What is needed to help me move forward: Course, Consultant, or Coach?

You may be stuck, seeking discernment or decision-making. You may be in a crisis that is necessitating a geographical change. Change is inevitable, but you are uncertain of how to proceed. Who or what will help you move forward in your current circumstances? Many will turn to a book, a course a coach or a consultant to help in seasons of needed input towards change. Some will choose all of the above. (I’ve been there). While there is a time and a place for each of these, there may be a best fit for you right now. Here are some things to consider.

What is the Difference:

What are the choices and what are the differences between your options? How does one decide which is best in any given circumstance. Here’s a short overview.

Blog: A snippet of available information. A sample of a writer’s voice and knowledge.

Book: A more comprehensive overview of a topic. A one-size-fits-all approach to a problem.

Course/Trainer: Provides instruction and teaches you new concepts to implement; giving you tools to use. Typically one size fits all + a moment or moments for direct contact with the trainer.

Coaches: A coach listens to help understand your personalized next steps by co-laboring regularly with you in determining what is needed for your unique circumstances. A coach will also hold you accountable and cheer you on in the process.

Consultants: A consultant is available to learn where you have need and give you advice. They are often drawing on a wealth of knowledge because they are a few steps ahead of you.

Combination: Course + Coach (for example) = Be creative and combine a couple of these for the most optimal combination of success and implementation

When to invest in a Course:

A course should, simply stated, teach you how to do something you need more training or tools in. Ask yourself three questions, 1. Would taking this course add a skill or a process that will help me in the long run? While the topic may be interesting and this investment may be something you always wanted to study for personal growth, will the time and money be worth the investment?

Secondly, ask, “Is this the right time for this course?” There are plenty of options for learning available in the Information Age that we live in. Often too many. We want to take it all in and in the end can’t implement it because of time or energy. An important factor to keep in mind when signing up for a course is that you should ideally plan to utilize this course within 30 days of purchasing or attending it to optimize your learning. If you can’t implement the material in 30 days maybe the time is not right for taking this particular course.

You should ideally plan to utilize a course within 30 days of purchasing or attending it to optimize your learning.

The final question to ask is, Does the facilitator have knowledge that would enhance my learning around this topic or move me ahead in my personal goals? Think of the facilitator like a temporary consultant. Are they one or two steps ahead of me? The content could be a fit, and the timing a fit, but if the facilitator doesn’t have the necessary experience or credentials, it may be that a different course or the same course with a different instructor would be a better match. And truth be told, sometimes you don’t know these answers until you give it a try. This is where a money back guarantee or a 10-day free trial can be a great opportunity to test the waters and help you answer these questions. I’ve taken courses like this with no obligation and felt great at the end with the information I received because the commitment was low.

When to Invest in a Coach or Consultant:

I often say to people that hiring a coach is taking a one-sized-fits-all approach like a book or a course might offer, and personalizing it to your life and your specific needs. If you’re reading a book or a blog and resonate, but still end up with a list of questions about how to relate it to your life, a coach is likely a great option. I strongly suggest hiring a coach at some point in your life for several reasons. 1. If you are facing a difficult time of transition 2. If you are feeling stuck. 3. Needing accountability for new habits 4. You need an objective outsider to listen - someone to process or reflect with.

It’s not unlikely that people may use me for a major decision because the way forward seems very unclear and the people they normally go to are too close to the situation to be objective. People hire me to help process their decisions about transition – especially major life transitions, global transitions or vocational transitions that include many layers of complexity and are hard to sort through. I’ve used coaches many times in my life because I’m just too close to the decision and I spin with possibilities.

The difference between a coach and a consultant is that you are making the decisions and deciding what to do. When you come to a conclusion, an aha moment in a coaching session it is much more likely that you will implement the change because you have reflected and concluded that this is what you need to do, not someone else.

I personally have utilized coaches on a monthly basis and others on a 4-6 x’s a year basis. Your time will be best spent if you determine what goals you are trying to reach (change job, change location, get better at a certain habit, be held accountable for certain goals, etc.) When deciding if a coach is the best way forward, ask yourself, “How would I benefit most if I utilized ____ services?” This is the same question I ask when I first meet a client. How could you see my services benefiting you?

And slightly different from taking a course, after hiring a coach, you should be able to implement the changes and stretch goals that you created, IMMEDIATELY. Results happen because there is alignment between the type of service offered relative to the season the client is in and the fit of what is needed most.

