The Universal Creative Process and The Creation Timeline of My Unnamed Baby

INput overload…where to start and stop in the writing process?

The Universal Creative Process and The Creation Timeline of My Unnamed Baby

“If I permit my body to move - even just the movement of my hand, fingers, and arm with pen and marker - then my bones and muscles are content. I can become calm and relaxed enough to find inner stillness and to pay attention. In general it's not the body that needs to be stilled; it's my mind.” (Sybil McBeth)

This was my experience this past weekend as I set aside 3 days and 3 nights and was gifted time in a beautiful mountain home to write. The setting could not have been more idyllic (okay maybe minus the 17 college-aged kids who crashed everywhere in the house where I was invited into! Not my call! Just a minor obstacle).  From the mostly serene setting I had access to hikes, a few open rooms, a desk, a comfortable writing chair, the fast internet and a coffee shop within walking distance. What more could I want from a creative space? The truth – a clear mind and a way to organize my million scattered thoughts that seemed as though they would never find a clear way forward. That’s what more I wanted. That and about another month to stay in the zone. I struggle to just be in process. Like a vacation, it takes days to get into it and right when you do, you need to pack up. I wanted to just dive into the space, overcome obstacles and of course create at an unrealistically rapid speed. Let’s just say none of that perfect picture was how it all went down!  

Isn’t it true that you see great creative work and have no comprehension of all that it took to get there. Austin Kleon, in Steal Like an Artist, says “Really good work appears effortless! People won't see the years of work and toil you put into it” End products seem as though they magically appeared overnight but in reality it is years in the making that caused them to blossom into something beautiful.

I was reminded of this as I entered into this sacred creative process this weekend. It can take years of blood, sweat and tears to see a really good product, process or art come to fruition. 

 “Really good work appears effortless! People won't see the years of work and toil you put into it”

The language of the universal process to all things created brings comfort and validity to my inner discontent of wanting a creative product. My rational inner voice reminds me, “Sara, it’s a process, not a product.” I need the reminders for patience and a realistic horizon.

With that said, let me share the universal creative process and the intersecting points of my creation with the hope that this might bring you some point of reference for your own creative baby that you need to bring to life.

4 Stages of the Creative Process:

Start with - what is the question you are answering or problem you are trying to solve. (Examples: designing a logo, writing a story, writing a sermon, creating a website, creating an e-course.)

1. Preparation
   Research: Collect information or data.

   Questions to ask: Who am I designing this for (who is my target audience)? Who would benefit most? What do I uniquely have to offer here? What voice is still missing on this topic or in this field?

2. Incubation
   Percolation: Milling over collected information.

   Questions to ask: What is necessary to include or exclude? Do I have enough information or too much? What else do I need to learn more about right now? Where am I stuck? Who can help me with this?

3. Illumination
   Light Bulb Idea: Aha moment.

   Questions to ask: How am I answering the question or problem uniquely? How am I going to present/display/share this information? Who can help me with this?

4. Implementation
   Actual Making, creating: Verification.

   Questions to ask: Who can help me implement this? What am I still missing? Where can I see this product come to life? What else would I like to do with it?

I’m always curious about the timeline of beautiful creation and know there is a behind-the-scene story from inspiration to implementation. I want to know, How long was it in the making to choreograph that routine or illuminate the painting or pen that e-course? What did the maker space look like on a practical level? To gain a better understanding and appreciation of my own maker story, (and because I’m relieving my brain from sorting research quotes - aka desiring some movement from incubation to implementation), I decided to sketch a rough outline of the creative process of this book I’m writing on creativity and transition (still to be named). There are several creative processes that intermingle – The Art of Transition workbook, The Way Between as a developed organization, and the now Unnamed book that gives the backstory. For the sake of this conversation, I’m just focusing on the timeline of the book to date, starting with the inspiration of the workbook. Because truly a book was never a part of any plan and is still somewhat of a daunting element to me!  

Preparation: for the workbook, book 

2016-2017 – living out the message in deeply painful and dark ways. Negative preparation for what was to come; priming the pump knowing that there was something deeper to the approach of transition and calling which we had used for over 10 years. (In reality you could consider the 10 years leading up to this point as part of the preparation phase).

Incubation: for the workbook and book

Sept – Dec. 2017 – A four-month sabbatical (still in my cross-cultural context and with my family while Jeff worked full time) Sabbatical looked like a working sabbatical for me: 9am-2pm, 5 days a week plus two short trips away. In that time I met God on my yoga mat, hiked and researched varied areas of interest. I had the luxury of flexibility to say no to meetings and community gatherings. I spent time with friends who were life-giving and supportive. I took 2 different short classes that contributed to the work - one of which I dropped out of because it became too much to unpack at this particular season. I met with a therapist and a coach that kept me living the message and engaging with my head and my heart.

Illumination: for the workbook & book

Nov 2017 – I had enough supportive research to start creating the first draft process. I needed to get the material as it was to date, out of my head and into the world. I took 6 days and went to Mallorca, Spain on a creation retreat* with a friend. (While this sounds extravagant, I was elated to find tickets from Malaga, Spain where I was living at the time, that were $25 each way. I asked a friend who would join me in the space and split the cost of a place for less than $100 each.)

Nov – Dec 2017 – I came home from the retreat and refined the learnings and articulated the process to an “excellent enough” place to offer it to 10 people come the new year. 

Implementation for the workbook and Incubation for the book

Jan – Feb 2018 – I hesitantly released the material to an in-person target audience cohort (the who) over the course of 6 weeks; wrote supporting articles (content creation), weekly for two months to explain the workshop & process & give validity using the research I had collected. I quickly realized that while I created the process (the what), I still did not give voice to the explanation behind the process (the why).

May 2018 – I co-led a group of 8 women in transition on a spiritual pilgrimage on the Camino de Santiago for a week and tried the matieral in a very loosely resembling form.

2018-2021 – Over the course of several years, I have tried the material out in at least 8 different formats; receiving ongoing feedback and tweaking it towards best practice all along the way. Painful no-shows and empty workshop spaces were all a part of this process. I quickly learned to acquire thick skin. As well I became painfully aware of my limitations and areas of lacking - I’m not good at marketing or social media relations! I had to and still have to include a number of people in this with me. This is my social support structure.

2017-2020 – After every course, I edited the workbook in several different drafts (really for all 8 different formats listed above I was modifying the content each time.) In Dec 2020 I finally put a pause on the editing with a graphic designer and patient friend and made the workbook an official publication. (Thank you Springtime Books).

2017-2020 – Gave what I was doing an official name - The Way Between and thewaybetween.org and starting blogging ideas around this material monthly. A big hairy audacious goal! Requiring daily steps of courage!

2020-2021 – Transitioned our family during a pandemic to the US to once again live out the message of the material. The book continues to gnaw at me as I lack the full courage (and time) to find my writing voice the material requires.  

Illumination period for the book (and back to Implementation)

TODAY Aug 2021 – Writing retreat*…I have spent 3 days consolidating and sorting 75 references from 6 years + of compiled material and lived experiences. I’m nowhere near complete - back to Implementation!

Honestly, I don’t feel totally content with where I am leaving things after 3 days on this retreat. But I know this…I showed up and I dove in! I have to be my own cheerleader like I would for others. I must tell myself that I’m proud of me for carving out the space, for diving in, to continue to try to find my writing voice, and share the material that feels so relevant to a world in transition.

As well, I must say, I did really well with historically workaholic boundaries – This retreat was intentionally 2 parts work 1 part rest. And I’m physically more well-rested at the end of the time than I ever have been. I will continue living out the material and the creative process that I feel so passionate about. From here, I rest assured knowing I will put another multi-day writing space on the calendar in 2021. I am one step at a time making space to continue bringing this little baby to life. In the meantime I will embrace the birthing pains. 

*What does a writing retreat look like for me? I don’t know what others do, but for those interested I’ll write the loose structure I followed below. Generally, I work in chunks with breaks and lots of incorporated movement.

*My Writing Retreat Rough Schedule

7-8am Quiet Time & get the day started Breakfast

8-9 Yoga/light stretching

9-12 Writing, consolidating ideas, opening too many new word documents!

12-1pm Stop for lunch & a conversation if I’m not too deep in

1-3 Back to writing

3-4 Take a nap, walk or a hike to a coffee shop

4-6 Write again & conclude for the day

6-7 Walk home from a coffee shop

7-8 Dinner (share learnings if with others in a creative process)

8- Play and relax for the evening 

In hindsight, I wished I would have wrote more with a pen and paper and did more drawing exercises to stimulate my brain more (like those I list in The Art of Transition Workbook). I would have spent less time on the computer editing and organizing, but it felt like that is where my brain needed to be to once again comprehend the material I was gathering.  

While the schedule above may appear as though I’m writing for a total of 7 hours a day, the truth is that the writing process includes the preparation in research, refinement, and illumination periods. The break times and movement are a vital part of the overall illumination process. They are the daily incubation that truly fuels the work.  Like many other artists I am researching have noted, “When I dance or walk or draw, my mind has half a chance at stillness.” It’s from the place of movement in my body and stillness in my mind that my greatest creative ideas come to life. 

“Great creative work doesn’t happen overnight. It took God 7 days and He’s God!”

For Deeper Thought:

Question: What creation lives inside of you that is waiting for courage or time to be birthed? What is one practical step you can take today to begin moving it outside of you and into the world?

How to Start Your New Thing (on a dime): 10 Practical Tips for Creating New

It is really really hard (read NOT IMPOSSIBLE) to be all the people that your NEW non-profit or business needs to get started. When I list out all the roles that I wear as the director of a young non-profit, I quickly feel like I need a long nap! From website designer to fundraiser to content developer, my do-list feels like it is never finished. I can spiral into a woe is me feeling of isolation. And yet when I have accurate perspective, I feel the wind at my sails, the powerful support team behind me and like anything is possible.

Rather than curl up in a ball and hide under the covers, I still have to daily choose to face what can feel like a monstrous to-do list - one small detail at a time. I think of the wise people in my life who remind me, just take the next BEST step. For me the next best step looks different EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!

As I looked over my calendar of varied events, I realized I would have benefited from a blog article like this one that gave me a few pointers to getting started and keeping going! So since I’m a few years into this, but not so far ahead to forget the feelings of what it is like to start something (on a dime), I thought I’d write out some of the many practical tips that have kept the momentum going and kept me from hiding under a pile of sheets!

1. Just get started! Newton’s laws of motion states that “An object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion at constant velocity, unless acted upon by an unbalanced force. Inertia is the tendency of an object to resist changes in its velocity: whether in motion or motionless.” This concept of inertia never applied better than to getting started with that small hunch to create something new. Once you get the ball moving, it was tremendously easier to keep it in motion. For me this motion included starting by telling a few trusted people about my idea. Next came choosing a name. From there I created a gmail account with the name of the service and from there a public facebook page and later a closed facebook group. All of these cost me nothing and were totally FREE. Whilst getting me moving in the direction of sharing this idea publicly and making it a reality. Each of these steps were big decisions at the time. But they allowed me the chance to experiment and see what landed.

2. Ask for help wherever you can get it. People have resources and some have time! But most people don’t have both. Ask for help and be willing to barter your unique services and skill set. This is a great way to maximize how others can help you while utilizing what you have to give. There is a reason that the concentric relational circles (see relationship saturation) of the public sphere exist. They exist for times like this when you need a good recommendation, a photographer, an app developer, or someone to watch your children. I’m not talking about using people. I’m talking about utilizing what others know and can give that I DO NOT know or have to give. Everyone you meet knows more about something than you do. Be curious and open to who can join you in your vision. And be willing to give something back in return.

3. Offer to be a case study. I was reminded that people love to give advice and there were experts all around me. The year I began this endeavor there happened to be an undergraduate marketing class that wanted a case study coming to our town. They desperately needed small start-ups (aka - a project) like mine to dissect. I welcomed the chance to get out of my head and invite a class full of ambitious and up-to-date marketers to blow holes in my seemingly great ideas and communication strategies. While not everything they shared stuck, the half-day experience kept the ball rolling for me and got me talking about what I do to complete strangers. I really had nothing to lose but my pride!

4. Decide where your limits are between time and money. There is always something that needs doing. And yet I’m a firm believer in sabbath rest as a resource and discipline. From the onset I had some time, but little money; but truly not an abundant amount of either. If there is one thing I learned, don’t stop one paid thing before another thing gets going. Start the side hustle or non-profit prior to giving up on what you have been doing. Most start-ups take years to stabilize. And while it may seem like they happened overnight for everyone else, the book writer or the director you’re comparing yourself to likely had the vision for years before it was realized. Holding onto the stability (or impetus for change), will help motivate you and give you leverage to make the next steps in the right time.

5. Get a coach. The investment of a coach is invaluable to the process of creating something new! They will act as a sounding board, a wise and trusted advisor. They will provide feedback and an opportunity to “try things on” And finally they will help you stay the course and be the accountability that you need to get the job done. This is one of THE top investments to seeing your dreams realized.

6. Find your “Excellent enough”. This was the second most frequented statement I heard from my coach, that was truly gold! Just launching my website or running a 1.0 version of a workshop or a sample of a workbook, continually invited me to make it as best as I could in any given moment. It was never and still is not the level of perfection I would desire, but if I had waited for this level, I would never launch.

7. Set shipping dates for what you are creating. These shipping date “deadlines”, although arbitrary feeling, were the necessary push for me to step out from the million ideas in my head and make them a reality. These shipping dates also helped push me to make the abstract concrete. Challenging though every single one of them have been, I could not have and would not have seen a course, or a book created and launched if it wasn’t for my coach.

