What Kind of Tired Are You? The 7 Types of Rest Approach

As a sabbatical coach, I start with the assumption that rest is good and from God. God mandated and then modeled rest for us in the life and ministry of Jesus. And yet for some reason, we as humans are the only created beings that fight this gift.

Simultaneously, in the role I play as a sabbatical coach, I know the signs and symptoms of burnout and can see the lights on the dashboard. However, I don’t always know where the problem lies.

One of my favorite books that talks about our posture and theology of rest comes from Mark Buchanan and The Rest of God. A favorite quote I repeat often is, “if God can take any mess, any mishap, any wastage, any wreckage, any anything, and choreograph beauty and meaning from it, then you can take a day off. Either God’s always at work, watching the city, building the house, or you need to try harder. Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

“Either God is good and in control, or it all depends on you.”

— Mark Buchanen

This is an important starting place as I talk daily with people in need of rest…Can we agree that a pause is needed and that when you take a pause the world will not crumble?

While I feel the edginess of that quote, I don’t serve, write or coach from a place of arrogance and having it all together. If you've read anything I’ve written lately, you know I’ve been on a long journey with burnout and rest. For nearly 20 years I have struggled with an auto-immune disorder that invites me to closely monitor my self-care and rest and hormone levels.  Just 18 months ago, I found myself once again with adrenal fatigue and almost no adrenaline in my body. Despite my best-to-date work/life balance over the last 2 years, I question if this depletion is just an inevitable part of my makeup or is there more to unpack in understanding how we wrestle with rest and burnout?

From that space of depletion, I continue the pursuit of understanding rest and burnout. 

One of the best and new-to-me paradigms for talking about rest, comes from author Saundra Dalton-Smith, called Sacred Rest. Saundra provides us an incredibly helpful framework to discuss this basic need to stop and pause. As a medical professional, she daily asks her patients in her medical practice, What kind of tired are you? The opening of the book states, “Rest for the body, mind and spirit may appear to be hard to find because hurry is outside and inside of us...So we’re not just talking about sleep. Sleep is not the foundation of rest, but the by-product of rest. The idea of this book is that understanding rest is much more complex than understanding sleep, and one must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion. She states, “For every depleting activity in your day, there is a counter-reviving activity to balance the scales.” (30-31)

“One must consider not just the 7 areas of rest but the contributing areas of depletion.”

— Saundra Dalton Smith

Let me briefly list for you the 7 types, but start first with my contribution in discussing what I see as the places of deficit. Because when we start from this place of describing the kind of tired, we’re able to identify the needed counter-balance in the form of rest. Where do you see yourself in this conversation?

1.        Physical Depletion – Our body’s response to overwork. The most basic way we talk about tired including all of our body’s response to overwork. The deep tiredness behind our eyes, the aching shoulders or headaches we experience from lack of sleep.

2.        Mental Depletion – The overactivity of a busy mind which may include information overload, overwork, multi-tasking, or obsessing about the future.

3.        Emotional Depletion – Feeling the need to perform or meet external expectations. Not feeling enough or seen. This includes the weight of carrying emotional wounds and/or unprocessed grief for ourselves and others. (If this includes trauma, our bodies are unable to close the stress cycle and the Central Nervous System stays on high alert).

4.        Social Depletion – Unable to find comfort and a place of belonging in our social relationships. Feeling unknown or unseen; not being able to rest into who we truly are at our best.

5.        Sensory Depletion – The constant stimulation of our nervous system through our senses. Think about all forms of pollution - noise pollution, light pollution, stuff pollution.

6.        Creative Depletion – Not allowing ourselves to be moved and effected by the world around us. Allowing the left, logical brain to rule our lives without balancing our interaction with the right brain. This includes not being present to the flow that comes from engaging our right brain through nature, play and our bodies.

7.        Spiritual Depletion - carrying the heavy load of responsibility for your own or other’s belief in God.

What kind of tired are you? Give each of these a number 1-10 with 10 being absolutely exhausted.

For me, this deficit list illuminates a fraction of my tiredness, and is helpful for discussion. However there are two other pieces I would add in. When I consider my personality, a bent towards social justice and the leadership roles I live into in care for the marginalized, foreigners and women, the awareness of the weight I carry is even greater.

