeper level will I actually let have a vote. Obviously too many voices makes getting to the vote hard.

I noticed as I watched many other highly mobile global workers there was a continuum of sharing. On one end - Tell everyone > voice and vote of many; On the other - Tell no one > voice and vote of no one.

While I assume I don’t always have a voice or vote in other’s decisions, I wanted to approach decision-making carefully. I wanted to extend love and consideration for the important people in my life and demonstrate the type of care I would want to those who had supported me and walked alongside of me.

When I saw others make what appeared to be quick BIG decisions without bringing others into it, I termed that evasive leadership. At times it was. However, in hindsight it may also have been selective sharing - with the right people at the right time, depending on the circumstances. What were the contributing factors? Reason for a change? Type of role shift? Crisis or no crisis? my history with their decisions?

Up until our most recent transition, our lives were wide open books and we felt the need for every friend, family member and donor who asked (and some that didn’t) to know the details of the decisions we made. As our reach expanded this communication was impossible and honestly exhausting.

In major life transition, information roll-out needs to be intentional and well thought through. There needs to be a sacred space for that decision-making to be done well and in confidence. That is the space we intend to provide in The Art of Transition workshops and life plans.

The Art of Transition Process:

The discernment process called The Art of Transition was created primarily for complex decision-making. The entire process from the first tool to the end within the 6 themes, is meant to guide individuals towards greater clarity with each tool building from one week to the next in a 360, non-linear approach. We look up, back, around, inside, down, and forward. Together we ask: “What is God saying? How does your past inform the future? How does the present inform the future? What are other trusted voices need to speak into this process? What have past roles told you about your enjoyment and fulfillment vocationally? And What does my body say about all of this?” In many ways this is an approach to holistic and intentional listening.

If an individual or couple are able to enter into a discernment process in a posture of surrendering the future and withholding making any decisions until the end, that ultimately serves one best. We know that waiting for long periods of time is not always possible and is one of the reasons why we try to keep our workshops to less than two months and individualized coaching to less than a year. 

Group Discernment takes 3 forms:

1. A specific method - In the Art of Transition process, the co-leaders of the group are naturally gifted, trained and experienced to listen to your life and the Creator of your life, while offering tools and holding up a mirror along the way. In the workshop, some examples include using body listening exercises, dreaming tools, and noticing patterns from a goldmine.

2. A group process - The Art of Transition process intentionally includes a safe community for the sake of resonance, accountability and discernment. When we hear a reflection of our stories in that of others, we gain clarity. How many times have I thought, wow that seems obvious while listening to someone else share and yet lack the insight to see it in my own life. Upon reflection, I notice I’m not applying that knowledge to my life either. The benefits of the community are multi-fold.

3. Trusted prayer partners - When we took part in our own transition discernment process, we asked specific, confidential and trusted partners to pray alongside of us. These people had the following characteristics: They loved us, they had walked with us for years, they had no agenda for our future, and they knew how to listen to the Lord. One of the transition tools we use includes utilizing those same people for their feedback in the process. When 8 people (4 for Jeff and 4 for me) all unanimously were in agreement of some big questions we were asking, we listened! We knew these people didn’t know or talk to each other, it had to be “double confirmation” from listening to God.

What about others who need to know?

We kept supervisors and others who needed answers, abreast of the general questions we were holding, asking them for permission for a set season and time to be what it needed to be with a clear answer given at a designated time when we could reasonably have answers. Our discernment came as a part of a sabbatical. We had scheduled a 2-day discernment process and asked for that space and time to be protected without others probing or offering unsolicited advice.

When people would ask questions, we had an answer (a different answer at different points and for different people). Most generally we would say, “We’re holding questions about fit in our role and the organization before the Lord in concerted prayer. Will you join us in this? We will keep you informed as we know more and as our future continues to become clearer to us. Will you let us know if you hear anything from the Lord, as well?”

When we felt clear about one answer - like a clear NO to living in Spain, we then had to ask other questions and wait for answers. While one door was open or closed, the other doors had not yet opened. We did not have the luxury of witholding sharing any longer.

Over the course of a year and a global pandemic, we slowly knocked on many doors - which country to live in? which state if the US? Which role would I have? Which role would Jeff have?

We offered up concerted prayer that only the right doors would open and that we would have unity and peace to walk through them. We did this with trusted mentors, prayer partners and a supportive community. We communicated along the way in a much slower process than we had done prior. We felt the desire to give answers that we didn’t have but in that position shared our questions with people more than answers. We extended grace to ourselves and asked the same of others.

For global workers, the answer to one question has a much greater reaching ripple effect than those who live in their home country. One answer about role fit may require an uprooting of one’s whole family after months and years of acculturation and language learning. These decisions are not to be taken lightly with an acknowledgement of layer of loss.