“Unless coached, people never reach their maximum capabilities” - Bob Nardelli, CEO, The Home Depot

8.     Create a visual story. I really struggled to come out from my little creation closet. We bartered for the service of a professional storyteller to help get my little contribution-to-the-world story out. This was such an empowering experience not to mention a great way to share it with so many others. Bottom line – get comfortable with videos and sharing why you’re doing what you’re doing. It’s the single best way to share with the masses. 

9.     When you need technical help start by looking it up on youtube or google it. I’m amazed at the millions of little videos that people create for people like me. So many helpful instructional videos exist for FREE!

10.  Utilize free summits. I can’t tell you how motivating and inspirational these free workshops and knowledge-power houses are! I learned a ton and applied a little at a time. From those professionals, I gathered emails and signed up for marketing experts advice that weekly come into my inbox.

11. Read about the areas that you know nothing about. I have tried to continue to learn every chance I get. Be avid about positioning yourself in front of literary mentors and experts where you lack knowledge.  

12. Ask for help…Did I already mention that? Do it over and over again. Think, who do I know that can help me with this? And if you don’t know someone pray for someone. And if the person doesn’t come, consider outsourcing like I did using 99designs or fivver for a professional logo. Some things can be done free and many others are worth paying for.

I’m so far from arriving. And yet, I share all of this to say that if you have a unique niche or passion on your heart, know that it is possible to achieve it! Any entrepreneur or visionary that you talk to will tell you it takes time, patience and an army. Reach out for help and humbly take it to accomplish all that you were created to accomplish!  

Questions for consideration: What is your next best step? Who is helping you along in the journey?

Lacking Community? 5 Intentional Ways to Meet Relational Support Needs in 2020-21

Arguably the hardest part of transition is establishing a new place of belonging. One goes from a place of knowing how things work, feeling like you are missed when you are gone and welcome when you are present. Uprootedness causes great identity disorientation that for many, can lead to isolation, depression and worse.

I want to fast-forward through this predictable stage of re-entry. I want to bypass the need for small talk, and the year-long misunderstanding that I experience in not really being myself because of transition angst and growing pains. In these spaces I’m reminded this is normal. I turn to the great work by Joseph Myers, in his book The Search to Belong.

According to his research healthy relationships have undergone a natural progression through four spaces of belonging: Public, Social, Personal and Intimate. “Healthy community - the goal humankind has sought since the beginning - is achieved when we hold harmonious connections within all four spaces. Harmony means more public belongings than social, more social than personal and very few intimate.”

He goes on to state that for healthy relationships to exist, you must progress through these stages rather than step over one to get to the other. Not every relationship moves, some may stay in the public sphere (i.e. a neighbor, a pharmacist, or a parent of my children’s friend). Those that do move, move in a natural progression through public > social > personal > intimate. When the progression is bypassed, there is lack of trust, authenticity, misunderstanding and potential for shame.

During this time of a pandemic, when the public and social spaces are lacking, those in major life transition are especially disadvantaged in discovering places of belonging. How can they naturally progress if there is no public sphere to enter? While there is still a great need for being deeply known, new personal and intimate connections can not happen without the ability to meet people in the public spheres that are currently limited - like a ball game, a church service or a party.

And while we need people in all 4 categories, we most desperately need people in the personal and intimate.

So how does one find fulfillment, while simultaneously experiencing the natural strain of lacking community due to transition and now also to an enforced pandemic?

1. If at all possible, move to a place where you know at least one other person. While I recognize this is not always possible, I highly recommend it to all who have the opportunity to speak into their relocation’s geographical decision. Finding new friends as an adult is increasingly hard. Add a pandemic where people are leary to make new acquaintances and the possibilities become even fewer. While we may still feel the disconnect involved with transition, when there is at least one other person who has known us in the past, we feel a more stable and integrated part of us moving into the current location with us. To me having one friend is similar to having a life raft. Not meant to be reductive nor utilitarian, this friend can be an emergency plan. Not a forever plan; something or someone to lean on when the transition waters rise! When I’m feeling bewildered by the many new decisions and uncertain of how to get life done, I can call on someone…even just one person to hear me out and speak my language. 

2. Utilize social media gathering spaces such as web-based conferences and virtual learning platforms. While they do not suffice for intimate relationships, there is a host of options to provide the needed outside circles of social and public proximity spaces that Myers refers to.

3. Similarly I have used permissible meetups like outdoor hiking groups and Facebook groups to gain a better understanding of the greater geographic community I am living in. These platforms provide a welcome understanding that we are sharing something but not everything in common. When I share at the level the group is intended for, I feel known, understood and gain clarity on whether I want to move towards people in this group.

4. Take advantage of the unforeseen challenges of those friends that are stuck.  We all experienced many disruptions and inconvenient change of plans during these last several months. However, I have seen repeatedly people in places they were not expecting to be for an extended period of time. While a huge inconvenience for some, this pandemic provided an immeasurable blessing for others. For us, some of our closest friends from Spain who were taking a sabbatical stateside for 6 months had to extend their stay for several months due to the mandated travel bans. What this meant for us was both the presence of people who knew us, but also an extension of the me I used to be. I don’t love saying, “when I lived in Spain” or “just like when I was in Spain” to new people I meet. I understand it gets old really fast! These people from Spain, intrinsically get the differences and similarities and can celebrate the new alongside mourning that my heart will always be divided from this point on. These global nomads, and others who are stuck can provide a gift of support despite their unforeseen stuckness.

“…an extension of the me I used to be”

5. As we talk about transition with others, one way we discuss filing the loneliness in the in-between of having lost friendships and making new ones, is to find bridge people that will stay with you from one place to the next; whether that be via a weekly text or a monthly check-in. Not everyone can or will be able to provide this, but having a few close intimate supports, reminds you that you are known and loved and “held” is incredibly important in a time of transition when your identity is so confused.

In this particular transition, I asked four important people in my life to check in on my emotional health once a month for approximately 6 months. While four people was not a magic number, it distributed the responsibility across a few of my close supporters as each individual knows me and “cares” for me from a different angle. Four also fulfilled a once a week every month commitment. If one of them needed to skip a week, I don’t go a whole month without a check-in. In my case, two of these are helping professionals (coach and counselor) and two are close friends; all have journeyed with me for more than 4 years. I have others that check in too, but not as consistently and intentionally.

And just a sidenote: As transition coaches this bridge relationship is one role we provide for others in understanding and being with people in their way between. We get it. Finding people who get it and get you is the goal!

As I transition to a new country again now in my mid-40’s I recognize I’ve learned a few things from my many moves. 1. I NEED a few soft landing pieces in the form of people more than a house or a bed. I can go a long time without a “home” but not without people who get me. 2. My top priority in friendship is finding people who can track with me and understand my quirkiness, my sadness, my excitement and the me that is not just “new,” “awkward,” or “forgetful” Sara!

From the leaving and the losing, into the gap of not having, and then again into finding new ways of fitting in and belonging, these people who journey with me in that strange and bumpy road are my necessary bi-cultural bridges. I need to humbly ask people to stay with me however they can in this weird season of in between. This patient posture of togetherness fills the great chasm until I can be me more of myself. I truly need these bridge people and recognize what a different emotional place I’m in when I have them in my life.

Bi-cultural bridges are a lifeline between the old land and the new

We can utilize Myers work on belonging as a reminder that long-lasting, personal or intimate relationships take time. And intentionally seeking out a few relationships to bridge transition (and especially the pandemic), may provide the grace we need to stabilize and begin to gain our bearings.

For further thought:

What is your greatest social support need in transition?

Who can help meet that need that really gets you?

The 6 Marriage & Vocation Profiles: A Common Language For Clarity of Expectations

Originally posted October 22, 2014

Partnership in Marriage and Vocational Work

While it’s arguable that we are drawn to our partners because of their complimentary traits illuminating who we are not. There is no predictive precedence for guaranteeing that we will work together well. There are certain vocations, such as working together cross-culturally that require harmonious work/family life balance or at minimum, an acknowledgment of the defining roles. And yet seldom do we see intentional effort put forth to discuss how to value both parties’ unique callings. The classification of the differing postures is one such effort - to give common language to the posturing and any correlating tensions.

In Bobby Clinton’s leadership studies, he categorizes how couples work out their partnership in marriage and vocational work together using 6 common profiles. This paradigm helps unpack where tension may arise and where attention may be needed.

While the variety of profiles may be equally legitimate and acceptable, each couple must decide on their own (and likely along with their organization) how their values will be lived out. While these profiles may change for various reasons - considering limitations and seasons of life such as retirement, child-bearing, etc., it is important that couples understand, identify and discuss which profile they currently live out and which one they may want to live into.

1. Internal/External profiles

One spouse concentrates primarily on external (outside of the home) vocation as a career and is the chief source of economic support. The other spouse concentrates on the home environment (internal). Both participate as much as possible in each other’s sphere and needs.

2. Co-work/partnership profile

Both are engaged full-time in the SAME external (outside of the home) vocational work together. Both share EQUALLY in meeting the internal family needs.

3. Independent vocational profile

Both spouses give themselves to full time external vocation in DIFFERENT settings that are relatively independent of each other.

4. Alternative vocational profile

The spouses alternate the release profile, internal ministry for varying portions of time. Each releases and helps the other develop the external career or educational pursuit for significant portions of time. It IS a planned swap.

5. Delayed vocation profile

A variation of the internal/external profile. Both spouses had vocational pursuits before marriage. One spouse drops most external pursuits and concentrates on meeting the needs of the family. Eventually that spouse re-enters external vocation that is independent or joint vocation.

This often happens when couples begin to have children. The major implication is that 
changing roles and expectations must be clearly articulated.

6. Non-Harmonious profile

One or the other spouses opposes the other’s role in or some significant way hinders fulfillment of potential. Needs are not met whether economic, strategic or social. This is not a recommended profile!

Reflection on the Profiles:

Why is it helpful to label these postures of work/marital role operating? Unclear expectations of roles, whether in the workplace or home setting, cause equally disruptive harmony to the system.

In the working world, role clarity and perception is equated with performance. The level to which expectations are communicated is often the level to which performance is seen. “All of life is uncertain; it is the perception of too much uncertainty that undercuts focus and performance.” When expectations are not clear and remain uncertain, people feel threatened, confused and make poor decisions.

Being able to clearly identity where you fit in any role, but especially a key role such as marriage, gives language to any emotional dissonance, misfit or discord. On the other hand, the language may speak equal volume to what is going well and how you want to continue on in your current profile structure.

Simultaneously, this language speaks to personal and marital calling. Are you (singular and plural), in this particular arrangement, able to live your unique calling and way the world needs your fingerprint? While we work with couples and individuals cross-culturally, it is evident that many spouses are not content with the current unspoken arrangement. This discontent leads to attrition when not addressed or given space for equal voice.

There are many ways to utilize this tool. One suggested method is to set aside an hour to discuss this with your spouse. Each person answer the following questions without the other being able to defend or disagree - just validate. Create a safe and open space for the conversation. If needed, give it some space and come back to it or find an outsider to reflect with.

1. Which profile most accurately describes your current approach to vocation and family life together?

2. How well is your vocation/family life balance working right now?

3. Which profile or mix of profiles would best suit your next phase of development?

4. What could you be doing as a couple to grow in your partnership in marriage and vocation?

5. What challenges does this profile include?

If you find that you, as a married couple are at an impasse with how to proceed seek out an objective outside coach or counselor to help you continue this conversation.

Adapted from “Social Base Processing” by Dr Robert J Clinton, Barnabas Publishers, 1993.

When Caregivers Hurt: Embodying Grief

When Caregivers Hurt: Embodying Grief

What does a caregiver do when they go through their own tragic losses? Although we don’t often admit it, many of us caregivers go into the line of work we do because there is something cathartic about helping ourselves through helping others. There is a natural tendency in all humans to want to avoid pain. Caregivers can be particularly good at masking their own pain through the perceivably commendable actions of putting other’s first. Quicker than others, caregivers can often see the pain on the horizon, due to our knowledge of grief, and run fast and far away to avoid confronting it head on. Or, we as caregivers can choose to give it the welcome space it deserves.

I admit, I am GUILTY of this avoidant and detachment posture. I’ve been contemplating around it these last several days of personally grieving.

When we recently received our new-to-us, one year-old rescue lab a little less than a month ago, we saw signs of a cold. The doctors sent her home with antibiotics, but as the days went on and the antibiotics lacked, it became apparent she was much worse than that. This past week, our family watched our poor girl suffer from the overwhelm of continuous and paralyzing seizures. Over the course of just one week, her whole body went from a playful young pup, into a non-stop foaming, and catatonic-state canine. Doctors could not understand the reasoning or where they were coming from. In just a matter of days, we saw her body deteriorate to an unrecognizable state. In the last 12 hours of her life, her seizures increased in length and duration. Her body violently flopping around the floor, a traumatic sight I never wished anyone, especially my kids would see. After praying with fervent hope just days prior, we made the calculated decision to put her out of her misery,

Just 3 weeks. That is the total duration of time that we had her. And sadly, that is the same amount of time we had our last dog. 3 short weeks. It was a similar scenario with different manifestations leading to death. We learned both had incurable diseases we would never have known when we adopted them.  

We now mourn the loss of both of these unjust and bizarre scenarios, where all we wanted was a furry new family member. And what we got was a list of losses a page long. Both Tracker and Azula were sweet animals with a lot of life left to live and a home where they were wanted and loved. It still makes no sense to us but here we are presented head on with the death of a loved animal and the grief that remains.

Grief doesn’t make sense. It is laden with unanswered questions and deep heartache around what never will be. 

Yesterday as I let the tears stream down my face, I had little energy to do anything else. And yet surprisingly after we cried and shared together as a family, my 7 & 11 year old children wanted to dance! DANCE! If I didn’t know better I would be angry at the insensitivity of the moment. But my knowledge of embodied grief told me that this visibly happy energy is as natural as tears. Kids demonstrate for us logical, linear adult-types that our body will naturally find ways to hold or release our feelings. If we learn to listen to it, we will be able to respond to the cries and needs are body is trying to communicate.  

