Finding Perspective in Pursuit of a Treasure

Originally posted July 19, 2018

Photo: “All the things” A tradition of mine to take pictures of all the things I didn’t buy! Prizes given for the most bizarre thing found!

We walked into a trinkety-tourist shop at the end of a family trip, eager to spend the few coins the kids had. Spying the ever-familiar snow globe, keychain, and magnet, with the flare of the current location, I judged the location as your run-of-the-mill tourist-trap. My kids however saw every item as a “remember when” moment of our trip. A possibility to possess a memory of this family holiday. What form would each person’s memory come in?

A day prior, the four of us walked for 2 hours on the beach. Decision-making power delegated to my son to control the plan for our time. Warning: Accommodation and flexibility required! We all complied to our 8 year-old’s lead and set a time to search for sand treasures and after reunite for the great family swap of 2017!

This day seaside treasures were the commodity causing family equilibrium in the greater scheme of currency. No one possessed any advantage over another here to collect memories.

I admit, I had a bad attitude to start. It was a windy but sunny December day. The beach seemed abandoned yet still beautiful.  My preferred engagement with the beach is generally to soak up nature –  swim, walk, rest, read, take pictures, or even dig in the sand. This day I walked in circles! Random pieces of trash littered about. I found nothing. Disappointed there were no shells to be found but rather a standing pond of water with a plethora of seaside foam causing a great sense of caution of what bacteria was waiting to parasitically call us home.

I reluctantly complied and showed up to the barter party, however, empty-handed. After 30 minutes of trying I found nothing “treasure-worthy”. Nothing that I wanted to keep for myself or give value enough to initiate a trade.  My children gave me some of their loot! Having discovered treasures unending. They possessed bags full of rocks and random pieces of whatever they stumbled upon: broken shells, an empty water bottle, chewed on trinkets, and a few bones! Treasures, eh?! The bones, as you can imagine became the hot commodity which led us scavenging through sand for a potential gravesite. Fortunately (or not) the discovery of a whole bird skeleton was eventually puzzled together and a lesson in biology, the food chain and God’s creation ensued.

My attitude gradually changed as I engaged and began seeing the experience through their eyes. Dune jumping concluded, slow-motion videos captured and bartered goods collected…we called it a day. With wonder and delight my kids shared later this was their favorite day of our vacation!

My kids remain the best teachers to me for perspective shift. Delighted over the simplest of things: Look at this rock! Look at this stick! Watch me jump into the pool. I bought you a beautiful flower! When I see the value of things, experiences or life through the eyes of a young child – I’m reminded of the un-ending need for gratitude. I’m reminded to stop and slow down and look at an experience from a different angle. I’m challenged to find the little joys in life that are right in front of me. I pray a quick prayer of repentance over my bad attitude. Sometimes the treasures are right in front of us. And sometimes they take looking at them from a 36 inch height.

The Powerful Art of Reconciliation - Part 1

The Powerful Art of Reconciliation- Part 1 Originally posted: Feb 5, 2019

In my recent dark night of the soul, Ps. 139 was my daily prayer “Search me and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you. And lead me along the path of everlasting life” (Ps 139: 23-24). For the first time in my life I really felt the impact on my life where years of unforgiveness had sown bitterness and anger in me. Like a dentist cleaning teeth with those awful, but necessary dental tools, I visualized God scraping clean the dark parts of my heart. I hesitantly prayed, “Scrape clean my heart where there are layers of hurt buildup.” Mercifully time and again, Christ allowed me to find a way to interact with his powerful love and forgiveness. I was desperate to find the peace on the other side…so desperate I was willing to be vulnerable in whatever way, particularly saying I can’t do it on my own to him and to others. Putting my pride aside and asking God to examine over and over where I held hurt and pain. Like a member of an Alcoholics Anonymous group, I found myself wanting to seek reconciliation with everyone in every way in my life.

Confession and forgiveness are the most valuable and necessary disciplines we as believers and especially leaders must engage in to truly worship the Creator. Being able to honestly confess with a repentant heart allows for freedom from shame, guilt, bitterness and condemnation. I recognize these as having the greatest potential for personal transformation of all other topics discussed thus far. Even as I write, I’m reminded of that in the spiritual resistance I’m experiencing in my own life and the ugliness of old friends – skepticism, criticism, and suspicion creeping in very unassumingly. This is active engagement work we as believers are to return to.  In his book, In the Name of Jesus, Henri Nouwen states profoundly:

“In our world of loneliness and despair, there is an enormous need for men and women who know the heart of God, a heart that forgives, cares, reaches out and wants to heal. In that heart there is no suspicion, no vindictiveness, no resentment, and not a tinge of hatred. It is a heart that wants only to give love and receive love in response.” (37)

But why the need for these disciplines of confession, forgiveness and healing – so vulnerable and exposing? He goes on to state that through confession and forgiveness, these powers of evil are brought to the light. “Through forgiveness, [the darkness] is disarmed and dispelled and a new integration between body and spirit is made possible…called to minister with our whole being, including our wounded selves.” (68-69). The integrated, whole, Christ-like self is the longing. A safe reflective space is needed in our hearts first and in our lives with others, where we can be guided ever deeper into God’s love. The difficult, stripping, painful experience of admitting our hurts and our wrongs allows us to lean deeper into the truth and light. God continues his work in us desiring the cross to do that which only the cross can do. Release us from the pain and sin of our past. Scarring over wounds that were once raw and deep.