Giving the gift of discernment space is one thing that the local church, caring donors and friends can give to those in these difficult times of transition.

Give yourself a space to process, whether in the form of a sabbatical or an intentional Art of Transition workshop. Ask trusted friends for prayer. Form a discernment team. However you go about it - Don’t do it alone! This service of hiring someone to do a discernment life plan, remains the single best gift we have sought out for ourselves in the entirety of our vocational lifespan; A gift to ourselves, our children and our community.

For consideration:

In your opinion what keeps people from seeking out help in times of major life decision-making?

What would be the best aide for someone in a time of discernment?

Will You Stop Long Enough to Listen: Sabbatical Phase I - Realize

A Pause long enough to listen to my body, my mind and my heart

30 minutes into a straight uphill climb, I stop dead in my tracks. I look back, then up… I’m pretty sure I’m about to throw up. I’ve been carrying a 30-pound pack for two days, one small step at a time. From my current vantage point, it appears I’ve only gone half way to the top of what appears a very steep, no-end-in-sight climb. I stop to catch my breath, consider what I need to do to not throw up, or throw in the towel completely. I use the excuse of a bathroom break. Climbing 2000 feet of elevation in the backcountry with no pre-marked trails and a full pack, I figure others in the group would understand and extend grace.  

This hike was not unlike other hard hikes I had done. Typically at the half way point, I find myself welcoming a pause. A moment to look around and gain perspective, collect myself and ask, “Why the heck do I keep doing excruciatingly painful things?” Truly, I wonder at these moments: Why do I put myself through this? Do I even like it?

“Why don’t you just stop?”

My children asked this question in all seriousness on a phone call during a long Camino de Santiago trek after they heard of my countless blisters. Their rational response many years prior, still rings loud in my ears during times like this. “Why don’t I just stop?” The pause, despite illuminating any concrete answers, gives me a moment to catch my breath, consider my route, and make any necessary changes in my pack to sustain myself for the duration of the route.

I consider for a brief moment, is stopping really an option? When you’re on the extreme side of a mountain hike, there is seldom an opportunity to turn back. However, I never stop long enough to dialogue with myself and hear the answer to whether I like it, or truly should give up. I’m afraid of the answer I might hear and the quick slip into discouragement. I need the resilient mentality to keep me going. I usually just put my head down and keep taking one step in front of the other enduring the pain that comes.

The middle of a long hike, not that unlike the middle of life, requires me to PAUSE AND LOOK BACK honoring the path my life has taken. A quick pause in life similar to a hike doesn’t afford much reflection. Rather it’s a chance to come up for a breath of air and continue on until the breath no longer sustains. The pause in lengthier duration, however, allows us to enter deeply into our own stories and ask the hard questions. It is here that we have an opportunity to actually ask the hard questions and listen to the answers seldom heard amidst the hustle and noise of continuing on the same path.

While pain is a common side-effect of physically-demanding exercise, it’s also a call to listen to our bodies. The call to attend to pain, is the sacred invitation to honor my body’s limitations and honor the pain as a part of the journey that I am on.

When you stop long enough you may hear the sound of your body breaking down due to overwork or listen to the painful sounds of a relationship desperately overdue for repair due to neglect; An inner quest for purpose that has been pushed aside; A longing for something more than what you are currently experiencing in life.

Whatever the catalyst for this pause, whatever the season of life one finds herself in, the benefits of a sacred pause, far outweigh the costs.

If you find yourself here, considering a break in the form of a sabbatical, congratulate yourself. Taking a much-needed pause in the form of sabbatical is rare! By asking these questions you are already embarking on PHASE 1—Realizing the need.

Sabbaticals are considered a space and time away from full time work to reflect, study, create or experience holistic refreshment (Hoke, 259). It is in this inactivity that deep transformation and creativity come to life. Over the course of more than a decade of working with individuals, studying sabbaticals and experiencing them ourselves, we’ve come to determine there are a few wise practices.

The six phases of sabbatical best practices include: Realize, Release, Rest, Reflect (and Play), Realign, Re-enter. These six phases and the ability to allow oneself to enter into each of them, have been found repeatedly to best maximize the sacred pause.*

For Reflection: What keeps you from taking this sacred pause?

*These six phases have been adapted from Navigators Sabbatical Policy. The expanded definitions will be discussed in a different article.

Giving Beyond our Capacity to Care

On a recent call with a burned-out worker, I listened as she lamented. “I don’t want to meet any new people. I don’t want to ask anyone questions. I don’t want to care about anyone else’s story. I no longer have the capacity to care.” Her wiring and temperament is completely the opposite of what I was hearing. It was the primary reason we met. She truly was not herself. She always cares. When no one else is, she is always prepared to be the first to sign up for the compassion response team. Until now. She’s gone too long in this one-sided role. As a result in this season of personal family demands, and lack of self-care she has nothing left to give to anyone.  My heart breaks for her in this unique and confusing place of transition and what I would call a lifetime of giving out: compassion fatigue. 