Not only do we seldom see healthy expressions of grief we are fighting against what is the "right way" to grieve. We hear judgment statements like, “She was handling the loss so well. She was so put together as they buried him. He seems to be over it!”

Simultaneously, how can we criticize when we don’t know how to embody grief in healthy ways.  With the rise of modern psychology there is value given to talk therapy as an outlet for grief.  While talk therapy has proven beneficial in many ways, we quickly learn the limits of the left logical brain. While it’s not necessarily easier to talk about trauma or loss, it has become our adult form of dealing with the pain. 

Even as I write this, the words lack in explanation and healing power of the pain we recently experienced. The words lack, because words are meant to lack. We are not meant to experience grief in a logical, analytical, figure-it-all-out kind of way.  And yet that is often the only “culturally appropriate” model of healing that we are given.  We can’t talk our way out of the pain. The knowledge that our brain has a limit to how it can logically interact with trauma or grief directs us to discover other ways of dealing with grief. We must integrate our whole brain and consider how the right, creative brain can teach us to be active in our bodies as a means of release.  

Now known, but seldom practiced, is the understanding that grief can get stuck in the body…our bodies know and need permission to let go! Think of a recent blow up you’ve seen in a child or adult. This is an expression of built up grief. Doctors have noted there have been direct ties to headaches, stomach problems, back pain and heart attacks correlating to unresolved grief the body has absorbed and not released. 

In the well-known book, The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel VanDerKolk challenges us that we can circumvent the speechlessness that comes with trauma, grief and loss by releasing it through the healing powers of art, music, dance and movement. Bottom line, you have to feel it to heal it!

You have to feel it to heal it! 

As my colleague Eve Austin, a professional counselor friend reminded me recently, grief needs an outlet. She said, “______it out (dance, sing, cry, shout, run, walk, hike, stretch). Give your grief a physical and tangible outlet.” In times of grief we must find a physical outlet that allows your body to healthily engage and release the intensity of emotions that come with it. It’s not as natural for me as for my children. But it is persistently on my radar to listen well and discover new ways to release my body from carrying the burden associated with loss. 

Here are a few other ideas on concrete ways to “grieve well”:

1. Take a long silent walk with a friend.

2. Create a list of losses (i.e. the loss of dreams, the loss of money, the loss of voice, the loss of hope). Both the tangible and the intangible losses need a release.

3. Acknowledge these losses and schedule time to “work them out” via exercise or alongside a trusted friend.

4. Create a ritual such as lighting a candle once a week and space to think about the losses.

5. Do simple stretches while you create this space, thanking your body for how it has been with you in all of this.

6. Shake it out!

7. Dance it out!

8. Read the Psalms of Lament and write your own.

9. List off the gifts that came with what you lost.

10. Use color or drawing to engage.

Grief is really gratitude in response to a gift. My wise friend Eve also reminded me that “Holding both, the grief and gratitude, eventually starts to balance me out so I don’t tip over into the abyss of loss.”

Living includes loss. There is no way around it. I am to find my way into grief and allow myself permission and safe spaces to go there. This is the ongoing work of grieving that us caregivers must especially do. We must embody the grief and disembody the grief by letting it go. This is an act of care for ourselves and a model for those that we care for.

Grief is really gratitude in response to a gift.

For further thought:

What does grieving look like for you? What have you personally found helpful? Where do you struggle most?

Beware: The Library & Re-entry Shock

Throughout the duration of the 8 years that we lived as a family on the field, we repeatedly attempted to figure out how the book world worked. Every time we thought we had a grasp on it, we quickly realized we didn’t. Now several months in to our repatriating process, we finally have enough capacity to tackle this great resource. Or maybe not!

As we entered the foreign living and language life, it took us several years to discover a good library with books that held my children’s attention in their new foreign language. As years passed and our language grew, the options opened up. As well, did our ability to learn where we could find English books. (Reading in our mother tongue was always more enjoyable to absorb and listen to when read out loud). We celebrated the small accomplishments of finding resources, and yet still longed for the ease of a full buffet of English learning that we knew the American library system provided.  

And here I was in my home country again and none of it felt right. The truth: The library was one of the most lamented parts of raising my children abroad. In the two years that passed in waiting to move overseas, we utilized all of the free special events offered via the library - movies on the lawn, DVD rentals and a vast array of other cultural options FREE just for the knowing. I have fond memories of a weekly bonding experience with my then 2 year-old son – bike ride in the frog seat + story time! The idea that there are such a vast amount of resources and the ability to learn so many amazing things at anyone’s disposal, amazed me. I felt like a kid in a candy store! And yet I didn’t realize how much I loved and missed it until we would visit on home assignment. With great intentionality, I would make it a priority to check out the local library even if I squeezed it in between meeting people or being with family or having to borrow a local friend’s library card. Surprisingly, It became a top priority!

During my early days of re-entry, when I finally stepped foot inside one of the MANY local libraries, I was quickly faced head on with the fact that I felt like a foreigner in my own land. I felt the overwhelm at the literally hundreds and thousands of titles of books for my or my child’s liking. I had a fleeting thought wondering, “were all of these books written in the decade since I was gone? Where does one start?” Crazy though it may sound, It was a deep and profound feeling of homelessness. A feeling that I didn’t really know or understand how things worked anymore. The fear crept in that I may not ever get past this feeling of weird.

The book, The Art of Coming Home explains this out of place phenomena by saying. “You can accept that you are not going to fit in abroad in what is after all a foreign country, but the idea that you don’t fit in back home, where you are in all likelihood going to spend much, if not the rest, of your life, is deeply disturbing.” It’s the little things like entering a beloved place such as the library that trigger those feelings of lack of understanding and belonging. It’s the reminder that you don’t know how to get things done here, either that is a frequent and painful feeling of strangeness for a duration of up to several years! And a longing for a place that is home.

 “You can accept that you are not going to fit in abroad in what is after all a foreign country, but the idea that you don’t fit in back home, where you are in all likelihood going to spend much, if not the rest, of your life, is deeply disturbing.”

Like stepping foot in an average grocery store in my re-entry, I found my heart started racing in the library and my mind quickly became overwhelmed with how to navigate it all. I was in sensory overload similar to that of a new foreign country! I knew to seek out a librarian but I didn’t know what questions to ask - Simply put, what happened to the card catalogs? Where do I even begin?

Audiobooks, DVD’s, read-along books, packaged theme books…the offerings seemed unending and that was only what was in the brick and mortar library building. Here I was, nearly breaking out in a sweat at both excitement and overwhelm, recognizing the symptoms as classic re-entry shock. And yet I’m bound and determined that there are resources I knew not of that I would be glad to know if only I could persist and like too much of any good thing - pace myself.

I’m aware that I may have subconsciously waited 12 weeks to tackle this beast for this very reason.  I accessed the same tools I did in crossing culture in the other direction, I used the limited language I had and asked a librarian for a tour of this new land! “What is a digital download? Explain what the difference is in all of these options?” Met with a smile and a look of surprise, the librarian obliged. I however, quickly changed my mind and decided I would wait for my kids to join and use it as a family learning experience. I wasn’t ready for my brain to take in all that would be shared. This feeling of information overload and possibility would have to wait.

And while I wanted to eat large offerings from this buffet in short periods of time, I have to recognize my operating at 60% capacity in transition brain that says, “Slow down. Take your time. It will all still be here a year from now!” Take, eat, enjoy, and share!

Let me share a few of my learnings here in case you’re like me and not quite ready for the stimulation overload.

1. Getting a library card was tremendously easier than it ever has been in the past. No proof of home address was needed this time. I wish I had been more diligent about pursuing this during furloughs.

2. I will likely never need to buy another book again in my life! My request-to-order books were met with a desire to be bought into the system for all to enjoy.

3. I can check out up to 99!, yes, 99! books per library card. I’m not sure who decided that number but apparently it’s the rule as well, it is up to me as a parent to decide what I want to be responsible for! I’m limiting my children to 5.

4. Summer reading programs give amazing gifts! Like a full family meal out and a free book for each person who participates or a local park pass!

5. When I search for a book in the actual library there is a high probability that it will be found on one of several online library systems that are also available to me. This is the part where I always get stuck! This is my learning curve. I am learning to accept these curves as opportunities.

6. These online systems can be used on any smart device. Hoopla and Libby are examples and are apps that are shared by the library systems. They each have their own rules and regulations as well as limitations of what they carry.

7. The library has so many local free options like a culture pass. We can use our zoo, botanic gardens, science museum, dinosaur museum, get a state parks pass and much more FOR FREE! Just by having a local library card!

8. There are classes and services such as branding and grant-writing that are accessible through the library.

9. There are (or at least were before Covid) teen mentors who can sit and read with your learning to read in English child!

 While living abroad, I knew I missed the plethora of English options available in the halls of the local American library systems. However I had no idea to what extent these services ranged. Coming back to the US, I was both amazed and often overwhelmed by the abundance available, just for the knowing. The library was and is one such system of surprise! And although I’m still on a steep learning curve, far from mastering this system/treasure/trigger, I’m one step closer to understanding the great, big, wonderful, wide world known as the US library and my lack of language and capacity in re-entry. I simultaneously accept the limitations and am excited about the unlimited possibilities.  

Thoughts to consider:

Where did you or are you experiencing re-entry shock, most? What did you immediately do about it?

Making Peace with 2020: A New Year's Visual Examen Exercise

At the turn of 2020, I wrote this reflection exercise and shared it here on the blog. It included a simple, transferable process to gain altitude and perspective on the year that had passed. Little did I, or anyone at that time know the disturbingly drastic change of events that the year ahead of us would hold. That, on top of our normal ebbs and flows of transition, grieves and losses, and major life change. Every single life would be complicated that much more by an increasing pandemic. As we’ve lived it, it has been mixed with racial injustice, poverty and already terrible tragedies around the world. 2020 seemed like a never-ending stream of bad news.

That is the predominant feeling most had, and yet the truth included moments of goodness, purpose, redirection and creativity amidst the pain and suffering.

As I personally wrap up an incredibly challenging year of global transition, in many ways I can’t wait to tear up the calendar and throw it away as soon as possible. While there will still be no ripping of calendars like my mom’s tradition growing up (see 2019 blog), this year’s calendar may have many pages repurposed for lack of use. And still, I long to glean from 2020 what is mine to learn. And to celebrate so many gifts that came in spite of it all.

Rather than remember the long days of confinement, the multiple cancellations of flights, all that didn’t come to be, I want to capture the full picture and instead focus on the good that may otherwise get lost if I don’t pause to remember that which came from my Covid year.

What became of your covid year? What successes did you experience? Where did you see personal growth?

Whether you’ve had an incredible amount of change or loss or a year full of amazing surprises (yes, I’ve spoken to some who have experienced 2020 that way); or while you may anticipate transition or more uncertainty on the horizon, the opportunity to take a deep reflective pause and make note of the year prior affords us space for both gratitude and perspective.   

I wrote this last year:  

While I love to reflect and process for hours, I’ve found the desired space is not always readily available in this season of life and during the holidays. I’ve found grace in giving myself the whole month of January, as of late. But even still a less comprehensive and intimidating reflection exercise was needed for me to be able to enter in. Here are a few carefully chosen questions and 4 suggested approaches, depending on time.    

“The opportunity to take a deep reflective pause and make note of a year full of surprises, affords us space for grieving, gratitude and perspective.”

4 Processing Options:

So while you may begin by just diving in, I find a few approaches aide my processing best. Begin by creating a quiet reflective space. Set aside distractions. Choose one of the following 4 visual prompts depending on how much time you can afford.

1.     15-30 minutes: Take a look through your calendar and make a list of the top events on your calendar. Let these events prompt your thoughts as you contemplate the answers to these questions.

2.     30 minutes-1 hour: If you take pictures, take a look back over the year’s pictures and allow the visual stimulus to jog your brain in reflecting.

3.     1-2 hours: Look back over your journal from the last year and note the important events and areas that concerned you or caused you great delight. You took time to write them down, note how they impact the questions above. (If you don’t journal or didn’t this year, looking back over emails or Facebook posts may stimulate some of the same thoughts).

4.     1-3 hours: Utilize one of the above methods together with this visual reflection exercise. Having already made a list of important events, Draw a clock with numbers corresponding to the months of the year (Jan = 1, Dec = 12). Starting with 1, meditate as you draw or write simple words that represent the highlights, breakthroughs, consuming thoughts or God’s delight of January the year prior. Where were you as the clock turned last year? Who were you with? What has changed since?

Top reflection questions:

1.     What are the most important events that took place in the last year? Who are some of the significant people?

2.     Where did I see the greatest breakthroughs (physically, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, spiritually)?

3.     What area(s) consumed my thinking and attention most?

4.     Where did I experience God’s delight?

Give yourself time to go through each month, draw or make note of the thoughts or feelings you want to capture within or outside of the clock. 

If you’re like me, doing this in a group, creates a unique dynamic of community and accountability. Come join The Way Between and a small group of others like yourself who want to process this hard year in one of the three, three-hour sessions available this 2020.

December 28 - 4-7pm MST,
December 30 - 10am-1pm MST,
January 5 - 10am - 1pm MST

Sign up by December 15 and pay just $25 using code ORGANIZEDIN2020

Register here: https://thewaybetween.churchcenter.com/registrations

How do I know which transition service(s) I need?

Where is your journey currently taking you? Where does the terrain feel uncertain?

