Reclaiming the Stigma of Yoga as Prayer Postures

Our expression of body and spirit is personal

Reclaiming the Stigma of Yoga as Prayer Postures

I grew up in a charismatic setting, so full body engagement was was not scary or foreign. Rather, if anything, expected. And maybe that is where my inhibitions came from; that and my personality type. I was often considered steady and calm Sara (INTX on the Myers-Briggs). And while I didn’t feel that “Steady Sara” was the greatest of insults, it also wasn’t the best of compliments. Flat affect was familiar and comfortable expression, if you can call it that.  Yet somehow still I knew my soul longed to worship in a more integrative way with greater expression - with my whole self - body, mind and spirit.

As I listened to worship, even from a very young age, I could envision myself utilizing my whole body to express my deepest emotions. Not in the dancey-clappy ways I often saw demonstrated but rather in a more true-to-me simple and subtle opening of my heart to God.  

I knew that I could and desperately wanted to engage in this whole-body praise, a raised-hand here and there would suffice my comfort levels for most of my life.  There was a continual longing and disconnect with my disposition and an incomplete expression of my wholeness. 

It wasn’t until I was introduced to holy (or faith) yoga that I felt the freedom to let the music guide my body and my body express the worship it so longed to do. My para-sympathetic system released heaviness in ways I had never experienced. The freedom of expression was a new-found place of immense liberation. But what to do with this yoga stigma?

Yoga, for me never held a strict eastern meditation line. I get that it does for some. I had found previous body-healing in other alternative medicine that I knew really worked for me better than modern medicine. I was not afraid to engage in this way, as most who practice, I would discover, are not seeking their third eye or a higher transcendental experience. If anything, the chance to reclaim a pure form of the great gift God had given us – body movement and worship – became an issue of justice for me. Isn’t it only right that I worship with my whole being? Wasn’t I given this body as a vessel?

During this season of covid, so many modern day church buildings are closed. Temples created for worship are shut down. And yet I still have this sacred temple of a body that I was given from birth to extend gratitude, offer requests, and adoration from. My body has desperately cried out for over 4 decades now to be able to come to the table where mind and heart were more frequently welcome.

Simple movements of stretching that I reclaim as prayer postures are now regularly a part of the communication I have with God. Now, after experiencing this completeness, I feel my body throughout the week longing to engage in this way. Literally like a knock at the door, I feel it desiring to express itself so commonly excluded for left-brained conversations only. Throughout the day I may tilt my head to the sky or bow my body to the floor. Other times I spend a solid hour on a mat and let my body move in simple stretches to music. In these free and safe spaces, I feel the most connected to myself and to my Creator. I feel as if I was given another prayer language to speak and express myself with the clarity I lacked for over half of my life. 

INSPIRATION:

What might it look like for you to invite your body to engage with your mind more?

When you close your eyes and listen to worship, how do you imagine your body in comparison to how it is in reality?

What happens when you let yourself get in to the imagined posture to express your current feelings?

EXPLORE FURTHER:

Visit my friends at Cross Yoga Europe - Rie and Charlotte for weekly live classes online. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1SdAuewmeNtMX0x6Nhixg

If you’re looking for body specific classes, I love all the free offerings of Yoga with Adriene https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene

A Time for Unprecedented Innovation

When I first heard of the global pandemic that Covid-19 brought upon our world, I truly could not wrap my brain around the potential impact of the spread. I had no frame of reference to imagine what life might look like. I mean, who could? So few of us have ever lived through anything remotely close to this level of global crisis in our lifetime. Questions about daily life quickly surfaced. Why are people around the globe hoarding food and especially mind-blowing - hoarding toilet paper? How bad will this get? How many will be affected or even die before this is over? When will we know that it is over? What will change on a global scale when it all slows down?

Now 30+ days into isolation, more questions than answers remain. We’ve been left alone in our houses like so many others - left to wonder when this will lift and how it will all evolve. Coinciding with this barrage of uncertainty, my mind races to the unlimited potential we have on a global scale for massive amounts of new innovation. Yes, these are difficult times. I live in a place that has experienced some of the highest rates of reported cases and deaths to date. I’m terribly sad and concerned about that impact on society here. I have no idea how life will look when we’re given our freedom back. But as difficult as a time as this is, there is most certainly hope to be found in the potential for beautiful creation to come alive in new ways out of the chaos and crisis.

Times of crisis have historically necessitated a call to draw from untapped resources. They invite us by way of a silent and unseen period of hiddenness to explore new ways of being, new ways of searching deep within in ways previously unforeseen. We are called in a time of crisis to both individually and collectively explore what our part in the chaos will be. I believe we are at an unprecedented time in history for immense creativity and innovation.

The Creativity Process & Transition Round-About

How the Creation Process informs Crisis

If you’ve been reading along on this blog for any period of time, you will know that I write about the crossroads of transition and creativity. The similarities between the two are almost an exact mirror. As seen in the diagram that can be used interchangeably, both have the same four phases: Nudging (or crisis), Preparation, Incubation, Illumination and Implementation. Every creative process starts with a nudging or a desire for something different. That nudging may also be a crisis that forces a period of incubation. Incubation is often a time of solitude for an unknown length of time - a period of hiddenness existing to contemplate, consider, experiment, bend, twist, and gather information and gain new understanding. This period exists to create solutions to the nudging or crisis; this period invites innovation. After Incubation comes illumination of the how, where, who and the details that answer the questions of implementation the fourth phase.

These stages are ultimately the same for the personal developmental life cycles. A season of nudging or personal crisis is followed by hiddenness, labeled transition. The beautiful and often painful purpose of the incubation period is to cause depth and growth. Here we are strengthened in the solitude. We are like an iron in a fire, being molded and shaped. This pain and isolation causes us if we choose to innovate new ways of approaching old problems. In transition this might look like an in-depth discovery period  around who we are, what we were created for and how we are to live into our true self. We learn through time and those who’ve gone before that our next vocational season is dependent on this period of hiddenness and the depths of richness and creativity that are cultivated in us during this uncomfortable hiddenness.   

As I think about what is going on globally, I can’t help but wonder how this challenging season of incubation IS NOT meant to bring us despair, anxiety, harm, or discouragement, as I can frequently feel in the moment. Rather just like that of the creative process, this season of global incubation, is a growing pain for something richer, deeper, something new! 

Creating from a deficit

And yet how can we create when we find our brains filled with questions about the day-to-day functioning that is required of us? Will we have enough to live on? Will we have enough to eat? Will there be a lack in the areas of health care needs if I’m sick? How can we create in a time when our basic needs are all we can think about? Some of us can not enter this season of innovation. 

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs stands out to me as a reference and point of understanding. When our basic physiological “habit needs” hunger and thirst, sickness, and fatigue are not met we can not move to the higher levels of self-actualization. How can we possibly innovate in a season such as this? Creating takes us from our focus on the here and now and the problems right in front of us and challenges us to consider what exists outside of the box we can see that we are living in. This perspective shift does not negate a world in need. Rather it holds tightly to a firm grasp of reality in the present mixed with a desire for something better and different in the future. We hold reality in the palms of faith and hope.

The idea that we create only after our needs are met seems ideal but unrealistic. So what do we do now, today in this place of confinement? We create! We make adaptations and we innovate! We have to be flexible to think outside of the box of the way that we have been doing things. And in that adapting we will eventually see new ways of being. From that innovation, maybe we learn to write or draw or design or cook. We learn to celebrate birthdays and weddings virtually. We learn to cook or teach our children how to. We learn to be educators in a new way.  Creating is what we as humans, created in the image of the greatest Creator, do as a natural response to chaos.

Creativity Process Parallel to this Crisis:

1. Isolation - lack of busyness

2. Given time to percolate

3. Out of need we are creating

These small and big ways of thinking outside the box are shaping a new reality – on a personal scale and a larger global scale. This shift will most definitely have a long term impact on society. We will one day look back at this point in time, as people have historically done after crisis and ask, what shifted for the better because of Covid-19?

When I allow myself to imagine the possibilities outside my small myopic view of disappointment, discomfort, and discouragement, I can begin to dream and imagine that what we are collectively creating is a NEW future that has not been known or seen. In these unique and unprecedented times, we as a global society are meant to create in unprecedented ways.  What new or creative part will you play in the world’s adaptation needs? 

 “We do not know who might find shelter in the things that we have made. We should see this as a liberating reality. We are serving people we do not know. This is a sacred task.” - Alabaster Co.

For further reflection:

Where are the places you are improvising, bending, challenging old ways? Where are you making a new way forward? In this unprecedented time, what will you innovate?

What to do in the Waiting: The Questions of Complex Transitions - Part 2

Excerpt from What to do in the Waiting Part 1 “The period of waiting in transition has been such a long long season for me. I often felt like I did as a child in the endless snowy climate of Minnesota – will summer ever come? And like a bear moving out of hibernation, I’m ecstatic to see that spring is here for me and summer on the horizon! For those in the waiting of in between: Though your winter may be long, I believe your season of summer will soon come.

In addition to praise, play and explore here is the continuation of thoughts regarding what to do in waiting: The questions of complex transitions…

4. Embody my Transition - I am on a long journey to remind my mind to let my body express itself as guide and teacher. My call to action in my recent transition was to take my body on a daily walk or meet it on the mat in simple stretching exercises. I was to attend to what my body wanted to tell me - what it had been carrying all along. I would listen to its aches, moans and subtle plea to at minimum, MOVE! I became aware that everyday I am invited to participate in life in an embodied way - through my flesh and bones.

As I continued the practice of attending to the present and listening to my body’s needs, an increasing learning arose. The awareness of long-standing disembodiment or disconnectedness to my body over the course of my lifetime. I remember sitting in the doctor’s office once as a young person. I was asked by the attending doctor if the pain I was experiencing was sharp or dull. I sat dumbfounded. I had literally no idea what he was talking about. I said, “What’s the difference?” How do you explain and describe what feelings are like? When asked by my first counselor what feelings I was experiencing, I once again had no words. I was not aware of the lack of education I had received around what words went with feelings. I had no language to express the state my body was in. And yet now, many years and much education later, I’m aware I’m not that unusual.

This recent transition was different. I knew differently. I felt the whole thing different. It was intense and heavy and my body often just wanted to run. I became aware of the need to “read” “listen” and “study” what my body was trying to communicate and what I needed to do about it. A counselor friend described it this way, when we live under stress our cortisol levels are excreting much more than is sustainable to live with. That’s the loose definition of “burn out”. We literally have no hormones left when we’ve been living in a heightened state of stress. .

My body was trying to teach me, often in contradiction with my logical brain what to do or not to do. It was like listening to instructions given in an unknown foreign language. Many have said, the body instinctively knows how to move, stop for rest and breathe deeply. We stop at the end of a run or eat when we’re hungry or go to the bathroom when we need to. Yet many of us don’t speak the language of our body and DO NOT do these very basic bodily functions - breathing, eating, and resting. Especially in times of intense stress, a period of long grieving or after a trauma we must retrain our minds to listen to what are body is trying to say.

In transition, your body can be a master teacher providing great wisdom into your future direction. For years, but especially in times of stress, my body, when I listened spoke loudly through stomach pains and shoulder aches. It was crying for something to change! I just hadn’t been listening. I now credit my last transition with final decisions based on the way my body communicated to me about what I absolutely must or must not do. This became a profound way of listening and engaging in decision-making in a new way for me. How are you listening to what your body is trying to tell you in transition?

5.    Be the hope you need. Volunteer – in your greatest times of need, and especially in transition, look to give, not receive. When I think about the periods of major life transition over the course of my life, I’m grateful that several times I have had the privilege of a “holy nudge” to step outside of my own problems and serve others. I learned this hard lesson first the fall after my freshman year of college.

In April, as school was coming to a close, I received notice from the financial aide department at the end of my freshman year that funds were not accessible to me to support myself for 3 more years. I had a decision to make about how to raise or earn the amount I lacked. I decided I needed to work hard during the summer to manage the gap. Despite my best efforts and prayers, the funds were insufficient. That fall, as others returned to their dorms, I packed my belongings, said goodbye to the university and to the location in a short time I had grown to love.

As devastated as I was, I knew at the young age of 19, that I didn’t want my life to waste away. In addition to getting a full time job, I chose to explore two forms of volunteering. One of them was in the local children’s hospital in the play therapy ward. I was curious more than anything. What did that type of work look like? Would I want to do more of it in the future?

I quickly got to know many children who were hooked up to IV’s 24-hours a day. They needed frequent monitoring and multiple surgeries for complex illnesses I will never understand. My only job was to provide some form of joy and outlet for them to be children and not only “sick people”. As I carved out two hours a week for a year, I watched as some children improved and others did not. One day I arrived to work to discover, much to my surprise, my favorite child was no longer with us. The terminal diagnosis of children’s cancer took his young precious life.

I became aware in moments of volunteering like these of the fragility of life. That most of us have choices of what to do with unfortunate life circumstances. For many our pain is temporary. In my case these little children were hurting in profoundly more significant ways that I was in my transition away from college. I knew I needed to surround myself with them even for a couple of hours every week to remember that. I could offer them something I had that they did not - the ability to play; the ability to have hope. Every time I left I was more grateful for the life I had, despite it being so different and even disappointing. I, fortunately had the power to choose how I would build the narrative of my future. These children did not. My lacking became much less about a boulder of a problem on my path and more about seeing them as stones to use to build something meaningful from. What I gained from the experience of volunteering was profound gratitude and perspective of the bounty of what I did have!

In my recent season of transition I volunteered in the small ways that I could manage. I was once again afforded the gift of time, the resource everyone else wanted. I intentionally tried to move toward someone with needs on a weekly basis - whether that was through childcare, organizing, volunteering at a local charity, picking someone up from the airport or inviting someone for dinner. I didn’t have my natural energy and I REALLY didn’t feel like I had much to give, but I knew I had something small and I was always blessed in return.

I have the choice to dwell on my circumstances or to focus on making the most of what I have been given. Many times it is a subtle shift that changes me - when I extend myself to others I focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.

Nevada Museum of Art

6. Keep showing up. As simple as this might sound, being present was the most profound and difficult thing I felt God nudging me towards.

When people felt uncertain and maybe even unsafe, the reminder was to show up. In showing up, I had to face people I really had no love in my heart for. Then I had to face my heart. I was invited to show up to understand my part. Show up to learn what to do next. Show up to be a part of the conversation. Show up to see where I was no longer a part of the conversation.

Likewise, I felt challenged to talk with others about all the ambiguities: “What’s next?” “What are you doing with your time?”. “Showing up” was my daily act of obedience.

In showing up, several things happened. I gained greater perspective outside of the one-sided stories I would tell myself and the small world I was creating. I once again received blessings. I met new people and gained new understanding of the way forward.

I was repeatedly faced with the graciousness of God’s timing and the lack of my knowledge about the bigger picture.

When we are faced with long periods of waiting we have the gift of deciding how we are going to posture ourselves. We have the choice to learn the lessons that only can be learned in transition. May we be bold in each of these difficult places to hear what we are to glean from this unique winter season.

5 Ways to Maximize Creativity in the Caring Professions

We as humans are all invited to co-create with the Creator of the Universe. What an incredibly invitation this is! This proposition is not left to the professional artists, alone. We are ALL beckoned, not just invited, but called to take part in the creating process unique to our creative design. The delightful and often challenging part of this journey is discovering what this contribution looks like for each of us individually and where it is needed corporately.

Within certain professions the use of creativity is obvious; others, not as much. Take the tangible example of my husband Jeff’s wood-working & recycling hobby. Driving the avenida at any time of the day, Jeff might spot a broken chair or desk next to a dumpster. The lack of second-hand store culture lures him to consider old furniture as an artistic engagement. He sees the old and reimagines it with great potential.