Compassion fatigue: fatigue, emotional distress, or apathy resulting from the constant demands of caring for others.*  

Fatigue: temporary diminution of the irritability or functioning of organs, tissues, or cells after excessive exertion or stimulation.

So many of us get into this line of global work because we care about the problems of the world. We love people - they are our greatest resource. And yet we are often guilty of giving beyond where we can truly and authentically give to the emotional needs all around us. In these places we often hold secret bitterness and anger towards those we originally intended to help. Seldom do we talk about it, until we’re at a breaking point of burnout.  

Why do we hold this alone?

Burnout is the “cost of caring” that we in the care fields experience regularly. We believe that if we give, we will be blessed. While that may be partially true, we can’t keep on giving without being replenished ourselves. We are all given a limited amount of resources – time, money, and the emotional capacity to care. I’ve seen the side effects firsthand: Mostly one-way high-output of care; caring for others before family needs; caring for others before my own needs for too long and then snap…the pendulum swings to not caring at all! We continue to carry this burden alone because the idea of caring too much is foreign to many. There remains great shame and embarrassment around the idea of compassion fatigue. “How can I no longer care? What’s wrong with me?” Exposure to the persistent needs of the world without rest, and reciprocal life-giving relationships, can create a sense of hopelessness and a numbness to the needs of others.

“People who experience compassion fatigue can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, sleeplessness or nightmares, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self-doubt.**

After my first round of burnout many years ago, I found myself in the hands of a very competent therapist. Reluctant, but desperate, I knew I needed something to shift. This first experience working with a counselor challenged me to consider my own philosophy on self-care. She used the reference of the Greatest Commandment from the Mark 12:30-31, asking what I believed the verses meant: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself” (paraphrased). I said, it’s all about loving God and loving others and giving of yourself sacrificially. To which she challenged, “Yes, and, I hear it as an implied verse about how we should already be caring for ourselves in order to care for others.” Welcome to my paradigm shift about selfcare. She was painfully right. I had thought little about how other-care stemmed from a place of caring first for myself.  My roommate in the season prior had made note that most any conversation she hear me in, was heavily leaning one-way. It typically consisted of me asking the questions without reciprocated questions returning towards me. She was right. I had lived a lot of my life up until that point closed off from sharing with others and seldom speaking up for my needs.

How do we gauge our limited capacity?  

So many of us as workers and caregivers live a life of self-denial at our and other’s expense. We know how to love. We know how to give every penny, every piece of food in the fridge, open our homes, our schedules and our lives to those in need. And yet, we often DO NOT know how not to! We don’t know how to limit our output of who we care for physically and emotionally and gauge when our compassion meter is empty.  

We think that we have an unlimited ability to give and that somehow our “deficit” has no consequences and will miraculously work itself out for our good.  

This idea of a gauging a compassion meter may feel arbitrary. Yet, there exist other concrete examples of resources in limited supply to glean from. Take finances for example. Numbers don’t lie! In order to have basic financial maturity we must know how much is coming in and how much is going out. Bottom line: The amount going out should not exceed the amount coming in. If we can’t live within those parameters than change needs to happen. Without awareness we can quickly get into trouble. Therefore intentional planning, budgeting and tracking is necessary. Otherwise we may be unconsciously telling ourself that somehow it will all miraculously work out. And yet “this will all miraculously work out” mentality is how many of us compassionate caregivers approach our caregiving capacity…We think that we have an unlimited ability to give and that somehow our “deficit” has no consequences and will miraculously work itself out for our good.  

Applying financial principles to caregiving

1. We must first have awareness of the input and output - In this case, how much care is coming towards us and how much is going out? If, like stewarding finances well we must know our bottom line budget, do we similarly have an informed emotional budget that we are working with? How does one gauge that?

Here’s one idea: Create 3 buckets, 1 labeled “Input relationships” -Those who care for me; people that invest in us without getting anything back. 2. “Reciprocal relationships” - those relationships where sharing is generally equal and mutually beneficial. 3. Output relationships -We will all have people in our lives that are more draining and relationships that are more one-sided. This is certain. Who are these people?

The purpose of this exercise is to place the names of people in your life in each of these buckets. The goal is to make sure there are several names in each category. They likely won’t have the same number in each of them, but there should be at least some names in all of them.  

2. If the amount going out exceeds the amount coming in, there must be change.

If all the names are in the output bucket, a shift is needed. It’s okay for us as caregivers to not move all of the names into one category such as the reciprocal or output buckets. Often the area in most deficit for caregivers are relationships in the input category.