Results happen because there is alignment between the type of service offered relative to the season the client is in and the fit of what is needed most.

Coach + Course:

My personal bent is to take a course (learn a new skillset) that has a coaching component (for personalized implementation and accountability). This approach has a proven track record for immediate and long-lasting success and the motivation you need for change. In times of transition you likely need tools to help you through! That’s a course. You will also likely need a listening ear to help reflect and process your specific situation.  That’s a coach. While having both may feel like a luxury, the clarity and ease of mind the two combined can provide is exponentially greater than one alone. The personalized support, tools, feedback and accountability are an investment in YOU. And you are worth it.

Example: My husband and I were in the midst of major life decision-making that had us quite stuck. We knew the final answer would have several far-reaching implications including the possibility of thousands of dollars towards a relocation budget. These decisions had us emotionally spinning as they were quite complex and we just couldn’t agree on them. We needed more tools and an outsider(s) to reflect back what we were wrestling with. We hired a trusted coach that led us through a two-day life plan & group discernment process. What a tremendous gift this unique offering provided us. What came from it was renewed clarity about our personal callings and our joint desires. Solid, unshakable kind of clarity that only came after surrendering our plans and ourselves to the process to each other and to God.

I’ve personally enjoyed playing each of these roles of consultant, coach, contracted worker and facilitating a course. I’ve also taken part or hired someone to execute each of these for myself. While these different offerings can blend together, they also offer distinct services unique to each scenario. When you’re in the thick of life and work and maybe feeling stuck in a particular area it may be hard to know which of these to choose. Utilize this guide now or tuck it away for later to help you think through your most pressing need. If you’re in doubt, start with the one that is most easily reachable and work through it to determine if another way is needed.

For further reflection:

Think of a course you took in the last year or two. What was memorable? What, if anything did you implement into your life from it? What made it a valuable investment (or not)?

Have you ever utilized a coach? What in your life right now can you imagine benefiting from a 1-on-1 coaching relationship?

Role Discontent

Originally posted Feb 11, 2019 on saraandjeffsimons@wordpress.org

Identity and Loss

Despite sharing the load of being a parent to young kids in a more egalitarian way, the current phase of parenting finds both of our young kids at my side of the bed regularly in the middle of the night. Pattering footsteps are heard for any number of reasons. In this particular stage I’m the one theywant first. A gift, I suppose… but a confused one for me, as I wrestle with God about how He wants to use me in this coming season. The cluster-roles of motherhood, transition coach, trainer and cross-cultural worker remain in regular tension.

Thanks to Jeff, I’ve been blessed in the last several months to have time away to reflect, dream, and consider what the next season in these roles might entail. A lovely week away with unlimited personal time, the ability to dream, sleep, and exercise at leisure allowed for an amazing time to consider the possibilities of our future. Yet as is the case in coming back to reality, I returned and re-engaged to acknowledge much to my surprise (again!), that my life consists of limitations!

You see, I’m not a “natural mom” in strengths or God-given gifting. I’m introverted for one, with ahigh need for alone time to rejuvenate and just function well. And because deep processing is part of my wiring and a high value, I need silence to hear my thoughts! For some reason my young kids don’t seem to understand that! A friend recently asked me, “Sara how do you get your introvert time as a mom?” The answer: “I don’t very often. It’s an ongoing struggle (sigh)!” My personality also begs to operate most effectively when asked to contribute my strengths of ideas,strategies or analytical skills. Sure, some of those are transferable to motherhood, but I don’t oftenfeel that I have my best foot forward in giftedness output in this particular role. I’m just not yournaturally-maternal, gentle, service-oriented, loves to [fill in the mom expectation here] personality.

Okay so maybe there are some idealized expectations to unpack there… but truly I wrestle with it daily! How do I reconcile not stewarding these other “gifts” during a season where one role takesprecedence? How do I find contentment amidst the grumpiness and irritation of mom-dum? When my calendar of events says “no upcoming events”, or worse, kids birthday parties for the next 7 Saturdays! In these times, I find myself down in a slump.

Even today, while I’m writing about calling, identity, and limitations, I’m loving the space! The research is confirming and I have a newfound hope in the coming opportunities to share withothers. I’m only slightly amused at the irony of being continually interrupted by a preciousdaughter, who is at home sick and sitting next to me.