Back to the drive…car put quickly into reverse, resume the great evaluation period to accept the challenge or not. As he exits the vehicle he examines the repairability of the item in question. The potential of this once-said junk now awaiting re-creation of life is a primary focus. With this hobby, creation or rather re-creation is obvious. He is able take what appears to be “trash” and imagine something great. Taking it a step beyond imagination alone, he implements his knowledge and skills to give life to something old, making it both useful and beautiful! He reimagines that which is good with great hope for something even better.  Imagining something new coming from something old or worn out is the kind of creative work we each are invited to in our chosen professions.

“How do you utilize creativity as a coach?” is a question I regularly engage in. I'm curious for my own growth as well as for others. As both a counselor and coach, I have the privilege of coming alongside of people in difficult times, listening to their stories of pain and uncertainty. This can either be an isolating, despairing place or a hope-giving space. I consider this creation space, because together we are creating new ways forward. Many have a limited capacity for hopefulness or the ability to see a way out. As I work with people who feel stuck in transition, the need is exponentially greater. I come alongside people in major life transition and help them to re-imagine their life with possibilities and dreams where many have lost the ability to dream. I call forth their unmet and likely unexpressed longings for their future and their world. Here are five concrete ways of doing this:

I come alongside people in major life transition and help them to re-imagine their life with possibilities and dreams where many have lost the ability to dream.

1. Use the language of possibilities

Part of coaching is coming alongside others to help them imagine a different way forward. We as coaches have the privilege and responsibility to engage in forward movement. We use the tools of language to help clients to think differently. For example “Can you imagine what that step might look like in your life? What are the possibilities if you let yourself dream? What comes to mind when you consider the word calling?” Deeper and more effective processing is enhanced by the use of more imaginary language.

One of the creative strengths I believe I bring to coaching is ideation. I help people think outside of their problems for potential new solutions. I help people in major life transition, who feel stuck, to think outside the box. I’m playing with the language self-proclaiming I am an innovator in vocational challenges! 

 2 Surround Yourself with Creativity

Have you ever taken part in a conversation around a topic of passion where people were brainstorming a different way forward? The momentum in the room builds as each person is given space to dream. The possibilities to problem solve appear endless. The future is bright. Being around people or in these settings where creativity is fostered and welcomed is inspirational, uninhibited, lacking envy or jealousy.

It wasn’t until I intentionally sought out people and spaces like this that supported my expression of creation without judgment, that I felt safe enough to explore and create from a place of security and surrender. Whether literary inspirators, children, or nature, creativity is truly all around us and readily awaiting. Tapping into creativity is essential for our integrated selves.

Deeper and more effective processing is enhanced by the use of more imaginary language

3 Integrate the body

While using familiar strategic tools, I challenge clients to a place of unfamiliarity or even discomfort to explore more holistically what their body and heart might be saying to them as they engage. I might encourage people to listen to their body as their first teacher, asking “What is your body saying to you right now?” Sometimes the answers are surprising: “I get a stomach ache when you talk about that. Or I feel tense all over. Or I feel nothing. Or I feel a complete lightness and freedom in thinking about this. Or I feel like I need to take a walk.” I challenge to not engage in processing solely with the left-brained…it’s too one-sided! I also utilize questions like “What would it look like if you showed me the way your body is carrying your emotions right now?” Extraordinary breakthroughs have come about when people invite their bodies to show up in an otherwise dominantly verbal session.

4 Use unstuck exercises

I used tools that were familiar like a timeline or giftedness set – and asked people to move a step deeper to engage in simple art or movement techniques. Art can help us reconnect to our humanness. The arts in general can speak to us on a deeper level than our intellectual mind alone can comprehend. We are invited through the use of color, texture and body movement to bypass our mind’s understanding and “think” with our heart. The world we typically perceive is challenged when we utilize the arts. Our emotions are stirred and language transcended. There is great power in the use of the arts especially for deeper processing.

We are invited through the use of color, texture and body movement to bypass our mind’s understanding and “think” with our heart.

5 Model Vulnerability

I recognize I must keep getting my hands wet with fresh paint, so to speak!

Integrating the traditionally left-brained work of coaching or counseling became experimental work for me. As well it was and still is unexplainably vulnerable space for me to explore especially when others see it. I began to recognize several years ago, that when I started to engage new ways of marrying these traditionally left-brained transition tools with right-brain exercises I felt fear quickly creep in. “How silly? How amateur? How crazy was it? Would anyone be open to it?” Looking back now, I think these are the boundary-pushing questions all truly creative processes should invite.

Because of my fears, I created in silence for months. What came from this hidden space is now The Art of Transition Workshop & Workbook (that is near finished - more on getting unstuck 1/2 way in another post). I often pictured myself holding this baby, my creation, close to my body. In a protected posture, in reality a gesture of insecurity. I didn’t want or welcome judgment or discouragement or even constructive criticism for that matter.  Over time, slowly I have opened up to the criticism and to the potential that what I create might prove to be a gift for others.

I have the beautiful privilege of coming alongside of people in times of great stuckness to help them begin to comprehend how life can be different. And not just different but incredibly fulfilling! Whether through continuing to engage in my own vulnerable creative spaces, using the language of possibilities or specific integration of right and left brain. Not just me but all of us. We all are co-creators, called to bring the invisible, intangible qualities and attributes of heaven down to this visible world. We are called to imagine a different reality, an other-worldly reality brought down to earth. This is our privileged invitation as makers and co-creators. We each have a unique part in the bigger picture that only we can specifically contribute.

Questions for deeper processing: Likely you’re already doing it. What is one thing that you currently do that works well in utilizing creativity in your profession? Imagine what could change for your clients if you implemented just one of these ideas. Which one of the five suggested might you play with?

New Year's Visual Examen Exercise

As I prepare for the new year ahead, I find I long for a well wrapped-up and understood year of learning behind me. When I was a child, I recall my mom suggested a tradition from her childhood for New Year’s Eve – ripping up the previous year’s calendar! It felt bold! I loved the idea of an intentional marking of time with a celebration and a mess! And while I’m guilty as an adult of not carrying on the family tradition (I can’t part with my journal/calendar), I recognize the need to pause and consider the many gifts of the year (and now decade!!) prior. Whether you’ve had an incredible amount of change or loss or a year full of amazing surprises; or while you may anticipate transition or more uncertainty on the horizon, the opportunity to take a deep reflective pause and make note of the year prior affords us space for both gratitude and perspective.     

While I love to reflect and process for hours, I’ve found the desired space is not always readily available in this season of life and during the holidays. I’ve found grace in giving myself the whole month of January, as of late. But even still a less comprehensive and intimidating reflection exercise was needed for me to be able to enter in. Here are a few carefully chosen questions and 4 suggested approaches, depending on time.    

Top reflection questions:

1.     What are the most important events that took place in the last year? Who are some of the significant people?

2.     Where did I see the greatest breakthroughs (physically, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, spiritually)?

3.     What area(s) consumed my thinking and attention most?

4.     Where did I experience God’s delight?

So while you may begin by just diving in, I find a few approaches aide my processing best. Begin by creating a quiet reflective space. Set aside distractions. Choose one of the following 4 visual prompts depending on how much time you can afford.

1.     15-30 minutes: Take a look through your calendar and make a list of the top events on your calendar. Let these events prompt your thoughts as you contemplate the answers to these questions.

2.     30 minutes-1 hour: If you take pictures, take a look back over the year’s pictures and allow the visual stimulus to jog your brain in reflecting.

3.     1-2 hours: Look back over your journal from the last year and note the important events and areas that concerned you or caused you great delight. You took time to write them down, note how they impact the questions above. (If you don’t journal or didn’t this year, looking back over emails or Facebook posts may stimulate some of the same thoughts).

4.     1-3 hours: Utilize one of the above methods together with this visual reflection exercise. Having already made a list of important events, Draw a clock with numbers corresponding to the months of the year (Jan = 1, Dec = 12). Starting with 1, meditate as you draw or write simple words that represent the highlights, breakthroughs, consuming thoughts or God’s delight of January the year prior. Where were you as the clock turned last year? Who were you with? What has changed since?

Give yourself time to go through each month, draw or make note of the thoughts or feelings you want to capture within or outside of the clock. 

*If you’re able, this is a great exercise to do with a team or family while one person narrates the questions and others silently meditate and draw/write. After 20-30 minutes you may desire to share the answers altogether or with another person.

I used one or two words to highlight some of the events or people that were important. I chose to add color and symbols to the highs and lows.

This simple visual reflection exercise invites me to examen my head, heart and body. I’m prompted to be mindful to the present with a grateful heart. It’s as if I’m afforded a sense of closure and yet simultaneously able to recognize what is still undone. As well, I’m more open and anticipate the unknowns of the year coming. As I approach the New Year I’m able to bring a centeredness into the coming year. Here are a couple of transition questions I transfer from my examen and integrate into the New Year:

1. What Question(s) do I currently need answering from God?

2. What am I carrying with me into the New Year that I would like God’s healing around? 

3. What word, verse or song might God want to use to speak to me this year? 

Question: What practices do you observe for contemplation of the year prior? What are your favorite questions you utilize as the New Year approaches?

Giving Beyond our Capacity to Care

On a recent call with a burned-out worker, I listened as she lamented. “I don’t want to meet any new people. I don’t want to ask anyone questions. I don’t want to care about anyone else’s story. I no longer have the capacity to care.” Her wiring and temperament is completely the opposite of what I was hearing. It was the primary reason we met. She truly was not herself. She always cares. When no one else is, she is always prepared to be the first to sign up for the compassion response team. Until now. She’s gone too long in this one-sided role. As a result in this season of personal family demands, and lack of self-care she has nothing left to give to anyone.  My heart breaks for her in this unique and confusing place of transition and what I would call a lifetime of giving out: compassion fatigue. 

Compassion fatigue: fatigue, emotional distress, or apathy resulting from the constant demands of caring for others.*  

Fatigue: temporary diminution of the irritability or functioning of organs, tissues, or cells after excessive exertion or stimulation.

So many of us get into this line of global work because we care about the problems of the world. We love people - they are our greatest resource. And yet we are often guilty of giving beyond where we can truly and authentically give to the emotional needs all around us. In these places we often hold secret bitterness and anger towards those we originally intended to help. Seldom do we talk about it, until we’re at a breaking point of burnout.  

Why do we hold this alone?

Burnout is the “cost of caring” that we in the care fields experience regularly. We believe that if we give, we will be blessed. While that may be partially true, we can’t keep on giving without being replenished ourselves. We are all given a limited amount of resources – time, money, and the emotional capacity to care. I’ve seen the side effects firsthand: Mostly one-way high-output of care; caring for others before family needs; caring for others before my own needs for too long and then snap…the pendulum swings to not caring at all! We continue to carry this burden alone because the idea of caring too much is foreign to many. There remains great shame and embarrassment around the idea of compassion fatigue. “How can I no longer care? What’s wrong with me?” Exposure to the persistent needs of the world without rest, and reciprocal life-giving relationships, can create a sense of hopelessness and a numbness to the needs of others.

“People who experience compassion fatigue can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, sleeplessness or nightmares, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self-doubt.**

After my first round of burnout many years ago, I found myself in the hands of a very competent therapist. Reluctant, but desperate, I knew I needed something to shift. This first experience working with a counselor challenged me to consider my own philosophy on self-care. She used the reference of the Greatest Commandment from the Mark 12:30-31, asking what I believed the verses meant: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself” (paraphrased). I said, it’s all about loving God and loving others and giving of yourself sacrificially. To which she challenged, “Yes, and, I hear it as an implied verse about how we should already be caring for ourselves in order to care for others.” Welcome to my paradigm shift about selfcare. She was painfully right. I had thought little about how other-care stemmed from a place of caring first for myself.  My roommate in the season prior had made note that most any conversation she hear me in, was heavily leaning one-way. It typically consisted of me asking the questions without reciprocated questions returning towards me. She was right. I had lived a lot of my life up until that point closed off from sharing with others and seldom speaking up for my needs.

How do we gauge our limited capacity?  

So many of us as workers and caregivers live a life of self-denial at our and other’s expense. We know how to love. We know how to give every penny, every piece of food in the fridge, open our homes, our schedules and our lives to those in need. And yet, we often DO NOT know how not to! We don’t know how to limit our output of who we care for physically and emotionally and gauge when our compassion meter is empty.  

We think that we have an unlimited ability to give and that somehow our “deficit” has no consequences and will miraculously work itself out for our good.  

This idea of a gauging a compassion meter may feel arbitrary. Yet, there exist other concrete examples of resources in limited supply to glean from. Take finances for example. Numbers don’t lie! In order to have basic financial maturity we must know how much is coming in and how much is going out. Bottom line: The amount going out should not exceed the amount coming in. If we can’t live within those parameters than change needs to happen. Without awareness we can quickly get into trouble. Therefore intentional planning, budgeting and tracking is necessary. Otherwise we may be unconsciously telling ourself that somehow it will all miraculously work out. And yet “this will all miraculously work out” mentality is how many of us compassionate caregivers approach our caregiving capacity…We think that we have an unlimited ability to give and that somehow our “deficit” has no consequences and will miraculously work itself out for our good.  

Applying financial principles to caregiving

1. We must first have awareness of the input and output - In this case, how much care is coming towards us and how much is going out? If, like stewarding finances well we must know our bottom line budget, do we similarly have an informed emotional budget that we are working with? How does one gauge that?

Here’s one idea: Create 3 buckets, 1 labeled “Input relationships” -Those who care for me; people that invest in us without getting anything back. 2. “Reciprocal relationships” - those relationships where sharing is generally equal and mutually beneficial. 3. Output relationships -We will all have people in our lives that are more draining and relationships that are more one-sided. This is certain. Who are these people?

The purpose of this exercise is to place the names of people in your life in each of these buckets. The goal is to make sure there are several names in each category. They likely won’t have the same number in each of them, but there should be at least some names in all of them.  

2. If the amount going out exceeds the amount coming in, there must be change.

If all the names are in the output bucket, a shift is needed. It’s okay for us as caregivers to not move all of the names into one category such as the reciprocal or output buckets. Often the area in most deficit for caregivers are relationships in the input category.

3. Intentionally prepare and track

There comes the need to engage with others who can help us best see how we are doing in our care for others. As a transition and sabbatical coach this is a role I often play with clients. When the lights on the dash are coming on regularly to warn of need for care, make space to re-evaluate what needs fine-tuning! Are there people in your life who can help gauge when you’re doing too much? The ones who can be a mirror for you to help you see clearly when your giving is imbalanced?

I, personally needed to learn to ask people to help me with this. I also needed to not always ask questions when my listening became disingenuous, I knew I needed help. I also learned when sharing authentically without being asked modeled vulnerability for others and allowed me to be known.

If this is an area of challenge for you, as a fellow caregiver, guilty of not taking care of myself, I implore you to attend to this. If we continually go on giving our hearts with great compassion beyond the capacity we as a human have to give, we will indeed reach a breaking point. I’ve seen it and lived it. With an abundance of needs and needy people all around us, and as caregivers naturally inclined to want to fill those needs, we must maintain equivocal life-giving relationships, and maintain a posture of allowing others to solely pour into us. Together, let’s fight compassion fatigue with healthy self-awareness and intentionally implemented self-care to better serve those we are sent to reach.

Where and with whom are you talking about your limitations regarding care? How would being informed of your compassion capacity change the way you serve? Would there be any change to your weekly schedule?