3. Intentionally prepare and track

There comes the need to engage with others who can help us best see how we are doing in our care for others. As a transition and sabbatical coach this is a role I often play with clients. When the lights on the dash are coming on regularly to warn of need for care, make space to re-evaluate what needs fine-tuning! Are there people in your life who can help gauge when you’re doing too much? The ones who can be a mirror for you to help you see clearly when your giving is imbalanced?

I, personally needed to learn to ask people to help me with this. I also needed to not always ask questions when my listening became disingenuous, I knew I needed help. I also learned when sharing authentically without being asked modeled vulnerability for others and allowed me to be known.

If this is an area of challenge for you, as a fellow caregiver, guilty of not taking care of myself, I implore you to attend to this. If we continually go on giving our hearts with great compassion beyond the capacity we as a human have to give, we will indeed reach a breaking point. I’ve seen it and lived it. With an abundance of needs and needy people all around us, and as caregivers naturally inclined to want to fill those needs, we must maintain equivocal life-giving relationships, and maintain a posture of allowing others to solely pour into us. Together, let’s fight compassion fatigue with healthy self-awareness and intentionally implemented self-care to better serve those we are sent to reach.

Where and with whom are you talking about your limitations regarding care? How would being informed of your compassion capacity change the way you serve? Would there be any change to your weekly schedule?

See the newly created Sabbatical Planning Guide

*dictionary.com

**wikipedia.com

experiencing the freedom and refreshment of those life-giving spaces

The 6 Ideal Phases of a Sabbatical: A Framework for Conceptualizing a Plan

The 6 “Ideal” Phases of a Sabbatical 

Edit: We recently changed the title of this blog to 6 ideal phases because what we’ve learned over the last many years of working with people on sabbatical, that a crucial phase titled REALIZE was missing. More on that below!

Dr Steve Hoke defines sabbatical as a space and time away from ministry to reflect, study, and experience holistic refreshment to enable ongoing fruit.

45.5 percent of pastors from North America have experienced depression or burn out, while The Alban Institute estimates up to 50 percent of professional ministers are exhausted from their work. Long unstructured hours come with the job, weekends are taken in preparing for and administering the church service, and high expectations are placed on the pastor as troubleshooter, conflict manager, counselor, or friend. For cross-cultural ministers, the problem of stress and burnout is magnified : Expended emotionally by transition, the need to continually fundraise, and the cultural differences faced on the field to name a few. One study showed 15 percent of first-term workers permanently return home within two years.  Like those who serve as church ministers, their work is often all consuming, but combined with cultural dynamics that can drain and frustrate, burnout is extremely common*

Combined with cultural dynamics that can drain and frustrate [cross cultural workers] burnout is extremely common.

Taking intentional, God-mandated regular breaks are an essential part of a self-care plan, especially for cross-cultural workers.

Sabbaticals are a daily part of the conversation in our home these days. My husband, Jeff is on his second month of a six month sabbatical - his first. When I started this blog post 2 months ago he was in the planning and on-ramping to sabbatical phase. Many conversations two months ago started with, “When I’m on sabbatical…” There were scheduling ideals flowing in dreamland space of “the other-side”. And yet alongside the feelings of exhaustion built up due to years without an extended break, came the curious questions of how is this ever gonna work? “We know this stuff!” He would say, “sometimes it’s just hard to practice what you preach!” Primarily putting all of the responsibilities of life down.

As he planned his sabbatical I secretly wrote. But it wasn’t his sabbatical alone that motivated me to capture this process. It is rather the frequent contact in this line of work with people who say “I think I’m burned out” now what do I do? This is what inspires a few penned thoughts.

A hug, a high five and a huge “Congratulations you’re taking a sabbatical!” is my internal response when I hear someone has made this major life decision. It’s no small feat in getting to this decision point. Whether forced or chosen, this counter-cultural step requires great work. In the pragmatic, performance-oriented world we live in, where our identities and values are often deeply intertwined with performance and production, stepping into a sabbatical can feel quite jarring, lonely and even pointless!  The task of releasing our performance orientation is challenged here as “production” comes to a halt. Here we are provoked with often painful but incredibly rich soil to discover our true identities; growth in discovery who we are apart from our work. This is the challenging task of believers embracing “being versus doing”.

What do you do with your time? I hear the question frequently. It’s a good question really…a foreign concept to many, what does one do if they don’t work? And if this is your first sabbatical you’re likely asking similar questions: What do I do with my time? Do I schedule or not schedule? And how long do I do nothing?! “Your work is your sabbatical,” I say. “It is your full time job to rest well and offer yourself up for spiritual and personal transformation.” Laying out a plan tailored to each individual’s reasons for why they are taking a sabbatical, helps best facilitate internal growth, and desired outcomes especially in the midst of the process that can often feel uncertain and floundering.