A few years ago, I finally got really honest with myself. I was perpetually frustrated with my work environment and irritable all the time. A wise colleague said he had seen it several times before, “If you’re not living out your leadership gifting you’re going to be perpetually discontent with the leaders around you.” This was my painful wake up call moment. I wasn’t living into my strengths and gifts, in particular my leadership gifts. I was critical and negative and felt STUCK without fully knowing it. I had small children at home and quite honestly I hated to admit my limitations. Excuses aside, I had to come clean that my criticism of others stemmed from my internal discontent. I would never thrive and be in a place of ultimate contribution until I was living into my calling. I was at a crossroads and had a decision to make. Was I going to keep complaining and be miserable to be around or was I willing to do something about it?

We all know someone like this. In fact if you’re honest, it may be you. We each reach a place of growth plateau in our development. Terry Walling, author of Stuck!: Navigating Life and Leadership Transitions, says there are 3 primary pivotal leadership transition points - late 20’s, mid 40’s and early 60’s.

Exactly true for me. Here I was at the turn of the decade in my 40’s. Where one has lived a little and determined what we can or can not put up with. We’ve seen good leaders and bad ones. We have stories to draw on and life experience to back up our decisions. We’ve experienced the working world for a number of years and start to see that our time is limited. It’s here people in their early 40’s experience a holy discontent and need objective outsiders and mentors who have gone before them to say truthful and sometimes hard things to challenge their developmental trajectory.

I thought I was on the right developmental track, but a few trusted mentors helped me realize that I needed to take time to be really honest about my situation and where my life was headed.

When people come to us as transition coaches, they are at a point of making a decision. A decision in leadership, or job change, role shift, or geographical move, to name a few. These are big decisions. And ones I don’t advise you go at alone. People come to us knowing they need something but don’t know where to start. We often hear, “What do I need? Where do I start?”

While there’s not a one-size fits all answer, this article explains The Way Between’s service offerings, including the questions you can ask yourself to coach yourself into a decision of which direction of care you need to focus on for your particular situation. You can see from our home page that The Way Between’s target audience is global workers in major life transition. However, the services are NOT limited to global workers only. You can also go to our services or event page to learn more about the many types of transition services we provide.

While knowing what is needed and where to start can sometimes be the hardest part on the journey. Here’s a short guide to lead you:

1. Start with, What statement(s) or complaints do I often hear myself saying: “I’m so tired. I hate this job. I’m overwhelmed with my workload. I need clarity. I wish I had more dreams.” These are your catalyst statements and indicators of where to start. These statements contain trigger words that I as a coach listen to, to determine what is most needed next.

2. Next ask yourself what question coincides with your catalyst statement? (There is a cheat sheet below for common statement/questions we hear). These are also indicators of what next steps to take. Example: “I am spread thin…Do I need to take some time off?” or, “I am in my 60’s and know my time on earth is limited…What is the best way to use my time and energy at this stage of life?”

3. Which one aspect of care do you need most? We work with people during vocational shifts, burnout, needing a sabbatical, leadership development or cross-cultural adjustment. Together we combine those statements, questions and our skills to determine fit. We have many tools and resources in our toolbelts to help with these questions. Below are a list of the top statements and questions we most often hear in this line of work. Listed alongside are a handful of the coinciding services that may assist you in creating a plan forward. Make note that individual coaching would provide you with a personalized approach and an understanding of other tools that may prove uniquely useful for your situation.

Paying attention to these statements as catalysts and questions as direction, can help you to begin to move ahead.

What statement(s) or complaints do I often hear myself saying most? These statements contain trigger words that I as a coach listen to, to determine what is most needed next.

Listed below is the Service Guide: Catalyst, Question and Service(s) Available Chart.

Listen to your internal nudge. What is one practical step you can take today to get you moving on the right path? Do any of these familiar to us statements + questions resonate with where you are at right now?

I am in my 60’s and know my time on earth is limited…What is the best way to use my time and energy at this stage of life?

Given my limitations of _____(time, money, resources, etc.), I’m finding it difficult to stay in my current role… What are my other options?

I am not experiencing fruit or enjoyment most of the time in my current role…should I stay in it?

I am spread thin…Do I need to take some time off?

I feel like I’m on the verge of burnout, there is just so much to do…How can I be intentional about how I use my time?

My kids are not thriving in school…Is that enough to uproot my family and repatriate?

I feel spiritually and emotionally dead…What can I do to regain momentum in this area?

I still feel angry at my past employer, spouse, or co-worker…Will I ever find peace?

Whether you have general or specific questions please don’t hesitate to ask. We, at The Way Between have a passion for serving people in major life transition, to live out their calling, make well-informed decisions, and reduce attrition through preventative measures. We offer competitively-priced and reduced-cost transition resources, personalized coaching and group workshops. We look forward to working with you.

For deeper reflection:

These statements are worth listening to. How often do you hear yourself saying them? Have others heard you say them? Ask! Where do you feel most stuck? What compels you to change? What inhibits you from doing anything about it?

Requesting Assistance: Who qualifies for Reduced-fee Services at The Way Between?

Who qualifies for reduced-fee services at The Way Between?

We at The Way Between believe that the future of non-profit work will entail a hybrid model of fees for service and donation or grant-based funds. We want to be upfront and honest with you about our pricing structure and welcome your feedback. We know these topics are often delicate and culturally-bound. However, our highest priority is to provide accessible and affordable services to those in need while being responsible stewards for what we have been given.

This page explains The Way Between’s intake process, including the types of cases we prioritize, as well as which clients are entitled to reduced-fee services. You can see from our home page that the target audience is global workers in major life transition. You can go to our events or service page or to the blog post designated to describing our types of transition services we provide.  

THE PROCESS:
Individuals and organizations submit an issue or desire through our online intake form. TWB then evaluates the request for assistance on many levels, primarily A) Is it within our expertise, B) Does the client qualify for reduced-fee services, C) Can we execute the services well, given our time and expertise. D. Are there other alternatives to receiving the needed care or resources. We will then get back to you to inform you if you qualify for your requested reduced-fee services. Note: If there are publicly listed options for the use a code for reduced-fee services and you qualify, you are welcome to chose that option. This method of fee structure is based on the “pay what you can” honor system.

HOW WE PRIORITIZE:

        A. To see if the work is within our expertise.  At this point, we focus on transition, re-entry and sabbatical care, coaching, and workshops. Much of the content we cover deals with issues of identity, calling, vocational discernment and change. When we work with global workers the complexity of the decision-making is magnified as families in transition consider many different angles related to one parent’s decisions of employments. Questions that arise in these situations are much more complicated with the answers having wide-spread effects including uprooting third-culture kids, needing to learn a new language, starting over, and a large move budget, just to name a few. These issues of transition are all well within our scope of why we provide services to help individuals, couples, families and organizations make better more-informed decisions with the best interest of all involved. Consult the services provided detailed list for further explanation. And when you, like I can pay more there are options, like the pay it forward concept on our giving page.

B. Can we execute the services well, given our time and expertise? We must consider whether we can execute these services well and the amount of resources we have. With the best interest of all client parties involved. These factors lead us to our extensive resource pool if indeed the answer is no.  

        C. Qualifying for Reduced-fee Services. If the request is within our area of expertise and we have the available time and resources, we must consider many angles. While working in the non-profit sector with clients across donation-based and voluntary status, we must consider highest need and our ability to “keep the lights on!” Those in low-access countries do have first priority of our limited reduced-fee services. We will consider whether we are the best fit to assist this individual or entity based on many factors. We ask that when you are requesting for reduced-fee services and assistance you consider the following angles:

REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE:  

1. What can you pay? We at The Way Between understand that there are times and circumstances when there are needs greater than accessible funds. That is why we ask, “What, if anything can you pay?” For nearly two years I met with a very necessary and skilled counselor for $25/session. She was gracious to provide this service to me at a greatly reduced cost. Her skills were worth much more than I was able to pay. It was a gift I new I would pay forward someday and she could honestly accept my low payment as one of her few reduced-fee clients because others were paying significantly more. I knew that my $25/session was investing financially in my own care at the max of what I could afford at that time. This was an immeasurably significant value to my emotional and spiritual health. I stretched myself to the place I could to receive this necessary service and developmental care. We at The Way Between have priced our costs to account for the needs of our clients. There are times when we are able to take more reduced-fee clients than other times.

2. When we are limited on providing reduced-fee services we ask people that we provide services to, to carefully pray and consider asking 3 of their own donors for personal funding the service they are requesting. While this may be a new concept to many, it is our personal conviction that those who know you and believe in you, will continue to invest in you because of the relationship you have. Your story of tragedy and triumph is what you have to share. We can share generally about it second-hand (because of the confidential nature of our work), but it is much more powerful heard first-hand and directed at those who know your heart. When you ask your donors for your care, they are personally investing deeper in your sustainability in service and will see the results, as well! Often, we have been surprised that there are people waiting to be asked. It just requires us to humbly .

3. Consider asking your organization. Many organizations have limited care services available. And yet simultaneously they may have resources such as grants or organizational funds available for crisis care, treatment and development or retention services. They know that your care will sustain you for better and more effective long-term service. A price worth paying for in the long run.

4. Availability of service. Individuals requesting services that are otherwise not available receive priority. However, there are more needs than there are typically services. Once all of these three previous requests are considered, we then consider our highest need/lowest resourced requests. Particular preference is given to individuals in difficult or low access countries who have limited resources available to them.

As you can see, there are multiple angles to consider 1. Expertise 2. Execution of Service availability and 3. Highest need. In the end, we may ask, can we use some self-guided method to get similar results? or Can we refer you to a trusted colleague?

Whether you have general or specific questions please don’t hesitate to ask. We, at The Way Between have a passion for serving global workers in major life transition, to live out their calling, make well-informed decisions, and reduce attrition through preventative measures. We offer competitively-priced and reduced-cost transition resources, personalized coaching and group workshops. We look forward to working with you.

What is needed to help me move forward: Course, Consultant, or Coach?

You may be stuck, seeking discernment or decision-making. You may be in a crisis that is necessitating a geographical change. Change is inevitable, but you are uncertain of how to proceed. Who or what will help you move forward in your current circumstances? Many will turn to a book, a course a coach or a consultant to help in seasons of needed input towards change. Some will choose all of the above. (I’ve been there). While there is a time and a place for each of these, there may be a best fit for you right now. Here are some things to consider.

What is the Difference:

What are the choices and what are the differences between your options? How does one decide which is best in any given circumstance. Here’s a short overview.

Blog: A snippet of available information. A sample of a writer’s voice and knowledge.

Book: A more comprehensive overview of a topic. A one-size-fits-all approach to a problem.

Course/Trainer: Provides instruction and teaches you new concepts to implement; giving you tools to use. Typically one size fits all + a moment or moments for direct contact with the trainer.

Coaches: A coach listens to help understand your personalized next steps by co-laboring regularly with you in determining what is needed for your unique circumstances. A coach will also hold you accountable and cheer you on in the process.

Consultants: A consultant is available to learn where you have need and give you advice. They are often drawing on a wealth of knowledge because they are a few steps ahead of you.

Combination: Course + Coach (for example) = Be creative and combine a couple of these for the most optimal combination of success and implementation

When to invest in a Course:

A course should, simply stated, teach you how to do something you need more training or tools in. Ask yourself three questions, 1. Would taking this course add a skill or a process that will help me in the long run? While the topic may be interesting and this investment may be something you always wanted to study for personal growth, will the time and money be worth the investment?

Secondly, ask, “Is this the right time for this course?” There are plenty of options for learning available in the Information Age that we live in. Often too many. We want to take it all in and in the end can’t implement it because of time or energy. An important factor to keep in mind when signing up for a course is that you should ideally plan to utilize this course within 30 days of purchasing or attending it to optimize your learning. If you can’t implement the material in 30 days maybe the time is not right for taking this particular course.

You should ideally plan to utilize a course within 30 days of purchasing or attending it to optimize your learning.

The final question to ask is, Does the facilitator have knowledge that would enhance my learning around this topic or move me ahead in my personal goals? Think of the facilitator like a temporary consultant. Are they one or two steps ahead of me? The content could be a fit, and the timing a fit, but if the facilitator doesn’t have the necessary experience or credentials, it may be that a different course or the same course with a different instructor would be a better match. And truth be told, sometimes you don’t know these answers until you give it a try. This is where a money back guarantee or a 10-day free trial can be a great opportunity to test the waters and help you answer these questions. I’ve taken courses like this with no obligation and felt great at the end with the information I received because the commitment was low.

When to Invest in a Coach or Consultant:

I often say to people that hiring a coach is taking a one-sized-fits-all approach like a book or a course might offer, and personalizing it to your life and your specific needs. If you’re reading a book or a blog and resonate, but still end up with a list of questions about how to relate it to your life, a coach is likely a great option. I strongly suggest hiring a coach at some point in your life for several reasons. 1. If you are facing a difficult time of transition 2. If you are feeling stuck. 3. Needing accountability for new habits 4. You need an objective outsider to listen - someone to process or reflect with.

It’s not unlikely that people may use me for a major decision because the way forward seems very unclear and the people they normally go to are too close to the situation to be objective. People hire me to help process their decisions about transition – especially major life transitions, global transitions or vocational transitions that include many layers of complexity and are hard to sort through. I’ve used coaches many times in my life because I’m just too close to the decision and I spin with possibilities.

The difference between a coach and a consultant is that you are making the decisions and deciding what to do. When you come to a conclusion, an aha moment in a coaching session it is much more likely that you will implement the change because you have reflected and concluded that this is what you need to do, not someone else.

I personally have utilized coaches on a monthly basis and others on a 4-6 x’s a year basis. Your time will be best spent if you determine what goals you are trying to reach (change job, change location, get better at a certain habit, be held accountable for certain goals, etc.) When deciding if a coach is the best way forward, ask yourself, “How would I benefit most if I utilized ____ services?” This is the same question I ask when I first meet a client. How could you see my services benefiting you?