When we carry the burden of a people group or the burden of finances of an organization, the health of a sick parent, the weight of injustice of the evil in the world, we add to the depletion on a more complex and hard to navigate level. We may have what I call “compounded rest deficits” not just for ourselves, but for our family, an organization or a people group such as women, the poor, or people of color that we do not feel we can let down about. Many ask, how can we release our multi-layered loads when the job is unfinished?

What kind of load have we been carrying? Maybe we need to protect our rest that much greater if we have the complex load to carry. I am challenged to ask, How do I rest well on behave of others?

I know a break in the form of sabbatical is a gift but also a necessary reset for me. It’s a time to pause and ask how this cessation from work allows God to do the work He is in control of. As well, it’s an invitation to Ecclesiastes 3, a time to work and a time rest. A time to speak and a time to listen. For me that listening is a continuation of the noticing, checking in with myself on my tired and an opportunity to gain awareness of the specific areas of deficit. Is my tiredness physical, mental, emotional, social, sensory, creative or spiritual?

Consider your deficits and be honest with where you are lacking.  How to rest into that is to be continued on part 2!

When Sabbatical Feels Far Off But Desperately Needed

For many reasons I’ve dreaded writing this as it’s the lived-out version of what we do day in and day out splayed open to critique and judgment as I find my way forward in a very personal way. I muster up courage telling myself that at worst I’ll receive criticism and not everyone will love or agree with what I write. On the other hand the transparency may strike a chord with someone who deeply resonates. And if nothing else, as my writing partner encourages me, “vulnerable words and shared experience are more interesting to read!” (Thanks Melissa!)

Here’s the reality…

I (Sara) walk amongst the slow these days. Quite literally, a snail’s pace at times. I carry my hidden crutches fully inside my body in the form of hormone dysregulation and auto immune disorder. I know I am not alone in this. Many of us are fighting a battle that can’t be seen.  And yet it somehow feels different as a sabbatical coach.

It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication. My unseen limitation on a regular basis is basically a hiccup in my brain and a bite of food away from a long nap, and severe stomach ache. These are all manageable, but still incredibly inconvenient. In extreme times I can’t get out of bed and don’t have the capacity to take in new information.

“It took years (30 to be exact) to admit that I had lived my whole life with varying degrees of brain fog that debilitated even everyday communication.”

As a sabbatical and transition coach I wrestle with how to live into this reality when in extreme or moderated forms; when I can’t push myself like my personality would prefer. There are no reserves to draw from. I am forced to slow down and admit the need to do so.

There are seasons when we must slow down or even stop. And there are times when stopping for a long pause isn’t yet possible.

As a sabbatical coach we often hear the question,

“How do I operate in day to day life when I can’t get what I need yet and I’m on the slippery slope of burnout?”

And from others, the question is “Where do sabbatical coaches turn when they need a rest and a break?”

Like leaders in any sector and especially those in 24-7 or demanding ministry, “Where can we ALL find space to be transparent and in need, and not fully live into what we need, such as sabbatical, at the same time?”

Here are few counter-intuitive lessons from my recent Camino experience that I’m applying in my daily life and learning to embrace in this season when I can’t yet push pause.

1.     Listen to Your Body. Having walked 5 portions of the Camino de Santiago over the last 7 years, I have found the athlete inside of me come alive again. The Camino is different in that it invites our whole self to the conversation of spiritual transformation in the reality of where we are currently living but noticing in a heightened way while walking. One of the ongoing and strikingly obvious lessons has been this - my body knows how it wants to move and when it can move, and when it needs to rest. I just need to tune into the wise voice it speaks, listen, and respond. I apologize to my body for the way in which I would never treat any other human - like a machine. This feels new and an important lesson in sustainability and care. I apologize for the mistreatment and welcome ongoing guidance as we do this life together.

“I see you body. I see what you’ve done for me and how you can’t do it any longer. I acknowledge you’ve been working hard and need to stop for a time.”

— A moment of gratitude to myself

2.     Permission to rest. I recently read a statistic that lack of sleep is a better predictor of diabetes than diet. Meaning it is also the best prevention for this and many other diseases (of course alongside exercise and diet). In this season I must give myself permission to go to bed earlier. To say no to evening activities. To allow myself grace to skip a seminar and to take a nap. Or as on the Camino, to not walk for a day. I can work a 4-day work week and intentionally schedule sabbath. These are all lessons in resting - undeniable lifelines for me in this season.  