Arguably, every sabbatical should include elements of rest, rejuvenation, play, direction and realignment. Below is a suggested 5-phase plan, organized under the categories of: Release, Rest, Reflect, Re-align, Re-engage. These phases are not necessarily linear, with one phase ending and the other beginning. Rather they flow fluidly between them.

Below is a suggested “best practice” for organizing one’s time usually consisting of a minimum of 3 months to one year.  As well included are a few considerations for engagement, warnings in the moment and questions to ask yourself or to engage with a coach around. Use this as a reference tool, coming back to it as you walk into your or another person’s sabbatical.

The 6 Phases include Realize, Release, Rest & Recovery, Reflection, Re-alignment and Re-entry

(I write the following to someone who has just said, I think I/we need a sabbatical…)

1.   Realize - For years we overlooked the importance of this phase. Until we realized how many people got stuck here. We took a deeper dive into understanding why and what became evident was intriguing. People might realize they need a sabbatical or maybe someone else in their life does for them, but they don’t realize how to get one. Where people continually found themselves stuck was in the place of not knowing which steps to take next. Many said, I guess I’ll resort to taking a slightly longer vacation and that should suffice. But what happened is that shortly after returning to work, they recognize they didn’t adequately rest or reflect long enough to make lasting change. This first phase, we realized(!) was absolutely necessary to include if people were to successfully complete a sabbatical. In this phase you will want to begin to work out dates and brainstorm possibilities. As well, have the key conversations to be able to move into the next phase.

2. Release–

The “release phase” is also considered the off-ramping from work and on-ramping into sabbatical phase. Give yourself lots of grace as you are in this season of “in between” the past and the future. During this first phase of preparation before your sabbatical starts, begin to disengage from any work, ministry and leadership responsibilities you can let go off. Establish a plan for your sabbatical desirably with someone who has also gone through one before or who knows the process. This sabbatical plan is an initial framework for direction and reflects priority needs.

*In this phase you may get push-back from yourself and others (co-workers, supervisors, spouses, your budget, etc.) You may question whether you made the right decision. This “luxurious sabbatical” idea is not something everyone is afforded. But then not everyone has the intense type of non-stop work that you have, either. If you’ve been feeling the need for it for some time, likely you’re long overdue. Ask permission organizationally and trust God with work out the nay-sayers. It can definitley feel like slow work getting too the next phase of rest, but remain tenacious. I am certain that this gift will be worth it.  

2.   Rest and Recovery – “Rest” is the phase you enter into when the official clock starts on sabbatical. Don’t skip this phase and don’t limit yourself here. Even if you only take a short sabbatical, make sure that you enter into the sabbatical with permission to rest. “Rest” for our discussion does not imply ceasing from all activity. (Although it could.) Many fall or land into sabbatical exhausted so rest is essential. At or near burnout, the need for adrenal recovery is typically high and ceasing from activity is mandatory before going any further. Stop full time work activities and, where possible, eliminate other areas of stress. For some, like those working in poverty contexts, or pastoral positions, the need to leave a geographical area may be required for adequate rest and boundaries from daily demands. Do things that are life-giving. You’ll find they provide rest in a different way. 

3.   Reflect– After an intentional time of resting, you will enter into a period of reflection. (Although they will also overlap). For many this phase consumes a large duration of time on sabbatical. During this phase, you will hopefully be experiencing some of the fruit of your prior focus on rest – more energy! Questions will begin to arise about next steps, dreams, future plans, etc. You should be asking the question, “Lord, is there anything You want to say to me?” “How would you like to transform me?” Consider how God has spoken to you in the past and posture yourself to hear His voice. Read, discover, play, take a class, create in new ways. Reflecting doesn’t have to only be left brained! Let yourself enter into this phase with a playful spirit ready to consider experimenting with the unique talents that you bring to the world before you enter into the next phase.

**2-day Life-Plan Discernment Time BEST FITS HERE

4.   Re-align or Re-assign –

Following a sabbatical a leader should have enough freedom to change directions or let go of responsibilities if a new vision emerges during their sabbatical. There should be space to dream, to explore personal, vocational and family longings and consider new opportunities without future performance expectations. From the previous phase, the reflection phase, you may discover that new creativity has come alive in you. Or that the way you were living is no longer working.

If you are in a season of discerning whether or not to continue into the same roles that you previously had, this is the best phase for a discernment evaluation or 2-day life plan.

Taking part in a comprehensive evaluation does not necessarily imply a change of roles, but rather the goal is a clarification of calling. During this phase of the sabbatical, it’s important to review and reaffirm your calling by examining what areas of your life have been most fruitful and rewarding. (Calling simply defined is living into who God uniquely created you to be with the opportunity for the most long-term and sustainable impact.) The goal is to experience maximum contribution in this next season of life, which may or may not mean a major shift or re-location. 