And slightly different from taking a course, after hiring a coach, you should be able to implement the changes and stretch goals that you created, IMMEDIATELY. Results happen because there is alignment between the type of service offered relative to the season the client is in and the fit of what is needed most.

Results happen because there is alignment between the type of service offered relative to the season the client is in and the fit of what is needed most.

Coach + Course:

My personal bent is to take a course (learn a new skillset) that has a coaching component (for personalized implementation and accountability). This approach has a proven track record for immediate and long-lasting success and the motivation you need for change. In times of transition you likely need tools to help you through! That’s a course. You will also likely need a listening ear to help reflect and process your specific situation.  That’s a coach. While having both may feel like a luxury, the clarity and ease of mind the two combined can provide is exponentially greater than one alone. The personalized support, tools, feedback and accountability are an investment in YOU. And you are worth it.

Example: My husband and I were in the midst of major life decision-making that had us quite stuck. We knew the final answer would have several far-reaching implications including the possibility of thousands of dollars towards a relocation budget. These decisions had us emotionally spinning as they were quite complex and we just couldn’t agree on them. We needed more tools and an outsider(s) to reflect back what we were wrestling with. We hired a trusted coach that led us through a two-day life plan & group discernment process. What a tremendous gift this unique offering provided us. What came from it was renewed clarity about our personal callings and our joint desires. Solid, unshakable kind of clarity that only came after surrendering our plans and ourselves to the process to each other and to God.

I’ve personally enjoyed playing each of these roles of consultant, coach, contracted worker and facilitating a course. I’ve also taken part or hired someone to execute each of these for myself. While these different offerings can blend together, they also offer distinct services unique to each scenario. When you’re in the thick of life and work and maybe feeling stuck in a particular area it may be hard to know which of these to choose. Utilize this guide now or tuck it away for later to help you think through your most pressing need. If you’re in doubt, start with the one that is most easily reachable and work through it to determine if another way is needed.

For further reflection:

Think of a course you took in the last year or two. What was memorable? What, if anything did you implement into your life from it? What made it a valuable investment (or not)?

Have you ever utilized a coach? What in your life right now can you imagine benefiting from a 1-on-1 coaching relationship?

Caring for Your Body in Transition: A Simple Take Anywhere Workout

I just arrived. We’ve been on the move for weeks. My whole body hurts…That jetlag I’m-on-a-different-planet kind of hurt. And despite just barely being able to find my toothbrush and a cup of coffee, I know my body would be served best if I move. I’m aware of my total body depletion. A small thank you and nod to my body for the load it’s been carrying.

Sleep and a bit of organization and orientation and a gentle exercise routine. As I wake this morning I gauge my energy to be at about 50%. I’m reminded of the “simplest workout ever” that my amateur UFC fighting, trainer brother re-introduced me to recently. I needed to do it alongside of him to see once again how easy it is. I think to myself, “I can do at least that. I need to do that. Even if I only do it at 50%!” 

Here’s all you need:

One resistance band

A timer set for 2 minutes  

30 minutes

THAT’S IT!

(I add music for motivation and a towel or mat for my knees during pushups) 

The routine:

2 minutes of your choice of resistance band arms

10-15 pushups

2 minutes of cardio (running in place, invisible jump rope, high knees, etc.)

10-15 pushups

REPEAT 6 times = 30 minutes

I’m convinced that the best thing we can do for our bodies, our minds and for others, is to just show up for a workout. Today I listen to my body that speaks loudly, “keep it light, but keep moving”. 30 minutes looks like continual movement and a total of 50-75 pushups. I congratulate myself for showing up. And despite my whole body tiredness, I ultimately feel better more empowered for it.

What is your favorite simple routine?

Our Covid Graces: Transition Blessings in a Time of Crisis

Birthday parties and social gatherings like everyone else…from a distance!

It has has taken a spiritual discipline of sorts to intentionally see the incredibly kind answers to many unspoken prayers this unique season has provided both me and our family. Simultaneously, I could easily create a list of the ways it was disruptive and disappointing. However, for today, the graces that we never saw coming back when we made the decision many months ago to embark on a global move have continually caused us to offer up gratitude for the hidden gifts we have experienced. Here are just a few ways we experienced this season as a blessing over the last several months (in no particular order).

community cooking class!

1.     Homeschool. While this hasn’t always felt like a blessing, there were definitely many times where I was grateful to be teaching my children. In November when we decided to move by the end of the school year, we wondered how far behind we would be in the new school, new system, new country. We discussed taking our kids out of their bi-lingual education systems to focus on English and some of the gaps that they would likely have. If you’ve only ever taken math in Spanish, for example there will be a steep learning curve. Fast-forward to new school year start 2020, and well, every child has gaps. The education we all received in the spring of 2020 was a bit of a wash. So today, there are holes, there are gaps and we as parents are all wondering if we’re doing the right thing. Admittedly school at home creates a ton of stress and the grace and patience we must pray for and extend to each other is increasingly evident. We’ve come to see school at home and together as a bonus in quality time in our transition. We’re not the only ones playing catch-up or uncertain of how to do this crazy school thing. And meanwhile we’re getting LOTS and LOTS of recess time and lunchroom lady experience. Being my children’s first educators in a time when they likely need our attention most, will be a highlight of this season when it’s all said and done. 

2.     Big goodbye parties. When we left Spain in June, connecting with people in person was strictly limited to parties of 15. For me, personally this was a huge gift. Not only could I not emotionally handle large 100-person parties; but mixing the unique elements of the many different sectors of my ex-pat and Spanish life was stimulation overload for me in a time of transition. Gratefully we had the excuse that bottom-line, this was not legal. No excuses needed! And the bonus for me was that in the end our lovely friends created a video to include people from all the different spectrums of our Spain-life to be represented. This video unto itself is a treasure for life. We would not have had this great gift without this pandemic and social distancing mandates.

3.     Spreading ourselves thin relationally. While we are highly relational people, every time I’ve been in a season of transition my short-term and long-term memory significantly lack capacity for new people. I cringe at the idea of meeting anyone for the first time while I’m organizing, packing and moving. I’m aware my capacity to remember new information and people is greatly diminished with the increase of movement and new surroundings.  I want to wear a t-shirt that says, “Please extend me grace when I forget your life story!” (I decided it was kindof a lame t-shirt). 

Enjoying every aspect of our home

Years after this personal realization, after moving several times, I read an article that Barak and Michelle Obama said the same when they transitioned into the white house in 2008. They told people they needed 6 months to not meet new “friends”. This mentality, similar to mine was not implemented for the sake of being unfriendly but rather to extend mental energy in the necessary ways possible. Margin greatly lacks in times of transition. Permission from Covid and lack of ability to meet new people (and validation thanks to the Obamas) allowed me extra breathing room and mental space that is typically non-existent. Covid, once again a justifiable excuse that I didn’t need to take the blame for.

4.     Saying goodbye to our little dwelling place. After 8 years living in just one single home, we knew our goodbye to this place of home would be hard. We had all come to love our little casita individually for different reasons. A solid 8-9 weeks in one place without the ability to go nearly anywhere (0 options for our children and only essential grocery store or hospital for us) allowed great readiness to leave our 8 years of dwelling space. By the time we were leaving at the end of May, we had fully utilized every square inch of our home. We played hide-n-seek in places we had never thought to hide (or look). We had several picnics in our back yard. We set up a bowling lane for daily recess on our slanted driveway. We had “semi-dates” and taught our children how to be waiters on our rooftop terrace and backyard. We creatively made the guest space our sorting & work space. (No guests was another hidden blessing). We had 84 days to fully embrace this quaint little space and say our thank you and goodbye to the gift of a home, just ONE home, that we had been given during our 8 years in Spain. We all miraculously, thanks to this global pandemic, felt fully ready to release this earthly dwelling and anxiously felt excited to start over somewhere new.

so excited to finally be aloud outside to exercise!

5.     The re-distribution of time. Where the organizing of our schedules created space we filled it with the organizing of our belongings.  While we couldn’t see anyone and didn’t want to live out of boxes for longer than necessary, we had a unique opportunity to go through EVERYTHING. And I mean every.single.thing. With kids at home for homeschool and a million details of moving continually changing, it wasn’t that we had extra time on our hands. But somehow we found that having a social life limited to zoom calls alone, afforded us the ability to organize ourselves in a way that we would not have had and quite honestly never have had in any move prior to this. By the time we were able to sell things, put a 1/2 a van load of boxes in a shipping container we were fairly confident of what we wanted and didn’t want. Organizing and making decisions always requires a significant amount of brain power. We were grateful for the re-distribution of time to be able to tend to this typically extraordinarily stressful element of transition in a gracious way. 

6.     People bought our treasures! How covid affected this I’m not exactly certain. Maybe it was the desire to see people, that everyone had by the time they made it to our house. (We were the firsts for many). Or maybe it was the lack of spending money that people had fasted for months. Or maybe it was simply an extension of love or feeling bad for us! Irregardless, I was blown away by how generous people were in buying our stuff. Seldom bartering. And seldom flakiness! This was a grace I can not explain after difficult times of selling and giving away in the past. By the time Spain opened up for people to be able to see one another, we had around 85% of our unwanted things spoken for. A true miracle and unexplainable gift to us in this season.

7.     The grace of a soft landing on the other side. Although our departure was so eerily strange and in so many ways it still feels like we are in a time warp, landing stateside during covid provided us a slow, very slow, rather, re-entry. In the distant past, global workers would return to their homeland after years of service via a boat and take several weeks to get to shore. This time provided a space to gather thoughts of leaving and arriving.  In some ways our self-quarantine of 2 weeks allowed us a similar space: The gift of seeing no one but our immediate family and cousins. And after quarantine an equally unrushed drive across the US allowed for choice interactions and limited socializing. Our lack of seeing individuals rather because of covid or transition tiredness never required an explanation. It seemed the entire world was tired and needed margin. People understood. The typical busyness was no longer a factor in meeting or not meeting with people. In a highly relational line of work like ours, we were grateful once again for the gift of limited people in a time of incredible tiredness.

8.     We gather/ed outdoors! There isn’t much explanation needed for this except praise - thank you Father! If I had to choose my preference for how and where to meet people EVER, it would definitely be outdoors being active…hands down. Covid gave us that gift and excuse with everyone we saw and everywhere we went. I accepted this gift and the treasure of memories that were included. My body exhaled. My children rejoiced. This near-mandate was a hidden blessing in so many unexplainable ways.   

9.     Friends that got stuck stateside.  We all experienced many disruptions and inconvenient change of plans during these last several months. (And might I add, getting stuck for me is a place I have a visceral response to.) However, in this scenario of lockdown, covid created an immeasurable blessing. Some of our closest friends from Spain who were taking a sabbatical stateside for 6 months had to extend their stay for several months due to the mandated restrictions. What this meant for us was great friends being bridge people for us in a new location. I could not have planned that! I had a friend on the other side! The hardest part of transition for me has always been loneliness and not knowing anyone in a new location. And while we still don’t. We currently have been given an extension of time in finding this replacement. While I know it was disruptive to them, it was (and has been) a great welcome basket gift in the form of incarnation to us! WOW!

10.  Incredible over-the-top temporary living situations. Covid created unique scenarios of college students returning home and immune-compromised individuals not going out. This found us seeking new temporary housing upon landing. But like the gift of an amazing space when we left, our father once again provided. While not knowing where we would be living would definitely go on my stress/disruption list, we had to trust in faith. That’s all we had. The shut doors created by this pandemic created wonderful openings of ways we never thought to ask for…amazing people to live in community with, a pool at one house, cousins!!! memorable spacious basements, an arcade, a hot tub, a small gym, a puppy, and our own living space bigger than our previous home where we could land, unwind and breathe. We have been in 10 different beds over the course of these several months. None of them ours! Yet all of them welcoming and inviting.

Transition is hard. Re-entry arguably the hardest. But these hidden gems of tremendous proportion have continually blown our minds & challenged our faith. I know He’s got this, but truly I’m reminded, “Why wouldn’t we think that our good Father would want to provide for us in this kind of amazing way.” While we weren’t expecting most of these blessings, and this list is far from exhaustive, He knew what we needed and provided in many indescribable and amazing ways. A treasure of gifts to our body, minds and souls in this season of transition. We are so incredibly thankful!!! 

My prayer: May I continually have eyes to see the hidden blessings that are right in front of me. And despite challenges and set-backs and uncertainties, may I change my mind to be gratitude and extend that gratitude to praise in all circumstances. 

How has Covid provided hidden blessings for you?

List off as many areas of hidden blessing as you can. Things that came about in the last months that may not have come about otherwise.

Who can you share those gifts with?

We will dearly miss this spanish language exchange group of friends

Reclaiming the Stigma of Yoga as Prayer Postures

Our expression of body and spirit is personal

Reclaiming the Stigma of Yoga as Prayer Postures

I grew up in a charismatic setting, so full body engagement was was not scary or foreign. Rather, if anything, expected. And maybe that is where my inhibitions came from; that and my personality type. I was often considered steady and calm Sara (INTX on the Myers-Briggs). And while I didn’t feel that “Steady Sara” was the greatest of insults, it also wasn’t the best of compliments. Flat affect was familiar and comfortable expression, if you can call it that.  Yet somehow still I knew my soul longed to worship in a more integrative way with greater expression - with my whole self - body, mind and spirit.

As I listened to worship, even from a very young age, I could envision myself utilizing my whole body to express my deepest emotions. Not in the dancey-clappy ways I often saw demonstrated but rather in a more true-to-me simple and subtle opening of my heart to God.  

I knew that I could and desperately wanted to engage in this whole-body praise, a raised-hand here and there would suffice my comfort levels for most of my life.  There was a continual longing and disconnect with my disposition and an incomplete expression of my wholeness. 