3.     Leave margin. If there is one thing I must daily focus on, it is how to get margin in all areas of my life. I do almost nothing at the speed I would like to or that I see others doing. For example, I move slower therefore I must leave the house earlier. I think slower so have to leave more time for creation in deadlines or even emails I need to write. I don’t schedule meetings back to back, I can’t pivot that fast. I don’t multi-task, my brain drains much faster when I try to. I can’t procrastinate and deal with the stress of last-minute changes.

In nearly every area of my life right now, I must think about adding extra time and energy. While this takes time in itself, it also allows me to show up as best as I can in what I do commit to.

4. Downshift my expectations of reality. When I drive uphill in a stickshift I notice the change in the sound of how hard the engine is working. With years of practice, I intuitively hear the overuse and manually shift down to third, second or even first to allow the engine to perform at its best capacity. If I don’t, I know it will not perform at all. In this last season of non-profit start-up I’ve had to acknowledge how loud the engine is running in my life and how I haven’t released it to work in 2nd or 1st gear, instead revving in 5th.  

In the last 6 months, it pains me to say what we haven’t done but these are the graces and can humbly admit it has been for the best. We cancelled two, 7-week cohorts. We only attended one conference instead of multiple this fall. We released the pressure to strategize best contacts, speak twice and have a booth at the one we did attend. We let go of the expectations on ourselves to finish our book by our desired deadline.

Full transparency none of those were chosen by me. The cohorts didn’t fill up, the second proposal didn’t land, the book didn’t get the space in our schedule that we desired to finish it. We were forced to downshift and humbly admit our humanity in it all. Ultimately I have to admit a performance orientation and confess that I am living unrealistically. I have to tell myself, not everything needs to be done by me and right now. This is a daily conversation. How much is enough?

5.     Ask for help. I am the first to admit that being needy is not in my DNA. However the value of the community of believers and the picture of Moses’ arms being held up by Aaron & Hur (Exodus 17:12-14) grants me permission to say, “it’s okay and even expected to need people”.

While we coach people to find where the world’s needs and their passion intersects and to live in that space 80% of the time, in start-up and certain ministry roles this is not always possible. At times there is no one else to do the job I’m not able to do (or am not skilled at doing).  So I’ve learned to ask, what can I NOT do today? What can someone else take off of my plate? And what can I just let go of entirely and not pick back up at this time?

And sometimes that website re-design or the newsletter doesn’t get attended to. I’ve had to extend grace that even though I’d like things done faster, frantic pace isn’t possible or healthy 100% of the time. There may be seasons of busy but we are not machines that can be pushed 24-7-365.

6.     Keep engaging in good self-care. As my naturalpath read my lab reports several months ago, his reaction surprised me. He said, I’m amazed by the look of these that you’re not doing a lot worse.” (Thank you?!) “What your labs tell me is that you’re currently in stage 2 of adrenal fatigue/burnout but you have great DHEA levels which says that healthy rhythms are sustaining you.” My takeaway: labs don’t lie!

We proceeded to converse and he probed a bit deeper about the practicalities. I shared what I have actively put in place to one degree or another over the last two decades of living with my health limitations. I proceeded to share that I have learned many hard disciplines such as daily supplements, intentional diet, daily exercise, turning work off at a decent hour, & weekly sabbath. I have the role of wife and mother that no one else can do so religiously focus on balancing play and fun with my husband and kids (separate and together). We incorporate more celebration and traditions and invite others into them whenever possible. Getting life-giving time with friends is huge for me so I schedule it at least once a week, even when I was in transition. Going to bed ridiculously early, only drinking decaf coffee (no judgment - it’s what my body needs), and saying no to a lot more than I would like are all part of good self-care for me. I have a support system of people that I rely on to keep me accountable to specific areas, such as this naturopath doctor.

I was reminded in that conversation that it can be really frustrating to have good rhythms and still experience your body as not fully functioning. My self-care rhythms haven’t solved all of my adrenal dysfunction issues, but they have made it possible to live a relatively normal life.  

7.     Reduce Stress. In that same conversation, he noted, you can’t take out all of life’s stress and sometimes stress is good, but your body must manage the amount coming in. Because of this immune disorder my body is always under a fair amount of stress in general maintenance. I heard, I must pick my battles more wisely! The energy reserves for stress are diminished and not being replenished as a normal person’s would.