5. Re-Entry/Re-Engagement–

If you’ve been intentional about rest and renewal you can expect the joy of being refreshed physically, reaffirming His vision for you, and having gaining renewed perspective! Like returning to work after a vacation or a wonderful retreat away, reality can feel jarring! One of the hardest re-entry facets is maintaining the rhythms you worked so hard to implement. Like all the other phases, this phase requires grace - yet on a different level. You are returning to your normal, yet you are also in a new normal. Give yourself the time and space to find your groove. It took considerate and intentional time to off-load. On-ramping will be a unique phase of what to say yes to again.

This may be the hardest phase of a sabbatical.  In this phase you will begin to transition back into ministry. Expect emotional stresses, pace issues, spiritual warfare, and struggles in working out desired changes in life and ministry.

How you’ve changed in personal development and transformational growth may not be known to others. Where there is an idealized desire to have freedom to change directions and let go of prior responsibilities or conflict that may have led to the need for a sabbatical, removal from these, or immediate freedom from these realities may not be possible. The roll-out of changes may take many months. And you may experience opposition.

God modeled stopping from work after 6 days of creation and enjoying rest. This day of rest, or season of rest was commanded and blessed. The gifts that are gained are innumberabe. As you enter into a season of sabbatical know that it will be worth it. In this final phase you and others will be able to note significant internal and external changes. As you reflect back, acknowledge with gratitude this gift that sabbatical was. And the many other gifts which you have gained: An ability for clarity & re-focus, renewed passion, and the reminder that even in your absence God took care of all of the details.

This is our current life. We're right there in the mix of the questions, the tiredness and the expectations right alongside of you!

To learn about the services that we offer people on sabbatical contact info@thewaybetween.org or order the sabbatical guide on the products page.

What of this is helpful to you? What one step do you need to take today? Do you know someone who could benefit from this material. Feel free to pass it along?

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Portions of this text are modified from Navigators Sabbatical Policy

*Journal of Biblical Perspectives in Leadership The Transformational Effects of Sabbatical in Leadership Development by Christopher K. Turner, Douglas L. Fike

Overcoming the Top 3 Objections for Not Taking a Sabbatical

The signs on the dashboard say: rusty & worn out!

While many of us recognize the warning signs of burnout include lack of motivation, lack of focus, irritability and lack of desire. Much of this can be traced directly to prolonged workplace stress and fit. We operate our bodies and our minds as though they are machines and unlike machines that need fixing, we expect them to keep performing without regular maintenance. Although suggested regular maintenance best includes daily, weekly, monthly and annual rhythms, it is here after years of lacking that a prolonged period of time off is absolutely essential.

The concept of the sabbatical is based on the Biblical text in Leviticus 25 related to agriculture. The Jews in the land of Israel were mandated to take a year-long break from working the fields every seven years. According to farmers the land benefits from this rest as much as the people. A "sabbatical" has come to mean an extended absence in the career of an individual to fulfill some goal, e.g., writing a book or traveling for research. Sabbatical is most often thought of today for academicians and clergy. But we know the benefit extends to every worker regardless of discipline.

Many large corporations are getting on board with this long-standing biblical concept - 22% of Fortune 100’s “Best companies to work for” now offer paid sabbaticals, (Fortune Magazine 2018). Companies the likes of Intel, Google, Adobe, Microsoft, and Paypal all endorse and support sabbaticals through giving both the space, time and financial support for their employees to take extended time off. Intel’s policy fifty years ago! in 1969 included: "We see sabbaticals as accomplishing two things - allowing people time for revitalization and giving the employees who remain, an opportunity for new challenges and growth," says corporate affairs manager Tracy Koon. Employees return to their jobs, in their own words, with renewed enthusiasm and heightened creativity. We find that not only are employees more relaxed and better able to handle work stresses when they return, they also come back with new ideas and fresh winds blowing between their ears.” 

"We see sabbaticals as accomplishing two things - allowing people time for revitalization and giving the employees who remain an opportunity for new challenges and growth,"

Take a current example of a business model of sabbatical. The 9th best restaurant in the world in 2018, Mugaritz in Errenteria, Spain, close their doors every year for four whole months!