It wasn’t until I was introduced to holy (or faith) yoga that I felt the freedom to let the music guide my body and my body express the worship it so longed to do. My para-sympathetic system released heaviness in ways I had never experienced. The freedom of expression was a new-found place of immense liberation. But what to do with this yoga stigma?

Yoga, for me never held a strict eastern meditation line. I get that it does for some. I had found previous body-healing in other alternative medicine that I knew really worked for me better than modern medicine. I was not afraid to engage in this way, as most who practice, I would discover, are not seeking their third eye or a higher transcendental experience. If anything, the chance to reclaim a pure form of the great gift God had given us – body movement and worship – became an issue of justice for me. Isn’t it only right that I worship with my whole being? Wasn’t I given this body as a vessel?

During this season of covid, so many modern day church buildings are closed. Temples created for worship are shut down. And yet I still have this sacred temple of a body that I was given from birth to extend gratitude, offer requests, and adoration from. My body has desperately cried out for over 4 decades now to be able to come to the table where mind and heart were more frequently welcome.

Simple movements of stretching that I reclaim as prayer postures are now regularly a part of the communication I have with God. Now, after experiencing this completeness, I feel my body throughout the week longing to engage in this way. Literally like a knock at the door, I feel it desiring to express itself so commonly excluded for left-brained conversations only. Throughout the day I may tilt my head to the sky or bow my body to the floor. Other times I spend a solid hour on a mat and let my body move in simple stretches to music. In these free and safe spaces, I feel the most connected to myself and to my Creator. I feel as if I was given another prayer language to speak and express myself with the clarity I lacked for over half of my life. 

INSPIRATION:

What might it look like for you to invite your body to engage with your mind more?

When you close your eyes and listen to worship, how do you imagine your body in comparison to how it is in reality?

What happens when you let yourself get in to the imagined posture to express your current feelings?

EXPLORE FURTHER:

Visit my friends at Cross Yoga Europe - Rie and Charlotte for weekly live classes online. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR1SdAuewmeNtMX0x6Nhixg

If you’re looking for body specific classes, I love all the free offerings of Yoga with Adriene https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene

A Time for Unprecedented Innovation

When I first heard of the global pandemic that Covid-19 brought upon our world, I truly could not wrap my brain around the potential impact of the spread. I had no frame of reference to imagine what life might look like. I mean, who could? So few of us have ever lived through anything remotely close to this level of global crisis in our lifetime. Questions about daily life quickly surfaced. Why are people around the globe hoarding food and especially mind-blowing - hoarding toilet paper? How bad will this get? How many will be affected or even die before this is over? When will we know that it is over? What will change on a global scale when it all slows down?

Now 30+ days into isolation, more questions than answers remain. We’ve been left alone in our houses like so many others - left to wonder when this will lift and how it will all evolve. Coinciding with this barrage of uncertainty, my mind races to the unlimited potential we have on a global scale for massive amounts of new innovation. Yes, these are difficult times. I live in a place that has experienced some of the highest rates of reported cases and deaths to date. I’m terribly sad and concerned about that impact on society here. I have no idea how life will look when we’re given our freedom back. But as difficult as a time as this is, there is most certainly hope to be found in the potential for beautiful creation to come alive in new ways out of the chaos and crisis.

Times of crisis have historically necessitated a call to draw from untapped resources. They invite us by way of a silent and unseen period of hiddenness to explore new ways of being, new ways of searching deep within in ways previously unforeseen. We are called in a time of crisis to both individually and collectively explore what our part in the chaos will be. I believe we are at an unprecedented time in history for immense creativity and innovation.

The Creativity Process & Transition Round-About

How the Creation Process informs Crisis

If you’ve been reading along on this blog for any period of time, you will know that I write about the crossroads of transition and creativity. The similarities between the two are almost an exact mirror. As seen in the diagram that can be used interchangeably, both have the same four phases: Nudging (or crisis), Preparation, Incubation, Illumination and Implementation. Every creative process starts with a nudging or a desire for something different. That nudging may also be a crisis that forces a period of incubation. Incubation is often a time of solitude for an unknown length of time - a period of hiddenness existing to contemplate, consider, experiment, bend, twist, and gather information and gain new understanding. This period exists to create solutions to the nudging or crisis; this period invites innovation. After Incubation comes illumination of the how, where, who and the details that answer the questions of implementation the fourth phase.

These stages are ultimately the same for the personal developmental life cycles. A season of nudging or personal crisis is followed by hiddenness, labeled transition. The beautiful and often painful purpose of the incubation period is to cause depth and growth. Here we are strengthened in the solitude. We are like an iron in a fire, being molded and shaped. This pain and isolation causes us if we choose to innovate new ways of approaching old problems. In transition this might look like an in-depth discovery period  around who we are, what we were created for and how we are to live into our true self. We learn through time and those who’ve gone before that our next vocational season is dependent on this period of hiddenness and the depths of richness and creativity that are cultivated in us during this uncomfortable hiddenness.   

As I think about what is going on globally, I can’t help but wonder how this challenging season of incubation IS NOT meant to bring us despair, anxiety, harm, or discouragement, as I can frequently feel in the moment. Rather just like that of the creative process, this season of global incubation, is a growing pain for something richer, deeper, something new! 

Creating from a deficit

And yet how can we create when we find our brains filled with questions about the day-to-day functioning that is required of us? Will we have enough to live on? Will we have enough to eat? Will there be a lack in the areas of health care needs if I’m sick? How can we create in a time when our basic needs are all we can think about? Some of us can not enter this season of innovation. 

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs stands out to me as a reference and point of understanding. When our basic physiological “habit needs” hunger and thirst, sickness, and fatigue are not met we can not move to the higher levels of self-actualization. How can we possibly innovate in a season such as this? Creating takes us from our focus on the here and now and the problems right in front of us and challenges us to consider what exists outside of the box we can see that we are living in. This perspective shift does not negate a world in need. Rather it holds tightly to a firm grasp of reality in the present mixed with a desire for something better and different in the future. We hold reality in the palms of faith and hope.

The idea that we create only after our needs are met seems ideal but unrealistic. So what do we do now, today in this place of confinement? We create! We make adaptations and we innovate! We have to be flexible to think outside of the box of the way that we have been doing things. And in that adapting we will eventually see new ways of being. From that innovation, maybe we learn to write or draw or design or cook. We learn to celebrate birthdays and weddings virtually. We learn to cook or teach our children how to. We learn to be educators in a new way.  Creating is what we as humans, created in the image of the greatest Creator, do as a natural response to chaos.

Creativity Process Parallel to this Crisis:

1. Isolation - lack of busyness

2. Given time to percolate

3. Out of need we are creating

These small and big ways of thinking outside the box are shaping a new reality – on a personal scale and a larger global scale. This shift will most definitely have a long term impact on society. We will one day look back at this point in time, as people have historically done after crisis and ask, what shifted for the better because of Covid-19?

When I allow myself to imagine the possibilities outside my small myopic view of disappointment, discomfort, and discouragement, I can begin to dream and imagine that what we are collectively creating is a NEW future that has not been known or seen. In these unique and unprecedented times, we as a global society are meant to create in unprecedented ways.  What new or creative part will you play in the world’s adaptation needs? 

 “We do not know who might find shelter in the things that we have made. We should see this as a liberating reality. We are serving people we do not know. This is a sacred task.” - Alabaster Co.

For further reflection:

Where are the places you are improvising, bending, challenging old ways? Where are you making a new way forward? In this unprecedented time, what will you innovate?

What to do in the Waiting: The Questions of Complex Transitions - Part 2

Excerpt from What to do in the Waiting Part 1 “The period of waiting in transition has been such a long long season for me. I often felt like I did as a child in the endless snowy climate of Minnesota – will summer ever come? And like a bear moving out of hibernation, I’m ecstatic to see that spring is here for me and summer on the horizon! For those in the waiting of in between: Though your winter may be long, I believe your season of summer will soon come.

In addition to praise, play and explore here is the continuation of thoughts regarding what to do in waiting: The questions of complex transitions…

4. Embody my Transition - I am on a long journey to remind my mind to let my body express itself as guide and teacher. My call to action in my recent transition was to take my body on a daily walk or meet it on the mat in simple stretching exercises. I was to attend to what my body wanted to tell me - what it had been carrying all along. I would listen to its aches, moans and subtle plea to at minimum, MOVE! I became aware that everyday I am invited to participate in life in an embodied way - through my flesh and bones.

As I continued the practice of attending to the present and listening to my body’s needs, an increasing learning arose. The awareness of long-standing disembodiment or disconnectedness to my body over the course of my lifetime. I remember sitting in the doctor’s office once as a young person. I was asked by the attending doctor if the pain I was experiencing was sharp or dull. I sat dumbfounded. I had literally no idea what he was talking about. I said, “What’s the difference?” How do you explain and describe what feelings are like? When asked by my first counselor what feelings I was experiencing, I once again had no words. I was not aware of the lack of education I had received around what words went with feelings. I had no language to express the state my body was in. And yet now, many years and much education later, I’m aware I’m not that unusual.

This recent transition was different. I knew differently. I felt the whole thing different. It was intense and heavy and my body often just wanted to run. I became aware of the need to “read” “listen” and “study” what my body was trying to communicate and what I needed to do about it. A counselor friend described it this way, when we live under stress our cortisol levels are excreting much more than is sustainable to live with. That’s the loose definition of “burn out”. We literally have no hormones left when we’ve been living in a heightened state of stress. .

My body was trying to teach me, often in contradiction with my logical brain what to do or not to do. It was like listening to instructions given in an unknown foreign language. Many have said, the body instinctively knows how to move, stop for rest and breathe deeply. We stop at the end of a run or eat when we’re hungry or go to the bathroom when we need to. Yet many of us don’t speak the language of our body and DO NOT do these very basic bodily functions - breathing, eating, and resting. Especially in times of intense stress, a period of long grieving or after a trauma we must retrain our minds to listen to what are body is trying to say.

In transition, your body can be a master teacher providing great wisdom into your future direction. For years, but especially in times of stress, my body, when I listened spoke loudly through stomach pains and shoulder aches. It was crying for something to change! I just hadn’t been listening. I now credit my last transition with final decisions based on the way my body communicated to me about what I absolutely must or must not do. This became a profound way of listening and engaging in decision-making in a new way for me. How are you listening to what your body is trying to tell you in transition?

5.    Be the hope you need. Volunteer – in your greatest times of need, and especially in transition, look to give, not receive. When I think about the periods of major life transition over the course of my life, I’m grateful that several times I have had the privilege of a “holy nudge” to step outside of my own problems and serve others. I learned this hard lesson first the fall after my freshman year of college.

In April, as school was coming to a close, I received notice from the financial aide department at the end of my freshman year that funds were not accessible to me to support myself for 3 more years. I had a decision to make about how to raise or earn the amount I lacked. I decided I needed to work hard during the summer to manage the gap. Despite my best efforts and prayers, the funds were insufficient. That fall, as others returned to their dorms, I packed my belongings, said goodbye to the university and to the location in a short time I had grown to love.

As devastated as I was, I knew at the young age of 19, that I didn’t want my life to waste away. In addition to getting a full time job, I chose to explore two forms of volunteering. One of them was in the local children’s hospital in the play therapy ward. I was curious more than anything. What did that type of work look like? Would I want to do more of it in the future?

I quickly got to know many children who were hooked up to IV’s 24-hours a day. They needed frequent monitoring and multiple surgeries for complex illnesses I will never understand. My only job was to provide some form of joy and outlet for them to be children and not only “sick people”. As I carved out two hours a week for a year, I watched as some children improved and others did not. One day I arrived to work to discover, much to my surprise, my favorite child was no longer with us. The terminal diagnosis of children’s cancer took his young precious life.

I became aware in moments of volunteering like these of the fragility of life. That most of us have choices of what to do with unfortunate life circumstances. For many our pain is temporary. In my case these little children were hurting in profoundly more significant ways that I was in my transition away from college. I knew I needed to surround myself with them even for a couple of hours every week to remember that. I could offer them something I had that they did not - the ability to play; the ability to have hope. Every time I left I was more grateful for the life I had, despite it being so different and even disappointing. I, fortunately had the power to choose how I would build the narrative of my future. These children did not. My lacking became much less about a boulder of a problem on my path and more about seeing them as stones to use to build something meaningful from. What I gained from the experience of volunteering was profound gratitude and perspective of the bounty of what I did have!

In my recent season of transition I volunteered in the small ways that I could manage. I was once again afforded the gift of time, the resource everyone else wanted. I intentionally tried to move toward someone with needs on a weekly basis - whether that was through childcare, organizing, volunteering at a local charity, picking someone up from the airport or inviting someone for dinner. I didn’t have my natural energy and I REALLY didn’t feel like I had much to give, but I knew I had something small and I was always blessed in return.

I have the choice to dwell on my circumstances or to focus on making the most of what I have been given. Many times it is a subtle shift that changes me - when I extend myself to others I focus on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.

Nevada Museum of Art

6. Keep showing up. As simple as this might sound, being present was the most profound and difficult thing I felt God nudging me towards.

When people felt uncertain and maybe even unsafe, the reminder was to show up. In showing up, I had to face people I really had no love in my heart for. Then I had to face my heart. I was invited to show up to understand my part. Show up to learn what to do next. Show up to be a part of the conversation. Show up to see where I was no longer a part of the conversation.

Likewise, I felt challenged to talk with others about all the ambiguities: “What’s next?” “What are you doing with your time?”. “Showing up” was my daily act of obedience.

In showing up, several things happened. I gained greater perspective outside of the one-sided stories I would tell myself and the small world I was creating. I once again received blessings. I met new people and gained new understanding of the way forward.

I was repeatedly faced with the graciousness of God’s timing and the lack of my knowledge about the bigger picture.