See the newly created Sabbatical Planning Guide

*dictionary.com

**wikipedia.com

experiencing the freedom and refreshment of those life-giving spaces

Creating From Abundance versus Scarcity: 6 Lessons from Unblocked Creatives

I used to struggle with the idea of being an artist, myself. I deeply appreciate art, but don’t consider myself a fine or performing artist. My creation was often intangible and couldn’t be seen. As I played with thoughts and penned some of them, I slowly shared. Others would comment those are really intriguing ideas…I began to see through the years that what I was creating was a new way of approaching my world through different ideas.

Further doubt continued - I also would not consider myself a writer. For most of my life, I struggled to find the words to articulate my thoughts. I would blame persistent brain fog or second-language learning taking up an excess of space in my brain’s language center for not having the right words – which are both legitimate excuses, by the way! But the truth is, at my core I’m a right-brain, visual thinker. I use pictures and music and hand’s-on learning to both learn and to express myself. I slowly came to acknowledge that I am a creator in my own right, through out-of-the-box ideas. I am a thought-creator or content creator. This freedom and acceptance began my journey of becoming an unblocked artist. I came to understand that we all are creators with unique expressions to contribute to our world.

However as I look back on my life, I often created, withholding - from a place of scarcity assuming I would lose more than I would gain in the creation process. Sharing my expression had in the past landed on unsafe, critical people. I often felt misunderstood and became more afraid to express my voice chancing more misunderstanding. This vicious cycle of fear > scarcity > misunderstanding persisted. I experienced the critical voices as screaming at me and the affirming ones as whispers. How could I get past this cycle? It was never like that 100% of the time, but it sure felt like it.

I think about my 6 year-old daughter as my master teacher on these matters. She creates from a place of generosity. Everyday I’m given some form of drawing or craft that she has worked hard on (often multiple times a day). She is able to do that for several reasons. 1. She creates in abundance! So, she has an abundance to share. 10 drafts later…she’s still drawing similar versions of the same thing. 2. At her age she doesn’t feel the same performance pressure and expectation that I might if I’m trying to meet a deadline. She is just playing and experimenting. She really has nothing to lose. 3. She is creating because she enjoys it. Many mornings the first thing she’ll do it start drawing. It brings her life! 4. She has resources. We provide her with supplies and give her lots of free creative time. When our schedules are full, we can see her frustration at not being able to just create. She needs the support of free time. 5. Finally, her art is a simple expression of love and generosity and one of the few tangible ways that she has to show love to her world. 

I’m truly inspired by watching this free artist work from a place of abundance. I want that for myself. I want to create that space of generosity and freedom for others. I must ask, where does my support come from? I turn inward towards my safe center – to those who have been encouraging people on my journey: My husband, my coach, my counselor, a few like-minded friends. These people all became for me a part of my core  community to create with and from! From these affirming voices, I was able to create my fresh expression of calling for myself from a new-found freedom within. These people are the ones that keep me going when the self-limiting beliefs creep in, because creeping they will come. They’re also the ones to stretch the “lies” I might tell myself. They are an essential part of the support I need to continually have in my life. 

From this place of safety, I’m able to move outward more freely from a place of scarcity and hiddenness with my creation to a place closer to generosity. Our art should be generous! We must ask for help from the divine artist to be a maker, generous and open to giving this part of us in act of service – not from a place of scarcity. 

1.     Create so there is an abundance to share.

2.     Experiment. Not every draft will be magical!

3.     Create what brings you joy.

4.     Find the support of resources – time, money and people.

5.     Let your expression of art be full of love and generosity to others.

6.     Surround yourself with the unblocked makers of the world.

This is my prayer: Help me, God, to create from a place of abundance with a spirit of freedom and generosity not scarcity or competitiveness.

Question: Which of the above list of 6 do you struggle with most as a creative person? What is one thing you can do this week towards enhancing your creative self? Who is in your creative support network?

_______________________________

All that is Made: A Guide to Faith and the Creative Life 

Geoff Gentry and Bryan Ye-Chung

By Alabaster co.

20 Thoughts to Consider in Providing the Best Furlough Support for Workers

Originally posted March 28, 2014

What is a funding-furlough?

In the field of global workers, often the term “furlough” is synonymous with home-assignment, funding-furlough, or offsite assignment. It is, however, not to be confused with a sabbatical or long period of rest.

It is not uncommon for workers to set aside anywhere from 1 month to 1 year for this unique period of time. Typical is a summer or 3-month stint. Historically the time was designed for face-to-face contact with supporters, to raise awareness of vision as well as gain new financial and prayer support. For many, this is often a time combined with a desire for a measure of spiritual and emotional rejuvenation as well.

Consider the fact that the average worker may have a support list of several hundred to even a thousand people! This is a blessing, for certain. However communicating with this large of a group and structuring time for meaningful interaction in a short duration of time can be a logistical nightmare! There is never enough time to connect at the level desired with each individual…

This combined with issues of re-entry shock, jet-lag, children’s needs, keeping up with logistics and life back “home” (on the field), and other expectations of work can make a furlough feel more stressful and much more “work” than regular day-to-day life abroad. Families are stretched as well, as the kids may be also be dealing with constant mobility, meeting countless new people, missing friends back “home,” and adjusting to yet another transition time.

As receivers of these workers, thinking and planning ahead about potential needs can help to make the furlough an incredible experience, as opposed to a dreaded and exhausting one. Here are some ideas of ways you can partner effectively as a sending person or church group:

1. Ask what they need on any and every front. From lodging to transportation and rest. Give the worker several months to think about it and extend grace if they change their mind on something.

2. Establish a main point of contact. For the sake of ease of re-entry establishing a main, reliable single source in a primary location can alleviate unnecessary transition challenges as well facilitate important communication. This person should ideally be logistically mindful, well-connected and respected in the community – meaning safe, honest and having good boundaries, both with planning and people’s stories.

3. Have a small group of people “adopt” them in the planning phase and while the worker is in passport country. This allows people to share the responsibility of partnership and care. Categories to consider are emotional care, logistical support, & funding support.

4. If they will be in multiple locations ask if there are needs you can help partner with others on or help think through. As much consistency as possible in the whirlwind is always helpful.

5. If you are the point person, find out ahead of time what, if any, calendar items are important for you to know. Are there events they would like help with like an open house, or scheduling a meeting to broaden a network? Would they like other special services planned such as a “sharing time” or a “taste and see.”

6. Give them a head’s up if any major changes have happened in the church or within your community or city. Introduce them to new members or pastors as well as others who may not know them.

7. Be sure workers are welcomed back upon arrival. Whether meeting them at the airport, or arranging for a car to be left for them, ask them ahead of time what they might need and want. Although it might sound fun to you to have 30 people greeting them upon arrival, it may not to them if they’ve been traveling with kids for 30 hours straight. (Or it may! Best to ask.)

8. Ask if they need help arranging somewhere for them to stay. Typically it is less stressful on the individual or family if there is a single location to stay for a longer duration. Partnering with other supporters is often a helpful way to open up other options and protect the time of the missionary from feeling like they always have to “be on.” Check with their personal needs and desires. Give them space to decline without hurt feelings. Housing needs of families and singles vary. With both however, there is a need for a sense of normalcy, privacy and balance of work and rest. Furlough can be an exhausting time filled with lots of people and lots of transition or a restful time of reconnection. Help make it the latter not the former.

9. Stock the fridge of the place they are staying. Likely they will not get out and go grocery shopping right away. Find out if they have any food they regularly miss or any dietary restrictions. Having a home-cooked meal ready in the fridge is also a greatly welcome surprise after traveling multiple time zones!

10. Consider technology trends that you may take for granted in your daily life routine - from phones to GPS to computers. Depending on country of location, some workers may be out of touch. A tech-minded person with access to a few items to lend and instruct how to use is a true gift. Some IT help is almost always needed during furlough as well. But don’t assume that he/she wants to adopt these practices either.

11. Remember the children. Ask a mom or dad in your community to help you think through what they might need such as car seats, travel baby bed, etc. Consider what others in your community could lend for a short duration: Games, bikes, toys, books, even a library card. Don’t overindulge them with gifts without asking the parents first, as they likely will be traveling light and very intentionally, and luggage restrictions and fees have become very tight. (See: “Gift-giving for the TCK”)

12. Think of creative ways to bless them. Gift cards for gas or coffee are fantastic blessings as they travel around and meet often with people. If they have young children, bless them with babysitting for a support gathering or a date night. The skies the limit on your creativity!

13. Talk to others who have recently been on furlough or in re-entry. Ask what they had that was helpful or what they wished they’d had?

14. Ask them if there are services they can’t access that would be helpful while they’re back. If they would like help arranging a dentist, eye doctor appointment, or back massage. Consider gifting it as a form of member care. Depending on where they are living these services may be scarce as well as often over-looked areas of self-care.

15. Along the same lines, ask if there are new resources or books they had been hoping to access. These can make great gifts. But some will prefer to read digitally, so once again check first.

16. Some may desire help personalizing a plan for rest and relaxation, self and relational growth programs, programs for upgrading skills, or retreats. Once again, don’t be afraid to ask. Even if you are limited on coordinating it all. Even just a few days at someone’s second home in the mountains or by the beach can help set an incredible environment for some spiritual retreat and rest, especially during entry and timezone adjustment.

17. Collaborate on what kind and extent of involvement they would like during furlough. Don’t expect that they’re able to attend every meeting or every weekend service. Be flexible and clear to them what you would like and vice versa. Don’t expect much, or much quality from them in the first couple days on entry.

18. If you have the capability or role, prepare the congregation in anticipation of their coming and as to the purpose of their time. Many people are confused by what a furlough or home-assignment is. It sounds like a great time of fun travel! What is it really? Send them this blog article!  As well, help them feel free to ask questions (even seemingly simple ones!). Most people when they feel ignorant of a place or topic tend to not engage, or just talk about more comfortable things. To a foreign worker, this can very easily be mistaken as disinterest, disconnection, and make them feel forgotten, lonely and displaced.

19. If you are a skilled or trained debriefer or counselor, offer to debrief and process the furlough before the worker returns to the field. Did the time meet their expectations? What would they have liked differently? Were expectations communicated well and clearly both ways?

20. Furloughs cost a lot of money! However, they are so incredibly important and needed, and nothing can replace the effectiveness of a regular furlough cycle, for both the worker, their home community and their families. Though it may seen like a “catch-22,” helping finance or defray furlough costs ahead of time to more effectively connect with others may be the most welcome gift of all.

21. Reading this list can feel a bit overwhelming. These are just a list of ideas. NO ONE expects them all! Choose one. and then share this post with others who may also be able to help. Get creative and even if you are only able to do 1 thing from this list, it will likely be a huge blessing to be seen and thought of!

22. Not last or least…Continue to Pray for the duration of their whole time on furlough. This is so key! Home assignment is such a wonderful opportunity for face-to-face contact, rejuvenation and support. This time is also filled with mixed emotions for the feelings of loss and sadness, as well. Re-entry shock can sometimes be much more pronounced than the cultural shock of going overseas. Covering prayer is needed on many levels.

What other ideas have you seen or experienced that have worked?

Making Furloughs Fun for Everyone: Think outside the Meeting Box

Are you dreading the idea of being gone for multiple months from your current context? The thought of packing and re-packing can be such a daunting endeavor that it keeps us from the enjoyment and gift that furloughs (i.e. home assignment not sabbatical) can be. Although there are often an unending checklist of details to attend to, might I suggest starting with the positive?

What if instead of the dread, the feelings were replaced with anticipation over what could come? Imagine your kids or yourself at the end of the time saying “I love being on furlough” and you not feeling exhausted. What would it take to get there?

Here are a few creative thoughts not just for families or kids but for the tired overseas worker that wants to maximize and enjoy their furlough. A fun and less exhausting one that serves as a filling up of your tank as you return.

1.    Think outside the primary reason you’re there - meetings! Create a furlough bucket-list! Start by asking each individual (or yourself) what is one fun thing that he/she would like to do while you’re away. Skies the limit for now. This may take doing a little research of what there is to do in the areas you’re visiting or could be very basic.

Start by brainstorming a list, then narrow it down to 3-5 and then 1 solid and important choice per person. Others may feel inspired by sharing out loud the creative options of wanting to go horse-back riding, doing a park tour through each city, getting an autograph of every person met or traveling through a beloved foreign city on the return trip.

One year when we were planning to be in 4 states and 9 cities, with a two-year old and six year-old we each chose one thing we wanted to do in the city: Try the ice cream, go for a walk, see the moon and constellations from the unique point of earth we were on! You’ll be amazed at the ideas not to mention the joy of conversing about the possibilities in preparation for your arrival!

2.    Think creatively about setting. Where we are meeting people is not limited to a restaurant or cafe. We often suggest meeting at a park or beach or even museum. Inviting people to a park is a much more casual and neutral space that requires less of everyone. For us as a family, this option allows us to play with our children and include them once again. Our kids have many positive memories of meeting people at the beach and parks, where otherwise they may have been bored out of their minds!

3.    Engage in physical activities with donors or friends. When we started planning our calendar with this in mind, the joy of furlough possibilities returned. We hated how we seemed to gain weight upon return. The idea of another coffee or meal made my stomach hurt just thinking about it. However, the idea of a walk on the beach, a stroll through a new neighborhood or a hike together with supporters felt much more energizing. Teach us to play paddle!! It was so good for us, our children and those who we were meeting with. Meeting and walking isn’t a new concept, sometimes it just takes a little more intentionality to consider time of day, ability to talk, and what is needed to maximize this time. This allowed for bonding and connection in a much more organic way, as well.

4.    There just are times when we can’t (or choose not to) bring our children to a meeting. Set up fun play dates with local kids and families. This is a tremendous support gift from local supporters or grandparents and practical way that people can help. As well our kids remember the families that support us through the children they enjoyed, even in our absence. Often, our furloughs looked very different from theirs. Elements of connection to our home country ignited delight in them for future returns, which is what we hoped for.

5.   Speaking of no children…Host a coffee shop “open house”. When we land in an area we typically start with this as a priority. We will set up “office hours” for several hours at a local coffee shop and let everyone in the area know where we’ll be. We try to meet where people can drop in during a 3-4 hour window (late lunch hour is good at a self-serve cafe). This is a fun way to see lots of different people, as well have your worlds integrate a bit. Simultaneously, this takes some of the scheduling pressure off of you. And as an introvert this idea is much easier for me than packing a schedule back-to-back with individual meetings and once again getting in the car.

6. When we are all together as a family we try to not both be pulled into the same conversation. If one of us can solely attend to the children we try to think of creative games we can do in a coffee shop or restaurant or a bus or airplane. One of our favorites is the “who can get the most waves” game. You know it! Every person playing, waves at strangers trying to get waves (or smiles) in return. Talley the points. As an adult, this is one game you are CERTAIN to lose (waving and suspiciously smiling adults get fun looks though - bonus points!) We have hilarious memories sitting in the window of coffee shops around the world trying to make people laugh or smile or wave. It’s a day brightener for everyone especially us!

7.    Give your kids a scavenger hunt of things to find from their seat or window (let’s be honest we sit way more than any of us benefit from) – whether a restaurant, coffee shop or car, have the kids create a scavenger list of what to find: Person with glasses, child crying, strange hat, someone who looks like they’re having a good day, colored hair, best tattoo, etc. These can be made up on the spot by you or children. Sure this may only take 20-30 minutes in total, but it can also spur on interesting conversations about culture similarities and differences.

8.    Enjoy the Journey. Plan a side trip wherever you may end up. As global workers one of the perks we’ve enjoyed as a family is the ability to make memories en-route to our destination. SIDE TRIP!: that trip within the greater trip. Sometimes unintentional, sometimes planned. Needing to go on furlough has afforded us stop-overs that turned into stay-overs at unique and amazing destinations. For the cost of transportation out of the airport and possibly one or two night’s stay, you can make incredible memories in beautiful destinations around the globe. This is surely a gift of being globally mobile.