Stuck in the past

Key events in our stories cause character building opportunities or if unprocessed, places of stuckness. Our childhood is filled with opportunities to grow and gain momentum or stay in a developmental lock-down emotionally, and sometimes physically. These unexamined points are appropriately referred to synonymously as freeze points or pinchpoints. According to author John Trent, “An emotional freeze point is a season of time over which unexamined and unprocessed layers of hurt are laid down, restricting or blocking personal and spiritual growth” (103). These are most likely to occur when you are left with an unexamined or unprocessed trial. Pinchpoints are the sensations of having freedom pinched or stolen from us in a relationship.

For many, unaddressed patterns formed unconsciously. While we were young these may have served us at the time as pretty good coping mechanisms for dealing with pain. These same survival mechanisms, carried over into adulthood can create great havok in not some but every relationship. Each human with proper self-examination can admit to such an example of hurt or trial stemming from childhood; some carry an enormous caseload of painful and traumatic pasts. The coping mechanisms used to survive these experiences of our past turn into defense mechanisms in our adulthood if gone un-examined.

These same survival mechanisms, carried over into adulthood can create great havok in not some but EVERY relationship.

Whether during a recent season of hurt, or from a young age, these painful pinchpoints and the freedom upon examination have the power to set our future on a different trajectory. Upon examination, these occasions invite us into new growth and freedom for ourselves and others. We all have the choice to allow these experiences to control us or to grow us.

Grace in Transition

God gives us transition as a rest stop on the journey; an intentional place to examine the trials that have caused bitterness or calloused places in our hearts. The invitation may come in the confusing mix of feelings of hopelessness, depression, overwhelm, exhaustion, criticism and anger. Slowing down to acknowledge that something is not right, gives us time to admit that there are warning lights coming on our emotional dashboard. Similar to a car, if we ignore them we will eventually crash or fall apart. The warning lights of our soul require us to stop and pay attention to the way we have been living out of the hurt & unmet longings from deep places in our hearts. Here is where we must find a way to take all of ourselves into the Creator’s hands and wait for solitude and His grace to do it’s powerful and necessary healing work. To live fully and securely in the present moments. This is the most important task ahead of us.

God’s invitation for me as an adult came in the form of a gracious, profound gift. A gift that was wrapped in the confusing package of pain. Along with an invitation to address what lay under the surface. Fortunately I was not invited into it alone. Attending to these dark, deep forces under the surface, required a daily battle for my soul. The battle ultimately was for authenticity and freedom.  The healing work that needed to be done in the deep interior places of my life was the work of attending to that pain. Work required extended time, space and safe people surrounding me. As I kept coming back to this pain, often daily, with the help of the Lord, I was able to see and admit the ugly casing of my heart. Ruth Haley Barton says it best, “At times the dark side seems to leap on us unexpectedly but in reality it has slowly crept up on us…it has been a lifetime in the making. (42). My dark side included the soldiers of defensiveness, criticism and contempt, all guarding my vulnerable, broken heart for years.

The critical, arduous task called repentance and forgiveness is essential to giving us freedom from the pain and bondage of our past. These are holy places. The place of releasing others, especially those who have not asked for forgiveness and repenting to my desire to hold onto a piece of it. We must let go and let the cross do the work of the healing. The wounds and hurt are still felt in a real way. As well, the wearisome action of re-wrapping the wounds and attending to these scars starting to form are all part of the gracious gift of keeping my heart open to the power of forgiveness and reconciliation. I want to be released and move into freedom. That’s what makes it all worth it.