When we are faced with long periods of waiting we have the gift of deciding how we are going to posture ourselves. We have the choice to learn the lessons that only can be learned in transition. May we be bold in each of these difficult places to hear what we are to glean from this unique winter season.

5 Ways to Maximize Creativity in the Caring Professions

We as humans are all invited to co-create with the Creator of the Universe. What an incredibly invitation this is! This proposition is not left to the professional artists, alone. We are ALL beckoned, not just invited, but called to take part in the creating process unique to our creative design. The delightful and often challenging part of this journey is discovering what this contribution looks like for each of us individually and where it is needed corporately.

Within certain professions the use of creativity is obvious; others, not as much. Take the tangible example of my husband Jeff’s wood-working & recycling hobby. Driving the avenida at any time of the day, Jeff might spot a broken chair or desk next to a dumpster. The lack of second-hand store culture lures him to consider old furniture as an artistic engagement. He sees the old and reimagines it with great potential.

Back to the drive…car put quickly into reverse, resume the great evaluation period to accept the challenge or not. As he exits the vehicle he examines the repairability of the item in question. The potential of this once-said junk now awaiting re-creation of life is a primary focus. With this hobby, creation or rather re-creation is obvious. He is able take what appears to be “trash” and imagine something great. Taking it a step beyond imagination alone, he implements his knowledge and skills to give life to something old, making it both useful and beautiful! He reimagines that which is good with great hope for something even better.  Imagining something new coming from something old or worn out is the kind of creative work we each are invited to in our chosen professions.

“How do you utilize creativity as a coach?” is a question I regularly engage in. I'm curious for my own growth as well as for others. As both a counselor and coach, I have the privilege of coming alongside of people in difficult times, listening to their stories of pain and uncertainty. This can either be an isolating, despairing place or a hope-giving space. I consider this creation space, because together we are creating new ways forward. Many have a limited capacity for hopefulness or the ability to see a way out. As I work with people who feel stuck in transition, the need is exponentially greater. I come alongside people in major life transition and help them to re-imagine their life with possibilities and dreams where many have lost the ability to dream. I call forth their unmet and likely unexpressed longings for their future and their world. Here are five concrete ways of doing this:

I come alongside people in major life transition and help them to re-imagine their life with possibilities and dreams where many have lost the ability to dream.

1. Use the language of possibilities

Part of coaching is coming alongside others to help them imagine a different way forward. We as coaches have the privilege and responsibility to engage in forward movement. We use the tools of language to help clients to think differently. For example “Can you imagine what that step might look like in your life? What are the possibilities if you let yourself dream? What comes to mind when you consider the word calling?” Deeper and more effective processing is enhanced by the use of more imaginary language.

One of the creative strengths I believe I bring to coaching is ideation. I help people think outside of their problems for potential new solutions. I help people in major life transition, who feel stuck, to think outside the box. I’m playing with the language self-proclaiming I am an innovator in vocational challenges! 

 2 Surround Yourself with Creativity

Have you ever taken part in a conversation around a topic of passion where people were brainstorming a different way forward? The momentum in the room builds as each person is given space to dream. The possibilities to problem solve appear endless. The future is bright. Being around people or in these settings where creativity is fostered and welcomed is inspirational, uninhibited, lacking envy or jealousy.

It wasn’t until I intentionally sought out people and spaces like this that supported my expression of creation without judgment, that I felt safe enough to explore and create from a place of security and surrender. Whether literary inspirators, children, or nature, creativity is truly all around us and readily awaiting. Tapping into creativity is essential for our integrated selves.

Deeper and more effective processing is enhanced by the use of more imaginary language

3 Integrate the body

While using familiar strategic tools, I challenge clients to a place of unfamiliarity or even discomfort to explore more holistically what their body and heart might be saying to them as they engage. I might encourage people to listen to their body as their first teacher, asking “What is your body saying to you right now?” Sometimes the answers are surprising: “I get a stomach ache when you talk about that. Or I feel tense all over. Or I feel nothing. Or I feel a complete lightness and freedom in thinking about this. Or I feel like I need to take a walk.” I challenge to not engage in processing solely with the left-brained…it’s too one-sided! I also utilize questions like “What would it look like if you showed me the way your body is carrying your emotions right now?” Extraordinary breakthroughs have come about when people invite their bodies to show up in an otherwise dominantly verbal session.

4 Use unstuck exercises

I used tools that were familiar like a timeline or giftedness set – and asked people to move a step deeper to engage in simple art or movement techniques. Art can help us reconnect to our humanness. The arts in general can speak to us on a deeper level than our intellectual mind alone can comprehend. We are invited through the use of color, texture and body movement to bypass our mind’s understanding and “think” with our heart. The world we typically perceive is challenged when we utilize the arts. Our emotions are stirred and language transcended. There is great power in the use of the arts especially for deeper processing.

We are invited through the use of color, texture and body movement to bypass our mind’s understanding and “think” with our heart.

5 Model Vulnerability

I recognize I must keep getting my hands wet with fresh paint, so to speak!

Integrating the traditionally left-brained work of coaching or counseling became experimental work for me. As well it was and still is unexplainably vulnerable space for me to explore especially when others see it. I began to recognize several years ago, that when I started to engage new ways of marrying these traditionally left-brained transition tools with right-brain exercises I felt fear quickly creep in. “How silly? How amateur? How crazy was it? Would anyone be open to it?” Looking back now, I think these are the boundary-pushing questions all truly creative processes should invite.

Because of my fears, I created in silence for months. What came from this hidden space is now The Art of Transition Workshop & Workbook (that is near finished - more on getting unstuck 1/2 way in another post). I often pictured myself holding this baby, my creation, close to my body. In a protected posture, in reality a gesture of insecurity. I didn’t want or welcome judgment or discouragement or even constructive criticism for that matter.  Over time, slowly I have opened up to the criticism and to the potential that what I create might prove to be a gift for others.

I have the beautiful privilege of coming alongside of people in times of great stuckness to help them begin to comprehend how life can be different. And not just different but incredibly fulfilling! Whether through continuing to engage in my own vulnerable creative spaces, using the language of possibilities or specific integration of right and left brain. Not just me but all of us. We all are co-creators, called to bring the invisible, intangible qualities and attributes of heaven down to this visible world. We are called to imagine a different reality, an other-worldly reality brought down to earth. This is our privileged invitation as makers and co-creators. We each have a unique part in the bigger picture that only we can specifically contribute.

Questions for deeper processing: Likely you’re already doing it. What is one thing that you currently do that works well in utilizing creativity in your profession? Imagine what could change for your clients if you implemented just one of these ideas. Which one of the five suggested might you play with?

New Year's Visual Examen Exercise

As I prepare for the new year ahead, I find I long for a well wrapped-up and understood year of learning behind me. When I was a child, I recall my mom suggested a tradition from her childhood for New Year’s Eve – ripping up the previous year’s calendar! It felt bold! I loved the idea of an intentional marking of time with a celebration and a mess! And while I’m guilty as an adult of not carrying on the family tradition (I can’t part with my journal/calendar), I recognize the need to pause and consider the many gifts of the year (and now decade!!) prior. Whether you’ve had an incredible amount of change or loss or a year full of amazing surprises; or while you may anticipate transition or more uncertainty on the horizon, the opportunity to take a deep reflective pause and make note of the year prior affords us space for both gratitude and perspective.     

While I love to reflect and process for hours, I’ve found the desired space is not always readily available in this season of life and during the holidays. I’ve found grace in giving myself the whole month of January, as of late. But even still a less comprehensive and intimidating reflection exercise was needed for me to be able to enter in. Here are a few carefully chosen questions and 4 suggested approaches, depending on time.    

Top reflection questions:

1.     What are the most important events that took place in the last year? Who are some of the significant people?

2.     Where did I see the greatest breakthroughs (physically, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, spiritually)?

3.     What area(s) consumed my thinking and attention most?

4.     Where did I experience God’s delight?

So while you may begin by just diving in, I find a few approaches aide my processing best. Begin by creating a quiet reflective space. Set aside distractions. Choose one of the following 4 visual prompts depending on how much time you can afford.

1.     15-30 minutes: Take a look through your calendar and make a list of the top events on your calendar. Let these events prompt your thoughts as you contemplate the answers to these questions.

2.     30 minutes-1 hour: If you take pictures, take a look back over the year’s pictures and allow the visual stimulus to jog your brain in reflecting.

3.     1-2 hours: Look back over your journal from the last year and note the important events and areas that concerned you or caused you great delight. You took time to write them down, note how they impact the questions above. (If you don’t journal or didn’t this year, looking back over emails or Facebook posts may stimulate some of the same thoughts).

4.     1-3 hours: Utilize one of the above methods together with this visual reflection exercise. Having already made a list of important events, Draw a clock with numbers corresponding to the months of the year (Jan = 1, Dec = 12). Starting with 1, meditate as you draw or write simple words that represent the highlights, breakthroughs, consuming thoughts or God’s delight of January the year prior. Where were you as the clock turned last year? Who were you with? What has changed since?

Give yourself time to go through each month, draw or make note of the thoughts or feelings you want to capture within or outside of the clock. 

*If you’re able, this is a great exercise to do with a team or family while one person narrates the questions and others silently meditate and draw/write. After 20-30 minutes you may desire to share the answers altogether or with another person.

I used one or two words to highlight some of the events or people that were important. I chose to add color and symbols to the highs and lows.

This simple visual reflection exercise invites me to examen my head, heart and body. I’m prompted to be mindful to the present with a grateful heart. It’s as if I’m afforded a sense of closure and yet simultaneously able to recognize what is still undone. As well, I’m more open and anticipate the unknowns of the year coming. As I approach the New Year I’m able to bring a centeredness into the coming year. Here are a couple of transition questions I transfer from my examen and integrate into the New Year:

1. What Question(s) do I currently need answering from God?

2. What am I carrying with me into the New Year that I would like God’s healing around? 

3. What word, verse or song might God want to use to speak to me this year? 

Question: What practices do you observe for contemplation of the year prior? What are your favorite questions you utilize as the New Year approaches?

Giving Beyond our Capacity to Care

On a recent call with a burned-out worker, I listened as she lamented. “I don’t want to meet any new people. I don’t want to ask anyone questions. I don’t want to care about anyone else’s story. I no longer have the capacity to care.” Her wiring and temperament is completely the opposite of what I was hearing. It was the primary reason we met. She truly was not herself. She always cares. When no one else is, she is always prepared to be the first to sign up for the compassion response team. Until now. She’s gone too long in this one-sided role. As a result in this season of personal family demands, and lack of self-care she has nothing left to give to anyone.  My heart breaks for her in this unique and confusing place of transition and what I would call a lifetime of giving out: compassion fatigue. 

Compassion fatigue: fatigue, emotional distress, or apathy resulting from the constant demands of caring for others.*  

Fatigue: temporary diminution of the irritability or functioning of organs, tissues, or cells after excessive exertion or stimulation.

So many of us get into this line of global work because we care about the problems of the world. We love people - they are our greatest resource. And yet we are often guilty of giving beyond where we can truly and authentically give to the emotional needs all around us. In these places we often hold secret bitterness and anger towards those we originally intended to help. Seldom do we talk about it, until we’re at a breaking point of burnout.  

Why do we hold this alone?

Burnout is the “cost of caring” that we in the care fields experience regularly. We believe that if we give, we will be blessed. While that may be partially true, we can’t keep on giving without being replenished ourselves. We are all given a limited amount of resources – time, money, and the emotional capacity to care. I’ve seen the side effects firsthand: Mostly one-way high-output of care; caring for others before family needs; caring for others before my own needs for too long and then snap…the pendulum swings to not caring at all! We continue to carry this burden alone because the idea of caring too much is foreign to many. There remains great shame and embarrassment around the idea of compassion fatigue. “How can I no longer care? What’s wrong with me?” Exposure to the persistent needs of the world without rest, and reciprocal life-giving relationships, can create a sense of hopelessness and a numbness to the needs of others.

“People who experience compassion fatigue can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, sleeplessness or nightmares, and a pervasive negative attitude. This can have detrimental effects on individuals, both professionally and personally, including a decrease in productivity, the inability to focus, and the development of new feelings of incompetency and self-doubt.**

After my first round of burnout many years ago, I found myself in the hands of a very competent therapist. Reluctant, but desperate, I knew I needed something to shift. This first experience working with a counselor challenged me to consider my own philosophy on self-care. She used the reference of the Greatest Commandment from the Mark 12:30-31, asking what I believed the verses meant: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself” (paraphrased). I said, it’s all about loving God and loving others and giving of yourself sacrificially. To which she challenged, “Yes, and, I hear it as an implied verse about how we should already be caring for ourselves in order to care for others.” Welcome to my paradigm shift about selfcare. She was painfully right. I had thought little about how other-care stemmed from a place of caring first for myself.  My roommate in the season prior had made note that most any conversation she hear me in, was heavily leaning one-way. It typically consisted of me asking the questions without reciprocated questions returning towards me. She was right. I had lived a lot of my life up until that point closed off from sharing with others and seldom speaking up for my needs.

How do we gauge our limited capacity?  

So many of us as workers and caregivers live a life of self-denial at our and other’s expense. We know how to love. We know how to give every penny, every piece of food in the fridge, open our homes, our schedules and our lives to those in need. And yet, we often DO NOT know how not to! We don’t know how to limit our output of who we care for physically and emotionally and gauge when our compassion meter is empty.  

We think that we have an unlimited ability to give and that somehow our “deficit” has no consequences and will miraculously work itself out for our good.  