9.    Get out in nature by yourself. There isn’t a country on earth that God did not bless with some incredible & unique landscape. It may look like desert or it may look like marsh, but nonetheless, getting out into nature and engaging in the unique eco-systems of the world is an incredible way to declutter your thoughts and connect with your creative brain. We try to set aside one day a week for this necessary outlet as individual adults to get alone time and just our family We have managed to make this a priority by taking turns and limiting our morning commitments.

10.    Be intent to try the local food. From Louisiana creole to Minnesota hotdish, not every meal needs to be pizza or hamburgers (thinking US-based here.) If people invite you over, ask what their favorite local dish is and offer to join them in preparing it or teach them a fun recipe you miss. Suggest something like, “I’ve heard there are really delicious ____here. By any chance do you know how to make them?” Learning a new recipe and eating new food is both a memorable way of engaging with people as well as the culture. 

11.  As well, you can reciprocate and bring the cuisine from your serving country and teach others how to make it. (Lesson learned: just keep it simple and make sure it’s not too exhausting of a task for you to make or carry unique ingredients for).

12.  Make a smash journal. I despise clutter, and struggle with the amazingly well-intentioned outpouring of gifts to my children by my lovely US-based family. Once we had the idea as a family to “collect” memories along the way through a smash journal It became our intentional down time together as a family on a routine basis (note: not every night!). We made space to “create” these little memory books in the form of a journal with everything imaginable stuck inside: Tickets, receipts, napkins and flyers instantly became more valuable than toys. This was a delightful way for each person to have something tangible from their trip, personalize their experience and remember their “highs and lows” from the trip using their own unique way of expressing it. As well minimized the need for extra storage or travel space on our return.

13.  Take a picture of every bed you have slept in or car you drove or person you met with! This might sound strange or bizarre, but it’s memorable. (Dogs is another option my kids loved!) However, for us, this cataloging is another memory-building exercise. Sometimes the pictures validate the wonder of exhaustion or serve as an understanding of your reason for chiropractor care! And sometimes they act as a memory trigger of the beautiful space that was created on our behalf. We have incredible memories of people who loved us so well in ways we never asked for!

Getting kids involved from the beginning with the planning can give furlough an incredible boost instead of a bore. Be creative and think outside the box. You’re sure to make incredible memories that only other global workers truly understand. But don’t feel like this is a checklist. Make this your own and then in the end, be flexible and spontaneous present to whoever the Father wants to put before you. Truly pray for this time to be the gift it was intended for.

What other ideas have you thought of? What has worked and not worked?

Holding Calling Captive: Top 4 Creativity Killers that Limit our Potential

The incredible architectural masterpiece of antoni Gaudi, la Sagrada Familia

Top 4 Creativity Assassins

We were created in the image of an incredible Creator - just look around. He gave every individual a distinct fingerprint of creativity. “We are God’s workmanship, his masterpiece work of art, (his Sistene Chapel or La Sagrada Familia), created anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us” (Eph 2:10). And yet somewhere, somehow we have limited the creative work potential existing inside all of us and written it off as something for the professional artists. What if instead, we saw every person, ourselves included, as making up a greater part of a creative whole! And with whatever role we have, we consider the possibilities of tapping into this creativity? What if we considered how a person in finance, in leadership, in construction might think outside the box and utilize his/her imagination for purposeful and life-giving work for the greater good? 

Creativity is so much more than art or artists. I frequently hear people say, I’m not the artist type! The potential to be inspired with awe and wonder is ingrained in every single human person’s unique design - that’s where creativity lives. I believe we are all born creative people. But not only that, our brains and particularly our prefrontal cortex, unlike those of other animals, gives us the capacity to tap into a wellspring of unlimited imagination and use our unique creativity for the good of others. It’s unlimited! Imagine that!!!

It is every individual’s responsibility to discover what exclusive design we were particularly created for. Just like every tool in your kitchen or garage has a unique purpose and designed for a specific task. We were each created to fulfill a distinct job on this earth.  What I create is different than what you create because my life experience and my skillset are uniquely me! And yet we do several things that are unhelpful to cultivate this creativity within us and in others.

Top 4 Creativity Killers 

1. Busyness

We live in a noisy world, even when no one is speaking. The clutter of our lives, whether material or conceptual, keep us from the joy, spontaneity and creativity found in artistic expression space. When we remove the excess in our lives we find free space enlivening and inspiring new ways of being. The clutter on the other hand, consumes both the literal space and mind space where artistic expression once lived.

Nancy Carlsson-Paige, a professor and early childhood advocate writes in, Taking Back Childhood. She says “kids benefit emotionally and cognitively from having long uninterrupted blocks of time to explore art materials such as paints, crayons, colored pencils, chalk, markers, clay, etc.” She writes how open-ended materials and time can can bring a child’s personal narrative to life! It's been proven that participating in art creation soothes the soul, provides inspiration, promoting mental and emotional well-being. In addition, adults, similar to children, need free, uninterrupted blocks of time to explore their artistic voices. It’s through pushing the boundaries of materials in long uninterrupted time, that our personal narratives can come to life! We limit our creative potential by leading overly-full lives. Boredom is creativity’s greatest fertilizer. It is the process that matters most in art, not the end product.

“Boredom is creativity’s greatest fertilizer”

2. Comparison

If boredom fertilizes the growth of creation, comparison is the weed killer. Comparison rears it’s ugly head in the form of self-limiting beliefs or other-limiting beliefs, limiting possibility and inspiration. “I’m not as good as____” or “You’re not the musician that she is.” These thoughts, regardless of how or if they’re verbalized, may keep you from experimenting with what the expression of how God-given creativity looks within you.

These limiting beliefs, similarly may keep you from encouraging development in others. For years, I compared myself to my husband. I would say, I’m not as creative as Jeff. And the truth is, I’m NOT Jeff! He’s different than I am. He has a completely different skillset than I do. But from the end product I see, through the eyes of jealousy a creative block inside me that can not sponsor his expressions. The way he upcycles and designs a table out of garbage is something I could never do. And although he IS naturally really good at a lot of things, he doesn’t create the same as me. For many years, I allowed the thought that “I’m not as creative as…” from allowing me to experiment with and discover my often ugly, messy, tasteless, sometimes beautiful, but irregardless, unique to me – meal, travel plan, or blog article. Comparison kills creativity. 

“What I create is unique because my life experience and skillset are uniquely me”

When our unique skill set, natural abilities, learned traits, and personality all line up and we use them in the unique way they were formed for, we know it. And so do others. This place of pleasurable work I believe brings delight to God, ourselves and others. Whether baking, dancing, welding, or doing complex computer technology. We can feel a life-giving, purpose-filled element of God’s design at work in and through us. It is also up to us to foster that, not stifle it in others. That is how it’s meant to be! And yet we must welcome that creative potential within us and discover where our unique fingerprint meets the world’s deepest need. We must harness the creative potential the season of transition offers us.   

3. Being the “Art” police

Likewise, we limit ourselves and other’s creativity in the language we use, or the judgment of others work. Take my recent interaction with my daughter, as an example. She’s 6 and unafraid to mix all media all the time! My acquired organizational skills go a bit mad when she gets in her zone! A few days ago I found her painting rocks. But she didn’t restrain herself there. She began using the paint to color sand, then mixed the multiple colors of sand (turned back to brown) with the painted shells, and finally added a bag full of chalk! A couple hours later, hands and clothes covered in paint and sand – wahlah! She had created her masterpiece! Where she saw a beautiful creative expression, I couldn’t help but see a mess to clean up. But did she see a beautiful creation? I didn’t ask her…I think in hindsight she was just really enjoying the process.

Simultaneously amazed and perplexed at the unlimited boundaries of her mind, I managed to contain my inner art police! I don’t intend to limit her or other people’s self expression. My censor lies in part in my own inhibited creative-self. My logical, well-developed left-brain trying to tell my artistic brain there is no logic in that.

Despite my desires to empower people through the arts, I must pay careful attention that my own blocks do not cause unnecessary limitations. Our limitations of both language and self-imposed boundaries of what art should look like keep us from exploring new ways to mixing media and pushing into new levels of untapped creativity – in both ourselves and others. 

4. Take the same comfortable approach.

We limit our own creativity when we fail to step into the new. . Creativity emerges when we get off the path of least resistance and try something new! (Think: Mac-n-cheese quesadillas, thin-mint brownies, batter-fried oreos! Creative food creations!) Our brains naturally default to what we've done in the past. The past is known, familiar and comfortable.

Getting off the familiar path and taking a new direction gives us a whole new set of possibilities. It is often scary, yes. Typically a new path is scary primarily because we are afraid to fail. We’re also afraid of the unknown and the possibility of the future being worse than the present. Ruth Haley Barton summarizes it powerfully in Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership saying, “When the fear of staying the same is greater than the fear of the unknown, we are ripe for change!” We must be motivated to consider that the future holds hope of discovering new possibilities. 

While thinking about things the way they've been thought about and doing things the way they’ve been done is comfortable, these ways can be broken. What brings people, and global workers in particular, to transition is a way of life that is not working. The realization that one or more aspects of life needs to change brings painful awareness – for the children who need a better education, for a sustainable financial structure, for aging parents, for the ability to not always be in a burn-out state! Doing things the way they’ve always been done; when these are no longer working, we have the opportunity to see this as a season of possibilities! For many of us, we must get to the point of desperation for change. To be desperate for something different you have to be willing to step out AND BE WRONG! We know that the most beautiful testimonies are lives risen above pain where beauty has been made from ashes. This is the redemptive and transformative work that we get to be about - being made in the mirror image of our Creator. 

Sky is the limit

Give yourself space to explore possibilities. Allow yourself to acknowledge what you are good at. Spend time intentionally noticing what others are good at. Be aware where Jealousy creeps in. And get the necessary support to take whatever necessary first step is in front of you. The work of creativity is up to all of us. We get the privilege of joining in the pleasure of creating new with our great Creator.

Question: How can we be facilitators of artistic expression in both ourselves and others?  

Practical Application. What if instead we…try to fit into my day and particularly within my work one of the following words: wonder, imagine, invent, design, create, express, I’m curious, what if? Kids are comfortable with this language!

Or

Start a conversation with a child beginning with one of these words - imagine if…you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? What if…you could eat whatever you wanted for dinner – no limits! The potential responses are UNLIMITED and delightfully fun! What if you actually did it?!

Or

as a coach, I might say to someone in major life transition - Imagine you had five other lives to lead, what might they look like? What would you do in each of them? This approach gives permission to dream and takes people out of their logical responses that can often fail in times of transition. Begin to imagine that which has yet to be created. 

The 6 Ideal Phases of a Sabbatical: A Framework for Conceptualizing a Plan

The 6 “Ideal” Phases of a Sabbatical 

Edit: We recently changed the title of this blog to 6 ideal phases because what we’ve learned over the last many years of working with people on sabbatical, that a crucial phase titled REALIZE was missing. More on that below!

Dr Steve Hoke defines sabbatical as a space and time away from ministry to reflect, study, and experience holistic refreshment to enable ongoing fruit.

45.5 percent of pastors from North America have experienced depression or burn out, while The Alban Institute estimates up to 50 percent of professional ministers are exhausted from their work. Long unstructured hours come with the job, weekends are taken in preparing for and administering the church service, and high expectations are placed on the pastor as troubleshooter, conflict manager, counselor, or friend. For cross-cultural ministers, the problem of stress and burnout is magnified : Expended emotionally by transition, the need to continually fundraise, and the cultural differences faced on the field to name a few. One study showed 15 percent of first-term workers permanently return home within two years.  Like those who serve as church ministers, their work is often all consuming, but combined with cultural dynamics that can drain and frustrate, burnout is extremely common*

Combined with cultural dynamics that can drain and frustrate [cross cultural workers] burnout is extremely common.

Taking intentional, God-mandated regular breaks are an essential part of a self-care plan, especially for cross-cultural workers.

Sabbaticals are a daily part of the conversation in our home these days. My husband, Jeff is on his second month of a six month sabbatical - his first. When I started this blog post 2 months ago he was in the planning and on-ramping to sabbatical phase. Many conversations two months ago started with, “When I’m on sabbatical…” There were scheduling ideals flowing in dreamland space of “the other-side”. And yet alongside the feelings of exhaustion built up due to years without an extended break, came the curious questions of how is this ever gonna work? “We know this stuff!” He would say, “sometimes it’s just hard to practice what you preach!” Primarily putting all of the responsibilities of life down.

As he planned his sabbatical I secretly wrote. But it wasn’t his sabbatical alone that motivated me to capture this process. It is rather the frequent contact in this line of work with people who say “I think I’m burned out” now what do I do? This is what inspires a few penned thoughts.

A hug, a high five and a huge “Congratulations you’re taking a sabbatical!” is my internal response when I hear someone has made this major life decision. It’s no small feat in getting to this decision point. Whether forced or chosen, this counter-cultural step requires great work. In the pragmatic, performance-oriented world we live in, where our identities and values are often deeply intertwined with performance and production, stepping into a sabbatical can feel quite jarring, lonely and even pointless!  The task of releasing our performance orientation is challenged here as “production” comes to a halt. Here we are provoked with often painful but incredibly rich soil to discover our true identities; growth in discovery who we are apart from our work. This is the challenging task of believers embracing “being versus doing”.

What do you do with your time? I hear the question frequently. It’s a good question really…a foreign concept to many, what does one do if they don’t work? And if this is your first sabbatical you’re likely asking similar questions: What do I do with my time? Do I schedule or not schedule? And how long do I do nothing?! “Your work is your sabbatical,” I say. “It is your full time job to rest well and offer yourself up for spiritual and personal transformation.” Laying out a plan tailored to each individual’s reasons for why they are taking a sabbatical, helps best facilitate internal growth, and desired outcomes especially in the midst of the process that can often feel uncertain and floundering.

Arguably, every sabbatical should include elements of rest, rejuvenation, play, direction and realignment. Below is a suggested 5-phase plan, organized under the categories of: Release, Rest, Reflect, Re-align, Re-engage. These phases are not necessarily linear, with one phase ending and the other beginning. Rather they flow fluidly between them.

Below is a suggested “best practice” for organizing one’s time usually consisting of a minimum of 3 months to one year.  As well included are a few considerations for engagement, warnings in the moment and questions to ask yourself or to engage with a coach around. Use this as a reference tool, coming back to it as you walk into your or another person’s sabbatical.

The 6 Phases include Realize, Release, Rest & Recovery, Reflection, Re-alignment and Re-entry

(I write the following to someone who has just said, I think I/we need a sabbatical…)

1.   Realize - For years we overlooked the importance of this phase. Until we realized how many people got stuck here. We took a deeper dive into understanding why and what became evident was intriguing. People might realize they need a sabbatical or maybe someone else in their life does for them, but they don’t realize how to get one. Where people continually found themselves stuck was in the place of not knowing which steps to take next. Many said, I guess I’ll resort to taking a slightly longer vacation and that should suffice. But what happened is that shortly after returning to work, they recognize they didn’t adequately rest or reflect long enough to make lasting change. This first phase, we realized(!) was absolutely necessary to include if people were to successfully complete a sabbatical. In this phase you will want to begin to work out dates and brainstorm possibilities. As well, have the key conversations to be able to move into the next phase.

2. Release–

The “release phase” is also considered the off-ramping from work and on-ramping into sabbatical phase. Give yourself lots of grace as you are in this season of “in between” the past and the future. During this first phase of preparation before your sabbatical starts, begin to disengage from any work, ministry and leadership responsibilities you can let go off. Establish a plan for your sabbatical desirably with someone who has also gone through one before or who knows the process. This sabbatical plan is an initial framework for direction and reflects priority needs.