And yet as I shared with my doctor and consider what is relevant to others, I feel a deep peace. I am attending to my limitations. I continue to incorporate the rhythm of my “Camino pace” as a reminder of my long and arduous journey just a few weeks prior. Slow and steady one foot in front of the other when I don’t know how long the journey will be or what other “mountain” I may find myself in front of. We say the Camino parallels life, like it or not, and these are my direct parallels and opportunities for ever-maturing response.

If I was sitting with you as a friend or coach, I would ask, “What strikes a chord? What is your key takeaway from how to live out a life of balance and rest when a sabbatical is not able to be actualized… yet?”

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Commonly Asked Questions for Taking a Sabbatical

Summer is a time when people realize that the long-overdue vacation they finally took was not enough. While we are highly in favor of a weekly sabbath and an annual vacation or two, sabbatical is a lengthier period of time for rest, rejuvenation and realignment of priorities. Here are a few of the common questions that we hear as people are considering if a sabbatical might be in their future.  

What length is ideal/long enough for a sabbatical?

It is in the long pause of several months (or more) that we have an opportunity to actually ask the hard questions and listen to the answers seldom heard amid the hustle and noise of continuing on the same path. It is recommended from several sources that three to four months of unbroken time away (at minimum) is ideal. This implies no active engagement in work. (We’ve seen too many people “cheat” on this and work part time or pursue other intense work).  Don’t cut this gift of time short! And for many having lived in difficult circumstances or under extreme workplace stress, we recommend 6 months to a year. If 10 weeks is all that is offered, consider using vacation time on the front and back end or personal leave time to round it out. We say take what you can get, but when one considers all that is needed to truly rejuvenate, 3 months minimum is the standard answer.

How should I use my time?

When on sabbatical, “Sabbatical is your job,” we say. “It is your full time job to rest well and offer yourself up for spiritual and personal transformation or reflection and re-alignment.” When we coach, we help lay out a plan tailored to each individual’s reasons for why they are taking a sabbatical, helps best facilitate internal growth, and desired outcomes especially in the midst of the process that can often feel uncertain and floundering. The book we’re in the process of writing (coming fall 2023) on sabbaticals is meant to provide ideas and suggestions corresponding to each of the six phases. As well there will be a book recommendation list and general “what to do on sabbatical” ideas in the appendix.  

How does one decide when to take a sabbatical?

We generally suggest following the biblical and agricultural model of every seven years. However if it’s been significantly longer, consider your capacity to work and your capacity to care. We often notice people feel restless vocationally when they’re approaching a sabbatical which is a great time to pause, rest and gain perspective before making any major decisions. There is a sabbatical readiness survey that we ask people to fill out to consider a more robust angle on one’s personal readiness and needs. Email us and ask us for it.

Is there a time to not take a sabbatical?

We do not suggest taking one when your organization is in major transition, your organization is downsizing or undertaking a new project. As well, we don’t suggest taking one if you need medical attention, are fully burned out, are unpacking a crisis or trauma situation or having a baby. Those all fall under other categories such as personal or medical leave. Ask for personal leave instead. Sabbatical is intended for rejuvenation and rest as well as vocational clarity and creative recreation. It is hard to get that if you are needing to focus on medical care or a newborn. Finding the right timing is understandably one of the most important considerations. While there may never be a perfect time, there will be some windows such as the low season or the end of a busy season that are better than others. Get feedback, pray and plan towards it. Don’t be discouraged. It often takes a year to actualize these well-laid plans.

How do you decide where to take a sabbatical?

There is a chapter in this book on how to decide. Consider it carefully alongside of other stakeholders. As well, consider where you rejuvenate and what activities are life-giving. Traveling for example, is not life-giving for everyone.

Can you take a sabbatical that does not correspond to your spouse?

Absolutely. While it may require more intentionality and effort, you will see this is a myth we had to overcome and we’re grateful we did. Of importance to note is that the non-sabbaticalling spouse should release some of their responsibilities such as extended travel and time away in order for the other to get what he/she needs out of the time.

What if you work with your spouse? How do you not engage in work-related conversation?

While this is admittedly tricky, a simple conversation around “how was your day” can take you into deeper discussion of work-related communication. We suggest that you talk about this ahead of time and discuss any necessary boundaries that you might need. Taking out names from conversations can be helpful. Putting stories in first-person or feelings words can also mitigate long drawn out he said/she said conversations.

What are your most pressing questions? Email us and let us know if you need alongside care or coaching in this process. But do what you can to care for yourself, your spouse and those around you by taking this sacred gift called sabbatical.