Their annual cycle of work includes 8 months on and 4 months off. Instead of focusing on filling their tables every day all year, they live their value of creativity through providing the space to create in those off months in order to offer a service of highest quality in the subsequent 8 months. Their creative is precedent to their standard. Because of that they remain booked months in advance! How can they afford to do it? They use the period of time in what would be their slow season to create. Instead of responding to the demands and pace of a Michelin star restaurant day in and day out, they stop to reflect on what is working and what is not. The owner says, “We close for four months every year. We understand that if we want to do something truly important, we have to stop, reflect and discover new ideas…How many plates in this restaurant aren’t born from that creative process?” These months allow for full days of experimentation and research. In a sense they are able to go back to their love of playing with food and remember why they love what they do!* 

With the Bible mandating it, and major corporations and successful culinary venues endorsing a long time of rest for better productivity and creativity, why is taking a sabbatical still considered such a luxury for an average worker and often not taken even where permitted? Why is it so hard to carve out the time and protect it in order for a period of rest, rejuvenation and creativity to be implemented?

 We understand that if we want to do something truly important, we have to stop, reflect and discover new ideas…How many plates in this restaurant aren’t born from the creative process?”

Here are the top 3 objections I commonly here for why people don’t take a sabbatical:

1.    The top justification for the argument as to why not to take a sabbatical is not having sufficient time. What would I do with all the responsibilities that I currently carry? I’m a dad, a coach, a supervisor, cross-cultural worker, a teacher, etc…Who else would take any of these responsibilities from me? Today busyness is an epidemic worth fighting against. Nearly everyone seems to be pulled in a hundred different directions. Keeping balls juggling in the air is often more responsive than planned. How does one even get time to think about self-care let alone about taking a long period of time off? The truth is, the ball may drop a little or a lot! When people come to us, they are unfortunately often past prevention. However an intentional well-thought through plan for rest makes absolutely possible for almost anyone intent on seeing it through past an otherwise simply good idea. Planning a year or more in advance to be able to set aside the space and time is not uncommon.

Many cross-cultural workers think of a sabbatical as going to one’s home country for an extended period of time. For me, although I was in between roles, I wasn’t able to take an extended leave. We had to think creatively about how to give me the time. My kids still had school and my husband still had work. As well, we recognized a home-stay would be more restful than traveling the whole time. So we made adjustments and did the best we could. We had to make it work within our limitations. We discussed which responsibilities I could release. Practically speaking, I didn’t do as many school-runs. My husband didn’t take as many out-of-town trips. We didn’t overschedule or sign our children up for more than one extra-curricular activity each. From September to December I created my sabbatical to exist during what would be my normal working hours. Every day from when I woke up until school was out, the time was mine. My responsibilities as mom, wife, and expat did not go away. I also engaged at times in community rhythms and church. Not every role was able to be put on hold. But the ones that needed greatest re-adjustment and a period of re-evaluation, related most significantly to my vocation were. This gave me the ability to release control and gain clarity on what needed to shift.

Now to some that might not seem like enough time, but to me, my sabbatical was my work. I was grateful for four months of limited demands and ample creative space for 4, 6 or even 8 hours a day at times. In addition, I also created two extended times away – one long weekend and one full week. We carved those into our greater schedule, although it was only planned a few months out. One of the weekends away was purely for fun with visiting friends and the other was an intentional strategic-planning getaway with my coach.  Neither broke the bank (more on funding a sabbatical later).

2.    For some the excuse may be financial. People often say their employer does not offer a paid sabbatical. They clearly can’t afford to not work unpaid. That makes a lot of sense. Today you read of countless people traveling for months on end. How can they afford it? Many have saved up, lived simply for months and years prior. Many also report selling their belongings to live a more simpler life and take the needed space they so desired. Sacrifices are required to live the value of rest. No one that I have ever heard of regretted creating the space, time and money for a sabbatical. If there is a will, there is a way. It may include living on less but the payoff will come back many-fold. I believe there is potential for almost any average worker to take time off if proper planning happens, once again.

3.    The third top explanation for why people don’t take a sabbatical, is that he/she would lose their “position” and title they have worked so hard for. This is also a valid and viable reason for not taking a sabbatical. The many years of service may be a sacrifice. The building of one’s business or ministry may all suffer if not attended to. Yet with the example of many top corporations, it’s not unusual for bosses or supervisors to understand that the need exists. As well, in the role of sabbatical coach we see people finding temporary replacements for many different types of roles.

Let me give the example of one friend Susan who felt like she was on the verge of burnout and didn’t know how she could possibly take a sabbatical. She had been working cross-culturally for over 7 years. She was single and often felt overworked. She lacked vision in her current work and desperately needed a break. She presented the idea to her company who did not have any policy as such in place. Their response astonished her. “What do other organizations do?” they asked. “What does a sabbatical policy look like?” They asked Susan to do her research and come back with a proposal plan. So she did. She contacted me for resources and much to her surprise not only did the organization grant her the needed space, but they created a sabbatical policy based off of her hard work for others to benefit from, as well! What a blessing that she stopped to attend to her needs. Not just for her but for many others in the future of the organization to come.