This idea of a gauging a compassion meter may feel arbitrary. Yet, there exist other concrete examples of resources in limited supply to glean from. Take finances for example. Numbers don’t lie! In order to have basic financial maturity we must know how much is coming in and how much is going out. Bottom line: The amount going out should not exceed the amount coming in. If we can’t live within those parameters than change needs to happen. Without awareness we can quickly get into trouble. Therefore intentional planning, budgeting and tracking is necessary. Otherwise we may be unconsciously telling ourself that somehow it will all miraculously work out. And yet “this will all miraculously work out” mentality is how many of us compassionate caregivers approach our caregiving capacity…We think that we have an unlimited ability to give and that somehow our “deficit” has no consequences and will miraculously work itself out for our good.  

Applying financial principles to caregiving

1. We must first have awareness of the input and output - In this case, how much care is coming towards us and how much is going out? If, like stewarding finances well we must know our bottom line budget, do we similarly have an informed emotional budget that we are working with? How does one gauge that?

Here’s one idea: Create 3 buckets, 1 labeled “Input relationships” -Those who care for me; people that invest in us without getting anything back. 2. “Reciprocal relationships” - those relationships where sharing is generally equal and mutually beneficial. 3. Output relationships -We will all have people in our lives that are more draining and relationships that are more one-sided. This is certain. Who are these people?

The purpose of this exercise is to place the names of people in your life in each of these buckets. The goal is to make sure there are several names in each category. They likely won’t have the same number in each of them, but there should be at least some names in all of them.  

2. If the amount going out exceeds the amount coming in, there must be change.

If all the names are in the output bucket, a shift is needed. It’s okay for us as caregivers to not move all of the names into one category such as the reciprocal or output buckets. Often the area in most deficit for caregivers are relationships in the input category.

3. Intentionally prepare and track

There comes the need to engage with others who can help us best see how we are doing in our care for others. As a transition and sabbatical coach this is a role I often play with clients. When the lights on the dash are coming on regularly to warn of need for care, make space to re-evaluate what needs fine-tuning! Are there people in your life who can help gauge when you’re doing too much? The ones who can be a mirror for you to help you see clearly when your giving is imbalanced?

I, personally needed to learn to ask people to help me with this. I also needed to not always ask questions when my listening became disingenuous, I knew I needed help. I also learned when sharing authentically without being asked modeled vulnerability for others and allowed me to be known.

If this is an area of challenge for you, as a fellow caregiver, guilty of not taking care of myself, I implore you to attend to this. If we continually go on giving our hearts with great compassion beyond the capacity we as a human have to give, we will indeed reach a breaking point. I’ve seen it and lived it. With an abundance of needs and needy people all around us, and as caregivers naturally inclined to want to fill those needs, we must maintain equivocal life-giving relationships, and maintain a posture of allowing others to solely pour into us. Together, let’s fight compassion fatigue with healthy self-awareness and intentionally implemented self-care to better serve those we are sent to reach.

Where and with whom are you talking about your limitations regarding care? How would being informed of your compassion capacity change the way you serve? Would there be any change to your weekly schedule?

See the newly created Sabbatical Planning Guide

*dictionary.com

**wikipedia.com

experiencing the freedom and refreshment of those life-giving spaces

Creating From Abundance versus Scarcity: 6 Lessons from Unblocked Creatives

I used to struggle with the idea of being an artist, myself. I deeply appreciate art, but don’t consider myself a fine or performing artist. My creation was often intangible and couldn’t be seen. As I played with thoughts and penned some of them, I slowly shared. Others would comment those are really intriguing ideas…I began to see through the years that what I was creating was a new way of approaching my world through different ideas.

Further doubt continued - I also would not consider myself a writer. For most of my life, I struggled to find the words to articulate my thoughts. I would blame persistent brain fog or second-language learning taking up an excess of space in my brain’s language center for not having the right words – which are both legitimate excuses, by the way! But the truth is, at my core I’m a right-brain, visual thinker. I use pictures and music and hand’s-on learning to both learn and to express myself. I slowly came to acknowledge that I am a creator in my own right, through out-of-the-box ideas. I am a thought-creator or content creator. This freedom and acceptance began my journey of becoming an unblocked artist. I came to understand that we all are creators with unique expressions to contribute to our world.

However as I look back on my life, I often created, withholding - from a place of scarcity assuming I would lose more than I would gain in the creation process. Sharing my expression had in the past landed on unsafe, critical people. I often felt misunderstood and became more afraid to express my voice chancing more misunderstanding. This vicious cycle of fear > scarcity > misunderstanding persisted. I experienced the critical voices as screaming at me and the affirming ones as whispers. How could I get past this cycle? It was never like that 100% of the time, but it sure felt like it.

I think about my 6 year-old daughter as my master teacher on these matters. She creates from a place of generosity. Everyday I’m given some form of drawing or craft that she has worked hard on (often multiple times a day). She is able to do that for several reasons. 1. She creates in abundance! So, she has an abundance to share. 10 drafts later…she’s still drawing similar versions of the same thing. 2. At her age she doesn’t feel the same performance pressure and expectation that I might if I’m trying to meet a deadline. She is just playing and experimenting. She really has nothing to lose. 3. She is creating because she enjoys it. Many mornings the first thing she’ll do it start drawing. It brings her life! 4. She has resources. We provide her with supplies and give her lots of free creative time. When our schedules are full, we can see her frustration at not being able to just create. She needs the support of free time. 5. Finally, her art is a simple expression of love and generosity and one of the few tangible ways that she has to show love to her world. 

I’m truly inspired by watching this free artist work from a place of abundance. I want that for myself. I want to create that space of generosity and freedom for others. I must ask, where does my support come from? I turn inward towards my safe center – to those who have been encouraging people on my journey: My husband, my coach, my counselor, a few like-minded friends. These people all became for me a part of my core  community to create with and from! From these affirming voices, I was able to create my fresh expression of calling for myself from a new-found freedom within. These people are the ones that keep me going when the self-limiting beliefs creep in, because creeping they will come. They’re also the ones to stretch the “lies” I might tell myself. They are an essential part of the support I need to continually have in my life. 

From this place of safety, I’m able to move outward more freely from a place of scarcity and hiddenness with my creation to a place closer to generosity. Our art should be generous! We must ask for help from the divine artist to be a maker, generous and open to giving this part of us in act of service – not from a place of scarcity. 

1.     Create so there is an abundance to share.

2.     Experiment. Not every draft will be magical!

3.     Create what brings you joy.

4.     Find the support of resources – time, money and people.

5.     Let your expression of art be full of love and generosity to others.

6.     Surround yourself with the unblocked makers of the world.

This is my prayer: Help me, God, to create from a place of abundance with a spirit of freedom and generosity not scarcity or competitiveness.

Question: Which of the above list of 6 do you struggle with most as a creative person? What is one thing you can do this week towards enhancing your creative self? Who is in your creative support network?

_______________________________

All that is Made: A Guide to Faith and the Creative Life 

Geoff Gentry and Bryan Ye-Chung

By Alabaster co.

20 Thoughts to Consider in Providing the Best Furlough Support for Workers

Originally posted March 28, 2014

What is a funding-furlough?

In the field of global workers, often the term “furlough” is synonymous with home-assignment, funding-furlough, or offsite assignment. It is, however, not to be confused with a sabbatical or long period of rest.

It is not uncommon for workers to set aside anywhere from 1 month to 1 year for this unique period of time. Typical is a summer or 3-month stint. Historically the time was designed for face-to-face contact with supporters, to raise awareness of vision as well as gain new financial and prayer support. For many, this is often a time combined with a desire for a measure of spiritual and emotional rejuvenation as well.

Consider the fact that the average worker may have a support list of several hundred to even a thousand people! This is a blessing, for certain. However communicating with this large of a group and structuring time for meaningful interaction in a short duration of time can be a logistical nightmare! There is never enough time to connect at the level desired with each individual…

This combined with issues of re-entry shock, jet-lag, children’s needs, keeping up with logistics and life back “home” (on the field), and other expectations of work can make a furlough feel more stressful and much more “work” than regular day-to-day life abroad. Families are stretched as well, as the kids may be also be dealing with constant mobility, meeting countless new people, missing friends back “home,” and adjusting to yet another transition time.

As receivers of these workers, thinking and planning ahead about potential needs can help to make the furlough an incredible experience, as opposed to a dreaded and exhausting one. Here are some ideas of ways you can partner effectively as a sending person or church group:

1. Ask what they need on any and every front. From lodging to transportation and rest. Give the worker several months to think about it and extend grace if they change their mind on something.

2. Establish a main point of contact. For the sake of ease of re-entry establishing a main, reliable single source in a primary location can alleviate unnecessary transition challenges as well facilitate important communication. This person should ideally be logistically mindful, well-connected and respected in the community – meaning safe, honest and having good boundaries, both with planning and people’s stories.

3. Have a small group of people “adopt” them in the planning phase and while the worker is in passport country. This allows people to share the responsibility of partnership and care. Categories to consider are emotional care, logistical support, & funding support.

4. If they will be in multiple locations ask if there are needs you can help partner with others on or help think through. As much consistency as possible in the whirlwind is always helpful.

5. If you are the point person, find out ahead of time what, if any, calendar items are important for you to know. Are there events they would like help with like an open house, or scheduling a meeting to broaden a network? Would they like other special services planned such as a “sharing time” or a “taste and see.”

6. Give them a head’s up if any major changes have happened in the church or within your community or city. Introduce them to new members or pastors as well as others who may not know them.

7. Be sure workers are welcomed back upon arrival. Whether meeting them at the airport, or arranging for a car to be left for them, ask them ahead of time what they might need and want. Although it might sound fun to you to have 30 people greeting them upon arrival, it may not to them if they’ve been traveling with kids for 30 hours straight. (Or it may! Best to ask.)

8. Ask if they need help arranging somewhere for them to stay. Typically it is less stressful on the individual or family if there is a single location to stay for a longer duration. Partnering with other supporters is often a helpful way to open up other options and protect the time of the missionary from feeling like they always have to “be on.” Check with their personal needs and desires. Give them space to decline without hurt feelings. Housing needs of families and singles vary. With both however, there is a need for a sense of normalcy, privacy and balance of work and rest. Furlough can be an exhausting time filled with lots of people and lots of transition or a restful time of reconnection. Help make it the latter not the former.

9. Stock the fridge of the place they are staying. Likely they will not get out and go grocery shopping right away. Find out if they have any food they regularly miss or any dietary restrictions. Having a home-cooked meal ready in the fridge is also a greatly welcome surprise after traveling multiple time zones!

10. Consider technology trends that you may take for granted in your daily life routine - from phones to GPS to computers. Depending on country of location, some workers may be out of touch. A tech-minded person with access to a few items to lend and instruct how to use is a true gift. Some IT help is almost always needed during furlough as well. But don’t assume that he/she wants to adopt these practices either.

11. Remember the children. Ask a mom or dad in your community to help you think through what they might need such as car seats, travel baby bed, etc. Consider what others in your community could lend for a short duration: Games, bikes, toys, books, even a library card. Don’t overindulge them with gifts without asking the parents first, as they likely will be traveling light and very intentionally, and luggage restrictions and fees have become very tight. (See: “Gift-giving for the TCK”)

12. Think of creative ways to bless them. Gift cards for gas or coffee are fantastic blessings as they travel around and meet often with people. If they have young children, bless them with babysitting for a support gathering or a date night. The skies the limit on your creativity!

13. Talk to others who have recently been on furlough or in re-entry. Ask what they had that was helpful or what they wished they’d had?

14. Ask them if there are services they can’t access that would be helpful while they’re back. If they would like help arranging a dentist, eye doctor appointment, or back massage. Consider gifting it as a form of member care. Depending on where they are living these services may be scarce as well as often over-looked areas of self-care.

15. Along the same lines, ask if there are new resources or books they had been hoping to access. These can make great gifts. But some will prefer to read digitally, so once again check first.

16. Some may desire help personalizing a plan for rest and relaxation, self and relational growth programs, programs for upgrading skills, or retreats. Once again, don’t be afraid to ask. Even if you are limited on coordinating it all. Even just a few days at someone’s second home in the mountains or by the beach can help set an incredible environment for some spiritual retreat and rest, especially during entry and timezone adjustment.

17. Collaborate on what kind and extent of involvement they would like during furlough. Don’t expect that they’re able to attend every meeting or every weekend service. Be flexible and clear to them what you would like and vice versa. Don’t expect much, or much quality from them in the first couple days on entry.

18. If you have the capability or role, prepare the congregation in anticipation of their coming and as to the purpose of their time. Many people are confused by what a furlough or home-assignment is. It sounds like a great time of fun travel! What is it really? Send them this blog article!  As well, help them feel free to ask questions (even seemingly simple ones!). Most people when they feel ignorant of a place or topic tend to not engage, or just talk about more comfortable things. To a foreign worker, this can very easily be mistaken as disinterest, disconnection, and make them feel forgotten, lonely and displaced.

19. If you are a skilled or trained debriefer or counselor, offer to debrief and process the furlough before the worker returns to the field. Did the time meet their expectations? What would they have liked differently? Were expectations communicated well and clearly both ways?

20. Furloughs cost a lot of money! However, they are so incredibly important and needed, and nothing can replace the effectiveness of a regular furlough cycle, for both the worker, their home community and their families. Though it may seen like a “catch-22,” helping finance or defray furlough costs ahead of time to more effectively connect with others may be the most welcome gift of all.

21. Reading this list can feel a bit overwhelming. These are just a list of ideas. NO ONE expects them all! Choose one. and then share this post with others who may also be able to help. Get creative and even if you are only able to do 1 thing from this list, it will likely be a huge blessing to be seen and thought of!

22. Not last or least…Continue to Pray for the duration of their whole time on furlough. This is so key! Home assignment is such a wonderful opportunity for face-to-face contact, rejuvenation and support. This time is also filled with mixed emotions for the feelings of loss and sadness, as well. Re-entry shock can sometimes be much more pronounced than the cultural shock of going overseas. Covering prayer is needed on many levels.

What other ideas have you seen or experienced that have worked?