*In this phase you may get push-back from yourself and others (co-workers, supervisors, spouses, your budget, etc.) You may question whether you made the right decision. This “luxurious sabbatical” idea is not something everyone is afforded. But then not everyone has the intense type of non-stop work that you have, either. If you’ve been feeling the need for it for some time, likely you’re long overdue. Ask permission organizationally and trust God with work out the nay-sayers. It can definitley feel like slow work getting too the next phase of rest, but remain tenacious. I am certain that this gift will be worth it.  

2.   Rest and Recovery – “Rest” is the phase you enter into when the official clock starts on sabbatical. Don’t skip this phase and don’t limit yourself here. Even if you only take a short sabbatical, make sure that you enter into the sabbatical with permission to rest. “Rest” for our discussion does not imply ceasing from all activity. (Although it could.) Many fall or land into sabbatical exhausted so rest is essential. At or near burnout, the need for adrenal recovery is typically high and ceasing from activity is mandatory before going any further. Stop full time work activities and, where possible, eliminate other areas of stress. For some, like those working in poverty contexts, or pastoral positions, the need to leave a geographical area may be required for adequate rest and boundaries from daily demands. Do things that are life-giving. You’ll find they provide rest in a different way. 

3.   Reflect– After an intentional time of resting, you will enter into a period of reflection. (Although they will also overlap). For many this phase consumes a large duration of time on sabbatical. During this phase, you will hopefully be experiencing some of the fruit of your prior focus on rest – more energy! Questions will begin to arise about next steps, dreams, future plans, etc. You should be asking the question, “Lord, is there anything You want to say to me?” “How would you like to transform me?” Consider how God has spoken to you in the past and posture yourself to hear His voice. Read, discover, play, take a class, create in new ways. Reflecting doesn’t have to only be left brained! Let yourself enter into this phase with a playful spirit ready to consider experimenting with the unique talents that you bring to the world before you enter into the next phase.

**2-day Life-Plan Discernment Time BEST FITS HERE

4.   Re-align or Re-assign –

Following a sabbatical a leader should have enough freedom to change directions or let go of responsibilities if a new vision emerges during their sabbatical. There should be space to dream, to explore personal, vocational and family longings and consider new opportunities without future performance expectations. From the previous phase, the reflection phase, you may discover that new creativity has come alive in you. Or that the way you were living is no longer working.

If you are in a season of discerning whether or not to continue into the same roles that you previously had, this is the best phase for a discernment evaluation or 2-day life plan.

Taking part in a comprehensive evaluation does not necessarily imply a change of roles, but rather the goal is a clarification of calling. During this phase of the sabbatical, it’s important to review and reaffirm your calling by examining what areas of your life have been most fruitful and rewarding. (Calling simply defined is living into who God uniquely created you to be with the opportunity for the most long-term and sustainable impact.) The goal is to experience maximum contribution in this next season of life, which may or may not mean a major shift or re-location. 

5. Re-Entry/Re-Engagement–

If you’ve been intentional about rest and renewal you can expect the joy of being refreshed physically, reaffirming His vision for you, and having gaining renewed perspective! Like returning to work after a vacation or a wonderful retreat away, reality can feel jarring! One of the hardest re-entry facets is maintaining the rhythms you worked so hard to implement. Like all the other phases, this phase requires grace - yet on a different level. You are returning to your normal, yet you are also in a new normal. Give yourself the time and space to find your groove. It took considerate and intentional time to off-load. On-ramping will be a unique phase of what to say yes to again.

This may be the hardest phase of a sabbatical.  In this phase you will begin to transition back into ministry. Expect emotional stresses, pace issues, spiritual warfare, and struggles in working out desired changes in life and ministry.

How you’ve changed in personal development and transformational growth may not be known to others. Where there is an idealized desire to have freedom to change directions and let go of prior responsibilities or conflict that may have led to the need for a sabbatical, removal from these, or immediate freedom from these realities may not be possible. The roll-out of changes may take many months. And you may experience opposition.

God modeled stopping from work after 6 days of creation and enjoying rest. This day of rest, or season of rest was commanded and blessed. The gifts that are gained are innumberabe. As you enter into a season of sabbatical know that it will be worth it. In this final phase you and others will be able to note significant internal and external changes. As you reflect back, acknowledge with gratitude this gift that sabbatical was. And the many other gifts which you have gained: An ability for clarity & re-focus, renewed passion, and the reminder that even in your absence God took care of all of the details.

This is our current life. We're right there in the mix of the questions, the tiredness and the expectations right alongside of you!

To learn about the services that we offer people on sabbatical contact info@thewaybetween.org or order the sabbatical guide on the products page.

What of this is helpful to you? What one step do you need to take today? Do you know someone who could benefit from this material. Feel free to pass it along?

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Portions of this text are modified from Navigators Sabbatical Policy

*Journal of Biblical Perspectives in Leadership The Transformational Effects of Sabbatical in Leadership Development by Christopher K. Turner, Douglas L. Fike

When Change is Inevitable: Stepping into the Unknown for Survival Sake

In my own recent transition, I experienced a tremendous weight of confusion accompanied by paralyzing feelings of stuckness. I knew the place and position I was in needed to change for my own emotional well-being and growth. I was not thriving or utilizing my gifts to the fullest in my current role. When I was able to break out of my limited landscape and gain a bird’s eye view through the help of outsiders, I could see clearly I was developmentally in a growth lock-down! I began to see how restless and stuck I had felt for years. Was I really wiling to admit this? If I stayed where I was, I most certainly would feel the ongoing discontent and likely would stunt any potential growth. If I took a courageous step of faith to explore the unknown, the possibilities were unlimited, risky and uncertain. Change seemed inevitable. Scary. And hard. Yet I was the only one who had the power to shape the trajectory of my future. 

It has been said, that a person, similar to a company or an organization, needs to shift focus periodically in order to achieve healthy growth for the long haul. When organizations reach a certain size, they must rethink their strategy for overall effectiveness. When the strategy changes a different skillset in a leader may be required in order to guide the company where it needs to go. This is basic organizational growth knowledge. Yet when it comes to the change that individuals must make, the way forward feels shaky. The recognition of change and the aftermath to come that will most likely affect a greater community outside of ourselves often causes great caution and avoidance. 

Change and growth is a natural part of all of creation. I find it fascinating to consider that all living things have an innate measure of adaptation. Without this ability to adapt no species would survive! Yet we are hard-wired to fight it as we find great comfort in the familiar. Here we feel a sense of protection. Moving from the known to the unknown is what our animal instinct fears most. 

Moving from the known to the unknown is what our animal instinct fears most. 

While I’m drawn into nature and perplexed by the mystery of natural instinct of all living things, no one has ever described me as animal lover. (I say I have my favorites - but too many scar stories to love them all!) Oblige my tangent to offer as an example. During graduate school, I applied to work at the catering department at a zoo. During our first day of orientation a group of about 30 of us all sat around a circle to discuss next steps. I was aware all of us mostly in late 20’s and 30’s were just needing a paycheck. The majority of the work would be service-oriented in the gift shops, restaurants or small vending carts. In reality we all just needed money but the common denominator was really the love of animals - all except maybe me! I quickly learned many had hopes that this would be their big chance to get their foot in the door of animal care. As an ice-breaker we started with going around and answering: “What is your favorite animal at the zoo?” The answers and the speed of which they responded fascinated me. Animals I had never even heard of were mentioned. These were clearly people who loved animals more than me. When it came to my turn, I blurted out, “My favorite animals are people!” Everyone laughed. I was in a league all my own. And yes it was humorous, but truly I couldn’t think of a single animal I was excited to work with more than the humans I would interact with in large catering events! I still got the job - but was probably watched a little more closely as "the animal hater” in the group.

So why am I talking about animals as we discuss change? I find it fascinating to consider the entire animal kingdom’s response to change being more functional as a means to thriving. And quite honestly my love for all God’s creatures grows even just a little greater when I go down this road!

All animals we see have natural habitat needs. “If an animal’s enclosure is too sunny or too wet or too empty, if its perch is too high or too exposed, if the ground is too sandy, if there are too few branches to make a nest, if there is not enough mud to wallow in – then the animal will not be at peace.” In this lack of peace adaptation and the need to make a change is the hardwiring that allows for survival amongst animals. Peace and safety are the ultimate goals and are sought after with primal instinct. Peace is sought after even if it requires extreme risk and change.

As seen in animals that are forced out of their familiar habitat into a new one in the wild, escaping or migrating animals usually hide in the very first place they find that gives them a sense of security. These are considered our basic mammalian needs. Different for humans than for animals, we are given the unique opportunity to self-actualize and consider, to think about and live out our purpose here on earth. We are given a choice to decide our future.

In this lack of peace adaptation is the hardwiring that allows for survival amongst animals.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

The comparison of an adaptable animal to that of a human provides insight during periods of vocational shift.  As humans our particular “habit needs” are not simply finding a home and food. Although that may be a part of our safety. Our basic needs include physiological “habit needs” at the core. But they also include emotional care as demonstrated in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. The most basic, at the bottom of the pyramid are the physiological needs of hunger and thirst, sickness, and fatigue.  We see firsthand when we are sick or in physical pain, our bodies require every ounce of attention to that particular part of our body and nearly nothing else matters in life at that point. When these needs are met we’re able to move into caring next about our safety.  

To expand the analogy further, Take a look at the example of animals in a zoo versus animals in the wild taken from the book, The Life of Pi .“One might argue that if an animal could choose with intelligence, it would opt for living in a zoo, since the major difference between a zoo and the wild is the absence of parasites and enemies and the abundance of food in the first, and their respective abundance and scarcity in the second…In the literature can be found legions of examples of animals that could escape but did not, or did and returned.” We are reminded from this example that safety is what all species seek as a very basic need before moving up the metaphorical pyramid of life. 

However, safety for humans compared to that of animals must include safety on the more emotional level than that of a primal physical safety. (Although our physical safety is likewise a mandatory minimum.) We were created for intimacy to connect with people on a heart and soul level. Relational connection is our greatest emotional need as humans. This basic knowledge once again leads us to the hierarchy of needs: Yet when unmet we are faced with feelings of isolation and of worthlessness. Might a connection void be a greater risk for us to live with than that of physical safety? People can and do endure great suffering if they know they are not alone. 

In the book, Safe People, Dr’s Cloud and Townsend discuss our needs for emotionally safe people. They state that the second greatest theme of relationship after connection is separateness. “Separateness is the ability to maintain spiritual and emotional property lines, called boundaries between you and others. Separate people take responsibility for what is theirs – and they don’t take ownership for what is not theirs”. The opposite of separateness is enmeshment where a person can be swallowed up in the needs of the other or the organization. For those in enmeshed relationships, teams or organizations, individuality provokes a feeling of threat and differences are discouraged.  One must ask, “Are my no and my yes respected here with this person, this team or this organization? Am I shamed or made to feel guilty for the decisions I make, especially if they are different or threatening to the overall structure? Or am I empowered to think differently or act with a conviction of integrity even though it may cause unrest?”

Self-differentiation is defined as “a setting apart of oneself as distinct from others (such as one's family or classmates).” The medical definition includes: “differentiation of a structure or tissue due to factors existent in itself and essentially independent of other parts of the developing organism.” It’s in this space of self-differentiation that cause strain, and at times even unhealthy sabotage of growth in relationships. 

Self-differentiation as seen between a parent and a teenager, we know as a potential shakey developmental period. The natural developmental cycle of a human would imply that every person will grow and change and need to think on his/her own in order to develop into a healthy adult. Yet the internal struggle persists for the one in authority, whether a parent, a mentor or a supervisor. The message comes mixed, “we want you to grow, but we would rather have you to change in the direction back to the way you were before you differentiated (self-actualized) and became different! We were comfortable with you the way you were before. Ultimately, we were comfortable with who we were.”This same tension seen between parent and child may look similar to a relationship between a worker and an organization when the need for developmental growth space is required. The underlying message: You changing means I also have to change and I am uncomfortable with the presenting need to change in me.

 You changing means I also have to change and I am uncomfortable with the presenting need to change in me.

Vocational restlessness includes an awareness of potential “habitat change” and the repercussions for all involved. The discontent comes in many forms as we become aware of our own unique needs, for example: being valued in our daily contributions; given space to create and make decisions on our own; individualization in our work or close collaboration with others. Although these “habitat needs” may be slight, the difference in peace will be great! Like animals, our habitat, or our working environment requires a basic makeup unique to our needs in order for us to thrive. 

In this growth cycle, exists the tension of both passion and excitement of possibilities joined together with doubts and feelings of personal insecurities. Does my past disqualify me? Is it true that I am just trying to go my own way, or is this really for my good? Do I really have what it takes to make this step? Here we all require faith to step into the unknown. We are unsure if we have the courage it takes to break out of a habitat that does not allow for us to thrive. It is here that confusion and a sense of stuckness persists if nothing shifts. 

 Yet if we step out, the peace we are seeking may be actualized. If we stay, most likely it won’t. Our inner voice of restlessness sounds the cry of our interior calling that we must pay attention to. Parker Palmer says it well, “Vocation does not come from a voice ‘out there’ calling me to become something I am not. It comes from a voice ‘in here’ calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original self-hood given me at birth by God”. Self-awareness alone is not enough. Many can not hear the voice of reason from within. A safe and supportive community of care supplements where the voices of insecurity compete.

What keeps us from taking the step required to find our deep peace, our unique habitat where we can thrive? The simple answer is that we, like animals, don’t want to leave a safe and familiar environment to move into one of unknown unless we are at risk. It is often the self-limiting insecurities which disempower us from making these changes. It is a risk to step into the unknown. But the risk has the potential to open a whole new environment not just to survive, but to thrive.

And while I’m still fascinated by humans more than animals, I find it remarkable to compare the great correlations all of creation shares in common.

Questions: What keeps you from taking the next step required to find a place where you can thrive? What change is on my horizon that I am struggling to make? What help do I need to process these changes? What can I envision the future on the other side of these changes to look like?

Resources: Merriam Webster online, Life of Pi, Parker Palmer, Safe People, Maslow’s Hierarchy of Need

What do I do in the waiting? - Part 1

What do I do in the Waiting?

The questions of complex transitions

As we were wrapping up an initial consultation, a potential client recently asked me, “So, what do I do now while I wait?” We had spent the previous 45 minutes talking about the difficult transition they were in & the lack of fit for the husband while the wife was thriving. I gathered a sense of expansive understanding to the openness of both time and untapped energy that permeated his question. I was invited to an internal pause. While I could answer with a quick appeasement something like, “Wait with intentionality!” I felt a deep sense that his question came from a different place than a child fighting off boredom while waiting for a guest to arrive. This question was likely a daily, hourly, nagging, question in his mind. And not just a question related to time but something so much more compelling. I imagined underlying the simple question of “What should I do in the waiting?” resonated a sound like a base drum - a deeper, harder to answer question about core identity and purpose.

I sensed that without purposeful response, this unwelcome intrusion of a question would not easily go away. I couldn’t help but empathize with intense sadness. I felt this conversation ignite in me a painful visceral, not-all-that-distant memory and response. I felt the question in my gut. I resonated with the desperate longing to be useful. To be noticed for one’s unique skillset. The natural inborn desire to be invited to a table to share a unique point of view. To be asked to show up with a voice that is welcomed. To contribute the expression of creation that only my unique fingerprints could create.

I couldn’t help but feel that this question daily nagged my transition companion. And yet like any coach might do, I turned his question into an opportunity to dig deeper. “What do you think you should do in the waiting? And secondly…what does your wife think you should do?”