I stop for a brief moment to cuddle and play a quick game of “I Spy” with my at-home-sick child and continue to accept my invitation to wrestle with my identity as mother and worker. When I’mhonest, I can acknowledge these interruptions make me grumpy, short-tempered and full of entitlement. I remind God that it was His divine plan for me to be hired for a formal member carerole when I was 9 months pregnant with my first child, almost a decade ago. He “called forth” my calling with such strange timing. I don’t want to wish these years away by any means. It’s these places of disruption in my calling, my plans, my best-foot-forward that I find hardest to embrace. The invitation to the disruptions being the life we were called to. I desire to live well into the roles of motherhood including the invitation to the LIMITATIONS that coincide.

It’s painful to face the unfulfilled longings left un-met within us. A single person desiring to be married but with no prospects. A couple desiring to be parents only to discover they are infertile. Another couple desiring to enjoy their new marriage, and quickly met with an unexpected pregnancy. A worker who desires to be seen for strengths in leadership with no possibilities for exercising those gifts. The role of missionary stolen as adult-caretaker of aging parents takes precedence. Whatever the unwanted role, how does one reconcile calling with God-given giftings in seasons of having to deny certain roles and accept other unwanted ones?

I believe the invitation is to acknowledge the un-met longings as losses. When I give credibility tothat which is unmet I’m met with sadness, and possibly disappointment. When I move too quickly past what is begging for attention inside of me, I hold onto it and without knowing, place those unmet longings elsewhere, often in other misdirected, unhealthy ways—on the love received from a spouse, on the success of a child, the gratitude of a boss, the performance of a co-worker.

These attempts mask my desires and longings only to temporarily escape the heartache and the reality of the things I dislike about the present. They try to erase the disruptions of life. Instead they take me on a winding road full of forks and turns, detours and dead ends. Here I will soon find myself back again and again if losses are unacknowledged. William Bridges (The Way of Transition) talks about transition or the “neutral zone” as the time to let go not so much of a relationship or a job itself but rather the time of letting go of hopes, fears, dreams and beliefs that we have attached to them. It’s in these attachments of hopes, dreams and longings that we redirect our stance towards a posture of embracing the losses in our current reality. We are called in this place and time to accept our limitations as a part of our calling, a part of our “normal”. To acknowledge limitations is to acknowledge loss.

What if instead of focusing on what we are giving up we are able to see what we are gaining instead? In this place of accepting the current reality and embracing the losses we are called to acknowledge that we are not in control. The places of “disruption” develop in us a deeper ability to empathize with others who are on the same journey of disruption. Our task-oriented selves begin to let go of our attempts to control, to direct, or to plan. In that space we are vulnerable. Painfully vulnerable. We’re invited into the place where our heart engages with the lack of control we feel. We mature in our understanding of development. We gain empathy for others. We gain understanding that life doesn’t turn out how we plan.

As poet David Whyte implores, we are called to spaces of alertness; and alertness is the hidden discipline of the familiar. We create in us a place to be moved and changed, impacted by the unfamiliar. We are put in a proper relationshipwith reality and the created order. We’re reminded once again that we were created and there isa great Creator with a bigger purpose than what we can fathom. A non-linear, uncomfortable road that when acknowledged and surrendered to, frees us from the unrealistic expectations that life is to be lived in a straight, continuous path. There is loss in accepting our lack of control. Simultaneously there is great gain in the freedom and invitation to accept the unknown and our greater calling in this in-between space.

[Finesterre] – “The road in the end

The road in the end,

Taking the path the sun had taken

The road in the end

Taking the path the sun had taken

Into the western sea

The road in the end

taking the path the sun had taken into the western sea

And The moon

and the moon rising behind you

as you stood where ground turned to ocean

No way to your future now

No way to your future now

Except the way your shadow could take

Walking before you across water going where shadows go

No way to make sense of a world that wouldn’t let you pass

Except to call an end to the way you had come

To take out each letter you had brought

And light their illumined corners;

And to read them as they drifted on the late western light;

To empty your bag

To empty your bag

to sort this and to leave that

to sort this and to leave that

To promise what you needed to promise all along

To promise what you needed to promise all along

And to abandon the shoes that brought you here

Right at the water’s edge

Not because you had given up

Not because you had given up

But because now you would find a different way to tread.

Because through it all, part of you would still walk on

no matter how, over the waves.”—David Whyte

Reflection Questions:
In this particular transition, as you consider identity-challenge, what qualities do you feel God is maturing in you?
How does knowing that transition causes great upheaval but also qualities of persistence, empathy, & depth change the way you approach it?
What way forward have you found for coping with current limitations?