Read The Powerful Art of Reconciliation Part 2 - for the continuation and an idea of how to interact with forgiveness visually

All of Creation is Subject to Transition

Created for Transition originally posted Jul 31, 2018

Avocado bounty

The natural order of creation necessitates built-in rhythms of seasons of lacking, and seasons of fullness. Consider the journey of the last 5 years of our avocado tree for example. A poor sickly first year after we moved in; and although ripe with fruit, they were small, tasteless, & unhealthy. The gardener insisted on following this crop with a sharp, extreme pruning and long season of watering and plant food. Much to my sadness and doubt of the extreme pruning approach, the following year produced absolutely nothing! I was ready to call it for dead. Year three followed with another constant stream of watering in the off-months, fertilizing and nurturing. During harvest season to our delight we saw one! large, healthy avocado per week for eight weeks! The flavor increased as the tree came into greater health. But the crop unusually small, in my opinion. Uncertain if the tree would ever fully recover from its extreme pruning and years of unhealth, year four shocked us! During the harvest season, over the course of several months, one single tree produced an incredible and abundant fruit incomparable to the years prior. Over 800 large and incredibly flavorful avocados were picked and enjoyed with great delight! The harsh pruning and years of barrenness that preceded produced in it an amazing fruit that required time, patience and faith.

For me, the symbolism of this one tree, highlighted to me that our great Creator subjects every part of His creation to seasons of barrenness, pruning and harvest. Showing me so poignantly in this beautiful illustration his care for all of creation remains. All of creation is subject to seasons of transition.The metaphors of this season are all around for us, the observer. A brilliant, painful and potentially comforting part of the great designer’s purpose. Illustrations for our learning…

God’s beauty in creation as seen in Mallorca

This knowledge that change precedes transition, and is in turn followed by loss—as well is a natural order to creation—when embraced by atransitionee, helps with the release of expectation to have to figure it all out. Rather permission is granted to allow freedom to embrace transition almost as a rite of passage—a relatively short season of in-between, or rather a way of disengaging from the old identity, helping us find new norms and pathways. It is symbolized by an end of one way and a passage into a new way. Well-known author William Bridges states that “Transition is the process of letting go of the way things used to be and then taking hold of the way they subsequently become. In between the letting go and the taking hold there is a chaotic but potentially creative ‘neutral zone.’” How then do we enter this neutral and often barren transition space?

INVITATION

The period of time in which we label transition is a season where God is looking to transform each one of us and make us more like Him. We discover again and again our need for intimacy and connection with the Creator of the universe, but ever so poignantly in this often vacuous and dark season. We are reminded of the gift of being the only created beings with the ability to communicate, think, and have intimacy with the artist of the universe!

The invitation remains to lean into this “in-between” or “boundary phase,” as Robert J. Clinton labels it. In these seasons God is asking us to process the stirrings of the soul to give clarity to one’s call. God uses transitions to shape life direction and further the discovery of one’s unique contribution in the expansion of His Kingdom. Transitions serve to bring about needed change, provide clarity in life direction, consolidate learning, deepen values, shift paradigms and advance one’s influence or ministry. God does some of his greatest shaping in our lives during times of transition most importantly if we remain open to it.

Role Discontent

Originally posted Feb 11, 2019 on saraandjeffsimons@wordpress.org

Identity and Loss

Despite sharing the load of being a parent to young kids in a more egalitarian way, the current phase of parenting finds both of our young kids at my side of the bed regularly in the middle of the night. Pattering footsteps are heard for any number of reasons. In this particular stage I’m the one theywant first. A gift, I suppose… but a confused one for me, as I wrestle with God about how He wants to use me in this coming season. The cluster-roles of motherhood, transition coach, trainer and cross-cultural worker remain in regular tension.

Thanks to Jeff, I’ve been blessed in the last several months to have time away to reflect, dream, and consider what the next season in these roles might entail. A lovely week away with unlimited personal time, the ability to dream, sleep, and exercise at leisure allowed for an amazing time to consider the possibilities of our future. Yet as is the case in coming back to reality, I returned and re-engaged to acknowledge much to my surprise (again!), that my life consists of limitations!

You see, I’m not a “natural mom” in strengths or God-given gifting. I’m introverted for one, with ahigh need for alone time to rejuvenate and just function well. And because deep processing is part of my wiring and a high value, I need silence to hear my thoughts! For some reason my young kids don’t seem to understand that! A friend recently asked me, “Sara how do you get your introvert time as a mom?” The answer: “I don’t very often. It’s an ongoing struggle (sigh)!” My personality also begs to operate most effectively when asked to contribute my strengths of ideas,strategies or analytical skills. Sure, some of those are transferable to motherhood, but I don’t oftenfeel that I have my best foot forward in giftedness output in this particular role. I’m just not yournaturally-maternal, gentle, service-oriented, loves to [fill in the mom expectation here] personality.

Okay so maybe there are some idealized expectations to unpack there… but truly I wrestle with it daily! How do I reconcile not stewarding these other “gifts” during a season where one role takesprecedence? How do I find contentment amidst the grumpiness and irritation of mom-dum? When my calendar of events says “no upcoming events”, or worse, kids birthday parties for the next 7 Saturdays! In these times, I find myself down in a slump.

Even today, while I’m writing about calling, identity, and limitations, I’m loving the space! The research is confirming and I have a newfound hope in the coming opportunities to share withothers. I’m only slightly amused at the irony of being continually interrupted by a preciousdaughter, who is at home sick and sitting next to me.