It wasn’t meant to be a cop-out. Coaches are often asked questions back; often the ones the client doesn’t want to answer. And yet on the flip side many coaches go into a coaching or care profession waiting for the moment to be asked his/her opinion. If we’re honest we’d rather be consultants and give quick answers and we’d rather share ideas and solutions! Yet here I sat together with my fellow sojourner, in the complexity of his painful transition without a lot of answers and certainty of what to do next. Yet I could respond with a presence of familiarity and a knowing it won’t last forever to validate and feel alongside him the deep pain in the not knowing and in the waiting in between. 

And now here as I write, I suppose I wear the hat of a consultant, not as much a coach. I share my ideas a little more openly at first with just my computer…not sure where they’ll land or who will read them or relate. My story not that unlike his - consisted of that redundant and not-always-answered question “God, what do you want me to do in the waiting?” For almost 2 full years (if not longer), it was for me a daily gnawing at my core identity question especially when the calendar was empty and the phone didn’t ring. I felt alone - people don’t really like to talk about that in-between place of isolation and the reality of what it actually looks like to be waiting. And yet, in hindsight, I recognize I often did hear a response. I heard an invitation to new disciplines. Over the course of many months and years, despite long days of silence, these are a few of the disciplines I was invited to discover in my time of long waiting:

7 playlists I created in 2017-2019 coinciding with each of the 6 transition themes. Find them on iTunes & Spotify “The Way Between - Limitations”

 1.    Praise – Praise turns my heart on. I hear the mandate of scripture: “In all things give thanks”. “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Noticing the beauty in life, the good that I’ve been given, takes intentionality and discipline. And yet here my heart, like David’s in Psalms does not want to rejoice. I hear the voices of literary mentors say, “Thanks is what multiples joy and makes any life large”. I admit, it does not come natural for me. So I turn to those who’ve penned lyrics of pain and married them with the life-giving instruments of worship acknowledging a place of surrender. I listened, and listened some more to the hymns and to the modern day poets give their doubts and unmet longings to God in praise. Time after time as if this was my prescription - this posture of worship changed me. It calmed me like unlike anything else. It brought me to a place of holding open all that I could not control. It’s not all about me or my unmet longings. God is in the business of transforming my heart by giving me this grand pause. Can I see it as a gift and give it back to him in worship? He held me in it and he performed healing in places of my heart that really needed some deep surgery.

“Thankfulness is what multiplies joy and makes any life large”-Ann Voskamp

2.    Play – I learned to embrace, like my children, the present. My propensity being a forward-facing and actively moving thought life, the future is where my mind and body naturally want to go. The present can often feel stifling & uncomfortable to me. Yet I recall my word for that year - excitable! Not a word anyone has ever used to describe me!! Yet when I think about a person who is excitable, I conjure up positive thoughts of people that I love being around! In hindsight, I recognize I was being invited into a practice of mindfulness. A call to notice and to enjoy the every moment. A call to attend to my inner child and just enjoy what or who was in front of me. This invitation was for me was a summoning to play! Turn life into a joyful game. Play encouraged me to stop to embrace the joy of just being and not focus on doing anything or becoming anything. Whether through an Uno game with my 5 year-old or a more adult game of strategy, drawing, wrestling, or just responding to enter a pool with a cannonball instead of a careful wade. I was (and am) continually implored to enjoy my life in the moment even with all its pain and uncertainty.

3.    Explore – be curious and remain open. As I began to write I just brain-dumped my thoughts on paper day after day. I wasn’t strict about it. And I didn’t intend for it to go anywhere. And yet as I kept writing I felt like my words gained some momentum. Maybe not worth sharing with others. But maybe. I surrounded myself with my spiritual and literary mentors; those who spoke eloquently and articulately with words on paper and poets of music like I mentioned before.

When I got stuck I would read. I read what inspired me to think differently, grander thoughts. I read people who played with words in a way I had not been comfortable doing. I explored new ways of adding color to thoughts that I felt only others knew how to do. In this I stumbled and I stuttered and it was clunky. But I persisted and I gained new life every time I did. I explored new creation through exercise and movement and I explored new ways of thinking. I took what I already knew and I expanded on that pushed boundaries of my imagination in a way that I had felt stifled in in the past. What was provoked in me was the designer side of me that had been dormant. In that creative, playful, exploratory space came the creation of what is now my primary work - The Art of Transition.

The period of waiting in transition has been such a long long season for me. I often felt like I did as a child in the endless snowy climate of Minnesota – will summer ever come? And like a bear moving out of hibernation, I’m ecstatic to see that spring is here for me and summer on the horizon! And for those in the waiting of in between: Though the winter is long, I believe your season will come.

—to be continued

 “If all I know of harvest is that it’s worth my patience. Then if you’re not done working, God I’m not done waiting”

 “Seasons” by Hillsong Worship

Listen:

Like the frost on a rose 

Winter comes for us all

Oh how nature acquaints us 

With the nature of patience

Like a seed in the snow

I’ve been buried to grow

For your promise is loyal

From seed to sequoia

I know | Though the winter is long even richer | The harvest it brings | Though my waiting prolongs even greater | Your promise for me like a seed | I believe that my season will come

————————

Lord I think of Your love

Like the low winter sun

As I gaze I am blinded 

In the light of Your brightness

Like a fire to the snow

I’m renewed in Your warmth

Melt the ice of this wild soul

Till the barren is beautiful

I know | Though the winter is long even richer | The harvest it brings | Though my waiting prolongs even greater | Your promise for me like a seed | I believe that my season will come

———

I can see the promise | I can see the future | You’re the God of seasons | I’m just in the winter | If all I know of harvest | Is that it’s worth my patience | Then if You’re not done working | God I’m not done waiting | You can see my promise | Even in the winter | Cause you’re the God of greatness | Even in a manger | All I know of seasons | Is that you take your time | You could have saved us in a second | Instead you sent a child

The barren is beautiful

Though the winter is long even richer

The harvest it brings

Though my waiting prolongs even greater

Your promise for me like a seed

I believe that my season will come

And when I finally see my tree

Still I believe there’s a season to come

Like a seed You were sown

For the sake of us all

From Bethlehem’s soil

Grew Calvary’s sequoia

The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition - Clarity exercise Part 2

See The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition: Questions to ask - Part 1

When it comes to a vocational or career change, the possibilities appear unlimited. Our minds may take on a fight, flight or likely a freeze effect. The frontal lobe in our brain, acts like an overheated engine. It can’t take the myriad of options, so it begins to shut down…anxiety sets in. If we are able to employ a trusted friend or set of tools to gain perspective the ugly monster of overwhelm becomes a much more manageable companion.

We left off in the previous post (the overwhelm of decision-making part 1) with “together let’s approach the blocks that feel like an elephant and make them an eye - seeing them as an opportunity to explore, discover and create something new & life-giving! We can’t tackle the whole elephant right now, What feels most pressing?” Although the options may still take on 100 different variations, the primary decision can be broken down into just a handful of categories or even just one. How does one get from overwhelm to decision? What decision appears most pressing?

Now before we go any further, there exists an assumption that a well-thought through discernment process of gaining information about one’s options, talking to trusted individuals and mentors and a concerted amount of prayer, has gone into the process up to this point. Decision-making happens most effectively after a long season of discernment.

Transition takes place over the course of many small decisions, month after month. Getting to this point in making a major life decision primarily consists of listening to one’s heart and attending to the desires and longings of the soul that have existed for many months if not years. This point in time is often just a finalizing piece to a greater series of decisions. This is not to minimize the importance and the complexity. But rather to validate that your gut, your spouse, your friends, and God have all been speaking to you up to this point.

Decision-making happens most effectively after a long season of discernment.

In this post exists an exercise, a tool called the decision-making grid, to utilize in times of complicated or overwhelming decision-making. It’s quite simple and chances are you’re already familiar with it. A few years ago when faced with a series of decisions that seemed fit with equal pros and cons, I asked my friend and coach for some perspective. When she suggested using a decision-making grid I couldn’t conceptualize how it was different than making a list of pros and cons - my typical style! She briefly walked me through it over the phone. The simplicity almost seemed elementary. Yet it worked! Maybe like myself, you never thought to utilize it in major life decision. Here’s how it works.

The simplifying of options and narrowing down of questions, brings greater clarity than remaining in a place of swimming in the ocean of unlimited possibilities. In my opinion the process of discerning a major career move, organization or vocational path includes focusing first on personal fit (often referred to as calling). When we approach personal fit through the lense of these limited possibilities the decision-making begins to take the shape of a just a handful of possibilities.

Here we are talking primarily about decisions around personal fit and calling:

The 7 categories to consider personal fit/calling: (from the previous post The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition)

1.     Keep doing what I already do well but change the environment - Maybe you have outgrown the structure of the team or organization. Potentially staying in an environment, limits the opportunity for growth.

2.     Keep the work; reallocate or change the quantity - some may consider focusing their target audience to better match their passion. As well, changing the quantity allows for specialization, influence and impact.

3.     Change the work, but stay in the same environment - Within an organization maybe there is another set of possibilities. For example maybe you were hired on as an assistant but have outgrown the role where your gift mix would be better used.

4.     Turn an avocation into a new career - many look towards their voluntary service opportunities as what they would ultimately like to do for life-giving work. For example, during a transition season in my life I went to a local hospital and asked if I could volunteer doing play therapy in the children’s ward. Amazing to me now, is the passion I’ve always had for kinesthetic healing!

5.     Take on a parallel career For example, take your training role and look for another outlet like public speaking or book writing. This track is often pursued for the sake of funding, peer-mentoring, or influence.

6.     Get more training - maybe the way forward for you requires a complete shift and more specialized training in a specific field of interest. This option affords one more discernment time as he/she researches a specific field.

7.     Keep on doing the same thing - After a season of discernment and searching, you may have learned that what you have now is really a great fit and at this point nothing needs to change but something internally. Possibly it required an internal shift of gratitude or perspective to recognize the value of what you have and that every organization and team has faults. Answering, these are the ones I’m willing to live with!

I often recommend a sabbatical for a time of rest before major life decision-making. (See: “Overcoming the Top 3 Objections for taking a Sabbatical”) The need to clear one’s mind and gain perspective is invaluable in clarity gaining regardless of what decision may need to be made.

Where does one start in sorting through these 7 options and creating any semblance of a plan? Might I suggest as my mentor did, to utilize a decision-making grid?

When a decision-making grid is utilized, it allows one to see the options on paper and begin to compare them one against another not one to one million! Which is how it can often feel in your head. This process can help begin to make concrete the seemingly unlimited possibilities that can tend to have a swirling and overwhelming life of their own. 

Here’s how a decision-making grid works:

1.  Form the main question. Start by forming a question that you will use to evaluate all of the possibilities. Ask a question like: Which of these 7 options currently resonates most with me? If you are unable to get past this point, employ a friend or coach to help you form the question.    

2. Make a table to represent your top 4-5 choices for your futures (a 5x5 table for example). An equal number of horizontal and vertical boxes will be used. It isn’t necessary to compare all 7 options as not all of them may be possibilities. Limiting the options is the goal at this point, not expanding.

3. Assign a number and short identifier such as an abbreviated description of your top choices in the top row and far left column. The list will be the same on both the left row and top column. So for example if you’re utilizing the list from above, you would consider #’s 1-7. If they are all options than they all go on the horizontal and vertical lines.

Vocational Discernment Decision-Making Grid Example

4. Put X’s on the numbers that coincide such as 3 vs 3 as you won’t be comparing the same number against itself.

5. Go through each row. When you compare number 1 to number 2, ask the question that you have chosen:   “Which option more accurately aligns with my current longings? Or – Which option do I believe best allows for utilization of my personality & strengths?  Or “Given our current family needs, which possibility is the best future fit?”

Note: You’ve already done the hard work…Don’t over-analyze. Go with your gut at this point. 

6. Write the number chosen between the two options in the box. You will be comparing the same things twice, for example 2 vs. 4 and 4 vs. 2 it’s okay to change your mind or have a split. Often this double comparison produces double confirmation. But do not be alarmed if it does not!

7.  After you’ve gone through the whole table, count up how many of each number you have: 1 - __, 2 - __, 3-__, 4-__, 5-__, 6-__

8. You should have a number with a higher total than the others.

9. At the end of this exercise, consider how the option with the top number of points sounds to you?

10. If all ends in a tie, consult a friend or sleep on it. Try on the different options wherever you land. If you’re truly at a place of being able to live into your decision, imaging your life in that change will provide you with new ideas for the future.

11. When all is done, run this decision by the same people that have helped you get to this point. Something like: Given what you know about where I’m at, does this sound like a good option for my future?  Is there something else that I’m not considering? Surprisingly to many who are in transition is that those closest to the decision-maker already had a pretty good idea and are NOT surprised with a big decision. Call it intuition or a good friend. I would also call it the gift of being outside a cluttered decision-making mind.

The sweet dog ended up with the name Tracker. Unfortunately he only lived into that name as a sick rescue puppy for another 3 weeks. Our family misses him.

On a smaller scale our family recently used this method to decide on the name of our new dog. Not a perfect solution to over 30 ideas, but the process for four very different individuals created both a memorable exercise in decision-making and greater unity in the process. What became apparent was that there were many names not even worth considering. Similarly for you, many options not worth considering at this point for your future.

Utilizing a decision-making grid helps to shed light and gain clarity during complex decision-making times. The myriad of possibilities can now be broken down into only a handful or even just one. Concrete comparisons and intentional set-aside space allow for the ability to see the most important tree through the forrest of possibilities.

Don’t be surprised if this big decision catalyzes many decisions thereafter. Making a bold moves chart is a suggested next step. New blog post on “Now That You’ve Done a Decision-Making Grid, Bold Moves are Next” coming soon!

Questions to consider:

What do you learn from your created decision-making grid?

What is clearer after having done this exercise? Who do you need to share it with?

Overcoming the Top 3 Objections for Not Taking a Sabbatical

The signs on the dashboard say: rusty & worn out!

While many of us recognize the warning signs of burnout include lack of motivation, lack of focus, irritability and lack of desire. Much of this can be traced directly to prolonged workplace stress and fit. We operate our bodies and our minds as though they are machines and unlike machines that need fixing, we expect them to keep performing without regular maintenance. Although suggested regular maintenance best includes daily, weekly, monthly and annual rhythms, it is here after years of lacking that a prolonged period of time off is absolutely essential.

The concept of the sabbatical is based on the Biblical text in Leviticus 25 related to agriculture. The Jews in the land of Israel were mandated to take a year-long break from working the fields every seven years. According to farmers the land benefits from this rest as much as the people. A "sabbatical" has come to mean an extended absence in the career of an individual to fulfill some goal, e.g., writing a book or traveling for research. Sabbatical is most often thought of today for academicians and clergy. But we know the benefit extends to every worker regardless of discipline.

Many large corporations are getting on board with this long-standing biblical concept - 22% of Fortune 100’s “Best companies to work for” now offer paid sabbaticals, (Fortune Magazine 2018). Companies the likes of Intel, Google, Adobe, Microsoft, and Paypal all endorse and support sabbaticals through giving both the space, time and financial support for their employees to take extended time off. Intel’s policy fifty years ago! in 1969 included: "We see sabbaticals as accomplishing two things - allowing people time for revitalization and giving the employees who remain, an opportunity for new challenges and growth," says corporate affairs manager Tracy Koon. Employees return to their jobs, in their own words, with renewed enthusiasm and heightened creativity. We find that not only are employees more relaxed and better able to handle work stresses when they return, they also come back with new ideas and fresh winds blowing between their ears.” 

"We see sabbaticals as accomplishing two things - allowing people time for revitalization and giving the employees who remain an opportunity for new challenges and growth,"

Take a current example of a business model of sabbatical. The 9th best restaurant in the world in 2018, Mugaritz in Errenteria, Spain, close their doors every year for four whole months!

