Dear "Didn't Get Your Planned Sabbatical"

A letter from one person who didn’t receive their needed sabbatical to another…

Dear Friend

I appreciate your question - How am I pivoting after the disappointment of not receiving my planned sabbatical?

As well, I appreciate your position of understanding, in the deep loss of not getting what you had desired in a sabbatical. I’m praying for you and truly trusting that maybe something here will help inform how you posture yourself in the midst of the uncertainty. As well, I trust it might allow for a deeper resonance with others, through your life in the years to come.

I would be remiss if I didn’t first say, I recognize now more than ever what a gift sabbatical is. As we’ve discussed, and I know you understand, sabbatical is a luxury not an expectation that many never have had a chance to consider. I recognize the place of privilege to have this conversation, in itself.

In lieu of our conversation, I wanted to take a few minutes to highlight a few more of my thoughts around what I have done to adjust after weighing the reasons why it didn’t work now for me and readjusting my expectations of the indefinite postponing of mine. Especially as you know, given that I have reached a level of physical exhaustion, that for me is not sustainable.

Discovering this timing wasn’t going to work for me was and is a loss, similar to how you’re experiencing it, or so it sounds. I’ve been thinking about it for years! As you know I had outlined a 3-month sabbatical and indefinitely postponed due primarily to inadequate administrative & financial support.

As my intended start date came and went, I spent several weeks in more of a posture of anger, followed by sadness and eventually acceptance. (This my fairly familiar grief cycle that no longer scares me like it used to). If I can work through the sadness and anger, there is acceptance on the other side. While I know I’ll get this needed pause in some form eventually, I have come to accept that now is not the right time for so many reasons.

Here are some ways I’m continuing to engage around sabbatical without yet getting one: 

1. I’m taking careful note of why I needed one in the first place. What prompted this need more than just a 7-year marker? For me the need was closely connected to the physical manifestations of adrenal burnout (and this tendency for me now my third time in my life relating to an autoimmune disorder). I’ve spent the last 10 years really listening to my body’s response to stress and acknowledging what it needs. The lights on the dashboard said stop! THIS is what I believed I needed…and yet it wasn’t the only thing. It appears God was and is working on sustainable daily life rhythms with me and not just a hard stop!

2. With that idea in mind, I have spent some concerted time with a spiritual director evaluating, praying, considering what has led me to this physical manifestation. I have several intentional life rhythms in place, but that isn’t enough. I’ve been doing the Ignatian exercises for 9 months which is deeply reflective and a window into my weary soul! I’ve used this space and time to continue the lament and supplication invitation! The reasons are multi-fold.  I’ve been working on all cylinders pushing hard for these last 7 years of creating and launching TWB as a 501c3. It’s been an uphill battle as a female leader. We moved cross-culturally during a pandemic and the work we do isn’t particularly stress free. 

3. We ask others to consider what roles drain them and where living into their sweet spot wouldn’t provide a more natural resonance. I had to ask myself the same set of questions. For me, director and fundraiser are the most draining roles and a close third is marketing! PHEW! As well, when in the role of facilitator or coach (ones I love and thrive in) and even director, if I find myself long-listening or defending issues around women in ministry, I quickly become drained. This is also a factor from some very painful circumstances externally for me at my church, historically in the church and in my own personal healing journey. In addition, I’ve recently been lamenting so many of my friends leaving the church (small “c”) and some leaving their faith altogether for this particular reason of abuse of power and inacceptance of spiritual gifts for women. Much more to say about this, but I can’t overlook the emotional wear and tear and connection to how it effects my body, mind and heart on a regular basis and on the day intended for sabbath, when so many women around me are deeply hurting!

4. So what else have I done? I downshifted to wear certain draining hats, infrequently. I’m focusing on the 80/20 principle and doing what is life-giving as much as is possible - delegate or drop. This list is currently called my “to-don’t list!” In addition I’ve asked for more volunteer help. Understandably certain things have just been dropped or become rather neglected. My “to-don’t list” grew and once again I was invited to acceptance of what I couldn’t control. And I’ve had to become okay with that. What a freeing (outside of my norm) posture!

5. While the primary impetus of not getting a sabbatical is admin and financial support, I have years of knowing God could have provided and didn’t. YET! I trust in time, He will. Yes, this is a stress. But I’m making adjustments like applying for a grant that could make one possible next spring. As well, I’m putting other support pieces in place. Ultimately I’m being invited to continue trusting God with The Way Between and what He wants to do in and through it and me.

6. And finally, continued boundaries. For the summer my rhythms look like this - I see clients two days a week and that is all I have to work with. I do admin work one day a week (or in between clients) and take a full life-giving content day. That leaves one more day/week - I use that 5th day for volunteering, playing with my kids and going on long hikes, a date, or taking a long weekend away. My email auto-response below might be a sample to spur on a few counter-cultural thoughts for you in this time of re-posturing.

Day to day rhythms include closing it all down in the evening and on the weekends. Maintain those hard-fought boundaries of vacation and time with family. And ultimately trust God’s got this.

I hope something from this is helpful. Let’s continue the conversation as you see fit. Many blessings as you continue to honestly and authentically process this loss and reality.