Making the time, having the money, and not losing one’s position are all valid and viable reasons as to why people don’t think they can take a sabbatical. Understandably, many objections must be overcome in order to create this beneficial space. Yet, if you keep listening to the voice of your body, your heart and your mind and it keeps nudging you towards one, really listen! Think creatively, ask for the time off, create a plan, employ a sabbatical coach, overcome the objections you need to care for yourself and others. It may be the single best gift you can give yourself, your family and those you care about.  

Considerations: If you’re thinking of taking a sabbatical, what are your primary objections? Who can help you overcome those objections? If you know others who have taken a sabbatical, what benefits did they gain from their time off?

For further reading: Top 20 reasons to take a sabbatical

*Note: This does not imply that their workers are getting four months off. However, the organizational value portrayed is one of rhythm - rest and creation.

Sources:

http://www.thesabbaticalcoach.com/html/hrmagazine.html

“The final table” - Netflix

Relational Saturation: When Our Love for People Turns to Burnout - Part 1

Authors: Jeff & Sara Simons April 2015

It’s amazing how many leaders we sit with from whom we hear this sentiment: “I still love God, and I still feel “called”… but man, I just really can’t stand people right now. I just want to get away from them!” It may sound extreme but it’s a very real aspect of full-time relational ministry.

Even as an extrovert in the ministry world, I’ve been there too! Too many times. I’ve felt the same sentiment for example when support-raising to “get to the field”. As we would hit the road for yet another support-raising roadtrip. Pulling up to an appointment I would feel myself just wanting to be somewhere alone; away from ministry, family, and the energy output. I even remember pulling up to a close friend’s house one time and asking my wife what this friend’s kid’s names were again… it’s like the relational saturation was even flooding my ability to remember normal details—a helpful saturation “threshold sign” I’ve come to identify in time…

 Consider your relational “web” for a moment:

·       How many people are on your ministry newsletter list? 

·       How many are in your local gathering of followers and seekers in your context (whatever form that takes)?

·       How many “friends” are you connected to on Google+, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram and other frequently used social media sights?

·       How many individuals, churches or groups are currently supporting your ministry in tangible ways that you keep up communication with?

 Despite how structured, organic, tangible or fluid our ministry work and lives are, the bottom line of the “business” we deal and interface in is the currency of relational equity.

Where We Don’t Lean in Enough…

Often-referenced leadership author and teacher Bobby Clinton made some pretty significant discoveries around the area of relational connection, saturation and management in a lesser-know study that he called the core Social Bases of leadership endurance for long-term service.

In the process of researching the leadership timelines and patterns of hundreds of leaders, some significant patterns pertaining to leadership endurance began to emerge. Interestingly, there was not a marked difference between leaders who finished well and left a growing legacy, and those that “finished” but collapsed over the line, and those who burned out or fell away from ministry prematurely. At least not a marked difference in the usual support systems we think of: financial-support and prayer-support. 

However, some very interesting patterns emerged in other significant areas; one of which Clinton defined as Emotional Support. This could include regular, life-giving relational connections for you that support the various needs for your social and relational needs—e.g. intercession teams, Spiritual direction, accountability groups, Counseling, time for free-flowing fun with friends, hobby-based groups, local gathering of believers, and frequency of life-giving connection with family and friends local and “back home”.

Intentionally engaging these areas regularly in a leader’s life proved to truly be a key aspect of empowerment that influenced a marked a difference between the few leaders who finished well, and those who left the journey of calling pre-maturely.

This remains a key attrition area to help leaders intentionally lean into, develop, and manage for relational health in our support structures. Often this is malnourished in place of our impassioned tunnel-vision attention to our growing “donor-base back home” and our growing “ministry community in context”. Often there is overlap between these and the areas of Emotional support described above, but how the time is focused and intentionally spentmakes the main difference. 

Our hope is that new perspectives for connecting more authentically and sustainably with family, team, community, supporters, those you’re ministering to, and with God, will help move you toward better resiliency on the field.

See Relational Saturation - Part 2 for a construct to discuss healthy balance and sustainability

·       Q: What implications could this have for doing furloughs and support-raising trips more effectively, sustainably, and fostering authentic connection?

·       Q: What implications can this have on how we communicate to particular audiences in our newsletters and ministry reports?

·       Q: What implications does this have for mixed ministry teams: families, singles, lifestage differences, age differences, cultural or sub-cultural differences? 

·       Q: What implications does this have for questions of “team” and “community” structure and how much they should overlap?

·       Q: What implications does this have regarding the ways we are connecting, or pressuring ourselves to connect, and also projecting or pressuring our kids to connect in the context? 

·       Q: How do we expose our MKs to a variety of environments and help them process authentic and appropriate interaction in each? 

·       Q: What implications does this have for the way you do ministry and where and how you connect?

·       Q: What similar and different implications does this have for doing ministry to moderns and postmoderns?