Their annual cycle of work includes 8 months on and 4 months off. Instead of focusing on filling their tables every day all year, they live their value of creativity through providing the space to create in those off months in order to offer a service of highest quality in the subsequent 8 months. Their creative is precedent to their standard. Because of that they remain booked months in advance! How can they afford to do it? They use the period of time in what would be their slow season to create. Instead of responding to the demands and pace of a Michelin star restaurant day in and day out, they stop to reflect on what is working and what is not. The owner says, “We close for four months every year. We understand that if we want to do something truly important, we have to stop, reflect and discover new ideas…How many plates in this restaurant aren’t born from that creative process?” These months allow for full days of experimentation and research. In a sense they are able to go back to their love of playing with food and remember why they love what they do!* 

With the Bible mandating it, and major corporations and successful culinary venues endorsing a long time of rest for better productivity and creativity, why is taking a sabbatical still considered such a luxury for an average worker and often not taken even where permitted? Why is it so hard to carve out the time and protect it in order for a period of rest, rejuvenation and creativity to be implemented?

 We understand that if we want to do something truly important, we have to stop, reflect and discover new ideas…How many plates in this restaurant aren’t born from the creative process?”

Here are the top 3 objections I commonly here for why people don’t take a sabbatical:

1.    The top justification for the argument as to why not to take a sabbatical is not having sufficient time. What would I do with all the responsibilities that I currently carry? I’m a dad, a coach, a supervisor, cross-cultural worker, a teacher, etc…Who else would take any of these responsibilities from me? Today busyness is an epidemic worth fighting against. Nearly everyone seems to be pulled in a hundred different directions. Keeping balls juggling in the air is often more responsive than planned. How does one even get time to think about self-care let alone about taking a long period of time off? The truth is, the ball may drop a little or a lot! When people come to us, they are unfortunately often past prevention. However an intentional well-thought through plan for rest makes absolutely possible for almost anyone intent on seeing it through past an otherwise simply good idea. Planning a year or more in advance to be able to set aside the space and time is not uncommon.

Many cross-cultural workers think of a sabbatical as going to one’s home country for an extended period of time. For me, although I was in between roles, I wasn’t able to take an extended leave. We had to think creatively about how to give me the time. My kids still had school and my husband still had work. As well, we recognized a home-stay would be more restful than traveling the whole time. So we made adjustments and did the best we could. We had to make it work within our limitations. We discussed which responsibilities I could release. Practically speaking, I didn’t do as many school-runs. My husband didn’t take as many out-of-town trips. We didn’t overschedule or sign our children up for more than one extra-curricular activity each. From September to December I created my sabbatical to exist during what would be my normal working hours. Every day from when I woke up until school was out, the time was mine. My responsibilities as mom, wife, and expat did not go away. I also engaged at times in community rhythms and church. Not every role was able to be put on hold. But the ones that needed greatest re-adjustment and a period of re-evaluation, related most significantly to my vocation were. This gave me the ability to release control and gain clarity on what needed to shift.

Now to some that might not seem like enough time, but to me, my sabbatical was my work. I was grateful for four months of limited demands and ample creative space for 4, 6 or even 8 hours a day at times. In addition, I also created two extended times away – one long weekend and one full week. We carved those into our greater schedule, although it was only planned a few months out. One of the weekends away was purely for fun with visiting friends and the other was an intentional strategic-planning getaway with my coach.  Neither broke the bank (more on funding a sabbatical later).

2.    For some the excuse may be financial. People often say their employer does not offer a paid sabbatical. They clearly can’t afford to not work unpaid. That makes a lot of sense. Today you read of countless people traveling for months on end. How can they afford it? Many have saved up, lived simply for months and years prior. Many also report selling their belongings to live a more simpler life and take the needed space they so desired. Sacrifices are required to live the value of rest. No one that I have ever heard of regretted creating the space, time and money for a sabbatical. If there is a will, there is a way. It may include living on less but the payoff will come back many-fold. I believe there is potential for almost any average worker to take time off if proper planning happens, once again.

3.    The third top explanation for why people don’t take a sabbatical, is that he/she would lose their “position” and title they have worked so hard for. This is also a valid and viable reason for not taking a sabbatical. The many years of service may be a sacrifice. The building of one’s business or ministry may all suffer if not attended to. Yet with the example of many top corporations, it’s not unusual for bosses or supervisors to understand that the need exists. As well, in the role of sabbatical coach we see people finding temporary replacements for many different types of roles.

Let me give the example of one friend Susan who felt like she was on the verge of burnout and didn’t know how she could possibly take a sabbatical. She had been working cross-culturally for over 7 years. She was single and often felt overworked. She lacked vision in her current work and desperately needed a break. She presented the idea to her company who did not have any policy as such in place. Their response astonished her. “What do other organizations do?” they asked. “What does a sabbatical policy look like?” They asked Susan to do her research and come back with a proposal plan. So she did. She contacted me for resources and much to her surprise not only did the organization grant her the needed space, but they created a sabbatical policy based off of her hard work for others to benefit from, as well! What a blessing that she stopped to attend to her needs. Not just for her but for many others in the future of the organization to come.

Making the time, having the money, and not losing one’s position are all valid and viable reasons as to why people don’t think they can take a sabbatical. Understandably, many objections must be overcome in order to create this beneficial space. Yet, if you keep listening to the voice of your body, your heart and your mind and it keeps nudging you towards one, really listen! Think creatively, ask for the time off, create a plan, employ a sabbatical coach, overcome the objections you need to care for yourself and others. It may be the single best gift you can give yourself, your family and those you care about.  

Considerations: If you’re thinking of taking a sabbatical, what are your primary objections? Who can help you overcome those objections? If you know others who have taken a sabbatical, what benefits did they gain from their time off?

For further reading: Top 20 reasons to take a sabbatical

*Note: This does not imply that their workers are getting four months off. However, the organizational value portrayed is one of rhythm - rest and creation.

Sources:

http://www.thesabbaticalcoach.com/html/hrmagazine.html

“The final table” - Netflix

The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition: Questions to Ask - Part 1

Within the last week I’ve had at least four conversations with individuals who are experiencing the inner restlessness of pending transition. These feelings of restlessness are often accompanied by anxiety, stress and disturbed sleep. The awareness has surfaced that they are on the verge of burnout, are living in a place of deep disconnect with their values, or are not being utilized in their current role. These persistent places of discontent and lack of clarity in direction create a feeling of uncertainty & often stuckness not to mention intense stress on our whole ability to function. Is this where you are at?

The difference between a simple wrestling and minor tweaking and a major life transition is the persistent won’t-go-away acknowledgment that something major needs to change. Whether an organizational shift, a role change, a geographical move - this shift feels disorienting like an aftershock of an earthquake. And it is. Prior to these thoughts are often a series of events that have led to the present. Conflict, discouragement, feeling unused, crisis - these moments or series of changes may have felt like the earthquake but it is the frequent aftershocks that are the call to action.

I often hear from those I work with:

“The writing is on the wall.”

“It’s just painful to admit we’ve been so discontent for so long.”

“The hard part is acknowledging all that we’ve invested in and have to let go of.”

“Goodbyes are once again in our future.”

“We just don’t know what to do next.”

Although transition may feel like a season of winter, there is light ahead

Some talk about transition as beginning the moment you begin asking the deeper questions related to restlessness. I struggle with that sentiment as some, myself included are uniquely wired towards an analytical and futuristic processing style; thinking frequently about possibilities without implying that a major shift or transition needs to happen. At the same time, I feel strongly that we must listen well to our gut instincts, our bodies that carry continual stress, and our minds that race seeking calm. We know internally that things can’t stay as they have been. However, we don’t always know what a next step would look like or what exactly needs to change. Let’s first consider the 6 major areas that most commonly require decision-making intentionality.

For cross-cultural workers decision-making is complex where each decision effects every other. The choice of a role shift, for example, may alter the geographical fit, may determine the organizational fit, may change one’s entire landscape of friendship and social circles. And not just for the adult making the decision but for the entire family. For the sake of understanding how to better navigate the complexity here we break down the decision-making options into 6 major areas.

The 6 areas of decision-making:

(For the sake of this article, the word “fit” replaces the word calling, as there are many interpretations of the word “calling”.)

Personal Fit (significance)- Where does my deep gladness meet the world’s great need(s)? Is what I’m doing the ultimate contribution role that I am on this earth to engage in? If not, is it on the same track? Is my vocational work life-giving?

Team Fit (operation)- Am I able to live out my ultimate contribution “personal fit” on this particular team? If not, why not?“ “Am I supported in my unique gift mix?”

Organizational Fit (support)- Is this the organization that my values most align with? Where I can be supported? Where I can contribute my voice? Are there other organizations that are doing similar work?

Location Fit (effectiveness) - Is the location I’m working in supporting or inhibiting my call? Is this the place where my calling can best be lived out?

Other considerations:

Collective Marital Fit - Some may believe that when they exchanged vows, God called them together as a couple to engage in the same organization and team fit. Others have discovered their uniqueness may be best lived out as individuals in two very different settings of work. Especially as cross-cultural workers it is important to ask the previous 4 questions, “Is my spouse living into his/her vocational calling? Are they doing life-giving work?

Family Fit - Similar to the above. There is disagreement around children being “called” to the same ministry and what their particular role is. Nonetheless I stand firm in believing that the health and well-being of the kids is top priority. How are my children thriving with my personal fit, team fit, organizational fit, location fit? Do their current needs require a prioritization above my fit or calling?

One piece of the elephant at a time

For many, the transition out of - a role, a vocation, an organization, a specific location - can be very clear. For others these layers all mesh together. And for most, where to go next carries the most frightening set of unlimited options. It is recommended to break down the great big elephant of a problem into small pieces - whether which door is closed or which doors are opening.

Consider, for example, the location you are working, as a tusk or a foot or an eye of the elephant. (Too many decisions already?) Okay, it’s an eye! The type of work you are doing as another part. Focusing on each of the pieces one at a time can begin to bring clarity in a much more manageable way as opposed to feeling overwhelming.

In cross-cultural work, it’s hard to unpack the complexities of the overlapping variables. One has likely given up comforts, home, and culture to do the current work engaged in. If shifting to a new culture versus returning to a previously familiar culture the emphasis of adjustment will be quite different. For example, people don’t often consider a re-entry moving budget when returning, despite assuming you would need one when landing in a new and foreign country. They also might not consider the adjustment phase that is needed for re-entry. Much has been written on the topic of re-entry. For discussion here, is the recognition of the complexity of conflicting values particular to transition and how to break it down.

The idea that the door is closing yet a new one has not yet opened paralyzes many from taking a step of faith into the transition space of the unknown. It’s this transition space where I love to work with people. I say, “together let’s approach the blocks that feel like an elephant and make them an eye - seeing them as an opportunity to explore, discover and create something new & life-giving! We can’t tackle the whole elephant right now, What feels most pressing?” For most, it is vocational fit.

The simplifying of options and narrowing down of questions, brings greater clarity than remaining in a place of swimming in the ocean of unlimited possibilities. In my opinion the process of discerning a major career move, organization or vocational path includes focusing first on personal fit (often referred to as calling). When we approach personal fit through the lense of limited possibilities the decision-making begins to take the shape of a just a handful of possibilities; the eye of the elephant once again.

7 categories to clarify confusion relating to personal fit (calling)

1.     Keep doing what I already do well but change the environment - Maybe you have outgrown the structure of the team or organization. What you were initially hired on for 15 years ago is no longer needed. Potentially staying in an environment, under certain leadership or in a specific role may limit your own personal development.

Question: Can I keep doing what I love but change where I do it?

2.     Keep the work; re-allocate or change the quantity - some may consider focusing their target audience to closer match their passion and gifting. As well, changing the quantity allows for specialization, influence and impact as well as sustainability. Those who we see who are burned out often re-allocate their responsibilities and realize it takes several people to do the same title they carried for years.

Question: What needs to specifically change about the work I do in order for it to be sustainable?

3.     Change the work, but stay in the same environment - Within an organization maybe there are another set of possibilities for your skillset. For example maybe you were hired on as an assistant but have outgrown the role where your gift mix would be better used in leadership or development. Consider changing the role to adjust to your developmental phase.

Question: Is there potential for advancement or a lateral shift within this organization? If not, where might I best execute my gifts, strengths, and talents?

4.     Turn an avocation into a new career - many look towards their voluntary service opportunities as what they would ultimately like to do for life-giving work. For example, during a transition season in my life I went to a local hospital and asked if I could volunteer doing play therapy in the children’s ward. I was in a funk, but knew I had always wanted to try working with creative therapy methods. They were happy to have me for the year I could give. Amazing to me now, is that although that was over 25 years ago, the passion I’ve always had for kinesthetic healing has been a part of my DNA! That voluntary service also gave back to me through caring for others - it took me out of my own worries and allowed me to leverage gratitude in an otherwise difficult season.

Question: What would I love to do even without getting paid?

5.     Take on a parallel career The reason you may be experiencing a shift is primarily financial. For some taking on a parallel career or supplemental income may be the necessary transition step towards balance. People don’t take on a parallel career only for financial reasons. It may also be for convergence into the final years of service. You can now choose more specifically to work in a very narrow field. For example, take your training role and look for another outlet like public speaking or book writing. Leverage the years of knowledge and wisdom to benefit others. This track is often pursued for the sake of funding, mentoring, or influence.

Question: What do I already do that I could leverage better in a different setting?

6.     Get more training - As you think about your future the most obvious way forward may require a complete shift and more specialized training in a specific field of interest. Take someone who has always been passionate about physical health and healing. They may have lived it in their own life, but now need a degree in nutrition or being a yoga instructor to integrate their passion with a professional practice. This option of gaining more training affords one more discernment time, as well as he/she researches a specific field and his/her fit.

Question: What have you felt lacking knowledge in your current work or wanted to gain greater understanding of to gain professional integrity?

7.     Keep on doing the same thing - After a season of discernment and searching, you may have learned that what you have now is really a great fit and at this point nothing needs to change but something internally. Possibly a season of rest resets all the gauges to better see the joy of personal fit. Possibly an internal shift of gratitude or perspective occurs to recognize the value of what you have and that every organization and team has faults.

Question: Can you answer yes? For now this is where I best fit and what I am willing to work with for the next five years!

Your decision-making and discernment will likely take you down confusing, questioning roads. As you think about it in small chunks give yourself grace to also think about it in smaller periods of time. This decision is not forever. Continue to explore and try it on and commit for a certain period of time. Give yourself or your spouse the needed permission to try, fail, succeed, change their mind, but soon to put down the need to continue processing. Make one step of a decision and begin moving forward right where you are at.

To be continued…

See The Overwhelm of Decision-Making in Transition: Clarity exercise - Part 2

Here are a few questions to prompt deeper thinking:

What is the most compelling reason you believe a change needs to happen? What have you already tried?What has been the response from the significant people in your life (God, spouse, boss, supervisor, etc.)? Given their reaction, what do you feel you need to do next? What’s coming up for you as we talk about this?

Strategic Thinking! Feelings Not Welcome?

by Sara Simons

A recent conversation with a corporate strategist spurred a few thoughts for me. I caught him on the back end of facilitating strategy meetings for a cross-cultural team helping them discern their next steps together as a team. This is a familiar scene for him where emotions often run high and people experience real and perceived threat to job security. Wonderment persists as to the process and where it will lead the team and individuals in future decisions. Different in this case, however, included a group of 8 individuals of different disciplines than he typically worked - therapists, spiritual directors and coaches.  How did this affect the process? He said he had never worked with a group so self-aware!