I stop for a brief moment to cuddle and play a quick game of “I Spy” with my at-home-sick child and continue to accept my invitation to wrestle with my identity as mother and worker. When I’mhonest, I can acknowledge these interruptions make me grumpy, short-tempered and full of entitlement. I remind God that it was His divine plan for me to be hired for a formal member carerole when I was 9 months pregnant with my first child, almost a decade ago. He “called forth” my calling with such strange timing. I don’t want to wish these years away by any means. It’s these places of disruption in my calling, my plans, my best-foot-forward that I find hardest to embrace. The invitation to the disruptions being the life we were called to. I desire to live well into the roles of motherhood including the invitation to the LIMITATIONS that coincide.

It’s painful to face the unfulfilled longings left un-met within us. A single person desiring to be married but with no prospects. A couple desiring to be parents only to discover they are infertile. Another couple desiring to enjoy their new marriage, and quickly met with an unexpected pregnancy. A worker who desires to be seen for strengths in leadership with no possibilities for exercising those gifts. The role of missionary stolen as adult-caretaker of aging parents takes precedence. Whatever the unwanted role, how does one reconcile calling with God-given giftings in seasons of having to deny certain roles and accept other unwanted ones?

I believe the invitation is to acknowledge the un-met longings as losses. When I give credibility tothat which is unmet I’m met with sadness, and possibly disappointment. When I move too quickly past what is begging for attention inside of me, I hold onto it and without knowing, place those unmet longings elsewhere, often in other misdirected, unhealthy ways—on the love received from a spouse, on the success of a child, the gratitude of a boss, the performance of a co-worker.

These attempts mask my desires and longings only to temporarily escape the heartache and the reality of the things I dislike about the present. They try to erase the disruptions of life. Instead they take me on a winding road full of forks and turns, detours and dead ends. Here I will soon find myself back again and again if losses are unacknowledged. William Bridges (The Way of Transition) talks about transition or the “neutral zone” as the time to let go not so much of a relationship or a job itself but rather the time of letting go of hopes, fears, dreams and beliefs that we have attached to them. It’s in these attachments of hopes, dreams and longings that we redirect our stance towards a posture of embracing the losses in our current reality. We are called in this place and time to accept our limitations as a part of our calling, a part of our “normal”. To acknowledge limitations is to acknowledge loss.

What if instead of focusing on what we are giving up we are able to see what we are gaining instead? In this place of accepting the current reality and embracing the losses we are called to acknowledge that we are not in control. The places of “disruption” develop in us a deeper ability to empathize with others who are on the same journey of disruption. Our task-oriented selves begin to let go of our attempts to control, to direct, or to plan. In that space we are vulnerable. Painfully vulnerable. We’re invited into the place where our heart engages with the lack of control we feel. We mature in our understanding of development. We gain empathy for others. We gain understanding that life doesn’t turn out how we plan.

As poet David Whyte implores, we are called to spaces of alertness; and alertness is the hidden discipline of the familiar. We create in us a place to be moved and changed, impacted by the unfamiliar. We are put in a proper relationshipwith reality and the created order. We’re reminded once again that we were created and there isa great Creator with a bigger purpose than what we can fathom. A non-linear, uncomfortable road that when acknowledged and surrendered to, frees us from the unrealistic expectations that life is to be lived in a straight, continuous path. There is loss in accepting our lack of control. Simultaneously there is great gain in the freedom and invitation to accept the unknown and our greater calling in this in-between space.

[Finesterre] – “The road in the end

The road in the end,

Taking the path the sun had taken

The road in the end

Taking the path the sun had taken

Into the western sea

The road in the end

taking the path the sun had taken into the western sea

And The moon

and the moon rising behind you

as you stood where ground turned to ocean

No way to your future now

No way to your future now

Except the way your shadow could take

Walking before you across water going where shadows go

No way to make sense of a world that wouldn’t let you pass

Except to call an end to the way you had come

To take out each letter you had brought

And light their illumined corners;

And to read them as they drifted on the late western light;

To empty your bag

To empty your bag

to sort this and to leave that

to sort this and to leave that

To promise what you needed to promise all along

To promise what you needed to promise all along

And to abandon the shoes that brought you here

Right at the water’s edge

Not because you had given up

Not because you had given up

But because now you would find a different way to tread.

Because through it all, part of you would still walk on

no matter how, over the waves.”—David Whyte

Reflection Questions:
In this particular transition, as you consider identity-challenge, what qualities do you feel God is maturing in you?
How does knowing that transition causes great upheaval but also qualities of persistence, empathy, & depth change the way you approach it?
What way forward have you found for coping with current limitations?

Created to create

Holistic resources for cross-cultural living and transition.