Alongside,

Sara

Thank you for your email. I will be adjusting my rhythm of work to allow for content creation - a necessary incubation and research phase for resource development. In this window, I will only be checking email occasionally and down-shifting from my regular responsibilities. 

Thank you for your patience in the delayed response time.

If you are interested in any of The Way Between's services please fill out the intake form or go to our website for updated services https://www.thewaybetween.org/twb-services. 

If you have registered for an event or service, and have further questions, please contact info@thewaybetween.org.

Towards healthy rhythms of work and rest!

Sara

Chili Contests and Vulnerable Creation Spaces

I entered a chili cookoff last night at my daughter’s school for the first time in my life. Never before have I felt the courage to invite people to openly critique my food! And I can’t exactly pinpoint what came over me for this shift to occur!  In fact, if you’ve eaten at our house before, it was likely Jeff’s cooking that was placed in front of you.  I say I like to experiment or functionally cook. And I come more present to the table when it’s not my creation we’re invited to.
 
In the month prior, Jeff noticed this rare occurance unfolding and asked me why this time was different (as well if I wanted any help!). I responded, “After years of really bad and below average chili-making, I think I might have found my go-to recipe!” I had recently modified a chicken fajita chili and thought it good enough to share with the world.
 
My son chimed in, “Do you think it’s good enough to win? Is it a contender?!”
 
To which I thought for a few seconds, “Actually, no. Ha! If I’m honest, I really don’t!” But I do think it’s good enough to share, as it’s unlike anything I've had before. 
 
I reflected that this process was more about me and a process of creation than it was about chili or winning.
 
That small revelation spoke to how I feel about much of what I create today. Vulnerable with a large dose of personal growth…Hard to get out of my head and into the world.
 
Isn’t that the summary of the creation process - vulnerable and often stunted? Vulnerability is required every step of the way as you pivot from one stage to the next...As with anything creative from writing a sermon to creating a painting and everything in between, all creative processes go through these 4 phases - Preparation, Incubation, Illumination and Implementation which I was reminded of in something as simple as a chili contest.

In the preparation phase, it is often a change that has necessitated a creative shift. Anything we create requires and entry point and motivation towards something new. For me that was bad chili. This nudging caused me to prepare and begin looking.

The Incubation phase - a time of hiddenness and experimentation. This phase was an invitation for me to brainstorm, explode, mess up, try out a combination of ingredients as was the case with the chili, double the recipe and even mess up. Like creating in life we have the opportunity to keep trying in this phase or to give up. The best innovation happens here in the incubation period when we keep working to refine what was okay into something great.

The third phase is the illumination - an aha that what is being created is different and worth it. Some say what brings you to creation is desperation. We need to be reminded of the impetus for change as we trudge through the mud waiting for that moment(S) of illumination. In the illuminate phase we can use that desperation for something better, something more, a fix for something that was breaking or broken.

And finally in the implementation phase we try it out in the world. A pilot phase. This piloting may be a place many never make it to. One might create in private and keep it in private never showing their brilliance to the world for fear of failure. My coach used to say, “Excellent enough, Sara!” As though he knew I might paralyze the process and keep it from full implementation if I waited for my creation to feel complete and whole.

And while implementation is the final phase of the creation process officially, in many ways it’s just the start. The feedback loop provides invaluable input into the creation itself.

I coached a leader this week along these lines saying, have you thought about just trying ____out with a small group of people and asking for feedback? He is looking to make a shift but not sure how to take the next step. As we considered together the blocks, we also discussed a trial period of sorts. 
 
“Why not bring this idea before a handful of supportive people? And ask for their honest feedback? Isn’t that what a pilot is – pressure to not have it perfect, but openness to be on the way.”
 
Bringing my recipe to this event was a small step towards awareness of my self-consciousness and insecurity around cooking; as well as an openness to be on the way. I’m hesitant to bring what I create to the spotlight for critics and approvers alike. I shy away from saying, look this is pretty good and I think you’ll benefit if you try it (and also it might not be your favorite yet!)…but amuse me either way! 
 
That vulnerability in recipe-making translates to what we’ve created recently in this vocational world of transition care in the form of a sabbatical ecourse and camino hiking experience. 
 
We think these two particular offerings are pretty off the charts (way better and time-tested than my chili) and maybe the best spaces we know that exist for leaders in transition to overcome burnout, stuckness, major life transition, and confusing places of vocational shift. We created these resources because this is what we wanted in transition or on sabbatical. And they have served others with positive feedback and ultimately deep soul care! 
 
I watched and reluctantly asked person after person their impression of my chili. A part of the refinement process that I’m working on in every area of my life being helpful feedback loops. Honestly, my flammin’ chicken chili needed to be cooled down, so I brought sour cream – maybe as a bit of a crutch but also as permission. There’s no going back when you add too much chili powder. In return for my asking, I received lovely interactions, and was met with delight, surprise, dislike and even one man’s wanna-be-professional-chef evaluation on my secret ingredients! Many children loved the sour cream most of all the “chili” offerings! And ultimately I had fun doing it.
 
Honestly, I’m proud of myself for this humbling step. And while I didn’t win, I did create something that was a process of vulnerability and the creative cycle feedback loop. For that alone it was a success. 
 
What are you putting out into the world these days? What is requiring new levels of creativity and vulnerability?
And what support do you need on the journey?