I immediately wondered, what changes in that dynamic from those who are not self-aware? Everyone in this group knew how they felt almost instantly. They knew when they were anxious. They were aware when their heart beat faster. They report they have a gut ache around certain topics and stressful conversations. They carry the weight of others, as well. They notice the way others in the room are experiencing these meetings and their visceral reactions that can affect the communication flow. They were skeptical of the process as many were in their own time of discernment. 

Fascinated, I asked, how does that change the process for you? He said, "Ultimately it slows  down the process. Not that it's bad. It makes it harder to facilitate." He reported that trying to be a self-aware leader himself required facilitating the process more intentionally spending more time waiting for those who were not just making decisions with their logical brains but also with their hearts and their bodies.

From this conversation, I couldn't help but wonder “Are there places and times when  emotions and things of the heart need to take a back seat to that of the head? Why do we place such emphasis on self-awareness when it can slow us down, especially at important times of decision-making? 

Let me back up a minute. I showed up late to the idea of emotions being wonderful and powerful and necessary. I spent much of my childhood devaluing my emotions. I hid them when I sprained an ankle in basketball. If I was sad, I resolved to never let others see my feelings. Although the sub-culture I was born and raised in did not value emotional expression, I was surrounded by a family who did. Two dozen moves before the age of 20 led me to vow to never feel the intensity of the sadness that comes with goodbyes. Recognizing the impact on my relationships and my capacity to hold others emotions in early adulthood, caused me to see that I was a slow learner in developing this essential core element of who I am today. 

In addition to my upbringing and a host of moves, my natural wiring is more of a thinker, strategic and analytical type. When I take (and re-take) the Strengths FinderTM assessment tool, I hit the strategic column in all the top 10 list. What this says about me is that activating my thinker-brain is how I process the world around me in nearly any situation. This current wondering in turn comes from my wiring NOT from my knowledge about feelings being essential and even guiding in how we interact with our world. The voice of our hearts comes through our emotions and I’m convinced that those nudgings are 100% worth acknowledging.   

However my desire when working with people as a transition coach is multi-fold. My current work and passions are ALL ABOUT the integration of emotions, thoughts and bodily sensations. My whole job revolves around helping people gain self-awareness in their transition.  Yet, I have spent a lifetime in conflict with how much and when to be utilizing one aspect over the other. Are there more appropriate places to display or utilize one element over another? Historically I admit I’ve felt like there are certain places where emotions or thoughts are more welcome - a funeral > emotions; a business meeting > thoughts.

Coming alongside people (or teams) in places of stuckness, is conflicted head/heart work. I'm not meant to solve others problems or discern next steps for them. Ultimately I'm a question-asking guide. "Have you thought about X?" "When you use your strengths in this area of tension how does that work for you?" Asking the what-ifs and the brainstorming questions allowing for a desired safe space to consider possibilities. I guide as someone gone down a winding path; yet having continually come out better on the other side. 

I believe the place for feelings is alongside the other parts of us that also need to be acknowledged. Having strong Myers-Briggs type feelers in the decision-making room brings depth. Likewise does having thinkers in a room full of feelers. Maybe the question isn’t where is it appropriate, but rather how can our tendency towards one be more fully developed and “taught” by others not like us. How can we begin to embrace both thinking and feeling in all situations to more fully integrate our head and our heart in every situation ESPECIALLY DECISION-MAKING?! And might there be the need on teams and in organizations for the feelers, the thinkers, those with big hearts and those with strategic minds to all come to the table to express the unique wiring that makes up a team or organization? 

Questions to consider:

Who in your life models for you how to be the thinker or feeler that you lack?

Are your team or organization’s deciding bodies made up of both head and heart types?

What would more of a balance look like in your own life?

Essential Whole Brain Engagement: The Benefit of Integration During Times of High Stress

Originally published Jan 2018

The Case for physical engagement

For four months, I was employed by the Department of Defense (DOD) alongside a group of a dozen other young post-college students. We were assigned to work on US military bases in Italy and Germany. As civilians we were employed to care for soldier’s children in the daycares as the soldiers reunited after direct combat. Most of the centers were run by active duty spouses who were mandated to return stateside for a furlough with their families. Vacancies in the childcare centers created a place of need for workers like us to care for the remaining children whose parents were still at war. This post-war care plan attempted to implement new efforts designed to alleviate post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) seen evidently from previous wars and rather promote healthy bonding and attachment within the family units in the midst of re-entry.  This re-entry care was what I was passionate about learning from. 

The invitation enticed me personally for several reasons. I already knew I wanted to work in the field of care for expatriates. Yet the opportunity came during an in-between stint of re-orientation & re-direction in my own life. Caring for and being present with children I knew would be a reciprocal gift and ultimately part of the physically-engaging healing triad I needed at the time.  I predicted that it would allow me to give my life away in an I-need-you-you-need-me interdependent way. Not to mention the allure of free European travel; also a life-giving space for me sparking new joy to my adventurous side! 

The assignment for caring for these children provided first-hand insight into processing grief. For eight emotionally & physically exhausting hours every day I engaged with these little 1-5 year-olds. I was amazed at how each small child carried burdens beyond their years. I felt the weight as a parent wanting to love and rescue each one from the pain inflicted on them by the ugliness of war. My job: Play, draw, interact, encourage.

I recall one unique day of reprieve for all of us. In a big room with padded walls, filled with soft toys, myself and two other workers engaged in physical play with a group of 8, 4 year-old boys. Simple safe-zone forts constructed, ammunition of plastic balls gathered and a plan of spontaneous attack was created to let out all their little-self energy.  I watched the children come alive as we engaged in a very physical but safe soft-toy “war” for over an hour. The smiles on their faces were unmatched to anything else we had done up until that point or would do thereafter. I watched as otherwise normal little kids burdened by their environment, were given permission to once again play and engage in child-like behavior. By accident we created a space for these boys to be physically engaged in their own developmentally-appropriate and needed way. It also unleashed in us, the workers, an ability to come to their level and release our own weights. This modeled for me evidence of the way our bodies, of any age, respond to the release of intense emotions. Re-enforcing for me the need all humans have for play and especially in the midst of the intensity life hands us. 

What happens in our brains when we play?

Much research has been done on how the right and left hemispheres of our brain function. In summary, the Right brain (sensory brain) is earlier developing, holistic, nonverbal, uses images, metaphors, whole body sense, & raw emotions. This is the brain the children had to work with.The left brain (logic brain) is later developing, linear, linguistic, logical, literal, labeling and list-making. The logic brain is the survival brain and kicks into survival mode when threatened. As with these children aged 1-5 we could see the tension in the developmentally impossible requirement of their logic brain for 8 hours a day of preschool. The best gift we could give them was NOT to require them to process their feelings or take on the responsibilities of adulthood but to attend to the present creating spaces of play and healthy outlets; physically engaging opportunities.

What happens when we’re left dominant?

When one hemisphere of the brain dominates for a long time rigidity, disconnectedness and/or chaos results. When the two collaborate we achieve horizontal integration.  

“There are many reasons that someone might grow up ‘leaning to the left’. What if our need to be close to others – to share our non-verbal signals, to feel seen and safe – is NOT met by a caring, connecting, communicating other? Or even worse, what if those early interactions are terrifying? If we live in an emotional desert or are being tossed about by violent storms, our right hemisphere may shrivel in response retreating to a more left-dominant mode.” (Siegel,  Mindsight).

As our brains develop, an over-emphasis is placed on the left, linear, logic brain and the right brain becomes under-utilized. So many of us are forced to live daily life in our logic brain in survival mode. Therefore we must be intentional about tapping into and filling the often empty well of our right, artistic, sensory brain. Take for example: Walking, cooking, washing dishes, biking, driving a car on a long road trip, even a shower. All of these activities are repetitive and rhythmic in nature, taking us from our word-based logic brain into our creative sensory, rhythmic brain. These mundane daily activities when done with attention can allow us to create in new and richer ways we never thought possible. As well, in our right brain we have the potential to flee from ruminating over-analytical thoughts to a centeredness and a grounded presence actively engaging in the world around us. Our presence allows others the invitation to be present to their whole self, as well. 

 During the most painful times of my most recent transition, during moments of intense stuckness all I naturally could think to do was to process, analyze and try to fix my way out of my situation. In actuality I became obsessed with thoughts of what was said or not said that led me to where I was. I wanted to figure out the next steps, NOW! I knew the answer for how to approach my future was somewhere in me if only I could figure it out. If only I could think my way to it, like my INTP/J, strategic, analytical self could often do. Then I would know what to do next. 

This type of ruminating only created greater frustration and paralysis taking me into a tailspin of panic as my future looked so confused and hopeless and my normal mode of operating fell short. I slowly learned that the best thing I could do for myself in these times was to actively engage kinesthetically. So I walked. I walked and I hiked and I thanked God that the beauty of nature was so accessible within 5 minutes from my house.  I needed to basically shut down the thinking. When I walked or drew or rode bike my mind had a chance for stillness. Sybil McBeth states in Praying in Color“ If I permit my body to move - even just the movement of my hand, fingers, and arm with pen and marker - then my bones and muscles are content. I can become calm and relaxed enough to find inner stillness and to pay attention.” 

In general it's not the body that needs to be stilled; it's the mind. In stilling my mind, my body caught up. It released the intensity of emotions that would otherwise flood my brain. I had to, like these children of soldiers find my way back into the space of engaging my body in movement and play. And in that space of play I began to once again find my true self.

For deeper thought:

How often are you intentional about utilizing both aspects of the brain?

Which activity sparks greatest creative potential for you?

Are you aware of intense feelings that are released when you engage with certain activities? 

Fostering Emotional Health through Transition Coaching

Originally published on Jan 15, 2019 Shepherd Heart Consulting https://www.shepherdheartconsulting.com/2019/01/15/transition-coaching/

– by Sara Simons

According to architectural terminology, transition space is considered an in-between, connecting space between two confined spaces. An essential element of any structure.  One of the most important functions of transition space being sustainability of the building design. Whether a long hallway or a magnificent entrance, these spaces play important functional roles inviting others to linger and anticipate before entering into a new, often grander space. Temples and places of worship have historically been designed with this architectural transition space concept in mind. One who enters a holy space, having gone before through a transition space to get there, has been given the gift of preparation. There is an invitation to  intentionally prepare one’s head and heart for the encounter with a Holy one.  

It is safe to say, transition space is an invitation to a grand pause with an expanded capacity to enter into the next space with greater awareness and expectation. Not unlike architectural transition space, a season of major-life transition invites one to slow down, pause, and anticipate the next season. We know transition as the slow, internal, physiological response to change.  And change, the moment or moments in time typically sudden and unwelcome that lead us into a period of transition. Change may be the external factor that launches a transition. But transition is the often uncomfortable “in-between” season, not moment, meaning potentially long pause, that requires a recalibration. Even when change is expected, or positive, the reality that one is entering into a new normal requires attention in response and can still feel jolting with much to grieve. God uses transitions to shape life direction and further the discovery of one's unique contribution in the expansion of His Kingdom.

Well-known author William Bridges, in his book The Way of Transition states that "Transition is the process of letting go of the way things used to be and then take hold of the way they subsequently become. In between the letting go and the taking hold there is a chaotic but potentially creative ‘neutral zone.’" How then do we enter this neutral and often barren-feeling transition space? What an incredible gift of a space to meet another passerby in - in the midst of confusion, pain and grief! 

 My desire when working with people as a transition coach is multi-fold. 1. I hope to be a creative catalyst unblocking the God-given creativity in each person I’m with. Aiding them in places of stuckness, by providing tools and experiences that give hope and help lead them to their ultimate contribution. Thus in turn being able to exit confusion with lightness, centeredness and focus 2. My desire is also to equip people with the resources and tools for their current and future transitions. Simultaneously validating that the intensity of transition is not only normal, but an intentional design of the Creator pointing us back to Him in our pursuit of direction. Trusting that everyone seeking guidance and clarity is ultimately seeking intimacy with the one who masterfully designed them. And like a transition space in architectural terms, I feel called as a transition coach to be alongside others as they anticipate the potential greatness of what is to come!

Contact sara@thewaybetween.org for more information on transition coaching

Attending to the Present: Mindfulness Lessons from a three year-old

Originally posted November 2018

Have you ever walked anywhere with a 3 year-old? The distractions are endless. The opportunity to notice and engage with the world are bountiful! Look! a stick! A ladybug! A worm! A piece of chewed up gum! For a 3 year-old, this observing is an opportunity for incredible engagement and learning from the world around her. Most observations made at an eye level that many of us can’t even see anymore. All the tiny little things in the world that call for a moment of undivided attention.

From the age of crawling, we noticed the keen eye for the littlest of details from my daughter. This DNA not likely to have passed from my gene pool! I learned through her, that life was best lived whenever she could spend time noticing, attending to the glitter, or the sparkle or the bug and engaging with her whole body and the world around her. She was the kid who would turn a  spaghetti dinner into a full facial experience! Every day was a discovery in tiny little lost treasures of the world.

At the age of 1 ½ we called her the bug whisperer. As she sat in her little booster seat eating her peas and cut up cheese, we would look over and notice an obnoxious summer fly pestering their way into her space. Apparently she didn’t share our sentiment. Sitting very still she let the fly land on the tip of her tiny finger. Attending to it as if it was the most precious gift given to her, she could keep the fly sitting on the tip for far longer than I was comfortable with. She would chat with it as if a long lost friend. Eventually, she would move it slowly towards her mouth, thankfully not accurately enough to consume it. (At least not that I know of! Protein!!)

All the beauty around me that I miss without accepting the call to attentiveness

For children and maybe also those with the gift of sensing, observing is more than just noticing. It is a pause; an attending, an engagement that the little humans amongst us naturally do with their world. I question, what would it take for me to have such a God-given appreciation for my world? A mindful approach to what and who is near me.

At the turn of the year I ask God for a word for the year. My word for this year was “excitable”. It has taken me most of the year to accept it. Excitable! - not a word that anyone who knows me well would use to describe me; nor a word I'm incredibly comfortable with! Yet excitability is a value I hold deeply in the people around me. It’s a character trait that I love and so appreciate in others primarily because it is so lacking in me! Being excitable takes observation and attending to the next level. It invites one to be present enough to observe and then have a reaction to the world around them. Where for me in the same scenario, I had hardly stopped to notice. “What big green bathtub in the hallway?!” For me, life is often more about efficiency not accuracy and detail.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I would rather hurry my sensate daughter through her day and world to get done the other “important things” that needed getting done. The idea of being excitable, movable and open to being attentive would consume more time and energy than I believed I possessed!

Thomas Merton once said we spend most of our lives under water. Every so often our heads clear the surface and we look around and get our bearings.

I wonder if transition isn’t such a gift of the pause and invitation to look around, take a deep breath and let ourselves be moved by the world around us. I’m challenged by the metaphor Merton uses. If we don’t emerge out of the water long enough to take the necessary breath, the ability to submerge ourselves back into the water of life becomes unsustainable. If we don’t come up for a breath long enough, we cannot submerge back under the water called daily life. For me that coming up for breath is a call to attend to my body, my heart and my mind. I naturally do the latter. But the attentiveness to my body, my heart and all the gifts around me require much more of me. An attitude of gratitude and a daily posture of this habit require me to attend to the many many gifts that exist all around me.

Deep breaths, intentional prayers, attending to my inner world, creating space to unhurriedly walk alongside the world my daughter loves; all my personal invitations in this season of transition.  All a stretch for me, as well as an invitation to be present and excitable! My desire is that by the end of the year the word will be more embodied and maybe even an adjective used to describe me! The action of attentiveness a bit more natural, even desired…one sparkle and one ladybug at a time!

I don’t want to miss the awe of the world all around me